Hey, I won't be left out

Her Mom did not invite me to graduation because she worried about me sitting for 2 hours without interpreter.
Click to expand...

Oops- serious good manners offense in the very first place.
You do not omit while inviting someone so important.

Second, like someone earlier said - you do not decide for other person.
Mom simply should have invited you, let you know that there may not be interpreter available,
and leave the decision to you.

But oh well - what's done, is done.
Since your mom simply made a mistake, perhaps just
let her know she shouldn't worry about thing like that because it's your problem :)

Fuzzy
 
Got to talk to my girlfriend tonight. It turns out that her Mom did not want to subject me to sitting for 2 hours or so of graduation ceremony feeling left out without interpreter.

Also, she said that I've made a lot of trips to Michigan. She did not want to add to my travel plans and make me sit through a ceremony.

Fair enough, but all she had to do was ask.

They're still learning about Deaf Culture/Deaf World. I'm not sure if they knew how to obtain an interpreter for ceremony, but they would have left it up to me. Obviously I would manage.
 
Got to talk to my girlfriend tonight. It turns out that her Mom did not want to subject me to sitting for 2 hours or so of graduation ceremony feeling left out without interpreter.

Also, she said that I've made a lot of trips to Michigan. She did not want to add to my travel plans and make me sit through a ceremony.
Click to expand...

Excuses, excuses.
Look, it's not her business. and this is simply a matter of etiquette.

The rules of etiquette require she invites you, period.
What you decide to do with the invitation in such situation, is your business.

I however must strongly stress that I am not saying that to make you
or your GF feel bad about what has happened,
or imply her mom didn't invite you our of malice - oh no, no.

No, her mom simply broke the good manners rules, and did something she shouldn't have - decided for you. You're not a child.

Obviously I would manage.
Click to expand...

Exactly ! :)

Forgive and forget, that's all.

Fuzzy
 
Audiofuzzy said:
Excuses, excuses.
Look, it's not her business. and this is simply a matter of etiquette.

The rules of etiquette require she invites you, period.
What you decide to do with the invitation in such situation, is your business.

I however must strongly stress that I am not saying that to make you
or your GF feel bad about what has happened,
or imply her mom didn't invite you our of malice - oh no, no.

No, her mom simply broke the good manners rules, and did something she shouldn't have - decided for you. You're not a child.

Exactly ! :)

Forgive and forget, that's all.

Fuzzy
Click to expand...

Wa-yull, he's a boyfriend. Not a fiance. I'm not so sure the rules of etiquette insist that a b.f./g.f. be invited to every family event that includes the siblings of the relevant g.f./b.f.

Especially an event like this. It's not like the g.f. needed a date to accompany her to her sister's graduation.

It would have been nice, of course. But I'm not sure it's a huge violation of etiquette here. Just different perceptions of what the event might mean to a non-family member.
 
But they're not engaged. Strictly speaking, rules of etiquette are different for a boyfriend/girlfriend vs. fiance/fiancee.
 
Wa-yull, he's a boyfriend. Not a fiance. I'm not so sure the rules of etiquette insist that a b.f./g.f. be invited to every family event that includes the siblings of the relevant g.f./b.f.
Click to expand...

Okay. You got the point here.

However I'll try to explain my POV here.
The rules of etiquette does not necessary strictly adhere to fiancee/husband status always.

I believe depending on how long the BF/GF couple is together and how close they are with the remaining members of the family,
these rules can be applied, sometimes, too.

let's analyze from the beginning:

I might be mistaken, but I get from what Derek has written here:
Mom did not invite me to graduation because she worried about me sitting for 2 hours without interpreter.
Click to expand...

that the chance of inviting Derek WAS there if the interpreter was available. So, the intention might have been there.
Perhaps in the past Derek was invited to other family gatherings, I don't know.
In such case, not being invited all of a sudden is indeed a bit strange.

If not, if they simply wanted to have private ceremony, then your comment is right, the family is not obligated to invite everybody to every private family gathering if they do not wish so.
Then perhaps Mom just said so because she didn't wanted to hurt BF feelings?

Whatever, - it's not a big thing. Not worth to get into tizzy over it.

And it looks like everyone has the best intention to work this out as best
as possible - as that's what counts :)


Fuzzy
 
Thank all for sticking with me. I still have a bruised ego over not being invited to graduation. My girlfriend and her Mom will be taking ASL class in February for 12 weeks. I'm glad they're doing all this for me, but I still have a bruised ego over graduation snub. Sometimes I feel afraid about future.
 
derek, it was your girlfriend's SISTER who was graduating...not your girlfriend, I think you're overreacting a bit. If my own son was graduating, the last thing on my mind would be making sure his brother's girlfriend got invited to the ceremony.
 
I don't think my parents would have invited my brother's girlfriend to my graduation...actually I think my brother didn't go! But if he did, *HE* could have invited her. Truthfully *I* barely wanted to go sit through the ceremony. So if it were my mom, she wouldn't have invited you either, Deaf or hearing.

It sounds like your girlfriend's mom is TRYING to be considerate. She means well, but just doesn't quite have it figured out yet. She may avoid saying things like "I heard that..." or "Did you hear...?" because the word "hear" might make you uncomfortable, things like that. Had you gone, and there was no interpreter, SHE would feel uncomfortable because she had kind of stranded you in that situation, knowing it was a couple of hours of speeches and silence, and she couldn't imagine anyone would want that. Definitely sounds like she was TRYING to be considerate. They just need to know that you're well aware that you're deaf, and it isn't a sensitive subject any more than you being tall or short or brown hair or blond. Just tell them they won't strike a nerve if they just ASK you and they'll get more comfortable discussing this after a while. If there is an issue, you're a big boy and will deal with it, but they don't need to worry on your behalf. The fact that she wants to learn to sign shows that she cares and isn't trying to cut you out. She just needs to learn how to deal with this, and seems willing to try. That says a lot. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape.
 
dereksbicycles said:
Got to talk to my girlfriend tonight. It turns out that her Mom did not want to subject me to sitting for 2 hours or so of graduation ceremony feeling left out without interpreter.

Also, she said that I've made a lot of trips to Michigan. She did not want to add to my travel plans and make me sit through a ceremony.

Fair enough, but all she had to do was ask.

They're still learning about Deaf Culture/Deaf World. I'm not sure if they knew how to obtain an interpreter for ceremony, but they would have left it up to me. Obviously I would manage.
Click to expand...

Doesn't the venue generally do that? We recently went to see Lewis Black perform. I bought the tickets two months ahead of time, and I called the venue the same day to tell them my BF would need an interpreter.

I checked in every few weeks leading up to the show. Everything came off without a hitch.

I do this automatically whenever my BF and I plan to go see something and he wants an interpreter.

Jen M.
 
Audiofuzzy said:
Excuses, excuses.
Look, it's not her business. and this is simply a matter of etiquette.

The rules of etiquette require she invites you, period.
What you decide to do with the invitation in such situation, is your business.

I however must strongly stress that I am not saying that to make you
or your GF feel bad about what has happened,
or imply her mom didn't invite you our of malice - oh no, no.

No, her mom simply broke the good manners rules, and did something she shouldn't have - decided for you. You're not a child.



Exactly ! :)

Forgive and forget, that's all.

Fuzzy
Click to expand...


The bold is what exactly what I want to say. You are not the child. She seem to baby you like a worried parent. You are 34 years old and not a child at all. She misunderstood that and not any family members should never underestimate you like that. :(
 
dereksbicycles said:
My girlfriend's sister graduated from Michigan State University last Saturday. Her Mom did not invite me to graduation because she worried about me sitting for 2 hours without interpreter. Therefore, I did not go. As it turns out, there was an interpreter at the ceremony. I wish that I would have went. I told my girlfriend and her family that I'm 34. I've been deaf for 32 years. I can handle it. I know what to do. If I don't want to be part of it, then I don't have to go.
Click to expand...
Usually the graduate decides who to invite to the ceremony. If the sister wanted you there, and there were no limits on how many could attend, then she should have invited you, or passed the word to your girlfriend to invite you. I don't understand how the mom got involved in the decision.

I know that it's standard in my state for all colleges to provide terps for their graduation ceremonies. I attended a graduation for the University of South Carolina last December, and they had two terms there.

She has another sister who goes to U of Michigan. She will be graduating in Spring. SHe has asked me to go. I told her I would go. I'm pretty sure there will be an interpreter for graduation ceremony. If MSU had one, then U of M should have one.
Click to expand...
Should but you can contact the university to be sure.

My girlfriend and her family worry about doing things in fear that I may be left out. I told them I would be willing to go to concert and graduation. It's ok. I can handle it.
Click to expand...
Um, you are left out if you don't even get invited.
 
:shake head: Hope you will enjoy with your girlfriend's sister graduate next spring! :)
 
Learn from this. I always contact the college/university/high school direct to ask for an interpreter being there. Never was there a time that a Terp was not and only twice did I have to threaten a lawsuit. But this is Texas, Mich. might be different although I doubt that.
 
I graduated from University of Michigan, as had my sister, and as had my brother twice (bachelor's then master's) and they have always had an interpreter. I took the liberty of getting information for you for the upcoming spring graduation (regarding tickets & interpreters):

Tickets for Guests

All family members and guests attending Spring Commencement on Saturday, April 28, including children over age two, need a ticket to enter Michigan Stadium. All tickets are marked with a section number and a range of rows where you are able to sit. There is no cost for tickets.

* Bachelor’s degree recipients are eligible to receive up to eight (8) tickets for guests
* Graduate/Professional (master’s and doctoral) degree recipients are eligible to receive up to four (4) tickets for guests
* Following distribution to graduates, remaining tickets will be made available to the general public on a first-come, first-served basis with a limit of two tickets per person

Sign Language Interpretation

To make arrangements for guests or graduates who would like to view the sign language interpreters during the commencement ceremony, please call (734) 647-6037 by Friday, April 20. Seating location and instructions will be discussed.

Tell your girlfriend's sister, a fellow U of M alumni says congratulations & Go Blue!
 
DeafRaptor said:
I graduated from University of Michigan, as had my sister, and as had my brother twice (bachelor's then master's) and they have always had an interpreter. I took the liberty of getting information for you for the upcoming spring graduation (regarding tickets & interpreters):

Tickets for Guests

All family members and guests attending Spring Commencement on Saturday, April 28, including children over age two, need a ticket to enter Michigan Stadium. All tickets are marked with a section number and a range of rows where you are able to sit. There is no cost for tickets.

* Bachelor’s degree recipients are eligible to receive up to eight (8) tickets for guests
* Graduate/Professional (master’s and doctoral) degree recipients are eligible to receive up to four (4) tickets for guests
* Following distribution to graduates, remaining tickets will be made available to the general public on a first-come, first-served basis with a limit of two tickets per person

Sign Language Interpretation

To make arrangements for guests or graduates who would like to view the sign language interpreters during the commencement ceremony, please call (734) 647-6037 by Friday, April 20. Seating location and instructions will be discussed.

Tell your girlfriend's sister, a fellow U of M alumni says congratulations & Go Blue!
Click to expand...

Wow, those are very valuable information!!! I really appreciate you looking up those stuffs for me. I cannot thank you enough.

Go Blue!!!! U of Michigan rocks!!!
 
Back
Top