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StaceyM

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Hi, My name is Stacey. I am not deaf or hoh but my step daughter is profoundly deaf. She is 11 years old and attends our state school for the deaf. She uses ASL as her main source of communication and vocalizes very little. I hope that you don't mind me coming and joining your forum. I need to find some support in helping raise this little girl.

She often seems very angry, can be mean, resentful, hateful, and often gets in trouble for lying and fighting, not only at home but at school as well.

I'm not sure if it is typical to see these types of behaviors or not. We are at a loss as to what to do. She is in counseling through her school. She has some personal issues as well regarding her mother....I would really like some advice if anyone has any to give.

Thank you so much!
 
Hi and :welcome: to AD!

I am sorry that your stepdaughter is going thru this. Glad that she got counseling.

Most important just be tough with her but at the same time show her lots of love and support. She may not show appreciation for it now but later she will.

Was she like that before or is it a new behavior?
 
Hi, Stacy. It is good to see you reaching out. I am sorry that your step daughter is having such a tough time right now, as well as for the ways that it impacts you and the rest of the family. If she is getting counseling from school, she no doubt has a counselor that can understand her communication. That is very important. Like wise, if a counselor is familiar with deafness, she/he will be able to sort out problems that might be related to language difficulites, and problems that might have to do with her mother issues. It also is important that a counselor working with deaf children be able to separate the issues rather than simply assuming they are all coming from the same source. Knowing that she is at the deaf school, I am assuming that the counselor has experience in working specifically with deaf childen.

Be patient with her, but don't allow her behavior to manipulate the family situation. I wish you luck, and look forward to chatting with you on AD. This is the best place to ask what it is like to be a deaf child. The deaf adults here can make you aware of a perspective you never considered before, because they have already had the experience of being a deaf child.
 
StaceyM said:
Hi, My name is Stacey. I am not deaf or hoh but my step daughter is profoundly deaf. She is 11 years old and attends our state school for the deaf. She uses ASL as her main source of communication and vocalizes very little. I hope that you don't mind me coming and joining your forum. I need to find some support in helping raise this little girl.

She often seems very angry, can be mean, resentful, hateful, and often gets in trouble for lying and fighting, not only at home but at school as well.

I'm not sure if it is typical to see these types of behaviors or not. We are at a loss as to what to do. She is in counseling through her school. She has some personal issues as well regarding her mother....I would really like some advice if anyone has any to give.

Thank you so much!
Click to expand...

It is not typical for a deaf child to act this way... I'm glad she is seeing a counselor. As with any troubled child, Let her know you are open to talk to her even though she isn't quite ready yet. Be there to love her and show her you are there.
 
Thank you for the warm welcomes. I appreciate all of the comments and feedback concerning my step-daughter. In my heart I did not believe it was typical deaf child behavior but needed to ask someone. She is in counseling at her school and her counselor is trained to work with deaf children. The problem is, we do not get much feed back from her and we are unsure of what is going on most times. It is frustrating. Miranda (my sd) can be nice at times but she is also very mean. She was suspended from school in the 3rd grade for punching a classmate in the face because they were flicking the lights on and off. She also has hit my daughter in the face before and has pushed the little ones down who are in the house and even picked the 3yo up by her throat. She lies a lot. She even caused an argument between her father and I a few months ago by lying to him and telling him that I told her I didn't love her anymore. She later admitted to lying and said she wanted her dad to be mad at me. She told us that she only loves her family "so so". She is crazy about her dad and we often have to stop her from what we see as inappropriate behavior (like trying to kiss him on the lips or the way she buries her face in his belly to snuggle with him) It just is not appropriate for an 11 yo girl, and her father agrees. She is boy crazy and even pulled her shirt up on her bus last year and showed a little boy 2 years younger than her, her breasts. We have not heard from her mom in years and she has not seen her in 4 years. We are actively trying to locate her with minimal success. It is a frustrating road. She doesn't want anyones love but her daddy's. We are a large family of 10. 4 adults and 6 children ages 3-14. The children all try with her but the youngest screams at the top of her lungs if Miranda even comes near her because of how Miranda has treated her. I'm really at the end of my rope and wonder if anything will help. Thanks for listening and thank you for all of the support.
 
StaceyM said:
Thank you for the warm welcomes. I appreciate all of the comments and feedback concerning my step-daughter. In my heart I did not believe it was typical deaf child behavior but needed to ask someone. She is in counseling at her school and her counselor is trained to work with deaf children. The problem is, we do not get much feed back from her and we are unsure of what is going on most times. It is frustrating. Miranda (my sd) can be nice at times but she is also very mean. She was suspended from school in the 3rd grade for punching a classmate in the face because they were flicking the lights on and off. She also has hit my daughter in the face before and has pushed the little ones down who are in the house and even picked the 3yo up by her throat. She lies a lot. She even caused an argument between her father and I a few months ago by lying to him and telling him that I told her I didn't love her anymore. She later admitted to lying and said she wanted her dad to be mad at me. She told us that she only loves her family "so so". She is crazy about her dad and we often have to stop her from what we see as inappropriate behavior (like trying to kiss him on the lips or the way she buries her face in his belly to snuggle with him) It just is not appropriate for an 11 yo girl, and her father agrees. She is boy crazy and even pulled her shirt up on her bus last year and showed a little boy 2 years younger than her, her breasts. We have not heard from her mom in years and she has not seen her in 4 years. We are actively trying to locate her with minimal success. It is a frustrating road. She doesn't want anyones love but her daddy's. We are a large family of 10. 4 adults and 6 children ages 3-14. The children all try with her but the youngest screams at the top of her lungs if Miranda even comes near her because of how Miranda has treated her. I'm really at the end of my rope and wonder if anything will help. Thanks for listening and thank you for all of the support.
Click to expand...

Wow...your stepdaughter has a lot of issues. Have u had her evaulated by a pychartist?

My hearing 19 year old brother exhibited all these behaviors plus more growing up despite having his mom (my stepmom) being at home with the kids while my dad worked. The boys had a stable home life but out of the 3 boys, he was the one with all these problems. About 2 years ago, he was diagnosed as having ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). Now, he is on meds and is doing ok as long as he is on his meds. My dad and stepmom went thru so much with him. Maybe your daughter has a behavioral disorder that needs to be addressed?
 
shel90 said:
Wow...your stepdaughter has a lot of issues. Have u had her evaulated by a pychartist?

My hearing 19 year old brother exhibited all these behaviors plus more growing up despite having his mom (my stepmom) being at home with the kids while my dad worked. The boys had a stable home life but out of the 3 boys, he was the one with all these problems. About 2 years ago, he was diagnosed as having ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). Now, he is on meds and is doing ok as long as he is on his meds. My dad and stepmom went thru so much with him. Maybe your daughter has a behavioral disorder that needs to be addressed?
Click to expand...

I agree she definitely needs to see a full blown psychiatrist. I grew up with issues but none were this bad. you need to get her serious help and fast before she gets worse and she will get worse, I have been there, I was herr at one time but my hearing loss wasn't as bad.
 
Does she have a syndrome? Sometimes syndromes can have mental health componets.
Did she ever live with her mother? I'm not a trained psych or anything, but the behavoir she's displaying almost sounds like stereotypical "kid who's been sexually abused by older person" behavoir. (her mom may have had a boyfriend or something)
 
It depends on where you live. I hope there is a good Deaf Mental Health service nearby. Hang in there ... if any questions - feel free to chat with me. I am a Deaf Mental Health advocacy myself.
 
........... sorry, meant to be new thread. Welcome to site! :) please delete
 
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