Hearing woman interested in befriending a deaf man... maybe more.

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jupitersnymph

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I went to a bar I used to frequent, and there was a guy standing near the bar. He smiled at me (not in a creepy way) and I thought he was cute so I smiled back. I noticed him talking to a friend of mine, and few minutes later I realized neither of them was actually talking. So throughout the evening we made eye contact and laughed about things that were going on. We played a few games of pool. I really came to respect him, we have a similar sense of humor. The next day I learned the sign alphabet (I thought I would probably see him again.) For the past two weeks I have learned more basic signs. When I see him on the weekends, we have kind of an unspoken bond. When there is an opportunity to chat, we usually buddy up and talk (for lack of a better word. He doesn't actually speak to me.) I find myself practicing signs and facial expressions when I am alone. I am interested in getting to know him. I am attracted to him, but it doesn't have to be more than friends. I just honestly like him.
So my question is: Are there any social faux-pas I should avoid when I am talking to him? If I continue to learn signs and speak to him, is it a declaration that I am interested in dating him, or can I proceed as I would with a hearing man. Because I don't want to give him the wrong idea if things don't head that direction. It is slower getting to know him because right now communications are a little labored. I have patience.
 
Bottesini said:
That's a good one, but I was hoping for the one on "what I hate about hearies", my favorite thread as a Deaf person , so she could get an idea of our downside too. To many people romantisise the Deaf from what I have seen here.

It's going to be culture shock for her.
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This one? http://www.alldeaf.com/our-world-our-culture/49278-what-ticks-you-off-most-about-hearies.html

culture shock indeed :Ohno: but always good to broaden your cultural knowledge.

Jupitersnymph, you can find all sorts of posts in the Deaf Community>Our World, Our Culture section. Best of luck :)
 
No one really answered my question, although I did read and appreciate the links. So I will rephrase. As a deaf person, if someone you saw socially once a week was learning signs in the meantime, would you be flattered or find it strange? And if it's flattering, does it immediately tell him that I am pursuing him? I want to know what signals I am sending. And yes, I realize I am over-thinking. But I am allowed to because this is pretty much anonymous. And I can be as analytical as I'd like. :D
 
jupitersnymph said:
No one really answered my question, although I did read and appreciate the links. So I will rephrase. As a deaf person, if someone you saw socially once a week was learning signs in the meantime, would you be flattered or find it strange? And if it's flattering, does it immediately tell him that I am pursuing him? I want to know what signals I am sending. And yes, I realize I am over-thinking. But I am allowed to because this is pretty much anonymous. And I can be as analytical as I'd like. :D
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He will know you are pursuing him. If he is flattered he will let you know. I hope he also lets you know if he is married.
 
Bottesini said:
He will know you are pursuing him. If he is flattered he will let you know. I hope he also lets you know if he is married.
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:lol: um yea I would hope so too Botts! So if you see him point to himself and then both his hands come together and hold the other hand (hmm hard to describe in words)... then ya might wanna look elsewhere!

Yea he will know. As a hearie, you probably don't realize your body language is so strong. He will see it. I know I didn't know mine was!

Thanks for clarifying your question, didn't know that was what you were asking :)
 
Em903 said:
:lol: um yea I would hope so too Botts! So if you see him point to himself and then both his hands come together and hold the other hand (hmm hard to describe in words)... then ya might wanna look elsewhere!

Yea he will know. As a hearie, you probably don't realize your body language is so strong. He will see it. I know I didn't know mine was!

Thanks for clarifying your question, didn't know that was what you were asking :)
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yeah, we deafies see right through you.
 
souggy said:
Apparently not me, because I am dense enough not to realize what's going on until someone make an explicit statement.
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Unless there is some girl you have been playing pool in a bar with, you are probably safe from this one.

Feel free to ask me at FB inbox if you need translation. (But keep in mind I am ASD too.) Maybe ask Jiro.
 
lmao

I hate to disappoint but I doubt it is only deafies that see right through me. I have this terrible habit of stealing glances when I think no one is looking... and I blush. But besides that, I was wondering how many different ways learning to sign for someone can be construed. But I guess this really does answer my question. Thanks!
 
jupitersnymph said:
I hate to disappoint but I doubt it is only deafies that see right through me. I have this terrible habit of stealing glances when I think no one is looking... and I blush. But besides that, I was wondering how many different ways learning to sign for someone can be construed. But I guess this really does answer my question. Thanks!
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hmmm
sorry if i offended.
 
Mr. Averythest said:
hmmm
sorry if i offended.
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Nope, not at all. It is a constant source of amusement to friends and family. I used to have social anxiety. Got a job in retail and that was that. I am an expressive person in general, I have a very animated face. People think I am being facetious a lot of times because I have such strong reactions to what they say. When I am thinking to myself I actually make look like I am having a conversation. Same goes for typing. It's really quite embarrassing. I imagine it is helpful for the aforementioned guy though, right? ;)
 
jupitersnymph said:
Nope, not at all. It is a constant source of amusement to friends and family. I used to have social anxiety. Got a job in retail and that was that. I am an expressive person in general, I have a very animated face. People think I am being facetious a lot of times because I have such strong reactions to what they say. When I am thinking to myself I actually make look like I am having a conversation. Same goes for typing. It's really quite embarrassing. I imagine it is helpful for the aforementioned guy though, right? ;)
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I hope TheWriteAlex sees this post... just so I can point out the usage of facetious to him :giggle:
 
jupitersnymph said:
Nope, not at all. It is a constant source of amusement to friends and family. I used to have social anxiety. Got a job in retail and that was that. I am an expressive person in general, I have a very animated face. People think I am being facetious a lot of times because I have such strong reactions to what they say. When I am thinking to myself I actually make look like I am having a conversation. Same goes for typing. It's really quite embarrassing. I imagine it is helpful for the aforementioned guy though, right? ;)
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just be yourself and relax and focus on having fun.. keep up using expressive language and learning more signs.. I agree that the guy knows already since he is staying with you in conversation and playing..
 
Yeah, I'd agree that the guy knows already! But, given that you and he are still playing pool, I'd say he hasn't ruled you out just yet, so go for it if that's what you want to do!

Unfortunately though, like you, if I like someone, I am like a shining beacon of obviousness (if that's a word) so I'm not sure how much use my advice will be.

Also, as for this being pretty much anonymous, I wouldn't bank on that! You'd be surprised how much stuff gets around in the Deaf community!

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do :)
 
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