Hearing Parents

is your son autsim?
 
rjr2006 said:
is your son autsim?
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Right now I'm going to say no. The doctor said that he doesn't think so, but he also told us that we can't 100% rule it out.
 
I have 5 hearing children, I am aslo hearing, and the last one, number six, is deaf, she is now 4. I would not say that terrible twos are harder with the deaf child, but they are definitely louder, which is something that most people would be surprised to learn. Gabby closes her eyes or hides her face to avoid seeing me sign to her, but the other kids covered their ears or ran from the room, so that is about the same. My husband and I take signing classes and go to deaf events as often as we can, I think that helps a lot to make Gabby feel less frustrated, but still, we struggle to keep up with her ASL skills, she is so smart :lol
 
The terrible twos can last a long time with deaf kids due to difficulty communicating what they're feeling, thinking, needing, etc... It can be very frustrating for both them and you. Understanding this can help you develop more patience and compassion for what they're feeling. I disagree with Reba saying you shouldn't reward them positively. Deaf children need to feel unconditional love and acceptance, and yes, a lot of positive feedback. It is always better to reward positive attempts. Also to try to intervene when you see signs of frustration before they start to totally melt down. Try to imagine what it would be like to not know how to get your needs met, to be misunderstood, and then to only get attention when you act out in a negative way. And give them as many avenues for language as you possibly can, they need the tools for communicating in a positive way. They miss so much that hearing children pick up incidentally.
 
A few more tidbits from the parent of a deaf child.
Deaf children often feel they don't have control over their environment. Doing things like closing their eyes is a way of gaining some control. So is turning off hearing aids when they get older. The more control they feel, the less they need to revert to negative behaviors. Sometimes they need to pay attention, they really don't have a choice. Sometimes it's not that important. Choose your battles.
One other thing is that deaf children, like all children, need to fully understand the rules. Often they don't.
I would talk these things over with an early interventionist who knows your child. They could probably give you some helpful suggestions, and possibly direct you to a source of help in your community.
 
PrincessTabu said:
... I disagree with Reba saying you shouldn't reward them positively. ..
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My fault, I was not clear.

Positive rewards are useful, as long as they don't become a routine expectation or bribe. Kids are clever, and can become little extortionists working the system. A reward is just that--a special prize for a job well done.

Like you said, love should be unconditional. Hugs, kisses, snuggle times, and goofy playing are free, no strings attached. Treats are given for fun, no reason needed, or "just because I was thinking of you, and I thought you would like this." Material rewards have good behavior or accomplishment strings attached.
 
I think rewarding for good behavior isn't all that bad, just don't go over board with it. I know that some people tell their kids that if they are good they can get candy or a toy before leaving the store (i work retail i hear it all the time) and I think to myself about who's really in control. John isn't old enough to want a toy or something everytime we go to the store and I don't want him to think it's going to happen, that's not something I'm going to start so I shouldn't have to worry about that. John's starting to have these little temper fits. I just tell him no and if that doesn't work I ususally ed up holding him until he's calmed down. He's been testing everyone lately, to see what he can get away with.
 
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