I am sorry about your abusive relationships. I hope you find someone and fall in love with that person for who they are not because of their deafness. FYI, some deaf men can be abusive as well as well as some deaf women are. The Deaf community has the same issues as hearing people do with abuse, neglect and so forth. Just looking for a "deaf" man probably will backfire on you.
What about getting involved in the Deaf community just to make friends instead of looking for a mate?
Shel90 is correct. Get to know a man is better to be SURE that he's not secretly abusive in his life.
My ex was abusive and was sick, I had no idea until later, it was horrible. Sure, there was good times, but that was few and far-between. Mostly it was her manipulations and such, and I learned the hard way. I suspected that I had PTSD, and after her it took a long time to recover from her.
I've been ready to start a relationship for a couple of years, but so far I have not met anyone who is "right" in many ways, particularly "biblical" as I trusts that only. I will not have premarital sex, nothing of that kind. I want to "COURT" a biblical woman and get to know each other first, for a year or so, and we're SURE of each other. Then and only then can we marry, and have bliss of sorts. All I care about is that the woman I marry must be of trustworthy, faithful, type. The biblical type of woman that are so rare these days.
So I feel sorry for people when they do not undertand this and falls into wrong relationships and suffers for a long time. Most of them have children when they realised they do not even love each other the right way. And so they suffers, the whole family, costing a lot to each other and also to society as a whole. It's such a pity.
A happy society is one that all families are happily in love with each other, all couples happy, no one sick, no crazy stuff like weird "alternative" lifestyles, etc... all kids happy and well adjusted... and no big bill for the whole society to pay for. But I know this is unrealistic in today's society, it's all a mess, too much "alternative" lifestyles gets in the way. So the family society are less important, and so couples who married for the wrong reasons suffered, and their children also, who came along before they realised what marriage was all about. A sacred thing that should not be trifled with, for marriage is not an excuse for lots of sex, marriage is all about a couple who truly loves and trusts each other, in GOOD times and BAD times, in SICKNESS, and in HEALTH... that's what it's all about.
(sighs)... this is what I learned, the hard way. So I wait for the right woman, or until I die, that's how it is, I accepts this. I refused to have "relations" with any woman just to see if we "click", that's not the right way to go about life. I know this.
The right way is to get to know each other, and "court" each other for as long as a year and then if love is strong for each other, trust, and everything, then marriage comes into the picture, and only if both are SURE, then they'll have a biblical marriage and they'll be VERY happy together, oh yes, indeedy. This, to me, is the best life I ever read about and wants for myself, for I am a ordinary deaf man waiting for the right woman to give all my heart and soul and love to, no one else will ever get me. No worries!
So be sure of the bloke you're wanting to "signs" with, okay. Dont' even give sexual favours, too. Sex should only be for true love, not just a way for two people who do not even love each other, to pass the time or have guilty pleasures stolen, or anything like that. Be SURE, ok.
Best get a class and learns signs there, and get to know deafs in the community, that way you get to know them only by being friends and nothing sexual, that way you can be sure who is who, and after seeing a few you'll find one who is the right one, and when you both knows what you two wants, and courts each other and likes each other more and more and more, then love can come into the picture, and both proves their faithfulness to each other before sex ever comes into the picture, and when sex comes into the picture, it is better to wait and be SURE of each other's strength of love for each other, then marriage can come, and after marriage, you both can be sure of each other and will enjoy GUILT-FREE sex together, this is the biblical way, the best way to enjoy life without any guilt hanging around your necks! It's so simple!
I remembers those "sex" times with my ex, I never felt right, I felt like I was doing wrong. I wanted to marry her by the seventh year, but... I was lucky. Very lucky. By then she ate some Zyban pills (which was supposed to help her quit smoking, but it didn't), and she went "cold", it's like the Zyban drugs changed her personality from a warm fuzzy woman into a cold heartless bitch from hell, it was scary. But I blessed it, for it reveals her true nature, what she really thinks of me, deep inside her heart, where it has been dead since her dead boyfriend passed away... .it showed me that there would have been no "love" that I craves from a good woman. It hurts when I recalls how it happened. But that is okay. I've been free of her, and I learned a lot from her, how wrong it all was, and how I have to learn the right way to find true love. It's not through sex, no. Love is not sex. Sex was supposed to ENHANCES love between a loving man and woman who truly loves each other. That's what I figured out.
The first clue was trying to talk about "us" with her, and her saying her head hurt, that it's better we don't talk about it. It puzzled me at the time. But I realised, there was no "us" there, just her and me, and me being a handyman to serve her as she wants. I was a slave. Now I am free and I am careful and I won't settles for just anyone. I set my sights higher, and I wait to meet the high quality woman, a biblical woman, and I won't care if I never meets her, for if I am meant to be with the right woman, she will come and appear in my life, if not, so be it. I accepts God (and Jesus) judgement, that I am worthy of a woman's love, and that she is worthy of my love. (sighs)... that is just fine by me!
No worries! Good luck! It's all good!
