He is pissed at me again.

Well, right now, I am giving him space to cool off and myself space to come down emotionally. I don't know which way this will turn. Thanks again for all the kind people who have responded to me, this is the one site I can come to where I know I will be understood, that counts for alot. xo
 
Moon-child said:
I would like him to accept that I do not want to attend all of his social gatherings, not every one. I would like him to accept that this is not a personal attack on him or his friends/family, I would like him to stop getting angry with me when I do not live up to his social expectations of me.

During social events, I would like him to check in once in awhile, help me with the odd conversation and recognize that these events are difficult for me. I would like him to use the signs we know instead of looking at me like I am crazy when I try to sign abit with him in front of people.

Is this too much to ask?
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I agree- its not too much to ask for. ask him how would he feel on not having anything to do in deafie world and you go on all day/night having a great time talking and he doesnt know whats going on. only way to wake him up is give him taste of his own medicine- but then some people are not willing. what does this leave you?

obviously he is embarrassed in having to explain things for you in front of HIS freinds due to peer pressure of some sort. SO why is he WITH you?! sorry for blunt point but gotta say it. hopefully the time away from each other will giv eyou the answers you need.
 
After reading all these responses, I have to agree, ur man is not accepting of you. I do believe us late-deafened have it harder in life. We lip-read and are vocal, but most times only catch 85% of the conversation....and some deafies consider us "not deaf enuf"...and the hearies treat us as "disabled" or "dumb".
If ur man won't go to counseling with you, learn sign language, stand by you at social gatherings instead of leaving you to fend for urself....then ask urself exactly what "he" is trying to accomplish? Is he ashamed you are losing ur hearing?....Exactly what does he expect you to do??....Seems he is in denial! And having a hard time "accepting" ur deafness......He seems to feel ur supposed to socialize with his friends who are hearing....even tho' you can't hear the conversations....to me that's emotional abuse!

He is actually abusing you emotionally, whether he realizes it or not! I've been there and done that with my ex who was hearing....

It's sad and so hurtful!...Ur self-esteem is suffering....I would do what is best for urself, Moonchild!.....If this has been going on for a long time, then maybe it's time to stop completely.....Wishing you the best of luck!....PM me if you would like....I'm sure you have many friends here at AD....
 
I agree. If he seems to be embarrassed at social functions when you sign to him, that's definitely not good. I could not stay with a man that at all seemed embarrassed about my deafness because there's nothing I can do to change that.
 
I would say he gets flustered, not embarrassed.

And actually, after giving him a couple of days to cool off his anger and me get balanced in my emotions, last night we were able to talk. I mean really talk. Left our egos and personal agendas, our limited sole perceptions at the door and talked. I shared with him in more depth and detail than ever before what it was like growing up undiagnosed and I shared all the internal struggled of my life. Instead of just saying "you hurt my feelings when you didn't help me with the conversations at the bb-q, I told him how it made my brain/my heart/and my gut feel - I let him see the raw emotions. Well guys, he got it, he heard me, and he internalized it all and walked it all with me.

I finally got to bed last night at 4am, I am going to give him the chance to walk his talk, he is a good man, and he is trying to understand my world which is alien to him.

He started using the odd sign last night, it helps so much, he agreed to learn more with me....there is no other way.

I should be getting a flashing light for a doorbell and alarm clock and stuff like this, things that he finds hard to deal with when he knows I am home but cannot reach me. I need to take steps myself, baby steps into a new world, one that maybe some day, I will feel apart of. I can't imagine feeling apart of the deaf culture, I have been such a hermit and good pretender all my life, having never fit into the hearing culture, I don't even know what it is like not to walk alone. So forward we will both move, ascending our previous notions of 'self' and striving to be better, for each other and our own personal truths.

Thank you again for all the responses to this thread, I sure didn't expect that, I just really needed to be heard and understood and I knew this forum was a place where my post would fit in.

A good friend pointed out to me that when my man and I do disagree/argue, it usually takes two days for him to cool off his anger, and it takes me at least two days to stabalize my emotions (him/capricorn, me/cancer). I need to remember this when I am in this stage, being mindful of our patterns will help me process in a much healthier way.

I feel good, breaking new ground is good. Peace!
 
awesome... since you know him better then we do- its good you able to work things out.
 
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