Have any of you felt extremely lonely & lost at some point...?

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hugoboss84

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Have any of you felt extremely lonely & lost at some point in your lives?? I know I am not the only one, but I wanted to see if it is worth opening up myself to people here and share some experiences...

I never felt this lonely before in my life, and never thought I would be in a world without any family or friends! Not looking for sympathy, but I am trying to find ways to get rid of this awkward feeling so bad, that 99% of the time I just fail! If you try to be positive, go out and meet people, only to realize you cant mingle with them because you communicate differently, how do you feel? And if this keeps happening all the time, what do you do? After months and months of being in this position, one loses interest in going out to events, bars, social gatherings because you dont want to go through another embarrassing episode of not being able to communicate well enough with people around you. I am kind of in this sticky situation, and it has been months. I am not looking for a "companion" or whatever you call it, but I am getting desperate to have people around me who can talk to you about anything. I was once an extremely friendly, confident & outgoing person, but I have lost all that & the charm after years of realizing that my hearing is deteriorating & increasing difficulties in communicating with strangers. In one word, I am helpless. And I am not trying to make a sob-story out here; just trying to open up a little bit. I dont think this has anything to do with my deafness, but more as a person in general & communication difficulties.

Has anyone gone through this kind of experience before? Maybe one of you could suggest a thing or two. :roll:
 
I used to go through that constantly. I solved that problem by learning ASL and getting involved with the Deaf community.

Hope everything improves in the future. What about learning ASL and getting involved with the Deaf community?
 
Actually I have been learning ASL for a few months now, and I have a CI too which probably helps me, but that doesnt mean my communication is perfect. My problem is that I really dont have any deaf people/friends to communicate with in ASL; my local deaf community is kinda small, and most people dont come out for it. At times I feel learning ASL is not taking me anywhere. I joined HLAA & AGBELL though, but it remains to be seen how actively I could get involved there since there are no events/activities or ways to get to know others.

Thanks for the recommendation though...
 
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That's the unfortunate thing about sign language, is that you have to know other people that actually know it too to be able to use it.
 
I have heard about that from my ex girlfriend's best friend. That is one reason why my ex became an interpreter because of that girl. They live in real small town of about 200. The next neighbor with deaf community is in the city which takes about 45 mins drive each way. My ex brought me with her to her town and met that girl, she was so thrilled because I was the first deaf person she ever met in her lifetime. I told her that after she gets off work, I will be happy to hang around and have a chat. She got so excited because there was no one to communicate with besides her best friend (which is my ex). I learned that she was in similar situation as you are. She felt left out, no one to talk with and so forth...she got a lot better after chatting with me for hours every time I visit my ex when I was dating her which lasted few months. She is wanting to come to the city to meet more people and learn more on how to communicate her 2nd language to relieve more of her stress but her problem is she is addicted to staying in her tiny town. Until recently about a year ago I heard through my ex's co-worker that she has moved to the city because of her husband's job. So I wondered if she has met the rest of the community...

I believe it is normal for people like you to feel like that and I believe that you are stressing yourself out, best thing is.. not to do that. Be positive and try to learn where all the people are. This forums is good to relieve some insides but it is much more if you have someone in reality and who will keep your words confidential. In reality, it relieves you more then on the forums but it varieties on individual. I have that sometimes even I have deaf community in front of me whole time it is because I was stressing myself out about something in similar. I learned to adapt and release that by being positive and things will come around.

Good Luck. :)
 
Do you have any brother or sister or cousin? maybe one of them is willing to take ASL with you
 
I believe that most everybody feels this way at one point in their lives, many many points. When I did talk to my doctor about it years ago, the reply was: "it's becuz of ur deafness.".....Hmmmm....Then, of course, I started feeling a little sorry for myself. finding fault with so many things/people and of course myself.

Our deafness might be a part of it, then again, as we grow and expand our horizans, we can feel lost at things we don't know. It's a learning process. As for myself, I'm actually a "loner" most times. But my desire for learning has never faded. The internet is a valuable tool for me! And my faith in a higher power, even when I'm alone, I'm not lonely anymore.
 
rockin'robin said:
I believe that most everybody feels this way at one point in their lives, many many points. When I did talk to my doctor about it years ago, the reply was: "it's becuz of ur deafness.".....Hmmmm....Then, of course, I started feeling a little sorry for myself. finding fault with so many things/people and of course myself.

Our deafness might be a part of it, then again, as we grow and expand our horizans, we can feel lost at things we don't know. It's a learning process. As for myself, I'm actually a "loner" most times. But my desire for learning has never faded. The internet is a valuable tool for me! And my faith in a higher power, even when I'm alone, I'm not lonely anymore.
Click to expand...

:gpost:
 
CJB said:
That's the unfortunate thing about sign language, is that you have to know other people that actually know it too to be able to use it.
Click to expand...

So true. People learn ASL for a purpose, and if we dont know anyone with whom we could converse in ASL, its just pointless.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
Do you have any brother or sister or cousin? maybe one of them is willing to take ASL with you
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, no. I grew up with spoken English, but down the road my hearing deteriorated, and so did my speech. Now even if I have a CI and hoping my speech would get better, I thought it would be nice to find a way to socialize & connect with deaf folks like me through ASL. I am just in the middle of the road.
 
rockin'robin said:
I believe that most everybody feels this way at one point in their lives, many many points. When I did talk to my doctor about it years ago, the reply was: "it's becuz of ur deafness.".....Hmmmm....Then, of course, I started feeling a little sorry for myself. finding fault with so many things/people and of course myself.

Our deafness might be a part of it, then again, as we grow and expand our horizans, we can feel lost at things we don't know. It's a learning process. As for myself, I'm actually a "loner" most times. But my desire for learning has never faded. The internet is a valuable tool for me! And my faith in a higher power, even when I'm alone, I'm not lonely anymore.
Click to expand...

I hate to argue back, but I do disagree with what your doctor said. Because a person has a hearing disability, it doesnt always mean he/she can never interact with people around. But I do know, thats the harsh reality - it is not impossible, but it is hard because of communication difficulties. That is amazing that your desire for learning never fades & that you have a stronger faith in Almighty; I think I too am that way, but I probably do lose my faith out of frustration. I have been feeling that way for a while now (couple of years!) but I am just going to go with the flow & see how things improve over time.
 
TheWhiteTiger said:
I have heard about that from my ex girlfriend's best friend. That is one reason why my ex became an interpreter because of that girl. They live in real small town of about 200. The next neighbor with deaf community is in the city which takes about 45 mins drive each way. My ex brought me with her to her town and met that girl, she was so thrilled because I was the first deaf person she ever met in her lifetime. I told her that after she gets off work, I will be happy to hang around and have a chat. She got so excited because there was no one to communicate with besides her best friend (which is my ex). I learned that she was in similar situation as you are. She felt left out, no one to talk with and so forth...she got a lot better after chatting with me for hours every time I visit my ex when I was dating her which lasted few months. She is wanting to come to the city to meet more people and learn more on how to communicate her 2nd language to relieve more of her stress but her problem is she is addicted to staying in her tiny town. Until recently about a year ago I heard through my ex's co-worker that she has moved to the city because of her husband's job. So I wondered if she has met the rest of the community...

I believe it is normal for people like you to feel like that and I believe that you are stressing yourself out, best thing is.. not to do that. Be positive and try to learn where all the people are. This forums is good to relieve some insides but it is much more if you have someone in reality and who will keep your words confidential. In reality, it relieves you more then on the forums but it varieties on individual. I have that sometimes even I have deaf community in front of me whole time it is because I was stressing myself out about something in similar. I learned to adapt and release that by being positive and things will come around.

Good Luck. :)
Click to expand...

You are right, I am indeed stressing myself over all this, which is unnecessary. I haven't discussed this with anyone yet; I just wanted to express myself openly here though I sometimes feel I am the only one who feels that way. Thanks for the advice by the way!
 
Well I can only say I feel your pain. Not being able to communicate effectively seems to affect everything in your life including career, friendship, romance, etc.
 
I feel for you. I dont have any advice to give you that is different to those already given. Hang in there and keep your chin up. Maybe move somewhere where theres a larger deaf community. I dunno. good luck
 
Keep your faith! Prayer and study will certainly help.

Meanwhile have you tried applying for a VP? Having a VP will help you communicate with others all over the country. Are you willing to travel? There are all kinds of Deaf social events. For instance, there is one coming up in Las Vegas called DeafNation Expo. Deaf expos are all over the country. Do you have a webcam? You can chat with people with Skype or ooVoo. If you are still learning ASL this is an advantage because you can type what you want to say if you aren't able to sign it in ASL. You can also download P3, which functions as a VP. P3 works similar to Skype or ooVoo except that you have relay interpreters available.

A VP would probably help you build your confidence with using ASL. I'm not sure about other VPs, but I know that if you used one of the Z VPs they have voice carry-over service available. This might help you facilitate communication as you're building your ASL skills.

I'm not sure about HLAA, but AGBELL has a philosophy that may or may not block your attempts to rise out of your gloom. A quick look at the HLAA site causes me to think that they are very similar to AGBELL. Have you looked into NAD or similar organizations?

Also, this site may provide you with plenty or resources. There is a forum where people occasionally post Deaf events and blogs. Youtube also has lots of blogs you can use to help you with learning ASL (I keep stressing ASL because ASL is likely the best place to start with facilitating natural conversation). One way to keep your faith and to learn ASL at the same time is to view the Bible in ASL. Deaf Missions: Home is a site that has an ASL Bible. I hear Worldwide Association of Jehovah?s Witnesses is another site that has it, but I've never seen it myself.

I hope some of this information helps. I condensed quite a bit of it so that this post wouldn't be like an essay :\

Edit: Oh! I almost forgot... yes, I have felt extremely lonely and lost. I have now found comfort and I try not to lose sight of it :) I live in Illinois too, so if you would like some more info, support, or just a friend feel free to contact me.
 
Sure, I have felt lonely in my younger years. I forgot where I read about a deaf guy who often went straight to his room after school. I realized I did the same thing. I often read a lot in my room. There was no caption programs/movies when I was growing up so books are the only thing I really can understand.
 
lol yes if I find myself being lonely I wud be probably riding bus to nowhere but now I'm diong better but eh.. I don't make time for myself if I stick to some1 who doesn't let me see friends :roll: but hell.. I'm not born to be perfect :P
 
Buffalo said:
Sure, I have felt lonely in my younger years. I forgot where I read about a deaf guy who often went straight to his room after school. I realized I did the same thing. I often read a lot in my room. There was no caption programs/movies when I was growing up so books are the only thing I really can understand.
Click to expand...

I tend to stay in my room unless there is something I have to do like cook dinner or take MIL on errands or things like that. When I am home, I spend it all in my room. I don't watch TV since the airplanes overhead scramble the picture and kill the captioning. It happens with satellit, cable or antenna and converter box. I check movies out from the library or watch my DVD's on my computer.
 
KristinaB said:
I tend to stay in my room unless there is something I have to do like cook dinner or take MIL on errands or things like that. When I am home, I spend it all in my room. I don't watch TV since the airplanes overhead scramble the picture and kill the captioning. It happens with satellit, cable or antenna and converter box. I check movies out from the library or watch my DVD's on my computer.
Click to expand...

Remind me not to buy a house near airport! Yikes!
 
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