hard of hearing and social skills

K0512199 said:
As a hard of hearing person who has been in the hearing world my whole life, I definitely say yes! I've always avoided a lot of social situations because my hearing would cause me to do embarrassing things. Not only that, but it's just really tiring and overwhelming to constantly have to try so hard to understand people. I'd rather just be alone than deal with that. I'm not ashamed to ask "what?" a couple of times if I don't hear something. If it's been 5 or 6 times, though, I tend to just say "okay" or laugh and hope it wasn't a question. This in itself has made for some very awkward social situations.
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This is totally me- I am not ashamed and it is really tiring to keep up with a group of people. I am also finding myself as I have grown older that I prefer small group settings and less noisy environments. When I do go to big events I take breaks while there and remove myself for a little peace and quiet. I do like having noise but not for more than a couple of hours. I am grateful that those know me understand that I will miss some conversation and they laugh with me when I goof up. For me, it's my husband business counterparts that really make me feel very incomfortable and I am less social in those events .
 
I've been in denial about my hearing loss. I hate doctors, I tried seeing a doctor about it but I was afraid of having a CAT scan and them possibly cutting into my head for surgery so I never went back. My audiologist wanted me to wear two hearing aids, one in each ear and I was so freaked out about that, I insisted on only one hearing aid.

It's strange but when I can hear with the hearing aid, I become myself again and act pleasant and am chatty with people. Now that it's falling apart and needs replacing, I'm moody and stay away from everyone. Then I think, why should I wear that? I just want to go natural, not have anything stuck in my ear. I do the pretending to understand thing when my family tries to talk to me.

I've never asked "why me?" before but now I'm starting to do that. I guess maybe I'm a little angry about it now or have become just sick of it, the hardships and all. Have any of you gone through that?
 
Honeycat said:
I've been in denial about my hearing loss. I hate doctors, I tried seeing a doctor about it but I was afraid of having a CAT scan and them possibly cutting into my head for surgery so I never went back. My audiologist wanted me to wear two hearing aids, one in each ear and I was so freaked out about that, I insisted on only one hearing aid.

It's strange but when I can hear with the hearing aid, I become myself again and act pleasant and am chatty with people. Now that it's falling apart and needs replacing, I'm moody and stay away from everyone. Then I think, why should I wear that? I just want to go natural, not have anything stuck in my ear. I do the pretending to understand thing when my family tries to talk to me.

I've never asked "why me?" before but now I'm starting to do that. I guess maybe I'm a little angry about it now or have become just sick of it, the hardships and all. Have any of you gone through that?
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oh yea I've been through that, I would dare say everybody on here has.
 
I don't think it has so much to do with the HOH individual themselves so much as the people they surround themselves with. I was HOH for a few years before my hearing finally went away completely and during that time I noticed that some people would refuse to meet me halfway. Others had no problems repeating themselves or taking a little initiative to communicate with me.

To sum up: social skills (and their development) by definition involve multiple people, and rely on multiple people to determine their direction. All of the other people have more effect on a person's development then anything (regardless of hearing abilities.)

Of course, I could just be crazy and spouting out of both ends.
 
Honeycat said:
I've been in denial about my hearing loss. I hate doctors, I tried seeing a doctor about it but I was afraid of having a CAT scan and them possibly cutting into my head for surgery so I never went back. My audiologist wanted me to wear two hearing aids, one in each ear and I was so freaked out about that, I insisted on only one hearing aid.

It's strange but when I can hear with the hearing aid, I become myself again and act pleasant and am chatty with people. Now that it's falling apart and needs replacing, I'm moody and stay away from everyone. Then I think, why should I wear that? I just want to go natural, not have anything stuck in my ear. I do the pretending to understand thing when my family tries to talk to me.

I've never asked "why me?" before but now I'm starting to do that. I guess maybe I'm a little angry about it now or have become just sick of it, the hardships and all. Have any of you gone through that?
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I have been through the pretending thing in many different situations and I've done it a long time. After my CI, I walked the neighborhood with a neighbor. I internally flipped out because I barely understood him and on this particular walk, I didn't walk backwards to read his lips so missed more. I isolated from what embarrassment. Doug and his wife have asked about me and I'm still a bit frozen (not due to dropping temperatures outside) again. I owe them for their support and when I come out of hibernation, I will have to go see them and be embarrassed again but all the while knowing, they're good people with good hearts and support.

I can relate to not wanting anything in my ears. I'm not angry. I don't think I ever was. Sick of it? You betcha! 50 years of this and doctors doing surgery that likely didn't need to be done is beyond tiring. I work on my own moodiness and keeping it contained (it's how I am) and it's tough but I have little choice. Somehow, we just have to keep plugging away or find other distractions.

Analogs are still out there. HAs may not be pleasant to wear but you said you become yourself again. I hope you find the strength to give it another go. Also, a CATscan doesn't hurt and if they talk about surgery, do what Nancy Reagan did and, "Just say no."
 
Otherwise said:
I don't think it has so much to do with the HOH individual themselves so much as the people they surround themselves with. I was HOH for a few years before my hearing finally went away completely and during that time I noticed that some people would refuse to meet me halfway. Others had no problems repeating themselves or taking a little initiative to communicate with me.

To sum up: social skills (and their development) by definition involve multiple people, and rely on multiple people to determine their direction. All of the other people have more effect on a person's development then anything (regardless of hearing abilities.)

Of course, I could just be crazy and spouting out of both ends.
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Otherwise ... You're not crazy and I agree with you completely.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
I disagree with this , it really depend on the situation ,and person . Some hoh people can feel comfortable in both worlds . Hearing people have poor social skills too . There is no needs to hut yourself off to the hearing world , if I had done that growing up I would off had no one to talk b/c there was other hoh or deaf around .
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I should be "cut yourself off" , I can't edit it.
 
This doesn't really add anything to this conversation, but I just want to say that I'm really glad there are others who are facing the same stuff as me. I really thought when I joined alldeaf I was going to be sort of different from everybody else because of my mostly hearing background, but I'm finding a lot of commonalities with all of you. I am fresh into the world of no sound (although I've been HOH for many years)and it's kind of a dark time for me. It has helped me a lot more than I thought it would just to read everyone's stories and know that I'm not crazy for being frustrated at some of this stuff.
 
Otherwise said:
This doesn't really add anything to this conversation, but I just want to say that I'm really glad there are others who are facing the same stuff as me. I really thought when I joined alldeaf I was going to be sort of different from everybody else because of my mostly hearing background, but I'm finding a lot of commonalities with all of you. I am fresh into the world of no sound (although I've been HOH for many years)and it's kind of a dark time for me. It has helped me a lot more than I thought it would just to read everyone's stories and know that I'm not crazy for being frustrated at some of this stuff.
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There's always comfort in numbers, isn't there? You are not alone, and this is the place that proves it!
 
Annie09Z said:
There's always comfort in numbers, isn't there? You are not alone, and this is the place that proves it!
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Who would've thunk that numbers backing up our subjective feelings could help? Not I but it does.

I told my partner about all the sad stories with the consistent thread of information running through it - most of us appear to be very afraid of where our lives, due to lack of hearing or lack of being understood by the hearing world. It didn't surprise her and, of course, she understands it.

Thanks, Annie09Z.
 
Honeycat said:
I've been in denial about my hearing loss. I hate doctors, I tried seeing a doctor about it but I was afraid of having a CAT scan and them possibly cutting into my head for surgery so I never went back. My audiologist wanted me to wear two hearing aids, one in each ear and I was so freaked out about that, I insisted on only one hearing aid.

It's strange but when I can hear with the hearing aid, I become myself again and act pleasant and am chatty with people. Now that it's falling apart and needs replacing, I'm moody and stay away from everyone. Then I think, why should I wear that? I just want to go natural, not have anything stuck in my ear. I do the pretending to understand thing when my family tries to talk to me.

I've never asked "why me?" before but now I'm starting to do that. I guess maybe I'm a little angry about it now or have become just sick of it, the hardships and all. Have any of you gone through that?
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That may be why people are asking if you need help , the way your are presenting yourself in public made people think you need help. I am confuse to why you don't want to wear a hearing aid b/c you seem to be having more fun being with people.
 
Otherwise said:
This doesn't really add anything to this conversation, but I just want to say that I'm really glad there are others who are facing the same stuff as me. I really thought when I joined alldeaf I was going to be sort of different from everybody else because of my mostly hearing background, but I'm finding a lot of commonalities with all of you. I am fresh into the world of no sound (although I've been HOH for many years)and it's kind of a dark time for me. It has helped me a lot more than I thought it would just to read everyone's stories and know that I'm not crazy for being frustrated at some of this stuff.
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This is how I feel exactly. Everyone has been so understanding. I'm so grateful and I don't feel all alone and I know now that I can talk about things I never could before, the anger, fright, denial, etc.

Lately I wonder is my hearing going to disappear completely? How will I survive in the future this way? I have to distract myself a lot or else I'll just start dwelling on the bad stuff and not anything good. There are people here who have been deaf since birth, at least I've been able to hear through most of mine so I should think about what they've gone through.

I've read everyone's responses and I can't thank you enough for discussing this stuff with me. I was able the other day to go out in public with some confidence and not feel ashamed if I can't hear someone. Just tell them if there's a problem. Society can't tell by looking at me if I can't hear very well, I suppose I need to face it and take some responsibility instead of hiding it. No one is perfect in this world, everyone has some issue or another. And just thinking that made me feel a little less awkward.
 
Honeycat said:
Lately I wonder is my hearing going to disappear completely? How will I survive in the future this way? I have to distract myself a lot or else I'll just start dwelling on the bad stuff and not anything good. There are people here who have been deaf since birth, at least I've been able to hear through most of mine so I should think about what they've gone through.
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As someone who just recently lost my hearing completely, I would say the first thing you need to realize is that the problem/difficulty isn't living with the inability to hear. The main problem is that you (and I) don't really know HOW to live with the inability to hear. It's not the situation, it's the adjustment.

You've got to be prepared, whatever that means to you. Don't ruin your life by dreading something you don't have control over. Take control of what you can.

In my case, I knew I was going to be completely deaf sooner or later (OK, I wasn't 100% sure, but it was somewhat of a forgone conclusion) so I prepared myself. A lot of the problems I deal with now revolve around the fact that no one around me prepared, so I'm dealing with friends and family who are freaking out about stuff I could care less about. You can read the thousands of posts on this forum regarding how hearing people think deafness is something to be "fixed" to get a little taste of what that is all about.

My advice to you is to know that loosing your hearing isn't the "bad stuff," not knowing how to deal with it is. Make sure you and those who care about you are prepared. Everyone is really different so my experiences can't dictate how you act but this is my outlook on my situation. Other people might (and probably do) have a different opinion on this.

Good luck with this and I hope I'm helping and not making it even more of a bummer for you.
 
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I haven't read each posting here but I thought it a good place to post something.
I am starting ASL classes in March.
I went to Starbucks after work today and I thought "how would I tell this guy I just want a medium regular coffee" if I couldn't hear him confirm my order. I guess I would have to write it down on a slip of paper and hand it to him or type a note on my iPhone for him to read. Is that the usual way deaf persons interact with hearies?
 
VA Bowbender said:
I haven't read each posting here but I thought it a good place to post something.
I am starting ASL classes in March.
I went to Starbucks after work today and I thought "how would I tell this guy I just want a medium regular coffee" if I couldn't hear him confirm my order. I guess I would have to write it down on a slip of paper and hand it to him or type a note on my iPhone for him to read. Is that the usual way deaf persons interact with hearties?
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I have thought carrying paper and pen with me when people can't understand what I am trying to find in a store. I asked where the flashlights are and the guy thought I asked where some food was .
 
VA Bowbender said:
I haven't read each posting here but I thought it a good place to post something.
I am starting ASL classes in March.
I went to Starbucks after work today and I thought "how would I tell this guy I just want a medium regular coffee" if I couldn't hear him confirm my order. I guess I would have to write it down on a slip of paper and hand it to him or type a note on my iPhone for him to read. Is that the usual way deaf persons interact with hearies?
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I don't know if it's usual (I'm late deafened) but it's what I do. I often prewrite questions on a paper before I walk up to someone who works at a store, and phrase it in such a way that they either answer with yes, no, or by pointing somewhere. I don't live in a very tolerant area.
 
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