Hard night...

Adamsmomma said:
Being the mom of a HOH/Deaf child... it breaks my heart to read these types of posts... how some families are... it bewilders me.

Granted sometimes I wish Adam had a volume button so when we're out and he gets loud (not bad, just loud) I could turn him down a bit, but not for my sake-- for those around us... I know why he's loud but others don't... especially if we run out w/out his HA's on...

I'm glad it seems at least your mom is starting to understand more and she's starting to compromise~~ (the CC) that's so important. in any relationship...
:hug: :hug: Hopefully in time your dad will deal better with it too... :hug:
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You are a great mommy! Adam is so lucky to have you =)
 
candybrowneyes said:
Thank you all... I have since talked this over with my mom. After getting my new hearing aids I told her how I was feeling and why CC is necessary. You will all be happy to know the movie we watched that night had the captions on and she put them on there. I think she is going to be more understanding now. thank you all =)
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I knew it was going to work!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wave:

I hope you will both keep in mind that you both have a lot to grow with (<- is this again French I am using... :shrug: I don't know. I'm sure you know what I mean!) Things might not all be straightened out and I am sure there will be some *moments*... then you both need to talk about it in a calm way ;) It takes some getting used to and we are ALL here all the way along...

:hug: Jamie
 
candybrowneyes said:
Not that I am shocked by what you said and it is hardly the stages of grief. My tears come because this is my family. If it was someone who didnt matter to me it wouldnt have made a difference. While I understand you have been going through this your whole life and many others. I have had but 7 months to get used to this. A lot of people here will not and do not understand what it is like to lose something you have had your entire life, it changes your life and everyone inside your life, lives. I will make due, I was venting and upset, after all isnt this what this place is for? To share feelings and emotions and to have someone say, It will be okay is all I need sometimes.
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hey pal

you not alone it happen to me only my step mother

she is such as***** she did not like watch caption

when she refuse i have to use my voice whatever dad is asleep or watch movie she put such a fuss with me not my dad is disvore i am so glad that women are no longer part of our life

tell them someday you will need closed caption because hear aid not work the best but some of them


hope it help !
 
CBE :hug: I'm glad that you made a first move to solve this issues with your mother how you feeling... You convinced her to understand where you come from... It's great!!!
 
rockin'robin said:
(This is a new thread! Oopps, I'm a "newbie" here....rockin'robin.....I encountered the same situation(s) when I lost my hearing! Getting "hollared" at...and in some cases, screamed at! And I came to the conclusion that I had to remove myself from all of it! I don't visit my family often, but when I do, they put CC on the TV!...The reason is: I stood up and made myself "be counted"! Sure, they're still somewhat "embarrassed to use the alphabet (signs), but I require it when I don't understand! They all are hearing! And I've repeated over and over, "I'm deaf, remember"??

Now, to "rub some salt" into the old wounds....I was the only one out of 6 who finished school and went to community college. And had an excellent job!...

I've actually "embarrassed" them! And I know it! And it isn't my deafness! It's my ability to "stand up"!.....I seriously believe, CAndy, that ur parents have problems that are really "not related" to ur hearing loss! And I would not "ask" to put the CC on the tv.....I would put it own personally! Hope this doesn't sound too harsh!

Wishing ya good luck and peace of mind!
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:h5: Robin,

This is something I would have said but didn't have the guts before starting college in 1982 (a long story). Now, I'd say it and not care what anyone thought.
 
candybrowneyes said:
I feel so terrible sometimes, not because I have troubles hearing things but how the people that are supposed to help me, and understand that this is very hard for me.

Tonight I was watching TV at my parents house. They won't put the CC on the tv for me because they hate when I have the TV up loud. I can't even watch TV with my family because they just dont care. I turned it up and my dad who was in their bedroom SLAMMED his door shut. The whole time my mom was watching with me and she was telling me to turn it down, so I turn it down a little and I ask her can I please put the CC on and she seriously had to ask me "Why?" and then says "I dont like it on there, it gets in the way"

I finally just turned it down and left. And now I am sitting here crying because I can tell them over and over again how I feel and then they wonder why I never want to spend time there with them. Making me feel bad because I cannot hear when they do nothing to help me, something as simple as CC? My dad got so mad he had to slam the bedroom door??

:cry:
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Now I think I know why Alex asked you to be one of the moderators . . . you needed help in dealing with deafness. :)

I know you've already dealt with it by speaking with your mom, which is good. When I started having cc on, my parents welcomed it (and it was their home). My nieces were another story, especially when their dad (my oldest brother) wore hearing aids, too, although he only has a slight-to-moderate loss and I've got the severe loss and the first in the family to get hearing aids.

It's really too bad that hearing people are still hostile toward us deaf people, no matter our Db in hearing loss, as they're only burning their own bridges.

Now, do us all a favor, okay . . . no . . . do yourself a favor . . . wipe the tears off your cheeks, look at yourself eye-to-eye in the bathroom mirror and smile at yourself. Accept yourself for what you have, not for what you don't have. You know, I'm not sure when my girlfriend and I are going to get married, but I told her I didn't want my relatives there because of hostilities toward her (different race) and that she's more deaf than I am. Yes, I'd go so far as to refuse to have an interpreter at the wedding for them and have it totally in asl. Shoot, may ask Maria to sing, too! I think it would be the wedding of the year and I know the tongues of my relatives would never stop wagging on this one! :P

In short, accept yourself: All of us here do! :cool2:
 
You should tell your Dad that slamming the bedroom door shut is a meaningless gesture to someone who can't hear. Maybe your parents are having trouble accepting the fact that your hearing is going, and that you want to spend time with them but that their actions are making you feel more and more isolated.
 
CBE, I'm sorry that your family doesn't understand. One thing that helped my family understand was letting them listen to a simulator. Here's a link:

Hearing Loss Sampler

Ask your family to listen and perhaps they will get it. Explain to them that, although hearing aids and other devices help, it's not a cure. It's not like when you put on your glasses and you're vision is great.

Hope that you feel better soon!
 
CBE, I totally understand what you've been through. I may have been deaf all my life and my family is understanding/accepting of it, but sometimes going to someone else's house I run into the same scenario you described in your first post. I'm glad to hear things have gotten better!
 
candy
my heart goes out to you i am totally understanding how your parents feels about CC
it does happens to me sometimes.
hugs
 
I understand that you care about your family, so I am not trying to be rude....My family did the same thing to me but not anymore since one day I put the tv on mute and hid the remote. They couldnt deal with not being able to hear what was said. So I told them "leave the CC on or I will never give the remote back and you will have to learn to read tv lips". The CC is always on now.
 
When my hearing plunged in 1998 I had the same problem. I was required to wear HAs any moment I was awake and not in the shower.

My parents never allowed me to have a say in anything and if I did say anything - it was disregarded as 'selfishness'. I remember my mom yelling at me and grounding me for not wearing my HAs. They were uncomfortable!

I had the CC on, my dad caught me and he said - YOUR NOT WEARING YOUR HEARING AID ARE YOU?. I said no - my ear needed a break it was starting to hurt. He said "GO UPSTAIRS AND PUT YOUR HEARING AID ON! WE AREN'T HAVING CLOSED CAPTIONS. THEY JUST GET IN THE WAY.

I just went upstairs, laid down and went to sleep.

They said that wearing my hearing aid is just like wearing a pair of glasses. I told my mom - not being able to see can be hazardous - not being able to hear hasn't killed anyone.

She swears that it is difficult for her to live with me because I don't wear hearing aids and she feels trapped. I told her it's not my fault I am deaf and to stop making me feel guilty for it. I choose not to wear the aid because it is uncomfortable. Just the same way you would not wear a pair of glasses that were uncomfortable.

Neither of them understand because they are hearing. I'm the only deaf one here. They are upset when I spend so much time on AD.com. They don't realize that my nights and weekends are consumed with work. When I do go out for a bit of fun on my own, I get chewed out. I have no real life social life, my social life is on AD.com because it is here I find likeminded people who understand.
 
Dixie said:
When my hearing plunged in 1998 I had the same problem. I was required to wear HAs any moment I was awake and not in the shower.

My parents never allowed me to have a say in anything and if I did say anything - it was disregarded as 'selfishness'. I remember my mom yelling at me and grounding me for not wearing my HAs. They were uncomfortable!

I had the CC on, my dad caught me and he said - YOUR NOT WEARING YOUR HEARING AID ARE YOU?. I said no - my ear needed a break it was starting to hurt. He said "GO UPSTAIRS AND PUT YOUR HEARING AID ON! WE AREN'T HAVING CLOSED CAPTIONS. THEY JUST GET IN THE WAY.

I just went upstairs, laid down and went to sleep.

They said that wearing my hearing aid is just like wearing a pair of glasses. I told my mom - not being able to see can be hazardous - not being able to hear hasn't killed anyone.

She swears that it is difficult for her to live with me because I don't wear hearing aids and she feels trapped. I told her it's not my fault I am deaf and to stop making me feel guilty for it. I choose not to wear the aid because it is uncomfortable. Just the same way you would not wear a pair of glasses that were uncomfortable.

Neither of them understand because they are hearing. I'm the only deaf one here. They are upset when I spend so much time on AD.com. They don't realize that my nights and weekends are consumed with work. When I do go out for a bit of fun on my own, I get chewed out. I have no real life social life, my social life is on AD.com because it is here I find likeminded people who understand.
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I am so sorry that your family have ruin your life and social life. They should not have done that to you at all. That is not fair and you should not spend too much time on AD so that you can have fun going out anywhere you like to do with your friends, Deaf or Hearing. Never mind your parents, even if you were living at their home. It hurt and suck big time. :hug:
 
I have tears in my eyes...:[ :[

First, I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's so frustrating and so heartbreaking when people just don't understand why you feel a certain way. I used to sit and cry allll the time...but now, I just know my family's going to be like that. They aren't going to understand how I feel because they themselves haven't gone through it. But you know what? People need to be empathetic. Instead of asking, "Why are you feeling like that?" try to put YOURSELF in the shoes of the people who are struggling? I have been abused in the past - physically and sexually - and I was blamed. I know how much it hurts. I really, really do. Because the feelings that I felt afterwards were just pushed aside and people didn't understand why I felt this certain way.

You have every right to feel this way. I know how much it hurts when our feelings just get dash aside. It's not fair. We have a right to feel a certain way. And we dont' need judgment passed on to us. You need CC...you need the volume up...but it just feels like no one cares. I don't know your parents. I don't know if they're always like this, or if that night was a bad night for them, but still, I know how much it hurts.

If I could give you a hug, I would! I know this was written four months ago and I haven't read any of latest responses, but I just felt to tell you that you have a right to feel this way. Who wants to get their feelings walked on? I sure don't....

Hope things have gotten better for you :/


mshel said:
I understand that you care about your family, so I am not trying to be rude....My family did the same thing to me but not anymore since one day I put the tv on mute and hid the remote. They couldnt deal with not being able to hear what was said. So I told them "leave the CC on or I will never give the remote back and you will have to learn to read tv lips". The CC is always on now.
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^This made me smile :)
 
CANDYBROWN EYE,
I really undestood ur feelings,........especially that point where you are not sad about loss hearing but about ur parents not being too supportive......
But do explain to your parents....about the reason of keeping caption on..... I am sure they didnot know and understand about this.....
 
Dear Candybrowneyes,

Welcome! You should be able to vent your frustrations here among people who understand your situation better than anyone. Since it is a fairly recent happening of your hearing loss, it takes some adjustment not just for yourself but also for those close to you such as your family. Old habits die hard and if you are needing changes to adapt then there must be open communication between all involved. You need to make them aware of your needs, not just saying what you need but also describing what it is like if you don't have what you are requesting. You need to also be understanding towards them having to make sudden changes in breaking old habits to make way for new ones. If you bear all this in mind, you will find life will get easier for all of you.

Hope this helps.
 
I understand exactly what you mean when you say that you find HAs uncomfortable. I am supposed to wear two, but I live in the tropics. I find they cause ear infections because of the humidity and they become sore, like when you get blisters from shoes. Also, the static from the aids can result in headaches. I chose not to wear them, despite the other difficulties I have to endure. I cope better without them as I manage with lip-reading, CCs and reading body language, signs and books. I am now learning ASL (Although I am Australian, I find ASL the easiest to understand and learn).
 
Hey Candy,

While understanding that you have just lost your hearing, and having to deal with Family that just don't understand. Hang in there because that is just the start of it, while family will learn and realize what is happening and how it affects you and themselves, there is the world out there that you will have to face day to day.

I have lived all my life with a cloud hanging over my head in my associations out in the world of the hearing.

Just remember that People fear what they don't understand. Its the ones that stand there and try to understand that makes a difference, as you can see from these boards. The hearies are here to try to understand. Some with family members that are HoH or Deaf or Deaf/Blind, and some that just want to understand cause they like us!

Being as I am the only Deaf person where I live, and being that I do know sign, I still am in a Hearing world which is dominant in oral speech so I have to accomodate them with oral speaking. I do wish sometimes that everyone knew sign because it certainly would make things easier for me!

But because I live where sign is virtually non existent (sp?) I have to rely on speech reading, and there are days where I get fustrated because with the lack of understanding, comes me being isolated and left out of the loop.

Always in the face of that do I keep moving forward. One step at a time.

Keep your head up. :cool2:
Stay as you are.
Stand and put your foot down, be firm and never back down.
 
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