Grave Removal

[Liebling:-)))]

Wow, I have never heard of a grave removal after 35 years.

Therefore yes, accord German burial law. If you want to extend the agreement contract then you have to pay.

This is the first time I learn from you. It must be terrible for you and your husband and family members like your son losing the grave of being removed. It is wrong to have your father-in-law not informed your husband and family members about the grave removal so that you all can make decision on where to place your mother-in-law or keep her in the same place. Your husband and your son must have love your mother-in-law very much. They want to remember her for the rest of their lives.

Yes, father-in-law should have talk with us if he don´t want to take care of mother´s grave anymore.

As for your father-in-law, thirteen years is a long time and he want to move on with his life and of course he does not want to forget her but things have changed so he need to move on with his new girlfriend. As for the pictures to remember her by, your husband should have keep the pictures for himself, not his father. Your husband and your son have to let it go and move on. That is the way the cycles is for us to go through from birth to death. Anyway, I am sorry about what happen and I hope there must be a way to fix it from priest, so that your mother-in-law will be placed in the right spot.

We have no problem with his new life because it´s his life, not ours but we have problem is we cannot understand him for get girlfriend 6 weeks later after his wife´s funeral because they have been married for over 45 years.

We also have problem is he left photos and wedding rings in that house instead of bring some photos and rings with him and his new home. Oh yes, we took some of their wedding photos and holiday photos because we do not trust father. We brought wedding photos and photos to him because we want to test him. After his negative impression, we assume that he want to forget her. We bet that he throw all the photos away after we gone but good thing is we took some photos to remember.

Yes we were very upset and agreed that we have photos to remember her. Her photos is in dinning room and hall.

We visited father´s new home with box of photos. We saw none photos of his wife... Not even one photo on the wall or whatever...

 

[KarissaMann05]

Wow ...

I'm very sorry. ( tightly )

 

[KarissaMann05]

You know ... I'm so shocking ... still.

I really, I meant, really NEVER thought of removal graves of my beloved ones without letting my family and I know.

That is so ... um, I'm not sure what word I can say ...

Cruel, maybe? Cold, maybe? I meant, how could ... someone did it?

That's very disturbing ever I read!!

Wow... I don't know what to say.

Liebling)) KarissaMann05

 

[racheleggert]

I think that German burial law is so ridlicious!! Where is their respect for loved ones? America is good example. Its like paying rent for a dead person's home. Its so horrible. What if you get other people to lobby your country government to change? I wonder where the body is? If I was you, I would be upset too.

 

[Hwy99]

Wow, that's terrible, hope everything will be allright

 

[horselover61]

Oh that sucks and please do let us know what the update.

 

[sara1981]

mostly tombstone have pretty policy for good reasons if kept longer if who is widower need know approve of spouse's death or widower's death they wont remove tombstone.

mostly people have complain for grave remove i cant blame for that i understand how liebling's feels about post.

 

[yagazn]

Wowie

Sorry about what happened to your beloved that has been removed from the grave, that is unfair.

 

[LuciaDisturbed]

My hubby, son & I visited Great aunt´s and mother´-in-law´s grave yesterday. (my mother-in-law died 22.12.96 aged 61 and Great Aunt died 15.11.00 aged 90).

Our plan was took care of Aunt´s grave to clean then visit mother´s grave. (we took care of Aunt for 4 years after death of my mother-in-law). My son let us know that he want to go to see his Granny´s grave. We were still working on Aunt´s grave which is around 150 yard away from mother´s grave. I noticed my son can´t find his granny´s grave... He kept on walk and look around... My son said that he feel ashamed for not find his own Granny´s grave. I went to him but my son pointed his finger to empty grave and said that he is sure that its granny´s grave place. It creeps my body as I noticed empty grave stone...and don´t want to beleive it and think I could be mistake... I walk front and back with my son and repeat to look at empty grave and knew it´s her grave place. I went to my hubby and told him my suspect. My hubby said that it couldn´t be because it´s not 25 years yet and if father want the grave removal then he must inform him and his brother. (accord father´s, brother´s & hubby´s negotiation before fixed agreement contract, mother´s grave stay up to 25 years. After 25 years, father leave his decision to hubby & brother either we want to extend the agreement contract to keep mother´s grave or not.)

He came with us to mother´s grave. We accept the fact that it´s really true that mother´s grave was being removed. We were stunned. I don´t know how to describe our feeling to you... just stunned... our word can´t come out...

It´s only 13 years, not 25 years. Mother´s grave was being removed without informed my hubby. Why? We don´t know either brother was informed or not? We stared empty grave place for a while. Yes, we were very disgusit. My son called his Grandpa monster and don´t want to invite disrespectful person to his confirmation on 18th April 2010. My hubby want to go his father´s new home straight way but I stopped him and told him it´s no good and make himself worst. I advised him to calm down for a while and find any word to positive his father in firm way, not jump to bash him... I understand how my hubby feel but it´s no good to jump on his father negatively. First we need to find out the reason why he didn´t inform my hubby... and why he do that?

How you reacts when you found out that the grave of your beloved one removed without inform you?


Make short. A few months before we found out mother´s grave removal yesterday, father-in-law gave his life estate of my mother-in-law´s house property up to move out to live near his girlfriend´s apartment (accord mother´s will, hubby & brother are owner of mother´s property and give father the rights to use mother´s property as long as he is alive). We haven´t been in that house for 13 years and was shock and disgusit how dirty and damage, father cause mother´s house. We took some of stuff and found a lot photos of him and mother including their wedding photos as well... Guess what? their wedding rings as well (I mean, father´s and mother´s wedding ring). It look like that he want to forget her and leave her belongs in that house to start a new life. We want to beleive that father forget to bring photos and wedding rings with him. We put all photos, wedding rings etc together in the box and brought them to father. We noticed his "negative" impression when he saw the photos, rings, etc and said nothing. My hubby asked him, "don´t you want them? You can throw them away if you want to. Father said oh no and thanked us. After we learn about mother´s grave removal, we talked half night and remember about photos, rings, etc. We ask to ourselves why he can´t let my hubby & brother know that he won´t take care of mother´s grave anymore then we can do that ourselves?

Why? Why? Why?


Thank you for listening and support.

That's horrible. I am so sorry to hear about this, that must be very heartbreaking. Doesn't the cemetery have an office? An office building that has someone working there who keeps records of everybody's remains in each plot? The cemetery where my mother and my grandfather was buried has an office in the front part of the cemetery and because I hadn't been back to the grave since the funeral when I was 9 (I was around 20 years old when I went back) I could not remember where the plot was, so I went to the office and asked the lady there who worked where it was, she gave me a map and told me the plot number and directions, and I was able to find my mother's grave.

Now you got me thinking about my mother's grave. I hope my dad has not removed her remains from the grave. Her grave is in Milwaukee and I live in Texas and I have not visited her grave ever since I moved out of the state. I will have my childhood best friend go and check on the grave, because she still goes and visits my mother's grave from time to time, she told me that my mother was a very important part of her life so she goes and visits her grave sometimes. I will call her tomorrow and ask her to go check on it again to make sure nothing has been done to my mother's grave, or my dad and his nasty wife will have a lawsuit on his ass.

If my dad wants my mother's body removed, I hope he will at least have the decency to at least contact me and my sister and we will be more than happy to take care of it, we will pay to move my mother's casket, headstone, and her remains to either Texas or Virginia, or if that is too expensive, we will buy a new plot at the same cemetery in Wisconsin and move her casket, remains, and the headstone to that new plot but it will be under our names so no one else can mess with my mother's remains, depending on what we agree on when I go see my sister in September. We do not want my mother's remains destroyed, because there are so many people in the Deaf community who still visits her grave (she was an important part of the Deaf community back then). I think I will also call the cemetery office and ask about how long they keep remains in the plot tomorrow, so I can discuss this with my sister when I go visit her in September.

 

[LuciaDisturbed]

Is there a way for you to contact the proper authorities to investigate this? Just make sure you have photographic evidence, all the paperwork put together and in order when you do because the first thing they will ask is, are you sure this is the correct grave?

The company who removed the grave will be held responsible and may be required to move it back, tombstone and all.

Here in America instead of removing graves, most cemeteries will purchase additional land or people who have property next to the cemetery will donate part of their land for expansion.

Here, graves cannot be removed unless they have legal forms drawn up by all involved parties, and a final resting place is available.

I wish you luck in getting this sorted out, this would make me royally pissed. I have family whose graves have been in the same place for nearly 80 years, and they will remain there.

Oh thank goodness. I still will have my childhood best friend check on my mother's grave still, though, for peace of mind, especially with that cemetery scandal in Chicago recently (I grew up an hour north of Chicago).

 

[LuciaDisturbed]

We have no problem with his new life because it´s his life, not ours but we have problem is we cannot understand him for get girlfriend 6 weeks later after his wife´s funeral because they have been married for over 45 years.

I totally understand how you feel. When my mother died we moved to a new house (our uncle sold his house - it was a two family flat and our uncle and aunt lived upstairs- and mom wanted to move anyway and we had a new place already) so I was abandoned at my childhood best friend's house for a week. My friend's dad had to call my dad everyday and try to reach him because the agreement was that I was to stay for two days so I could avoid the chaos of packing and moving and stuff. But he didn't come back after two days, he didn't even call to tell him that I would be staying longer...not a peep from him. My friend's dad was about ready to call the CPS when my dad finally showed up. When he came back and picked me up and was driving me to the new house he said "I have someone I want you to meet".

Yeah, he wanted me to meet a bitchy alcoholic blond chick. My mom wasn't even cold in her grave and my dad was already banging the blond chick. He got engaged with her a month later, and she moved in with us, and at that point my dad demanded that I am to call her "mom", and within a year they got married. I was one of the bridemaids in their wedding, and we wore the ugliest dresses I have ever seen....something only a 90 year old grandmother should be wearing, not an almost 11 year old girl. I have a feeling that my dad had already been going out with her for quite a while before my mother passed away. I hate my dad's wife, and I still hate her to this day. They're still married.

I stopped calling his wife "mom" when I was 16 and realized that I had the rights not to call her "mom" since she did not deserve the title after all the shit she had done to me and my sister. We had been forced to call her "mom" and if we refused we would get hurt, physically. So when I was 16 and while in foster care we had a big blowout over that and it wasn't pretty but now my dad respects my wishes. Now I and my sister does not talk to my dad and his wife, we want nothing to do with them, we're finished with them, they can do what they want with their lives, we do not care, we are done with them because they never cared one bit for us, we were two unwanted children. We feel we have been betrayed by them. The only person that deserves the title "Mom" is our late mother, period. She earned it. End of story.