Got Disowned?

SkullChick

SkullChick

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Ok I got disowned by my dad couple weeks ago.
1 1/2 year ago my mom sat me down and tell me that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I said no I love him he's nicest person ever. Then she say ok fine but I won't be able to see him ever! And dad told me he won't let me go college, get car, get license (not even permit), won't let me move out, won't let me get hearing aid, won't let me go visit friends, won't elt me be home alone, won't let me go out, won't let me do anything until I'm 30. So I called cop to let me run away safely without any harm or anything crazy they were super pissed threatened to murder jason and all of his family, my friend picked me up with cop being there and followed us to airport to be sure my family didn't follow us. Then I stayed a night then boarded on plane to go to be with jason and ever since I'm extremely happy, I got CI, I got house, I got car, I got permit, soon will try out for license in few weeks, I gained 12 pounds (I was 80 before) I'm healthy.

1 year later my parents came to visit me supposed to be for 6 days but they left much earlier without saying thank you or goodbyes, whole time they were here they were talking about how dad beat up in bar, and tried to imply jason that he's alcoholic cuz he drank 1 beer, all stupid macho man crap to try to scare jason. So they left early. And they promised to give me money for car whenever I find one and they'll start put some money away sept of 2007 for my "car fund" and I asked in may of 2008 if they put anything aside for car because I found one car for 800 bucks and they said they'll give me 400 on may 25th and other 400 on june. So I asked again on the 25th they say nope no money so I ask dad when will I get the money I need it bad to get car registered (I ended up paying the car by myself) insured and buy crate for dog to accept job offer. Next thing I know dad disowned me because he don't want to pay me any money.

Ok I was upset, crying it for 2 weeks.
Got over it cuz I need to be strong.
Found out dad was lying and twisting the story around to everyone in my family telling them how I was the ONE that disowned everyone in family, I only cared about money, I think jason family is better than them, I don't love anyone, I didn't show up to brother's wedding because I don't care about him, think mom's worst mother ever and million other LIES about ME!

So I fought back telling them I'm innocent I didn't do any of what dad said and I didn't do anything and that its all lies.
Mom said she believed me but everything she said in letter she sent me cuz I won't answer her text messages. Is repeating same bull dad been telling everyone about.
So its soooo obvious mom took his side and believed him 100% and pointing fingers at me and my fiance jason which he had no part of any of this he was at work whole time

In letter she wrote how I'm not ready for CI, not ready for college, all stupid stuff to try control me and hold me down even being 3k miles away. How I shouldn't disown mom ryan and derek.... I DIDN'T!
There's soooo much more bull and high school immature lies and drama in all this.

So I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I still have my brothers but now I don't have ANYONE in family. I only have jason and his family now.
How do you deal with being disowned from family and telling lies about you?


Thanks I need to vent so badly.
 
wow.... just wow.... what an ugly ugly battle.... the best I can tell you is to cut off all communication with them for time being and let it cool down. You moved 3K miles away from them and I'm not sure how's your relationship with your relatives but I'm assuming you don't really care that much. If that's the case - then you should not be concerned with some family rumors and such... You can fix it later.

As long as you're happy with your fiance and his family... that's pretty much all you need for time being. Spend all your energy and time for yourself and get yourself into good position like getting a college degree and good job with good pay. Perhaps - your family will finally recognize that you are able to stand on your own feet and that you're actually competent to deal with it yourself - something that they refused to see.

meanwhile - all for best and keep your head up and grin! :cool2:
 
jiro123 said:
wow.... just wow.... what an ugly ugly battle.... the best I can tell you is to cut off all communication with them for time being and let it cool down. You moved 3K miles away from them and I'm not sure how's your relationship with your relatives but I'm assuming you don't really care that much. If that's the case - then you should not be concerned with some family rumors and such... You can fix it later.

As long as you're happy with your fiance and his family... that's pretty much all you need for time being. Spend all your energy and time for yourself and get yourself into good position like getting a college degree and good job with good pay. Perhaps - your family will finally recognize that you are able to stand on your own feet and that you're actually competent to deal with it yourself - something that they refused to see.

meanwhile - all for best and keep your head up and grin! :cool2:
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its not that I don't care I just want to have a life, be successful and I want to be with jason.
I still care about my brothers a lot but I don't know how they feel about me now with all dad's lies. My mom pfft lost respect for her totally. I might'll give her 1 last chance AFTER dad die from his diseases (he have heptatis type A and C, cirrhosis of liver and blood disease) he had 5-10 years left to live and that was 8 years ago. So should be soon. And no I won't show up to his funeral.
 
SkullChick said:
its not that I don't care I just want to have a life, be successful and I want to be with jason.
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There you go. Re-invest all the energy you used from hate and trouble into building your successful life.

SkullChick said:
I still care about my brothers a lot but I don't know how they feel about me now with all dad's lies. My mom pfft lost respect for her totally. I might'll give her 1 last chance AFTER dad die from his diseases (he have heptatis type A and C, cirrhosis of liver and blood disease) he had 5-10 years left to live and that was 8 years ago. So should be soon. And no I won't show up to his funeral.
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trust me... you do not want to go down that path even though you're very bitter at them. life's just funny and ironic. it will hurts you a lot more than it will to him.
 
jiro123 said:
trust me... you do not want to go down that path even though you're very bitter at them. life's just funny and ironic. it will hurts you a lot more than it will to him.
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He had whole life and those 8 years of being sick to try something (he didn't learn sign or ever try comunicate with me at all he act like I'm invisible all time and he told him himself in text that he don't want me in his life anymore I'm not his daughter and ryan's wife replaced me as his daughter. So forget it, and no I won't regret it. Why waste my time, money and energy on someone that don't give a flying *bleep* about me? And someone cold enough to spread a lie about me.
 
I'm sorry this happened to you...

I personally did actually 'disown' most of my family, because I am not a fascist bigot, and a lot of them happen to be. It's a bit lonely but I'd rather be lonely than associate with psychopaths.
 
I went through a similar situation, though I refer to it as burning the bridge. My parents did not accept my gf because of her active and wild nature, but she has a better personality than my whole family combined! Sorry, I will not live their conservative ways, I moved with her 1500 miles away and officially burned the bridge. At the last minute before boarding the plane, my mom stepped in and decided to keep a civil relationship between us, so I agreed. Surprisingly,, I am doing far better now than if I had listened to them, it just wasn't my calling in TX and CA. After I left, I strictly kept calls to roughly twice a year, and surprise...things started improving at a slow pace. Five years later, my gf and I flew to visit them for Christmas last year, and it turned out to be a nice holiday. However, although they are respectful and nice to my gf, they are still not approving of her as they leave her out of most communication and credit for gifts my gf has sent them. So I established a neutral sort of way of going about our lives, and my family theirs, and I also told my gf to not expect so much from them as they are still ignorant though respectful toward her. I'm now seeing if time heals more, or if more action from me will be required, but I will tell you this: its ALOT of work and thinking to balance out your relationship with your family and with Jason. Let time heal and settle the smoke, and see how to approach the next situation. I feel for ya, good luck and always remain strong both physically and mentally.
 
Sad situation, SkullChick. If I were you, I would not get involved in the continuing of this situation. After all, isn't that why you moved 3 thousand miles away? You succeeded in doing that so don't continue this fight from a distance. Just carry on and chin up!
 
SkullChick said:
He had whole life and those 8 years of being sick to try something (he didn't learn sign or ever try comunicate with me at all he act like I'm invisible all time and he told him himself in text that he don't want me in his life anymore I'm not his daughter and ryan's wife replaced me as his daughter. So forget it, and no I won't regret it. Why waste my time, money and energy on someone that don't give a flying *bleep* about me? And someone cold enough to spread a lie about me.
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Your dad is dying and he's probably just very bitter about it himself and shuts everybody out. My gf's father passed away a couple years ago - a long history of heart disease + diabete + etc. He was a dentist with tons of money but wasted it away on gambling. He was a gambling addict and caused a lot of grief to his family and that tore her family apart. It was just very bitter battle within her family and she hated him for that. he shut everybody out of his life and he was just miserable because he knew he was going to die eventually so he was on self-destruction path which led to gambling and all.

Her parents got divorced but later got back again several years later and things got better. he finally got around and gave up on gambling and things were mending between them. but unfortunately.... it was very short-lived... She thought her dad just doesn't care about her and everybody. But in the end.... when he was dying on his death bed - it's a different story. Suffice to say - there were a lot of regrets, apology, etc. I was there with them almost everyday. I liked her dad because he was a nice guy but his soul was just lost.

so yea - it's not really easy to live your life when you know you're on borrowed time. it's very depressing and you tend to go on self-destruction when things don't go your way. I think I can say that your dad is the one who is feeling hurt a lot more than you are even though he doesn't show it.

life sucks..... but for now... i think it's ok to cut all communication ties with them (except your brothers) just for time being... let it cool down... just live your life. prove them wrong. see where it goes from there. remember - parents always love their kids.. no matter what. If you're suddenly illed from some mysterious disease and the hospital can't cure you and you have 24 hours left to live... your parents will be the first to come to you without hesistation (beside jason).
 
jiro123 said:
Your dad is dying and he's probably just very bitter about it himself and shuts everybody out. My gf's father passed away a couple years ago - a long history of heart disease + diabete + etc. He was a dentist with tons of money but wasted it away on gambling. He was a gambling addict and caused a lot of grief to his family and that tore her family apart. It was just very bitter battle within her family and she hated him for that. he shut everybody out of his life and he was just miserable because he knew he was going to die eventually so he was on self-destruction path which led to gambling and all.

Her parents got divorced but later got back again several years later and things got better. he finally got around and gave up on gambling and things were mending between them. but unfortunately.... it was very short-lived... She thought her dad just doesn't care about her and everybody. But in the end.... when he was dying on his death bed - it's a different story. Suffice to say - there were a lot of regrets, apology, etc. I was there with them almost everyday. I liked her dad because he was a nice guy but his soul was just lost.

so yea - it's not really easy to live your life when you know you're on borrowed time. it's very depressing and you tend to go on self-destruction when things don't go your way. I think I can say that your dad is the one who is feeling hurt a lot more than you are even though he doesn't show it.

life sucks..... but for now... i think it's ok to cut all communication ties with them (except your brothers) just for time being... let it cool down... just live your life. prove them wrong. see where it goes from there. remember - parents always love their kids.. no matter what. If you're suddenly illed from some mysterious disease and the hospital can't cure you and you have 24 hours left to live... your parents will be the first to come to you without hesistation (beside jason).
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He been same person since he was kid. He always've been biggest a-hole and all macho racist, sexist, liar, immature and verbal abuse everyone constantly. Mom tried kill herself once and my brother too. And dad tried to kill ryan (my brother) once before he walked to closet to get gun and mom took it away and sold it to someone else.
 
SkullChick said:
He been same person since he was kid. He always've been biggest a-hole and all macho racist, sexist, liar, immature and verbal abuse everyone constantly. Mom tried kill herself once and my brother too. And dad tried to kill ryan (my brother) once before he walked to closet to get gun and mom took it away and sold it to someone else.
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Your dad threatening his own kids with arms? I draw the line at weapons use, this is pretty serious.
 
SkullChick said:
He been same person since he was kid. He always've been biggest a-hole and all macho racist, sexist, liar, immature and verbal abuse everyone constantly. Mom tried kill herself once and my brother too. And dad tried to kill ryan (my brother) once before he walked to closet to get gun and mom took it away and sold it to someone else.
Click to expand...
I'm assuming your dad has heptatis type A and C, cirrhosis of liver and blood disease since he was born. If that's the case, he probably had a miserable childhood life - like his parents dreading about it and/or treating him like an invalid... classmates avoiding him to not get infected... he was probably treated like an outcast all his life.

I don't know but thanks god your mom took the gun away and sold it. perhaps i suppose it's ok to not speak to him at all for life.... i don't know :|
 
wow.. ur dad id very very control over ur life.. but u are older, u stand up and not let him control ur life.. u have bf, and new life.. not worry abt him let him learn lesson.. dont contract them til they need learn lesson and not control u.. i am very sowwy this happen to u.. :hug:
 
SkullChick said:
Ok I got disowned by my dad couple weeks ago.
1 1/2 year ago my mom sat me down and tell me that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I said no I love him he's nicest person ever. Then she say ok fine but I won't be able to see him ever! And dad told me he won't let me go college, get car, get license (not even permit), won't let me move out, won't let me get hearing aid, won't let me go visit friends, won't elt me be home alone, won't let me go out, won't let me do anything until I'm 30. So I called cop to let me run away safely without any harm or anything crazy they were super pissed threatened to murder jason and all of his family, my friend picked me up with cop being there and followed us to airport to be sure my family didn't follow us. Then I stayed a night then boarded on plane to go to be with jason and ever since I'm extremely happy, I got CI, I got house, I got car, I got permit, soon will try out for license in few weeks, I gained 12 pounds (I was 80 before) I'm healthy.

1 year later my parents came to visit me supposed to be for 6 days but they left much earlier without saying thank you or goodbyes, whole time they were here they were talking about how dad beat up in bar, and tried to imply jason that he's alcoholic cuz he drank 1 beer, all stupid macho man crap to try to scare jason. So they left early. And they promised to give me money for car whenever I find one and they'll start put some money away sept of 2007 for my "car fund" and I asked in may of 2008 if they put anything aside for car because I found one car for 800 bucks and they said they'll give me 400 on may 25th and other 400 on june. So I asked again on the 25th they say nope no money so I ask dad when will I get the money I need it bad to get car registered (I ended up paying the car by myself) insured and buy crate for dog to accept job offer. Next thing I know dad disowned me because he don't want to pay me any money.

Ok I was upset, crying it for 2 weeks.
Got over it cuz I need to be strong.
Found out dad was lying and twisting the story around to everyone in my family telling them how I was the ONE that disowned everyone in family, I only cared about money, I think jason family is better than them, I don't love anyone, I didn't show up to brother's wedding because I don't care about him, think mom's worst mother ever and million other LIES about ME!

So I fought back telling them I'm innocent I didn't do any of what dad said and I didn't do anything and that its all lies.
Mom said she believed me but everything she said in letter she sent me cuz I won't answer her text messages. Is repeating same bull dad been telling everyone about.
So its soooo obvious mom took his side and believed him 100% and pointing fingers at me and my fiance jason which he had no part of any of this he was at work whole time

In letter she wrote how I'm not ready for CI, not ready for college, all stupid stuff to try control me and hold me down even being 3k miles away. How I shouldn't disown mom ryan and derek.... I DIDN'T!
There's soooo much more bull and high school immature lies and drama in all this.

So I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I still have my brothers but now I don't have ANYONE in family. I only have jason and his family now.
How do you deal with being disowned from family and telling lies about you?


Thanks I need to vent so badly.
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Well first of all I have to say congradulations to you and your fiance and for you to be as strong as you are. That is deffinitely a hard situation for you and I am glad you made it alright. I also was dissowned by my family because of a religious choice I made a long time ago which i changed again lol. Only difference is that my family changed their minds after a couple of years.

My advice to you is to try to find a way to contact your brothers alone and any other family you wish to talk to. Make sure they are the only ones who you talk to at first. Let them know how you feel about them and what truely is happening. I really hope that this all works out for you. And good luck with you and your Fiance.
 
jiro123 said:
I'm assuming your dad has heptatis type A and C, cirrhosis of liver and blood disease since he was born. If that's the case, he probably had a miserable childhood life - like his parents dreading about it and/or treating him like an invalid... classmates avoiding him to not get infected... he was probably treated like an outcast all his life.

I don't know but thanks god your mom took the gun away and sold it. perhaps i suppose it's ok to not speak to him at all for life.... i don't know :|
Click to expand...

No he had it for 8 years from day he found out he have it. Doctor told him he have 5-10 years left to live and it been 8 years.

Heptatis A and C is from dirty needles in tattoo or drugs he experimented he don't know. And cirrhosis of liver is from alcohol abuse. And blood disease, his body not able to regulate iron level in blood so he get so much in blood sometimes enough to set off alarm in store if he don't do phletomy (sp?)

he was smart and very popular kid until 17 years old it went downhill from there
 
This is a sticky situation. Best left alone for awhile. So sorry. I am so glad you gained wght, though. That says you are better off. Please keep eating!! :hug:
 
Everything will get better over time, just remember that

Roxbury.gif
 
oh wow what battle of your story,skullchick

i know that not easy for your family and also your fiance but i know you love your dad very much but i cant force you for battle on your own what you need for anythings.

my parents never disowned everythings at me when im grew-up and my parents got divorces when i was 9 years old and never back again ever just separation and my mom got remarried years later and my dad not get remarried.

mostly people and family always disowned and disobey at parents for more excuse as reason in private very respectively.
 
Oh Sorry about that!! also dont expect get money from parent.. just let it happen if true business that they give me money for car then great.. If not then I will back off / dont say anything to my parent... I have to work my job and earn?? :dunno2: I dont mean sound an anus ok :)

One of my cousin divoice his wife cuz his step daughter beg money money then He fed up with them! :dunno2:


Take easy and think yourself :D
 
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