Lol I'll PM you.
Though, I'll say I find the implant to be an excellent tool. Especially when I can integrate it with my Deaf identity. It's pretty nifty, actually.
I take it off when I'm with the deaf world and put it on when I'm with the hearing world.
The device helps tremendously! There are areas where the implant is especially useful. For one, it can definitely help you when you're talking to people. Some implantees never learn how to hear speech 100%, but they hear it 80% and they can pick up the rest of the details through visual cues, making for 100% effective communication. Which is exactly my case, and I've only had the thing for a few years. Not bad progress, I'd think.
Then there are those who master listening with the implant and can hear very, very effectively without reliance on cues. If you're older when you have the implant, that might not be possible because the brain learns more slowly as people age.
But you also miss a lot because your brain hasn't been trained, unless you were a hearing child and lost your hearing later. It's weird how that works.
Do you have insurance? They may cover it. There are other options too.
Hope that helps!