Getting help from friends.

[metalangel]

What I want is some way of bridging the gap between my hearing friends and me, and making them understand my problems that I may have.

You just want people to show more consideration. That doesn't mean being a carer or being 'on-call' when they're with you, it just means being sensitive to your needs.

They already hang out with you but you might need to spell it out: exactly what issues you're having with them right now, and what they'd need to remember to help out, because they might not understand or realize right now, so used are they to your boyfriend handling 'that'.

Ask him, too... it will help his current frustration you're working on this together to remove this thing that bothers the both of you, and he might have some suggestions of things you weren't aware of.

 

[lindtoholic]

Yeah, that's probably what I should have said straight up, haha! But thanks, and true... that might well work. I have yet to hear anything from him (just asked if we could talk and he hasn't seen it yet, but as it is now 10:30pm I don't want to have any conversation such as that now, so I'll give it another few days instead) but if I can get that problem removed, I will certainly try that approach

 

[Bebonang]

I just don't understand how you have been forced to be in the hearing world by your parents just to be hearing instead of hard of hearing or deaf. When you are around deaf people or hard of hearing people that you can understand, it would be a huge lift off your shoulder that you are able to understand by lipreading or using the BSL. You are forced to work hard to understand them and needed them to accommodate you like finding a room where there is light so that you can see clearly. I don't know why you have to go to clubs or other places that are hard for you to make out what they are saying. It is their hearing world and they expect you to be hearing like them. That is why I just don't understand why you have to suffer just because you are made to be in the hearing world with no BSL and no deaf people around you. I would rather be with deaf people better than hearing people if I don't understand them. I feel sorry for you when you have a problem like this.

 

[JanatheShort]

Not to be judgemental, but your group of friends don't really sound like friends at all.

You said: "Whenever confronted with having to deal with someone else's problems, a lot of people I know shy away and turn their backs on me in an instant, because they want nothing to do about it."

Really??????? I have seen random strangers be kinder than that.

Maybe instead of asking these people to understand your changing abilities... You could look for real friends?

 

[dereksbicycles]

You know, I'm deaf. My girlfriend is hearing and so is her best friend and her husband. One time, when we were taking a walk, they let me know that dog in house across street was barking. No particular reasons, but they like to tell me what is going on.

When my girlfriend and I walk my rottweiler, my girlfriend would tell, hey look, the guy over there just told me my dog was beautiful!!! Instead of making it hard, why don't they let just you know about sounds surrounding you?

 

[lindtoholic]

I just don't understand how you have been forced to be in the hearing world by your parents just to be hearing instead of hard of hearing or deaf. When you are around deaf people or hard of hearing people that you can understand, it would be a huge lift off your shoulder that you are able to understand by lipreading or using the BSL. You are forced to work hard to understand them and needed them to accommodate you like finding a room where there is light so that you can see clearly. I don't know why you have to go to clubs or other places that are hard for you to make out what they are saying. It is their hearing world and they expect you to be hearing like them. That is why I just don't understand why you have to suffer just because you are made to be in the hearing world with no BSL and no deaf people around you. I would rather be with deaf people better than hearing people if I don't understand them. I feel sorry for you when you have a problem like this.

My parents, I believe, found this to be easier for everyone in the family, as there were no real HOH groups about much when I was younger. In fact, the only people who had deafness were elderly people usually. In some ways I'm glad they raised me in such an environment, since sometimes my lack of hearing isn't quite as bad as some people have it, but then again - as you say - it would have been nice to be able to relate to someone with the same experiences as I have.

Not to be judgemental, but your group of friends don't really sound like friends at all.

You said: "Whenever confronted with having to deal with someone else's problems, a lot of people I know shy away and turn their backs on me in an instant, because they want nothing to do about it."

Really??????? I have seen random strangers be kinder than that.

Maybe instead of asking these people to understand your changing abilities... You could look for real friends?

It is something I considered, although most of the time I believe this to be because within our group, there are many sub-groups who are more interested in specific people. If you're not someone they primarily concern themselves with, then they tend to not worry so much about offering advice/support. I guess if I got to know them better again they might, but it is difficult to close in on some people. However, since posting this, one of my friends has actually been incredibly understanding about this and admitted that she had no idea about how bad things could be/have been for me (though she was also rarely with us much). So I have a bit more hope now that it's a case of just not being aware.

You know, I'm deaf. My girlfriend is hearing and so is her best friend and her husband. One time, when we were taking a walk, they let me know that dog in house across street was barking. No particular reasons, but they like to tell me what is going on.

When my girlfriend and I walk my rottweiler, my girlfriend would tell, hey look, the guy over there just told me my dog was beautiful!!! Instead of making it hard, why don't they let just you know about sounds surrounding you?

I usually don't need that level of information, but I agree it would be nice if someone could tell me if there is something I miss - say, for example, an appliance in the house going off to let me know something has finished, and I didn't hear. Or if someone was knocking on the door and I didn't hear. Similarly, in a club environment there may be things I can't see/hear happening.

Something else I just thought I'd note is that there are times when I do enjoy the 'hearing' environment - clubs, festivals and concerts. Obviously my enjoyment is dependent on having someone there who is aware of my problems, but generally speaking this hasn't been a problem before until I was either a) with people who weren't fully aware of what I required of them, or b) having to deal with additional obstacles [to take the instance of the festival I recently attended into account] which made the experience more stressful than it should have been.

 

[Bebonang]

My parents, I believe, found this to be easier for everyone in the family, as there were no real HOH groups about much when I was younger. In fact, the only people who had deafness were elderly people usually. In some ways I'm glad they raised me in such an environment, since sometimes my lack of hearing isn't quite as bad as some people have it, but then again - as you say - it would have been nice to be able to relate to someone with the same experiences as I have.


It is something I considered, although most of the time I believe this to be because within our group, there are many sub-groups who are more interested in specific people. If you're not someone they primarily concern themselves with, then they tend to not worry so much about offering advice/support. I guess if I got to know them better again they might, but it is difficult to close in on some people. However, since posting this, one of my friends has actually been incredibly understanding about this and admitted that she had no idea about how bad things could be/have been for me (though she was also rarely with us much). So I have a bit more hope now that it's a case of just not being aware.


I usually don't need that level of information, but I agree it would be nice if someone could tell me if there is something I miss - say, for example, an appliance in the house going off to let me know something has finished, and I didn't hear. Or if someone was knocking on the door and I didn't hear. Similarly, in a club environment there may be things I can't see/hear happening.

Something else I just thought I'd note is that there are times when I do enjoy the 'hearing' environment - clubs, festivals and concerts. Obviously my enjoyment is dependent on having someone there who is aware of my problems, but generally speaking this hasn't been a problem before until I was either a) with people who weren't fully aware of what I required of them, or b) having to deal with additional obstacles [to take the instance of the festival I recently attended into account] which made the experience more stressful than it should have been.

The first bold statement is what Alexander Graham Bell wanted to have hearing parents to make hard of hearing and deaf children to be like hearing people with lipreading or to hear if you have CIs. That is very cruel and bullshit. Still it is hard to understand in the family environment and not easy at all. You are going full all the way with your family. That is sad. They are not doing half way to accommodate you for communications or what you need to hear. This is forcing you to be involve in the hearing world. No other hard of hearing or deaf people around you, mostly hearing people. That is no life for the hard of hearing person like you. It is a bad obstacles that you have to go through just to struggle.

The second Bold statement is hogwash. It has nothing to do with elderly people who has lose their hearing, Uh-Uh, no. There are many of us having different degrees of hearing loss like from mild to profound hearing loss, even total deafness. You can not label elderly people for losing their hearing just because of their ages. Ha, what a laugh.

I had a mother who began to lose hearing loss, but she refuse to wear hearing aid if she wanted to hear. She did not think she had a problem with her hearing loss. My sister tried to tell her that, but she was stubborn. That was her hearing world, not our deaf world. You are making it sound like it is only for the old people, not for anyone who are born or late deafened at the early age to old age. I was born deaf. I adapted to the silence until I was almost 9 years old to have my first hearing aid (left ear-only one). So get off your bandwagon. :roll:

 

[lindtoholic]

That's true - I'm only saying what I think is the case. As for the elderly people, actually - no. That was true for where I was. I live in a small town, and there were no other hearing impaired or deaf individuals who lived in my area aside from people who were over the age of 60. For a child of less than 10 years of age, I had no way of communicating on the same level with these people. I was actually talking very specifically about my area in terms of who was around my area - I have already had a course in my psychology degree about deafness and how it can happen, and I am fully aware of how it comes about.

I appreciate your statements about what I have experienced, but the fact of the matter is that I have had to go through that because where I live is likely to be very different to your area. I have no real method of interacting with people who are deaf where I am, that is a fact, not an opinion.

I am also not saying it is just for old people - I am aware that is very much not the case. You have just taken everything I have said, and made it into something COMPLETELY off topic. If you wish to discuss this topic with me, and criticise my parents to me, do so privately and not on this thread please. This is NOT what my topic was about.

Oh, and for the record: there is no bandwagon here. I was stating it from EXPERIENCE ONLY. If you do not like that, do not comment. Thank you.

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