DrPepperWizz
New Member
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2008
- Messages
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HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (lovers of cryptic words)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger....Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was
.....resisting a rest
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
.....He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was..... Sir
Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and.....got a little
behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is.....pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes.....take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was.....a small,
medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got.....twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.....he became a
hardened
criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged
with.....stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they
always.....multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles.....U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.....he did a
number
on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes.....was on
shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free.....of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could.....jog your
memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought.....tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone.....it is two tired.
A will is a..... dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow.....fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes.....inverse.
In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.....in feudalism, it's
your
Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road is.....poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get.....repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name.....and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft.....and I'll show you
A-flat
miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back......four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was.....fully
recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France.....resulting in
Linoleum
Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt.....if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia.....The LAN down under.
He broke into song because.....he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are.....numbered.
A lot of money is tainted.....'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is.....hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory.....which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of.....flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches.....will be exposed in the
end.
When you've seen one shopping center.....you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge.....you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair.....she thought she'd
dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes.....on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are.....subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture.....a jab well done.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger....Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was
.....resisting a rest
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
.....He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was..... Sir
Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and.....got a little
behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is.....pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes.....take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was.....a small,
medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got.....twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.....he became a
hardened
criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged
with.....stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they
always.....multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles.....U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.....he did a
number
on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes.....was on
shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free.....of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could.....jog your
memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought.....tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone.....it is two tired.
A will is a..... dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow.....fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes.....inverse.
In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.....in feudalism, it's
your
Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road is.....poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get.....repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name.....and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft.....and I'll show you
A-flat
miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back......four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was.....fully
recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France.....resulting in
Linoleum
Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt.....if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia.....The LAN down under.
He broke into song because.....he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are.....numbered.
A lot of money is tainted.....'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is.....hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory.....which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of.....flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches.....will be exposed in the
end.
When you've seen one shopping center.....you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge.....you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair.....she thought she'd
dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes.....on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are.....subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture.....a jab well done.
