Found Long Lost Biological Son (i think)....

[WhiteWolves64]

You can tell WW your opinion, but making arguement with him on his own thread about him finding his own biological son, which are very personally, are not very nice.



Being honestly, your "she" which reffering to WW are giving me the confusing which you are reffering to Cheri or him. But, anyway, it is 20, TWENTY, years ago, and it's time to get over with it. I know it's not easy, but past is past, there is nothing we can do about it. I appluase him that he want to see his biological son, a sold son, he must be brave doing that. If he was me, I would be very afraid to see my sold son, I never know how my son would feel about me being transgender and having him knowing that I sold him, which I am sure that WW have been regrets and possible of traumaic depression about his son for many years.

Please keep avoid from his personally life, let him tell us about his updates. If we want to ask him question, it's his right to answer, I am sure Cheri don't expect to take the arguement with WW, I am sure Cheri just want to know by asking him question. If I were you, I would just read his post and reply nothing ratherly than taking arguement with him. You are making it seem like you are dragging him away from tell us his story about his son.

Plus, please respect him, reffer him as "he, him, his", you are discriminating against him.

for support our cause!!! PuyoPiyo

A birth mother can receive money to cover expenses and not be "paid" or "sell" her child or break a law.

From Adoption.Com: State Regulation of Adoption Expenses

Approximately 45 States, American Samoa, and the Northern Mariana Islands have statutes that specify the type of birth parent expenses a prospective adoptive family is allowed to pay. The actual dollar amount is usually limited by the standard of "reasonable and customary."

The types of expenses most commonly allowed by statute include:
* Maternity-related medical and hospital costs
* Temporary living expenses of the mother during pregnancy
* Counseling fees
* Attorney and legal fees; guardian ad litem fees
* Travel costs, meals and lodging when necessary for court appearances; or accessing services
* Foster care for the child, when necessary

Approximately eight States specify expenses that the adoptive parent is not permitted to pay. Certain costs such as educational expenses, vehicles, vacations, permanent housing, or any other payment for the monetary gain of the birth parent often are excluded.

Approximately 17 States specify that payments for the birth mother’s living expenses or psychological counseling may not extend beyond a set time period, which can range from as little as 30 days to as long as 6 weeks after the child’s birth.

In a few States, the payment of expenses may not exceed a set dollar amount, unless the court grants an exception. Iowa allows postplacement counseling for 60 days but limits payment of living expenses to 30 days. New York limits payment of living expenses to 60 days prior to the child’s birth and 30 days after. Oklahoma allows payments for postplacement counseling for up to 6 months but limits other expenses to 2 months beyond placement.

In other States, the statutes do not specify the types of expenses that are not allowed but do include language indicating that any expense not expressly permitted by law or considered by the court to be unreasonable cannot be paid by the adoptive parents.

WhiteWolves probably wanted support for reuniting his son with this thread. Maybe we should only post support or not post at all or WhiteWolves should ask the thread be closed. I wanted to give information about money to birth mothers and now I won't reply again unless support.

The thread now seems painful to everyone.

This post you posted that is very true that we have been through like that in little more than 20 years ago and appreciate your support this for us Kaitin

 

[Cheri]

Kaitin,

He gave up his son at 7 and half months old. It doesn't meet those requirements that you posted, the agencies offer full range of services before, during and after birth not 7 months and half months old. those payments are for legal, medical, and other bills.

beside there are some states that specifically forbid adopted parents to provide money to the birth parents. It's varies on each state laws.

 

[Reba]

I think the bottom line should be what is in the best interest of the son now. Would revealing to him the circumstances of his birth and adoption benefit the son in any way? Or would it hurt him? What is the goal of reuniting? Is it to benefit the son, or to satisfy the birth parents? Which is more important?

That's something WW needs to honestly confront, analyze and decide.

WW is older and hopefully wiser now than 22 years ago.

 

[shel90]

In addition to Reba's post, I just wanted to suggest to think about not posting your son's real name and location until after a relationship has been established and he has granted permission. Some people value their privacy.

Good luck!

 

[KarissaMann05]

honsetly, I was totally speechless for a couple of days while I read it here.. VERY SPEECHLESS, yet it hurt my feeling.. But, it's old news right?

I actually glad that you give your children to new family. That's really matter at all. Hey.. it's all right. You should happy that you found your son! Dont keep your regert for that reason, WW, I'm assure that your son will forgive you somehow, epsecially the second child.

I assure they will forgive you. Just stay positive, can ya?

Give you a hearty

 

[Oddball]

WhiteWolves,

I understood how difficult for you both in the past as you both gave away two sons to good families. I believe that $5,000 in compensation for the services you had for adoptive/foster parents before you gave up your second son.

I hope both of sons will understand and forgive you both as well as accept you both. You both are in my prayers and thoughts.

 

[Eve]

STOP CALLING ME SHE ANYMORE!!!!!! Right now i am HE!!!!!!!! Do u uddy that??? How much more pity do you need from us???? You poor baby!!!!! I pity you fool (EVE) like Mr. T said!!!!!

LMAO you’re so silly

Being honestly, your "she" which reffering to WW are giving me the confusing which you are reffering to Cheri or him.

I was actually referring to Cheri in that statement. But to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to refer to WW.

And for the record, Cheri is right.

 

[Maria]

This thread is very touchy issue. I really can't judge WW for his decision 20 years ago. He was just young back then. Every person has their own mistake as well and learn from it to make it better decision in years later when a person matures. You really can not say that this person is bad person just because he or she sells their babies or what ever that make this person do it. I had my own share when I think about the past and how I truly wish that I would fix all the problems to make them better - but, no it will not work that way. The only way is to fix is : Me - I have to change my ways and make it work better by workin' things out. Time always takin' time and give it more time to think things over. It takes time. I know it is not easy to make a decision at a time like this when somethin' comes wrong time. We have to expect " wrong time " when somethin' happens that don't work very well. Every person has to face difficult times and we can't expect it to be perfect. We LEARN new things everyday.

WW, I am glad you found your son thru MySpace. Congratulations !

 

[KarissaMann05]

LMAO you’re so silly

I was actually referring to Cheri in that statement. But to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to refer to WW.

And for the record, Cheri is right.

STOP IT ALREADY, please.. He dont needs a negative comment from you, he just needs is supportive.

Just drop it off.

 

[WhiteWolves64]

In addition to Reba's post, I just wanted to suggest to think about not posting your son's real name and location until after a relationship has been established and he has granted permission. Some people value their privacy.

Good luck!

Shel

I think the bottom line should be what is in the best interest of the son now. Would revealing to him the circumstances of his birth and adoption benefit the son in any way? Or would it hurt him? What is the goal of reuniting? Is it to benefit the son, or to satisfy the birth parents? Which is more important?

That's something WW needs to honestly confront, analyze and decide.

WW is older and hopefully wiser now than 22 years ago.

Yeah we are much older and wiser than 22 yrs ago!! Reba for supporting us

honsetly, I was totally speechless for a couple of days while I read it here.. VERY SPEECHLESS, yet it hurt my feeling.. But, it's old news right?

I actually glad that you give your children to new family. That's really matter at all. Hey.. it's all right. You should happy that you found your son! Dont keep your regert for that reason, WW, I'm assure that your son will forgive you somehow, epsecially the second child.

I assure they will forgive you. Just stay positive, can ya?

Give you a hearty

Mann and yeah we are staying postive!!!

WhiteWolves,

I understood how difficult for you both in the past as you both gave away two sons to good families. I believe that $5,000 in compensation for the services you had for adoptive/foster parents before you gave up your second son.

I hope both of sons will understand and forgive you both as well as accept you both. You both are in my prayers and thoughts.

Yeah we are hoping that our sons will understand our situation and accepting us as transgender parents as well!!! And Oddball for the prayers and thoughts!!!

This thread is very touchy issue. I really can't judge WW for his decision 20 years ago. He was just young back then. Every person has their own mistake as well and learn from it to make it better decision in years later when a person matures. You really can not say that this person is bad person just because he or she sells their babies or what ever that make this person do it. I had my own share when I think about the past and how I truly wish that I would fix all the problems to make them better - but, no it will not work that way. The only way is to fix is : Me - I have to change my ways and make it work better by workin' things out. Time always takin' time and give it more time to think things over. It takes time. I know it is not easy to make a decision at a time like this when somethin' comes wrong time. We have to expect " wrong time " when somethin' happens that don't work very well. Every person has to face difficult times and we can't expect it to be perfect. We LEARN new things everyday.

WW, I am glad you found your son thru MySpace. Congratulations !

Thanks Maria!!!!

STOP IT ALREADY, please.. He dont needs a negative comment from you, he just needs is supportive.

Just drop it off.

and supporting our cause Mann!!!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

You're right, I didn't notice. This story is so confusing I missed that point. I thought I read 14 years somewhere.

WW mentioned in his post #10 that he contact his son's adoptive parent for a first time after 14 years no contact.

Well, I guess it's totally up to the young man to decide whether or not he wants contact.

Yeah

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Actually, we already knew what her reasoning was because WW had already posted that she had received payment for her child. Cheri just asked for clarification, because she was hoping (as we all were) that she had misread or misunderstood and that WW hadn’t actually done what she did. WW made many excuses for her behavior 20 years ago, and never actually admitted that it was a mistake until several of us became enraged by her admission.

All what I see is WW asked us for support him to wish him best of good luck for reunite with his son in his first thread here, that's all. He didn't even rant or vent how foolish he was etc until Cheri questioned him. WW answered Cheri's question voluntarily. Cheri did remind him to not have to answer her question if he feel her question is too personal. It shows that WW KNOW what he did wrong and admit everything. He explained why he has to force to sell his son to adoptive parents and then accept his knowledge that he made a mistake. He did said that he hope his son will forgive him.

Remember, it belongs past. Everyone make mistakes.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

This thread is very touchy issue. I really can't judge WW for his decision 20 years ago. He was just young back then. Every person has their own mistake as well and learn from it to make it better decision in years later when a person matures. You really can not say that this person is bad person just because he or she sells their babies or what ever that make this person do it. I had my own share when I think about the past and how I truly wish that I would fix all the problems to make them better - but, no it will not work that way. The only way is to fix is : Me - I have to change my ways and make it work better by workin' things out. Time always takin' time and give it more time to think things over. It takes time. I know it is not easy to make a decision at a time like this when somethin' comes wrong time. We have to expect " wrong time " when somethin' happens that don't work very well. Every person has to face difficult times and we can't expect it to be perfect. We LEARN new things everyday.

WW, I am glad you found your son thru MySpace. Congratulations !

 

[Liebling:-)))]

But, anyway, it is 20, TWENTY, years ago, and it's time to get over with it. I know it's not easy, but past is past, there is nothing we can do about it.

Right

I appluase him that he want to see his biological son, a sold son, he must be brave doing that. If he was me, I would be very afraid to see my sold son, I never know how my son would feel about me being transgender and having him knowing that I sold him, which I am sure that WW have been regrets and possible of traumaic depression about his son for many years.

I can understand what you mean but I think WW doing right to face something no matter what then he will feel good and free from guilty inside himself and will know what he stand and has to accept if his son forgive him or not. It's up to his son. All what I do is wish him best of good luck reunion with his son.

Yes it's better to face something and then get over than keep boil guilty inside to make sick yourself.

 

[Reba]

Yeah we are much older and wiser than 22 yrs ago!! Reba for supporting us

I just want to clarify some things.

I don't support the sale of babies for adoption.

I don't support contacting adoptees just to satisfy the birth parents.

I support moving on from past mistakes, ONLY IF the past mistakes have been confronted, admitted (not necessarily publicly), and repented. If a person doesn't come to grips and bluntly admit to himself without excuses or justifications that the action was wrong, then that "mistake" has not been overcome. If one continues in life to follow the same course without changing then nothing has been learned from the past.

Immaturity might be a factor in bad decision making but it is NOT an excuse.

I hope you think looooong, deep, and hard before deciding to contact your birth son. Truthfully, will contact between the two of you improve his life? Or will it hurt him? Be honest.

Have you been in contact with any birth parent support groups who can give you the benefit of their experiences, or did you get professional counseling? Making some efforts in that direction could be a sign that you are sincere.

 

[moonflower]

hey whitewolves i am glad that you found your real son
i hope this reuinon will come up soon

smile

 

[Phillips]

:| so Hope The boy will be forgiving you!

 

[Eve]

Good post Reba!

 

[Cheri]

Good post Reba!

second that.

 

[Maria]

I just want to clarify some things.

I don't support the sale of babies for adoption.

I don't support contacting adoptees just to satisfy the birth parents.

I support moving on from past mistakes, ONLY IF the past mistakes have been confronted, admitted (not necessarily publicly), and repented. If a person doesn't come to grips and bluntly admit to himself without excuses or justifications that the action was wrong, then that "mistake" has not been overcome. If one continues in life to follow the same course without changing then nothing has been learned from the past.

Immaturity might be a factor in bad decision making but it is NOT an excuse.

I hope you think looooong, deep, and hard before deciding to contact your birth son. Truthfully, will contact between the two of you improve his life? Or will it hurt him? Be honest.

Have you been in contact with any birth parent support groups who can give you the benefit of their experiences, or did you get professional counseling? Making some efforts in that direction could be a sign that you are sincere.

Reba, it's okay to let him to contact his son as long as he learns the hard way by acceptin' what is goin' to come to him from his long lost son. His son might ask him some questions that WW will face. Just let WW learn. If, there's no honest answer from him to the son that the son wants to hear, then it is up to the son to draw the line by not wantin' to contact or see his biological father ever again. That's the son's decision to do so since the father wants to contact him. It's okay to learn the hard way if, this should happen. It's all about life.