Foster care and deafness

I

inmate23

Active Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2009
Messages
1,033
Reaction score
11
If you are a foster parent or former/current foster kid what do you think of the system?

How does the system address your needs if at all.
 
:hmm: Good Question, one I have often pondered before. I hope someone will have experience with this and respond.
 
I (along with my ex-husband) was a foster parent for several years about 15 years ago. Because the both of us are deaf, the county we were licensed in placed us only with deaf children or children of deaf parents (because they could sign.) It wasn't easy for reasons I can't really go into here (confidentiality purposes), but it was worth trying. We eventually moved to another county that we weren't licensed in so we stopped at that time.
 
I've learned that if the child has any type of special circumstances~deaf, blind, physically handicapped... we as foster parents have to advocate for the kids to get what thay need most. The state workers are overworked, underpaid and often times not trained well enough...

So far I've had good luck with MOST of the workers I've dealt with so far... but I also treat every baby that coems thru my home as if they were mine and fight to get them what they need.

So to hopefully answer your question, we're offered early intervention, state medicaid, and a few other outside resources to help our deaf children...
 
inmate23 said:
If you are a foster parent or former/current foster kid what do you think of the system?

How does the system address your needs if at all.
Click to expand...

This is a pretty sensitive subject for me but I think this is important that people be aware that this type of situation does happen.

As a former foster child who is also Deaf, I can tell you that the system is just really terrible and a lot of changes needs to be done to improve the system. When your parents decides they no longer wants you and gives you up to the state (as was my case) or you are in a situation that warrants the state taking you away from your parents and if you are Deaf or a special needs child, the state usually dumps you at an orphanage-type foster placement and leaves you there for really long periods of times with no accessibility and a lot of isolation (being at an "orphanage" usually means you don't have much access to the outside world beyond the placement), and when you request an interpreter for during the day for the school at the placement, they deny you one every single time. This actually happened to me, I was at that placement for three years, I kept asking for an interpreter for during the day in class at that placement, and I was always denied. Due to being in the foster care system I was automatically provided with a "foster care lawyer" when I first entered the system at age 13, so in the end I took the place to court, and the judge ordered the place to hire an interpreter for me, unfortunately, that was near the end of my stay at the placement, so going to court probably was a waste of time as I was only there for a few more months with the interpreter, it would have been better to send me to an appropriate foster family who knew ASL and/or are Deaf in the first place, or even a hearing foster family with no ASL instead of an "orphanage", but I was real tired of no communication and being completely isolated so I was glad to have an interpreter. Also, foster families that knows ASL or are Deaf are very very very few and very far in between, even here in the USA. Shortly after that, I was sent to a foster family where the foster dad (who passed away a few years ago) was Deaf and so was 2 of their 5 children. I didn't stay there for very long, as my needs had changed (needing to be in a larger city with more accessibility as I was nearing the age of 18 and nearing the need to learn independent living skills, etc) and so I somehow got lucky and within a few weeks after moving to a different placement they found another family where one of the parents is Deaf, and I went there, I simply got lucky because my social worker just happened to meet the Deaf foster mother while registering me to enroll at the local public school when I moved to the new (and nicer)placement, and it turned out the Deaf parent had known me as a young child and was my late mother's friend and she knew what I had been through and wanted to seize the opportunity to take me in, so she offered to take me in, however, it took several weeks for the state to license her so that she could legally take me in. But between those placements I was in a whole series of really terrible foster homes where no one signed, and in one foster home, both the parents were from Norway or something and spoke NO English so it was even impossible to even use paper and pen as I knew no Norwegian or whatever language they were speaking.

95% or more of the time the foster system just does not address your needs as a Deaf child and finds it is a pain in the ass to even try to, so they just dump you in an "orphanage" type of place and forget about you until you turn 18 and then kick you out, or earlier if you get lucky and get a social worker or an advocate who actually cares. I went through maybe 10 social workers in the 5 years I was in the system. Only one social worker actually cared and actually advocated, the rest either did not care or told me I was being "unreasonable" when I asked to be sent to live with my older cousin and her husband in Hawaii who actually knows ASL and had a very stable environment and was old enough to be my parents and who would be willing to pay ANY and ALL of my expenses of moving to Hawaii and even any foster care - related expenses plus her husband at the time was in the Navy so all living expenses and even a lot of other things would be taken care of and the state wouldn't most likely have to pay for anything anymore (My cousin actually told me she would take me in for sure if they would let her - she actually fought with the social workers, the state, and the court system to get them to send me to her but everyone refused - simply because it was "out of state"). The social worker who actually cared was the LAST social worker I had, and the only one who actually did the dirty work to get me out of that orphanage-type place and to place me in an more appropriate foster home - and ever since I have been more than thankful and grateful for her. When I was in the orphanage-type placement I felt extremely isolated as it was in a small town and the entire three years I was there I never met another Deaf person ever, and all the staff only knew some minimal fingerspelling, and 99% of communication was done with a paper and a pen. And the environment there was hectic and toxic and absolutely no peace nor stability there. I could write a book about all kinds of shit that I witnessed there. There were about 40 children there between the age of 6 and 18. Most of the staff there are only there for the wages. The quality of the education at the school at the placement was really inappropriate - 13 years old doing the schoolwork meant for a first grader. The schoolwork was such a joke that I simply refused to do anything in class as I felt it was a waste of my time (why do 2+2=4 when I could do way better than that as a 13 years old?) and simply buried myself in all the novels I could get my hands on during all my waking hours just to escape the reality of the toxic environment there. At that age, I would be better off reading age-appropriate novels than to do schoolwork meant for a 6 years old, as I was already doing schoolwork meant for a 9th grader before I entered the foster care system, anyway. Some of the children there had severe behavioral problems (not all of the children there do, but the social workers are often overloaded with too many children on their caseloads and not enough time and half the time the social workers just does not care and will dump them at orphanage-types of placements just so they don't have to think about them and dump their responsibilities onto the staff at such placements) so I often would witness some of them having very physical explosions or attacking staff and other children and the scary subsequent interventions by the staff there and it gets very scary at times, and was painful to watch. Sometimes the interventions were unnecessary, like for when a child was cussing, or rolling his/her eyes. The staff do it because they enjoy how it feels to have all the power (I saw that in their faces). Some of the other children also had developmental disabilities and they had been there at the placement since they were small and would actually stay there until they reached 18 (often 10+ years or more - I saw a 16 years old girl there who had been there since she was 6) and then automatically be moved to state institutions for the rest of their lives once they reach 18 years old - nothing is done to help them learn skills so that they could learn to function in the outside world and to teach them to socialize. The rest were mostly foster children with no special needs at all but the state just doesn't have anywhere to put them as there are not enough appropriate foster homes to go around and the state also doesn't care so the state just dumps them at the placement and they forget about them for years and years. At the placement, nothing is done to help the children with behavioral problems or to help the children with developmental disabilities, and they also don't do anything to challenge the children without special needs (education-wise) or to even teach them independent living skills for when they turn 18 and gets kicked out of the system and the social workers do not even attempt to search for more appropriate foster homes for the non-special needs children in the meantime, they just give up on all the children, it is a permanent placement, and there is not very much to do there at the placement that can make productive time of the children being there (activities, physical age or mental age-appropriate education, living skills, exercise, etc...). The quality of life at the placement is just terrible - as a foster child you just have to bide your time there until you reach 18 years old, and there is NO freedom, and plenty of boredom and a lot of unnecessary havoc. The staff there just sit there and gossip among themselves and completely ignore all the children until something happens and then they jump up and intervene, but once an episode is over they go back and gossip amongst themselves and all the children are pretty much ignored. There was a lot of neglect going on. Turnover among the staff being hired there is very high, I have almost never saw a staff last a month there, some staff often quit when they realize how toxic the environment is, or they realize that they can't do anything about the neglect or the abuse going on and have ethical issues about it, or sometimes because they end up getting injured while intervening, or because they have found a better job, or any other number of reasons. Many of the staff were quite abusive, verbally, physically, and sexually, to the children there. Children have absolutely NO protection nor any advocates there. There is hardly any positive interaction between the children and the staff there, any interactions are usually negative ones, such as when a child flies off the handle for whatever reason and the staff intervenes, or the staff decides to pick on one of the children, or actually goad other children into harming or teasing one child in particular. Some of the children sometimes hurt other children or do things to them, like this girl, she was about 17 at the time, she stuffed my roommate, who was then 14, into a locker (I wasn't in my room at that time) and then locked her in there. When the placement realized my roommate was missing, there was a widespread panic amongst the staff, and they searched everywhere for her, thinking she had run away. They eventually found her in the locker after about an hour. I didn't realize she was in the locker until the panic had ensued as I was not in the room at the time when the 17 year old did this (being Deaf I relied on reading the body language and actions of other people to understand what is going on around me) and afterwards one of the teenagers explained to me why there was such a panic. And oftentimes I would witness this same 17 years old girl jumping other girls for absolutely no reason, she just enjoyed hurting others to feel powerful, and this was frightening at times. To this day I still have nightmares about that place. Also, there was hardly any opportunities to socialize as about 75% of the children there either had such severe behavioral issues that I was afraid to go near them (I remember a girl who would harm anyone within arm's length at every opportunity just simply because she enjoyed doing that) or they had developmental disabilities, so there were very few teenagers my age who I could socialize with on my age level. To this day I wish that the state would shut that place down forever, as it was detrimental to all children's quality of lives there, and there was so much abuse and neglect there. I remember one staff member there that would "discipline" any children even for the most minor infractions, even for rolling your eyes, or even for nothing. I was very frightened of him, the way he disciplined was VERY physically abusive, and I did not want him anywhere near me so I hid in my room during the shifts that he worked, to avoid making even the simplest infractions in front of him that would result in his abuse. He used to work at a juvenile detention center, and he was in the Army, but the place I was in was just a simple "orphanage" type of place therefore his actions were very unnecessary - his actions were to intentionally harm the children, not to intervene. He got away with everything he did, he never ever was fired. I could tell he loved having all the power, judging by the way he looked and his actions, I believe he was a sadist or something like that. The day I was moved to a new foster home I was so glad, I didn't like being scared shitless 24/7.

So, all in all, if you are a Deaf foster child, you are pretty much fucked until you reach age 18. The state just doesn't care.

I am now 28 years old and it has been 10 years since I have left the foster care system, and I love every minute of my independence, and am extremely grateful for each day I have where I do not have to witness such atrocious situations or be part of such situations. I appreciate having an apartment of my own in which I know I will be safe, where no one can harm me, having a safe space of my own, an environment of which I can control what happens (such as I can kick someone who I feel is not safe out). Due to my experiences in the foster care system, I find that having a "safe space" is pretty important to me as I can control what happens in my own apartment. Feeling safe is a very important thing for me, I get very anxious if I am aware of an unsafe situation. If I am at a mall or on the bus or some other place and I see a parent yelling at a child, I get nervous and hope that the parent isn't going to hit the child. I don't like fighting, and do not like witnessing arguments or fights. If I see a fight or an argument about to occur, I leave the situation because those situations make me feel not safe. If someone hits me, I end the friendship with that person immediately. I will not deal with people who are physically or mentally abusive towards others. I know it sounds childish, but I avoid abusive situations and "unsafe" situations at all costs. That's what living in such a toxic environment as a foster child for three years can do to you.

Seriously, the foster care system needs a complete overhaul and revamp. Big time. But it would cost a very large amount of time and there are simply not enough people who are properly trained to do this. The foster care system is very broken. I would not be satisfied with just simple small fixes here and there - we need to throw pretty much everything out and start all over again with new ideas and many changes implemented and a serious revamp of the ethics among social workers and foster care parents and workers. They need to get creative and there needs to be better rules and regulations and requirements. Yes, I do agree that many foster care parents and foster care workers and social workers are overworked and underpaid, but there are also foster parents and foster care workers and social workers that either don't care or have given up after working in such a broken system for so long, that they have become apathetic. Also, there is a very high rate of burnout in the social worker field as well, which is another reason why the system is so broken. There is a hell of a lot I have to say on the broken foster care system, that it would turn into novel.

It's almost 7 am and I really need to go to bed, I'm starting to get a headache. I'll be back later.
 
inmate23 said:
If you are a foster parent or former/current foster kid what do you think of the system?

How does the system address your needs if at all.
Click to expand...

I was former foster child. I was under two different foster system, one in California and One under Florida. What i actually think of the system. They help when they can especially hearing aids mostly and about three-fourth of the time. Although we had other services available at time. I would say that they help me pretty much service and such. Foods, medical supplies, others things like hearing aids which i damage a lot. :lol: until i turn 17 years old. i kinda took responsiblity of my own. System serve each foster child differently depending on their need. That what i usually find.
 
Adamsmomma said:
I've learned that if the child has any type of special circumstances~deaf, blind, physically handicapped... we as foster parents have to advocate for the kids to get what thay need most. The state workers are overworked, underpaid and often times not trained well enough...

So far I've had good luck with MOST of the workers I've dealt with so far... but I also treat every baby that coems thru my home as if they were mine and fight to get them what they need.

So to hopefully answer your question, we're offered early intervention, state medicaid, and a few other outside resources to help our deaf children...
Click to expand...

Thank you for doing what you do. Good foster parents like you are very few and far in between, like I said earlier. Don't even give up on anyone, please. One thing that foster children need the most is a safe and stable environment where they are not scared and plenty of communication. Make them feel comfortable when they first arrive at your place, and ALWAYS keep communication open.
 
My mum is a foster parent and after a year she is only just really getting proper help, support and advice!
The system does need to improve and schools and local authoritys need to give these foster children a hell of a lot more support at school and also emotional support, also explain to children what is going on.As they are aware that something is happening but with guidance and explanation they can be involved in their own process of going through the system.
 
LuciaDisturbed said:
when I asked to be sent to live with my older cousin and her husband in Hawaii who actually knows ASL and had a very stable environment and was old enough to be my parents and who would be willing to pay ANY and ALL of my expenses of moving to Hawaii and even any foster care - related expenses plus her husband at the time was in the Navy so all living expenses and even a lot of other things would be taken care of and the state wouldn't most likely have to pay for anything anymore (My cousin actually told me she would take me in for sure if they would let her - she actually fought with the social workers, the state, and the court system to get them to send me to her but everyone refused - simply because it was "out of state").
Click to expand...

I'm sorry you had to go through all that hell. It sounds like a really terrible place. I'm also sorry they didn't let your cousin take you in.
 
I am a former foster kid just got out.

I have cerebral palsy my needs are I use a wheelchair but can walk, cant do pc safely, cant walk upstairs
PTSD cant get out of bed somedays, verbral outbusts, flashbacks,
deafness audio processing disorder cant lipread, preferred sign (part of the reason I was in care)

How New Zealand Child, Youth and Family deal with these needs all put on court plan:

Put me in house after house with stairs did nothing about my pc
refuse to pay for meds get mental health to say that I dont need meds rung my doc and asked that she stop giving them to me my doc was paying for my meds
Social worker give me dumb look when I said I was getting aids none of my caregivers knew sign and some went as far as to ask me not to sign and the only place I should at was deaf youth group and deaf club refused to pay for new aids when coke and raspberry got poured them in group home
 
inmate23 said:
I am a former foster kid just got out.

I have cerebral palsy my needs are I use a wheelchair but can walk, cant do pc safely, cant walk upstairs
PTSD cant get out of bed somedays, verbral outbusts, flashbacks,
deafness audio processing disorder cant lipread, preferred sign (part of the reason I was in care)

How New Zealand Child, Youth and Family deal with these needs all put on court plan:

Put me in house after house with stairs did nothing about my pc
refuse to pay for meds get mental health to say that I dont need meds rung my doc and asked that she stop giving them to me my doc was paying for my meds
Social worker give me dumb look when I said I was getting aids none of my caregivers knew sign and some went as far as to ask me not to sign and the only place I should at was deaf youth group and deaf club refused to pay for new aids when coke and raspberry got poured them in group home
Click to expand...

That's terrible!

I feel bad for you. Unfortunately I know nothing about how the New Zealand foster system works, so I am not sure how I can help you. Maybe others can chime in. I grew up in foster care in the USA so I only know how the USA foster system works, not how the system works in other countries. Are there any advocate groups in your country? Could you get in touch with them? They might be able to help you. I hope you get what you need. And as for using sign language, I believe you do have the right to use sign language no matter what country you are in...don't listen to what anyone tells you. If you feel that sign is the most effective form of communication for you, then use it regardless of what people tell you....they are not in your shoes therefore they have no idea how effective sign is for you, they have not experienced firsthand what you have been through so they have absolutely no idea how to meet your needs. They sound real ignorant to me. I am sorry you have to deal with that shit. Please hang in there, OK?

Good luck!
 
inmate,

Just wanted to say that it sounds like you've been through alot. :hug:

I have PTSD myself, so I can relate to you as far as that is concerned.

As for what Lucia has told you, I agree 100%. If you want to communicate in sign, you have every right to.

I wish you luck as well. :)
 
inmate23 said:
I am a former foster kid just got out.

I have cerebral palsy my needs are I use a wheelchair but can walk, cant do pc safely, cant walk upstairs
PTSD cant get out of bed somedays, verbral outbusts, flashbacks,
deafness audio processing disorder cant lipread, preferred sign (part of the reason I was in care)

How New Zealand Child, Youth and Family deal with these needs all put on court plan:

Put me in house after house with stairs did nothing about my pc
refuse to pay for meds get mental health to say that I dont need meds rung my doc and asked that she stop giving them to me my doc was paying for my meds
Social worker give me dumb look when I said I was getting aids none of my caregivers knew sign and some went as far as to ask me not to sign and the only place I should at was deaf youth group and deaf club refused to pay for new aids when coke and raspberry got poured them in group home
Click to expand...

I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through. (hugs)
What do you mean by pc?
 
it would have been better to send me to an appropriate foster family who knew ASL and/or are Deaf in the first place, or even a hearing foster family with no ASL instead of an "orphanage",
Click to expand...
Or even as a res schooler....I honestly think that all the states need to utilize the res schools for the various and sundry sensory disabilites as a first resort placement.
And Lucia.....that's a really interesting story...You should write it!!!!! Then that way maybe the system could be reformed.
 
Ive just turned 17 freedom age in Nz.
Res school well they dont want me but through deaf youth group that they do take foster kids.
 
deafdyke said:
Or even as a res schooler....I honestly think that all the states need to utilize the res schools for the various and sundry sensory disabilites as a first resort placement.
And Lucia.....that's a really interesting story...You should write it!!!!! Then that way maybe the system could be reformed.
Click to expand...

No way, I hate residential schools. Do you even know what residential schools are like (not the deaf ones)? I am against residential schools (I don't mean the state schools for the Deaf or the fancy private boarding schools that rich families send their children to), I'm referring to the shitty residential schools that are contracted by the state that the state likes to dump foster children in when there's nowhere else to put the foster kids. Residential schools are often used as "orphanages" but they operate them in an institutional way. They take your freedom away. The staff there get to control you in every aspect of your life. They control what you eat, when you eat, when you pee and when you shit, even what you wear, etc. They take away all your rights. They treat you like shit. They have no heart. I don't even want to tell you what they do to you if you flip someone off. It'll give you nightmares. They don't care if someone is abusing you there both physically and sexually. Our voices are never heard. I prefer just a regular foster home (even if there is no ASL) and just going to school during the day only either at the state school for the deaf (as a day student) or to a hearing school with a DHH program or even just an interpreter. DeafDyke, I bet you have no idea what really goes on in residential schools. Have you ever lived in one that is NOT a school for the Deaf nor a fancy private boarding school for rich children from rich families? We have a state residential school right here in San Antonio for the mentally challenged people, and they are often abused there. There are many reports of physical and sexual abuse there as well as sending those people to other states where they are put to work in the fields or in a plant where they either get paid very little (like $1 a day) or gets paid nothing and they live in rundown "barracks" that are provided on the farms or the factories. They say it creates "opportunities" when the state questions it, and the state accepts that answer. It's very slave-like or sweatshop-like. I see the headlines in my local paper about this place all the time. Because most of them are not 18 yet they cannot leave, they have no say in any of this. Everything in their life is controlled, even going to bathroom is controlled, you have to ASK permission to use the restroom and they watch you both when you go to the restroom and when you take a shower. I am not making it up. This is much of what I have experienced myself in the "orphanage" I lived in for three years...everything I mentioned in this post did HAPPEN in this "orphanage". It operates as a "institutional" form of orphanage, they control everything. And it's still there to this day, which pisses me off to this day. My dream is to see all of those places closed down forever. For three whole years I had NO rights to ANYTHING. It was very humiliating to have all my rights taken away. The only reason I am here, and able to live on my own and adapt to living on my own is because I had books - books allowed me to escape the reality of living in such a hellhole, such a shithole, and to pass the time. My face was always in a book whenever I was awake. I couldn't stand seeing everything that goes on in those places.

Because of my having been in that place for three years, ever since leaving that place, I tell myself everyday that I'm free, because that is something that is so important to me - I know what freedom is, and I don't want to lose my freedom ever again. Many people take it for granted, but I don't. I know exactly what it is like to have ZERO freedom, my whole life controlled by a bunch of staff, of who some are sadists, and others who just don't give a fuck but love the power of controlling us. I'm never ever letting anyone have that power over me ever again, my freedom is a pretty big deal to me. I will never allow anyone to take away my freedom like that ever again, especially since I've done absolutely nothing wrong and was completely innocent. My dad's wife just did not want me and she made my dad choose between me and her. He chose HER, and gave me up to the state, and the state dumped me in that "orphanage". My dad has said he is sorry, but I know he is not sorry - because if he is really sorry he would divorce the bitch. He's still married to the bitch. How is that supposed to make me feel? It sure made me feel like I was garbage, some kid that they could just throw away because they don't want the kid anymore. I mean, who in their right mind would stay married to someone who does not accept the children from a previous marriage/relationship as part of the whole package? I mean, when you marry someone who has children from a previous marriage, you agree to accept these children when you marry that person as part of the whole package. Both I and my sister have severed ties with him and his wife for that very reason. We both know he is not sorry, so we will not forgive him until he has divorced the bitch and makes efforts to repair what we have left of our relationships and makes amends for everything he has done to us.

Also another thing you should consider when you talk about residential schools, DeafDyke - socialization skills. Foster children who have spent years in residential schools or "orphanages" like me, they often end up with very minimal socialization skills, and because of that, this often makes them the butt of all jokes or are bullied when they are eventually put into regular schools after a long stint at the residential school or the orphanage - some as many as 10 years - because at those places we are not allowed to leave and go visit friends or play with neighbors or even go to the corner store to get some soda pop and candy like regular children can. We're locked in. So our only socialization options is to either socialize with the other children that are in there, we're isolated, and so many of them have spent so many years there that they're so behind their ages socially and behavior-wise, and others are mentally challenged, and others, you just don't want to know. Usually I could never find anyone that I could socialize with on an appropriate age level - most children my age usually would be years behind in socialization skills, so I usually was lonely, another reason why my nose was always in a book - to escape the reality of that place and to pass the time. Many 13 years olds there at the place I was at, they acted like they were 6 or 7. Rarely there would be a girl my own age who actually acted her own age and behaved appropriately. There was another girl who acted my age or a bit older actually, but she was so violent that I had to avoid her at all costs - I sure didn't want a broken nose! She would go off for absolutely no reason, on anyone, one time I asked her why she does it, she said she enjoys hurting people, and that was scary to me. From then on I pretty much stayed away from her. And sometimes there are children there that does NOT belong in that place but rather in a real psychiatric facility for children but the government decides it's just cheaper to dump them in the orphanages or the residential schools and not worry about them for years on end. There is no therapy provided at all. They provide nothing but a bed and clothes and food, and that's it. I have seen someone end up going to the hospital with a broken neck - I am not joking - I never saw that person after that so I'm guessing he got paralyzed or something.

To this day I still have nightmares about that place.

Me write a book? No. My focus is shit and I could never finish a page. If I actually wrote a book it would be longer than Moby Dick anyway, with all the shit that went on in that place. I saw so much in the whole 3 years I was there. I saw things that no child of any age should ever see. And no one would care. No, what I would rather do is see to it that those places get shut down forever, and see that the whole foster care system gets a complete overhaul and revamped. What they do with unwanted children is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Foster children deserve respect!
 
Last edited:
Back
Top