For Hearing to answer only: I am deaf and want to know why

clwdeaf said:
Southern, that is something I was really looking for. A honest answer from a hearing person who is willing to tell the truth that most hearing people won't!!

What you wrote has helped me to see the hearing people's point of view better. My goal is to somehow break the barriers between hearing people's world and deaf people's world, so there may be more acceptance, understanding, kindness and compassion for both.

My deaf hubby (born hearing but became deaf age 10 months old by Spinal Mengitis) was raised in a hearing family. He studied the hearing people a lot and knew their traits. He commented to me that hearing people rely on sounds most. This was new to me! I learned something!

My deaf (adopted) mom was raised in a hearing family, she was born hearing but became deaf, due to Scarlet Fever, when she was six years old. I will try to re-write what she said, "I had a dream that a lion was clawing my hair, I woke up and saw my mother (hearing) combing my hair. She began to speak and moved her lips but no sound came out! I said, "Momma, what did you say, I cannot hear you!" Momma began to cry, got up, and ran out of my bedroom." My mother began to realize her world went totally upside down as she discovered her new deafness.

My deaf (adopted) dad born hearing but became deaf, due to Spinal Mengitis at age of 3 years old, was raised in a hearing family too. His hearing family was so occupied with radio, they did not pay attention to dad. My dad, as a young boy, became bored and he decided to distract his family for more attention by becoming the clown of the family! He realized he made his family laugh, he got what he wanted! Attention! So, that influenced my dad's character for the rest of his life. He knows how to make people laugh, including me!

So, Southern, my main goal is to somehow help the hearing people to realize and see that deaf people are human beings like them, no difference, except that we cannot hear. Thanks for sharing your honest opinion with me, even though some others may not agree with yours.

clwdeaf
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Wanting to bridge the gap between the hearing and the Deaf is a wonderful goal. But please remember, there are many people out there who don't want to learn, and they willnever take anything you communicate to them to heart. It's easier to remain in ignorance, and continue to live your life based on the same old values you have always had. And they don't care how much negative impact they may have on someone else.

That's not to say the majority of people are like that, but as a counselor, I have learned that those who don't want to change won't--no matter how many good reasons there are to change.
 
Being deaf in a largely hearing world, I'm sure you learn to except hearing people... but on the other hand hearing people don't come into contact with nearly as many (if any at all) deaf people. In the 19 years of my being alive I'd only met 1 deaf child when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old, it wasn't until I was 19 and started learning ASL that I met more deaf people. I wouldn't say "HEARING people are ignorant" but rather "PEOPLE are ignorant" and it's largely circumstantial. Humans tend to have a prejudice (or a FEAR) of that which they don't know or understand.
 
Hearing people who don't have any knowledge whatsoever about deafness have no excuse to mock a deaf person, its just rude and ignorant. Perhaps, bec they notice something different this can get even more sticky and deeper when people see folks of a different color. That's just how the world can be cruel and rude no matter if your deaf or hearing in generally speaking to the clothes you wear to your physical appearance.
 
well another thing to consider... young kids may pick on deaf kids because they did not understand it was wrong. as young i m talking abt 1 to 3 rd grades.. in those levels kids pretty much pick on everyone else .. doesnt matter if deaf or not. i cant remember about 4th or 5th grade but those probably was easiest time for me personally. (i am deaf but grew up with hearing people and went to hearing school) i think middle school is when u start to tell who were truly bullies and who are having insecurity issues and good people.. etc. i went to deaf school in high school and if anybody asks which school was more harsh (among kids picking and bullying etc) i would say deaf school. because in hearing school i dont know they were picking on me unless they WANTED me to know. in deaf school i would ALWAYS know. also in deaf school they behave in a certain way and i dont behave that way most of time because i was growing up with hearing family and always socialize with hearing people.

now... adults... absolutely no excuse except for one....that excuse may be fear. they do not want to sit down and learn. they do not want to waste time with us. or they had bad experience with other deaf people. someone else posted about the voice how we speaks with our voice... that may be part of the reason... but not entirely. i know many people who had plms wiht speech and they are hearing! how about those who stutters? has that weird accent? or what about autism? theres many kind of people who have speech problems and im sure they got picked on too. my point is... speech is not a big role in this. like everyone says... ignorants who do not want to bothered with us. or too scared to.

i also learned something else. even if i was completely willing to try all type of methods to try communicate with a person... if this person doesnt want to or too damn stubborn.... DONT WASTE YOUR TIME. it drains u, drains other person, and lot of frustrations. see other person need to WANT to learn about us and allows us to learn about this person for any type of communication to work.

sorry i know u do not want to hear from a deaf person....but i felt i want to add a few things.... i may repeat after someone 's post or making NO sense at all whateverso... but i do feel some experiences i had from growing up with hearing people and hearing family... maybe some of it will help a bit. thank you.
 
New guy's opinion

Southern said:
Okay the short answer, and you are not going to like this at all but I will be totally honest with you. The Deaf voice for one. Some Deaf people’s Deaf voice sounds like that of a person who is mentally challenged, some one with Downs syndrome, retarded. Deaf people cannot help this. You cannot hear what it sounds like. There are striking similarities between the two. Also the mispronunciation of words combined with the Deaf voice makes you sound ignorant. Hearing people that have a particular speech impediment, (saying things like “pway” instead of “play”), are considered ignorant because they pronounce words incorrectly. We hearing people put a lot into what we hear. A man with a high voice is considered weak, but a man with a deep voice is considered strong, powerful, and manly. Some people’s voice makes them sound crazy, and other people’s voice is annoying and you don’t want to hear them talk. If you haven’t heard these things you cannot understand what I mean. Another thing is ASL non-manual markers, and mouth morphemes. Honestly the first time I saw a tongue wag was an old woman doing it and I was offended. In the hearing world it means something sexual. Hearing people use the tone of their voice for different emotions or emphasis. Deafies cannot and therefore use their faces and bodies. This seems extremely strange to hearing people who have never seen it. Why would a person move their face like that? Look what she is doing with her tongue that is so nasty….. The hearing world’s perception of these things are very VERY different than the Deaf. For instance a NMM for yes is to twitch one of your nostrils. In the hearing world this means, no or gross, in the Deaf world it means yes. Very different. I am a very expressive animated hearie and my family is as well. When I saw most of these things for the first time I didn’t think anything of it, unlike some hearing people. Ignorance is part of it but that ignorance is more what to think with the information received, (Deaf voice, NMM etc…). Just to write it off as those people are ignorant I think is wrong. Ignorant of what? These are some of the things they are ignorant of. This is why they treat Deafies this way. But they are rude people who will laugh at some one whose leg is in a cast and has to walk on crutches, anything to make them feel better about themselves by putting other people down. I know some will be upset by what I have written but clwdeaf wanted an honest answer and this is the truth. Some people are afraid to say something like that because it makes them sound like they are part of the people who act this way. I think no one will ever learn anything if you don’t answer respectful sincere questions honestly with the proper respect. People ask me questions about being gay and I answer just as frankly. How will people ever learn anything if that doesn’t happen?
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I am new to this site but not new to being around deafies. My stepdaughter is deaf, as well as having some other health problems. I also worked for several years in the medical field. I know none of this makes me an expert, any more than you are experts in heart problems unless you have them yourself.
I have found that whether it's hearing world or the deaf world, we humans will always misunderstand those who are different than we are. We do this in religion, race and understanding the handicapped or impaired, or what you care to be called. I have noticed that this misunderstanding leads to mistrust on either side. deafies tend to not want to trust the opinions of hearies and vice versa. I know that some will say, "Oh, don't listen to them, they don't know what its like to be deaf. You listen to us. We will tell you truth". This and many statements like it are why we don't trust each other. Another is something that was partly mentioned earlier.
You say we think deafies are stupid or slow because of your speech paterns. This is partly true because of the similarity to mentally handicapped persons. You say we don't trust because we can't understand signing. Well, you can't understand us either. This is only normal. We, who speak English, don't understand or trust those who speak only in a foreign language. Many white Americans don't trust and have labeled Hispanics as lazy and non law abiding individuals. This is not the case any more than saying all deaf people are retarded, or all Black people are lawbreakers and Black men all want to rape white women.
I has been said that education starts in the home. If we, as parents, were to teach our children to accept others for who they are, instead of what they are, it wouldn't take long to bury resentment and and prejudice. I have only been living around my stepdaughter for less than three years but this young woman has taught me a lot. She is a very loving individual with needs and desires like anyone else. I am handicapped phyically and she goes out of her way to help me and her mother. I can't use any sign language and at my age, will not even begin to do so. Part of that decision is to help her in the hearing world, which is much larger than her world. She has learned to understand me through lip reading and I have learned to understand her vocalizations. I make her go in stores for me to make purchases because she needs to be able to function on her own when something happens to me or her mother and she has to do this for herself. I tell my family and friends that she is normal in every way except she cannot hear.
Both the hearing world and the deaf community need to learn to trust. We need to realize that deafies are not mentally challenged, handicapped or retarded, or whatever you choose to be called today. You must learn that most hearing persons will accept you for who you are and those who don't are missing a great opportunity.
If my long soapbox speech has offended anyone, I apologize. If it helps even one person, deaf or otherwise to understand, then It was worth pecking out this message one letter at a time. The first step is to reach out and agree to help each other
Thank you
 
People react in strange ways when they're afraid of things. Just as you might not fully understand, say, a blind person (I've all too often noticed Deaf people "comparing" and constantly ranking blindness as "worst", a different group entirely), hearing people do not have "access" to your views. The best you can do is attempt to explain that you are just as intelligent and capable as they are, and know that if they don't listen, it's only their loss.

I hope this reply came out right without offending anyone.
 
:werd:

That's how some people are. It's an immature thing for them to do, but they have no life and nothing better to do except make fun of others.

The are actually inferior and will do anything to make others look more inferior than themselves. :roll:
 
Hearing people also find the communication barrier to be very frustrating. I have a lot of residual hearing. I essentially function as a hearing person, albeit with difficulty. My wife, however, is deaf a rock. I will admit that even I get impatient sometimes with her, and I should know better. In the community where I live, the maintenance guy is deaf, and his boss is a colossal asshole who is addicted to crystal meth. Every time he asks his boss to repeat something, tweaker yells at him at the top of his lungs. I hope someday he gets a lawyer and takes the prick down a notch.
 
Hi

I am hearing and my dad and best friends are deaf. I don't understand that either. My friends are funny and just like any other person. They are exactly like any hearing person. Maybe people do this because they don't understand about deaf people. Or maybe when they see someone signing they don't understand them and think they are weird for signing because they don't understand them. I have no idea becuase I understand sign language and have no problem with deaf poeple. Also to the hearing people who think deaf people should be pittied, NO BAD. They shouldn't. I just wanted to say that because I have seen some people who say deaf people should be pittied but they really shouldn't. Ithink basically hearing people or most of them are just ignorant when it comes to hearing impaired or deaf people. I think it's not really their fault. So don't hold a grudge against them or anything like that. Many people are not ignorant about deaf people.
 
I'm hearing , but i look at the deaf , and the hearing the same. Just like i look at the blind ,and the seeing the same. No one is perfect.
 
victimhood verses humor

I was made fun of extensively in high school. I learned to deal with it by understanding what they found funny and laughing about it myself.

It's a kind of personality trait that I've found hasn't made it into this thread yet so I will weigh in.

In my life despite deaf being 10% of the US Population the first deaf person i ran into was at high school prom. He was the date of my dates friend. I had forgotten how to finger spell. I tried but realized I had forgotten. no one had paper and it was an awkward 15 min of no communication as there was no paper and his date was too busy to involve us in any of the conversation.

In my time ever since I have met more deaf people, I have tried to understand more. I have found that most jokes are not funny to a deaf person because they have to do with miss understanding a word to mean something else making it funny.

If we talk about people at adult or high school level. Many people that are not bullies laugh about things that make them nervous or joke about them. I laugh and make jokes about my clumsiness when I trip. I do that same thing with my friends and they know it's not to be mean we both have a good laugh.

I think many times deaf people have a harder time understanding hearing humor or laughing with it.

I also think many deaf people over estimate their ability to read lips. I have been fascinated by it and have been trying to test how good it is and what it is affected by. The people I have known can all of a sudden understand the exact opposite of what I said because of my sentence structure. The more I learn to sign the quicker we catch problems. If lip reading is so difficult, especially when it's still weak in a young child, they may have the same problems hearies have with mis-understanding what they over hear. The biggest problem I've had with the deaf people I know is facial expressions. how I feel shows on my face sometimes incorrectly even if it has nothing to do with them. I have to make my face go blank some times so they don't think I'm angry and yelling at them, when I'm only irritated at something else.

I wouldn't think the bullying is anything more than it would be for wearing glasses. the question becomes how does a deaf person react to living in a hearing world. If their voice would give the wrong first impression, maybe they should write till the people get to know them. Maybe they need to ask questions to make sure they understand what is being communicated. This is especially true if what they heard doesn't make sense. Maybe they need to ignore facial expressions when dealing with certain people.

Maybe the key is for there to be more communication between the deaf and hearing world so more hearing people understand the things that would seem weird to them connected with being deaf. Maybe also deaf people need to learn more about how they come across to the hearing culture so they don't make a bad impression.
When in Rome be as Roman as you can.

Deaf and hearing when isolated from each other are separate cultures that have different rules for behavior. If they interact more there will be fewer unique traits that will cause hardship for those involved.

Metamantis
 
victimhood verses humor

I was made fun of extensively in high school. I learned to deal with it by understanding what they found funny and laughing about it myself.

It's a kind of personality trait that I've found hasn't made it into this thread yet so I will weigh in.

In my life despite deaf being 10% of the US Population the first deaf person i ran into was at high school prom. He was the date of my dates friend. I had forgotten how to finger spell. I tried but realized I had forgotten. no one had paper and it was an awkward 15 min of no communication as there was no paper and his date was too busy to involve us in any of the conversation.

In my time ever since I have met more deaf people, I have tried to understand more. I have found that most jokes are not funny to a deaf person because they have to do with miss understanding a word to mean something else making it funny.

If we talk about people at adult or high school level. Many people that are not bullies laugh about things that make them nervous or joke about them. I laugh and make jokes about my clumsiness when I trip. I do that same thing with my friends and they know it's not to be mean we both have a good laugh.

I think many times deaf people have a harder time understanding hearing humor or laughing with it.

I also think many deaf people over estimate their ability to read lips. I have been fascinated by it and have been trying to test how good it is and what it is affected by. The people I have known can all of a sudden understand the exact opposite of what I said because of my sentence structure. The more I learn to sign the quicker we catch problems. If lip reading is so difficult, especially when it's still weak in a young child, they may have the same problems hearies have with mis-understanding what they over hear. The biggest problem I've had with the deaf people I know is facial expressions. how I feel shows on my face sometimes incorrectly even if it has nothing to do with them. I have to make my face go blank some times so they don't think I'm angry and yelling at them, when I'm only irritated at something else.

I wouldn't think the bullying is anything more than it would be for wearing glasses. the question becomes how does a deaf person react to living in a hearing world. If their voice would give the wrong first impression, maybe they should write till the people get to know them. Maybe they need to ask questions to make sure they understand what is being communicated. This is especially true if what they heard doesn't make sense. Maybe they need to ignore facial expressions when dealing with certain people.

Maybe the key is for there to be more communication between the deaf and hearing world so more hearing people understand the things that would seem weird to them connected with being deaf. Maybe also deaf people need to learn more about how they come across to the hearing culture so they don't make a bad impression.
When in Rome be as Roman as you can.

Deaf and hearing when isolated from each other are separate cultures that have different rules for behavior. If they interact more there will be fewer unique traits that will cause hardship for those involved.

Metamantis
 
shel90 said:
I can understand if hearing people dont like our voices but to go out of their way to make fun of, harrass, and reject us is just wrong. They can keep their opinions about deaf people to themselves and just give us peace. That would be nice wouldnt it?

As an adult, I really havent had any problems with hearing people mocking me or whatever..I just get mostly stares which I have learned to ignore. :ugh3:
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yeah I think that whole mocking thing is from immature children and we know how kids can be. If adults do than then they are just wrong no matter what the reason.
 
I'm Late Deafend

I know how to speak clearly with no problems, however when I'm around deaf people who don't speak i feel right at home ( smile)
 
Education and Exposure

I am a twenties something years teacher at an elementary school where I have no deaf students, but I am hearing impaired and wear two hearing aids. I constantly encourage my students to use the proper etiquette when talking to someone who had a hearing impairment. I think this is something that needs to be done all the time.
 
I am ownership bussiness to selling for public, I am a tough man!, strong stand up and face to face with anyone on the island and other big cities! I was on the tv news! I was sort of a star! I don't see anyone deaf people who are saleperson or ownership busisness that how to communcate with hearing people and deaf.

However, when the hearing people came to my shop, they were very interested in to buying something or asked me some questions ETC

depend on who are they can speak faster or slow or whatever.

for me, Its very important to me I want to understand everyone can conversation with me.

It s famous words they always said that " I am very impressive with you" How can you do that? I can't believe those are very quite expensive. I told them thank you thank you, They love me that how they respect me a lot

The uneducated hearing people do not know how to communcate with me people, they are not smart enough. If they do not respect me then I can kick them out of my shop :D

I know its very hard and frusrated but its good challenge , great experince in my life. I do still love my bussiness, its always lot of fun :)

If hearing people do not know how to deal with deaf people , or fun with them, they are uneducated, God would not happy with them.

Remember that God loves people no what matter who are they, God wants to see peopel have good cooperation, good respectful, etc.
 
Just a quick add on and off to work.

The biggest injustice the original poster can do to herself is to lump ALL together.

The hearing are not all as assumed by the poster and
The deaf are not all as assumed by the poster.

People are idiots or saints depending upon how they chose to be and act.

From a hearie - I can't stand nasty people, hearing or deaf, and distance myself from those who are negative.

There is far too much that needs to be accomplished in our world and culture to get stuck on ridiculous and ill-behaved people.

Just one ASLGAL's opinion :)
Have a great day ALL !!
 
I grew up HOH and lived with hearing family and went to a hearing school. I was constantly picked on and made fun of in school because I was different, I wasnt like everyone else. I got picked on from the girls, I got picked on from the guys, sometimes I even got it from the teachers.

I also got it from my family. My brother wouldnt let me hang out with him or his friends. My parents wouldnt allow me to play sports simply because I could not hear. Finally all hell come lose when I developed an eating disorder because of all the taunting, holding back, and not being allowed to be me.

I took my anger vents and frustrations out on myself because I was the one that everyone seemed to blame when things went wrong. I'll admit when your deaf and growing up in a living world its hard. All the struggles a person goes through as it is while hearing is compounded because now your deaf/hoh.

Alot of it is ignorance, and they try to justify it any way they can especially the high school kids because they know better but yet they choose to act like third graders. 9th grade was the hardest year - I never want to go back to that time and place. It got bad enough I was having panic attacks.

As an adult - ya know what? When I went off to college (moved out on bad terms with mom and dad got sick of them holding me under there thumbs all the time) it was like a door was opened up for me. I made friends for the first time in my life that I felt like were genuine and not based off a need or want. I got to blossom, it was nice while it lasted. But then a jerk took advantage of my naiveness and I ended up pregnant then he used that to get a free place to live and someone to pick on.

But now that I live back at home due to financial circumstances I feel like that I am STILL not treated as an adult but rather as a kid - all because I cannot hear as well as other people in the house. Like this morning dad said something and I said "Huh?" and he said "Nothing." then walked off.

And we had some house guests all weekend. My brother and his girlfriend were invited to dinner - I ummm wasnt. They were all going to eat out on the mountain - guess who wasnt invited - me. I felt very left out for whatever reason. I didnt say anything but I just felt like a kid. I was told to stay at home and watch Maddie all weekend. yeah I understand my responsibilities as a parent but damn I would like to have an adult conversation for once.

Ah well thats life. Someday I'll win the lottery and all my problems will be solved. :lol:
 
Dixie said:
I grew up HOH and lived with hearing family and went to a hearing school. I was constantly picked on and made fun of in school because I was different, I wasnt like everyone else. I got picked on from the girls, I got picked on from the guys, sometimes I even got it from the teachers.

I also got it from my family. My brother wouldnt let me hang out with him or his friends. My parents wouldnt allow me to play sports simply because I could not hear. Finally all hell come lose when I developed an eating disorder because of all the taunting, holding back, and not being allowed to be me.

I took my anger vents and frustrations out on myself because I was the one that everyone seemed to blame when things went wrong. I'll admit when your deaf and growing up in a living world its hard. All the struggles a person goes through as it is while hearing is compounded because now your deaf/hoh.

Alot of it is ignorance, and they try to justify it any way they can especially the high school kids because they know better but yet they choose to act like third graders. 9th grade was the hardest year - I never want to go back to that time and place. It got bad enough I was having panic attacks.

As an adult - ya know what? When I went off to college (moved out on bad terms with mom and dad got sick of them holding me under there thumbs all the time) it was like a door was opened up for me. I made friends for the first time in my life that I felt like were genuine and not based off a need or want. I got to blossom, it was nice while it lasted. But then a jerk took advantage of my naiveness and I ended up pregnant then he used that to get a free place to live and someone to pick on.

But now that I live back at home due to financial circumstances I feel like that I am STILL not treated as an adult but rather as a kid - all because I cannot hear as well as other people in the house. Like this morning dad said something and I said "Huh?" and he said "Nothing." then walked off.

And we had some house guests all weekend. My brother and his girlfriend were invited to dinner - I ummm wasnt. They were all going to eat out on the mountain - guess who wasnt invited - me. I felt very left out for whatever reason. I didnt say anything but I just felt like a kid. I was told to stay at home and watch Maddie all weekend. yeah I understand my responsibilities as a parent but damn I would like to have an adult conversation for once.

Ah well thats life. Someday I'll win the lottery and all my problems will be solved. :lol:
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Developed an eating disorder myself from years and years of being treated like a 2nd class citizen by heairng people. My mom was great to me..she fought for us to play sports and didnt believe in sheltering my brother and I so I am grateful for her. For the rest of my family...they kinda treated my brother and I like we were babies..just gave us that goofy big smile whenever we talked to them and nodded their heads only to discontinue our attempts to make conversations by moving to another area of room or joining other conversations. Made us feel like shit so screw them!

My cousin is finally coming around so we are starting to do things together...slowwwwwwly but getting there....
 
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Dixie said:
I grew up HOH and lived with hearing family and went to a hearing school. I was constantly picked on and made fun of in school because I was different, I wasnt like everyone else. I got picked on from the girls, I got picked on from the guys, sometimes I even got it from the teachers.

I also got it from my family. My brother wouldnt let me hang out with him or his friends. My parents wouldnt allow me to play sports simply because I could not hear. Finally all hell come lose when I developed an eating disorder because of all the taunting, holding back, and not being allowed to be me.

I took my anger vents and frustrations out on myself because I was the one that everyone seemed to blame when things went wrong. I'll admit when your deaf and growing up in a living world its hard. All the struggles a person goes through as it is while hearing is compounded because now your deaf/hoh.

Alot of it is ignorance, and they try to justify it any way they can especially the high school kids because they know better but yet they choose to act like third graders. 9th grade was the hardest year - I never want to go back to that time and place. It got bad enough I was having panic attacks.

As an adult - ya know what? When I went off to college (moved out on bad terms with mom and dad got sick of them holding me under there thumbs all the time) it was like a door was opened up for me. I made friends for the first time in my life that I felt like were genuine and not based off a need or want. I got to blossom, it was nice while it lasted. But then a jerk took advantage of my naiveness and I ended up pregnant then he used that to get a free place to live and someone to pick on.

But now that I live back at home due to financial circumstances I feel like that I am STILL not treated as an adult but rather as a kid - all because I cannot hear as well as other people in the house. Like this morning dad said something and I said "Huh?" and he said "Nothing." then walked off.

And we had some house guests all weekend. My brother and his girlfriend were invited to dinner - I ummm wasnt. They were all going to eat out on the mountain - guess who wasnt invited - me. I felt very left out for whatever reason. I didnt say anything but I just felt like a kid. I was told to stay at home and watch Maddie all weekend. yeah I understand my responsibilities as a parent but damn I would like to have an adult conversation for once.

Ah well thats life. Someday I'll win the lottery and all my problems will be solved. :lol:
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Wow! I am so sorry. You deserved to be invited too. If my family had of treated my son that way, I would have let them know in a New York minute that if he wasn't welcome, I would not be attending, either!
 
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