Feralism

Deafdrummer, your story was very sad, and very compelling. In many ways you remind me a lot of my youngest brother. He is hearing, but we had a pretty miserable childhood for various reasons, and I think in him it created the kind of feral child you are talking about. He told me not too long ago that he thinks he and I are broken people because of our childhood, and he can't be 'fixed.'

He has done some of the things you dream of. He's lived on his own terms, traveled around, hitchhiking, biking, walking, living in the rough, doing odd jobs, cooking at restaurants, washing dishes, some construction, selling his art, caretaking.

He's spent a few years working behind the scenes at an art museum (he built the installations for new exhibits and was responsible for packaging the art on loan), sold his own art, and was a caretaker for place in the mountains, so he got the isolation he craved.
He (and my husband, when younger), sometimes just lived at a campground, kind of as a homeless person, even though he had odd jobs.
He has friends, but has no tolerance for friendships with people who are very different than him, so his friendships are limited, and they are on his terms.

When he was caretaking in the mountains, he was in his early forties. He rode a skateboard to work, in his forties, riding over 40 miles an hour down the mountain.

He's always been very independent and liked it that way.

But a couple years ago he lost the caretaking job when the place burned down in the Santa Barbara fires. He lost his health when he crashed on the skateboard and broke his neck. He spent months in rehab. He was either on a bike or his skateboard again the day he got out of rehab, and got hit by a car. It was a surprisingly minor accident given the inequalities between car and unprotected human and his fragile condition, but it was still traumatic and painful and there was massive road rash and a torn hamstring.

He called one of his friends for help. Since his friends are like him, she told him, "I'll give you a ride somewhere, but I am not a nurturer."

He is learning to appreciate his family members who don't think like he does about every issue, even the Christians and non-vegetarians. It looks like we're there for him more than all his other friends he preferred over us.

I wish you the best in your search for what satisfies you. I hope you find what you need.
 
DeafCaroline said:
You've made many posts about your situation. Clearly, you're opening up the floor for feedback but it seems you have argued or discounted almost all feedback and suggestions. What I am wondering is what are your expectations from members here reading your posts? Are you looking for advice? Help?
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I am opening up my life and providing clarification. What I'm hoping to see is other people going, "Oh yeah, I'm wild child, too. You might look here..." I know what I have to do eventually, though the details are murky, especially what can I do in the meantime to survive this place today. It's kind of like in the movie, "Deal of the Century" with Chevy Chase where he snaps up a deal after the original dealer DeVoto committed suicide because he was living poorly and struggling while waiting for the military junta in South America decide to make a deal with him. Problem was, they called him up to make a deal just minutes after he fired the shot, and Muntz (Chase) just happened to be there and heard the gun shot. Muntz picked up the phone and talked, realizing what was going on (he stumbled into a money making deal and hid the fact that he was not really DeVoto). I don't want THAT happening to me, signing off before my ship sails in. It takes discipline to be successful in the wildest of dreams. It doesn't just happen (though it seems to for some people); you have to work at it, and often, you have to work at it longer than you expect to. I'm set. The right people just have to come in at the right time and make the right moves. It can be really stressful, but the payoff is living simply and doing whatever I want, whenever I want, just like it was thousands of years ago, though some technology helps in day-to-day living immensely. I'm attempting to use the system in order to escape it. To get a better understanding of me, think of a zoo and how they are used to teach children the concept of "dominion," the idea that all other living beings are under humans, and thusly subject to propertyhood by humans, living as possessions of humans. That is how I feel at times, trapped like those animals in their displays. I'm looking for a way to minimize its confining effects on me, by not doing the things expected of me. "Do your patriotic duty and go shopping! Help the economy!" (hand across the opposite shoulder twice)
 
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Grayma said:
Sometimes writing like this is therapeutic.
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It has been! I seem to have gotten picked up out of the slump a bit. Part of that is I paid down a bill a little more and closed out my budget for January, opened up February's budget, AND I got my W2 today! That means I can have my taxes done by this evening (an hour)! Sometimes, even in the store, it's just therapeutic to just simply zone the department by zipping up one opened backpack after another on the fixtures. It's too bad that I can't work at my company as simply a stocker. I don't know why they have a hearing woman doing the stocking permanently, and they have me working the floor as a salesperson. Why couldn't we trade places? She's got a hell of a lot better hearing than I do and much better people skills to boot. I tend to "just do enough to get the job done," in terms of personal engagement in the interaction. It's like if you were watching me, I would be talking about the merchandise in a dead-pan manner, like where's the excitement, the happiness, the interest in what the customer is doing on the trip beyond what is necessary to close the sale successfully. For some reason, I feel resistance on my part. It's like any product that requires a close fit. It puts me too close to the customer physically for my comfort. I prefer to keep my distance, especially men. Zipping up all those backpacks, purses, and travel gear takes me away from all that.

Sunday was a rough day because I had a customer with a child (for me, children are notoriously hard to fit for a backpack because of the limited options I have to work with, depending on their size and the parents' expectations as far as costs, capacity, size fit capability, and carrying capability of their child goes). It just went on and on about the different packs we were looking at that fit the best for the child. It was hard because when she was talking to the child, she slipped into this "thing," this accent that is hard for me to understand, and I'd have to ask her to repeat when she forgot to slip back out of that to talk directly to me. This is an American we're talking about here. Ms. Wild Child really comes clamoring up when I'm talking to an Asian with only recent or limited exposure to English, because it is exceedingly frustrating to ask to repeat, look at me, repeat, don't turn away when you're talking. I want to scream out like a mountain lion sometimes! I'm burned out, as I've given the company nearly ten years of my life.
 
Grayma said:
Deafdrummer, your story was very sad, and very compelling. In many ways you remind me a lot of my youngest brother.
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Grayma,

Thanks for sharing your experience! My stepbrother and I are likewise, except that we are close to family, even though they don't live close by. I'm very close to my aunt in Ohio. She is one of the last living members of the old guard in our family. She has been helping me with this. She has been a therapist in the past and does hospice work as a volunteer. A wonderful person! It was only in the last couple of years that I have finally gotten my life to the point that I can afford to leave Texas to visit family. I really treasure the times I get with my aunt and cousins who live up that way. My aunt is even vegetarian! One of my cousins, whom she lives on the property with, completed her full Ironman Triathlon this past September! She and her partner have recently been certified lead in climbing.

I also have nephews and nieces who are actually my age. It's weird, being an aunt from day one...

I understand what you're saying. I don't intend to step off this planet penniless. No way to go...
 
I have to say that I think it's really sad that you believe you can only be friends with people who are exactly like you... you are missing out on a whole world of amazing people, with different cultures and perspectives and soooooo many things you can learn from them!!! I am a married white Christian, but my best friends are Muslims... I also have friends who are agnostic, gay, lesbian, poor, middle-class, American, foreign, disabled, older, younger, black, Mexican, Saudi Arabian, Indian, single moms, who suffer from mental illness, etc. and they make my life SOOOOO much better and richer.

Maybe instead of looking for friends who are the same as you, you could look for friends who like YOU for who you are and respect you. People who are the same as you are boring. What can you learn from them? How can you grow from time spent with each other?
 
JanatheShort said:
I have to say that I think it's really sad that you believe you can only be friends with people who are exactly like you... you are missing out on a whole world of amazing people, with different cultures and perspectives and soooooo many things you can learn from them!!! I am a married white Christian, but my best friends are Muslims... I also have friends who are agnostic, gay, lesbian, poor, middle-class, American, foreign, disabled, older, younger, black, Mexican, Saudi Arabian, Indian, single moms, who suffer from mental illness, etc. and they make my life SOOOOO much better and richer.

Maybe instead of looking for friends who are the same as you, you could look for friends who like YOU for who you are and respect you. People who are the same as you are boring. What can you learn from them? How can you grow from time spent with each other?
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You have a good suggestion but there are people out there that just simply do not want to meet people out of their comfort zone.
 
JanatheShort said:
No matter how hard I try, I just can't comprehend that.
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there is a house a few blocks from where I live that is just falling apart. My neighbor said that there is a lady who lives there and I was like, "WHAT?" I thought nobody lived there. He said that nobody has seen her come out in like 10 years. I asked if someone checked to see if she was alive and he said that her son visits her. Her son said that she is a big time recluse and doesnt want to deal with the world. Just wow. I have lived here for almost 5 years and to this day, I have no idea what she looks like. The kids love to create pranks from that story on Halloween. I wouldnt be surprised if my 6 year old kindergartener will come home one day and say that this house is haunted.

Point of this story...yes, there are people like that. Are they happy or are they sad? Not for us to judge. Maybe she and the OP are happy with the way they want to live. :dunno:
 
shel90 said:
You have a good suggestion but there are people out there that just simply do not want to meet people out of their comfort zone.
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That's the problem. They don't want to hang with me. They don't invite me. Don't get me wrong. I'm open-minded, and I have done extensive studies of financial matters, for example. I'm not a pro, but I'm well-rounded in these matters. I know things like why Indian women do not wear gold toe rings on their feet, which is because those who are Hindu view gold as representing purity, and thusly will not wear toe rings on the feet because the ground and feet are dirty. Look at them. They'll either wear silver or some base-metal toe rings, and most everything from the ankles and up are gold. And usually 22 karat gold or up. Wearers in the western world tend to limit themselves to 10, 14, 18 karat gold because they view such things as adornment only, as opposed to the eastern world, which has an ages old tradition with gold and thusly views it as a form of savings out of the reach of government's grubby inflationary hands. I could do a massive web link dump on underground financial research in another thread that would take you a good five years to cover. I'm waiting for something very, very big to hammer down in an unexpected way. I know a tiny bit about Hindi, the language, and I can say good night in Arabic, and have a very good grasp of Spanish pronunciation considering that I don't know the language very well. Not bad for this Cave Nuggie, huh?

There's always more to learn, yes, But Ms. Wild Thang needs her freedom more and more as time goes on. It gets stronger every year as I get housebound during the winter. I was excited about the W-2 arriving today because that represents shaving off months from the wait to get clear financially via my tax return. I'm hoping that by next fall, I will be well on my way to making my path clearer and implement further steps. I might not even be in Texas after the fall, but I can't say for sure at this time. I have NO IDEA how things are going to turn out in 8 months, but I will try. Gotta go to bed!

Thanks for today!
 
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shel90 said:
there is a house a few blocks from where I live that is just falling apart. My neighbor said that there is a lady who lives there and I was like, "WHAT?" I thought nobody lived there. He said that nobody has seen her come out in like 10 years. I asked if someone checked to see if she was alive and he said that her son visits her. Her son said that she is a big time recluse and doesnt want to deal with the world. Just wow. I have lived here for almost 5 years and to this day, I have no idea what she looks like. The kids love to create pranks from that story on Halloween. I wouldnt be surprised if my 6 year old kindergartener will come home one day and say that this house is haunted.

Point of this story...yes, there are people like that. Are they happy or are they sad? Not for us to judge. Maybe she and the OP are happy with the way they want to live. :dunno:
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LOL I get being a recluse... sometimes people in general just SUCK!!! I go through times when I just say "wow, people suck! I just wanna be alone."

I just don't get wanting to only make friends similar to me.

Drummer, what you said does make sense... it's really hard sometimes to make friends who are different from you in some way... both of you are afraid the other will not accept your differences.
 
JanatheShort said:
Drummer, what you said does make sense... it's really hard sometimes to make friends who are different from you in some way... both of you are afraid the other will not accept your differences.
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It's not so much afraid, but a feeling of being jaded at it (I'm in my 40s). I KNOW they usually don't accept my differences. People WANT solidarity (I'm this, I'm that, you're this, you're that. We've got each other's back, and we'll make sure we get through this). Thing is, lots of people have this vision of a world being one way, or at the least their region having nothing but people of a certain way. Look at Saudi Arabia as an example. Even tourists there have to behave and dress a certain way, especially the women. That is what I get from people. I don't try to push people into my beliefs because I'm WAY past even wanting to try. People are going to be the way they are. Why bother? Can we do something for fun instead? The Jeep club is a great place to be without deeply personal stuff getting in the way. Do you like to camp/go Jeeping on the trails? Let's go, you're invited. It's not like, "You're invited, and in the evening, we'll be covering verses from (insert book of your choice here). Cool with that?"
 
I think you underestimate the amount of people who are looking for friends who are interesting, and bored with solidarity. Also, Saudi friends ROCK. One of my closest friends is from there... and when I go to her house, I dress as a normal boring American. LOL

Yes, Saudi Arabia is extreme... In many other Muslim countries, there are churches and mosques, because the religions coexist. In Morocco, even Jews live there. They have ultra-conservative women, and ones who dress in ways that make Americans embarassed, studying and living side-by-side.

My point: Friends just like you are boring. Stay open to good people, so you don't miss awesome friends in your quest for friends just like you.
 
JanatheShort said:
I think you underestimate the amount of people who are looking for friends who are interesting, and bored with solidarity.

<snip>

My point: Friends just like you are boring. Stay open to good people, so you don't miss awesome friends in your quest for friends just like you.
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In that case, can you recommend a city or a part of the country besides Houston, Texas?

Second point - how would you know? I have never run into anyone who's like me. What does that say about cave people from tens of thousands of years ago? What were they like? What, you're going to kill yourself because you don't have anything else to do besides make/search/hunt for food, make shelter, simple implements, clothes, and walk around doing things all day?

Look, I know country people look like simpletons, especially those before TV or radio came along, but look at the QUALITY of friendships in the absence of TV, radio, Internet, etc. It allows you to focus on yourself, each other, the outdoors around you. Just take a look at this. This is not spam and NOT pornography in spite of the name. It is a gallery of beautiful nature settings where cabins of all kinds have been built. You will see how remote these places are. I can feel a painful yearning for being out there like this, just like I was at my aunt's cabin outside of Columbus last September... Cabin Porn

Please be mindful of the fact that when you only know so much or you are only aware of so much, your life seems so full until you are exposed to more and more stimulation in modern civilization. Are you saying that people from "uncontacted tribes" are boring? How do you know without ever having met them? Of those who are similarly wild, what do I know of their experiences, what do I know of their worldview that developed independently of modern civilization and my own view as well? Maybe because they grew up without expectations being hammered into them so, so early, what are their expectations about how things work? How do they see it? There's only one way to find out.

I'm hoping that we can eventually find each other online with the goal of meeting offline.
 
If cavemen never got out of their comfort zone I seriously doubt we would have any of the modern comforts that we currently have. Also the human race would be pretty limited as well. Just sayin'.

You've got to get out of your comfort zone, you'll learn something about yourself and even surprise yourself sometimes.

Other than that this thread is making me dizzy.
 
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