Facing your fears - have you done it?

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kshitijahuja

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Hello Everyone,

Like many other, I have hearing disability and am looking for a community where I can share my concerns and ideas. Looks like I am at the right place...

I have a concern about being independent in life which I feel I am not. Have you experienced situations which you know you can otherwise handle but do not because of fear of not being able to communicate? How have you tackled such situations and overcame the fear?

Kshitij
 
From prior classes at Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto dealing/coping with you Hearing Loss-one must be assertive in all social interactions of the fact you have "some difficulty hearing".
Thus an alternate could be: write.

Don't bluff!

Pay attention-all the time!

Don't claim to understand when you don't!

Some ideas to consider.

Welcome to AllDeaf.com
 
Thanks Dr. Phil,
I have realized this one big trait of giving impression without actually understanding - that has helped me to some extent. But in general, I find it tough to join a group of people discussing something simply because of fears of not being able to respond.

Writing is an alternative but is not always a good idea and depends a lot of the situation. What are other ways you would advise to be more inclusive in social set up?
 
One has to "pick & Choose" which social groups to join and be part of. Try to understand one's thoughts in this area.

One can't belong to everything. Your choice which to belong and test how it works out-social-wise.

The above probably applies to everyone but with a Hearing loss does make "life somewhat tougher". One has to deal with life as it is-now.

Some thoughts from my user name's book "Self Matters".
Does your local library have books on this topic?
 
There school were I work has a book that looks like what you are recommending; is it this one?

Self matters : creating your life from the inside out
Phillip C. McGraw.

By the way, I am stumped with the content you have on your website, will surely give a read to everything you have on your website even if I am unable to lay my hands on your book.

Many thanks for your help. I hope to see more of you around.

Kshitij
 
Since I'm oral, but still have the deaf accent, there were many times when I was reluctant to make a speech, or even converse at PTA meetings, teacher conferences, etc.

But one day, I put up a brave front, and spoke at a teacher's conference, and signed along also. It gave me more confidence. Be encouraged that if you have no speech skills, then write. There were times when I wrote on the blackboard at my son's school, when there were words to be spoken that I was unsure about speaking them orally correct.

There are some understanding people. And for the ones who are not, then they get a dose of reality! Hence, some harsh words and an embarrassment to them. Stand up, speak, sign, even write, let urself be heard. We deafies do have opinions and the only way we can be "heard" via the hearing community is to stand up. Face those fears head-on.

Good Luck!
 
Robin,
I can speak and partially hear and that I that is a major issue since I partly hear, I am expected to understand things. May be if I was totally deaf, things would have been entirely different. I would have been forced either to use sign-language or have people write.

You are spot-on with the your remark about being brave. I think it is all about facing your fears and that is precisely I feel where I lag.

Yes there are people who understand but you get hurt with people who do not and make fun, even though not intentionally, they end up ridiculing you or avoiding you in many ways, one of which is not repeating their words in order to make you inclusive in the conversation or making an effort to write to help you understand.

It gets pretty awkward at times.
 
kshitijahuja said:
Robin,
I can speak and partially hear and that I that is a major issue since I partly hear, I am expected to understand things. May be if I was totally deaf, things would have been entirely different. I would have been forced either to use sign-language or have people write.

You are spot-on with the your remark about being brave. I think it is all about facing your fears and that is precisely I feel where I lag.

Yes there are people who understand but you get hurt with people who do not and make fun, even though not intentionally, they end up ridiculing you or avoiding you in many ways, one of which is not repeating their words in order to make you inclusive in the conversation or making an effort to write to help you understand.

It gets pretty awkward at times.
Click to expand...

There are those who will understand you, those that don't, those who will make fun of you...and those that will admire you. It's all part of life...I tend to ignore the idiots, then again at times I correct them (if it's an adult)...

Moving on....and been there, done that....so don't waste ur time with the idiots.
 
kshitijahuja said:
Hello Everyone,

Like many other, I have hearing disability and am looking for a community where I can share my concerns and ideas. Looks like I am at the right place...

I have a concern about being independent in life which I feel I am not. Have you experienced situations which you know you can otherwise handle but do not because of fear of not being able to communicate? How have you tackled such situations and overcame the fear?

Kshitij
Click to expand...


I am almost one year deaf with a traumatic brain injury causing me to lose all of my hearing overnight. I have started a "to do"'list. Simple things are on there. 1) go to store and get dog food 2) pick up my prescription 3) have lunch with a friend. I may only get one of those per week, baby steps. When I do tho I get really ezcited. I am oral, but totally deaf. Just try one thing new per week. If I have difficulties, thats when I say, Im sorry I am deaf, can you repeat yourself . I was so excited cos today I went to PetsMart by myself. Baby steps!!.
 
kshitijahuja said:
There school were I work has a book that looks like what you are recommending; is it this one?

Self matters : creating your life from the inside out
Phillip C. McGraw.

By the way, I am stumped with the content you have on your website, will surely give a read to everything you have on your website even if I am unable to lay my hands on your book.

Many thanks for your help. I hope to see more of you around.

Kshitij
Click to expand...
He's not Dr. Phil, that's just his screen name.
 
drphil said:
From prior classes at Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto dealing/coping with you Hearing Loss-one must be assertive in all social interactions of the fact you have "some difficulty hearing".
Click to expand...

They have classes on how to cope with your hearing loss????

Interesting...wonder if we have anything like that here in the States....
 
CHS still has classes on dealing/coping with your Hearing Loss here in Toronto.

drphil: is my screen name of his computer website-drphil.com. I have never met him-though watch his afternoon TV programme.

My real name Bill
 
Ostensibly various members experiences re:deafness/hearing loss though not being ENT doctors.
 
kshitijahuja said:
Yes there are people who understand but you get hurt with people who do not and make fun, even though not intentionally, they end up ridiculing you or avoiding you in many ways, one of which is not repeating their words in order to make you inclusive in the conversation or making an effort to write to help you understand.

It gets pretty awkward at times.
Click to expand...

My son-in-law has an 85% hearing loss in one ear because of his service in Iraq. I have been guilty of being one of those people who did not repeat myself when he asked, and even said, "never mind." I did not mean to leave him out at all. I just often thought that what I said was just too dumb to repeat, that it was a waste of his time.

I have learned better through reading here, and now understand that if I can't remember to think more carefully before I speak so I won't be embarrassed if I am asked to repeat it, I can at least repeat myself and let him decide whether it's worth his time or not.

I tell you this just because maybe it will help you when a hearing person won't repeat themselves- you can think, "Oh, that poor person doesn't know any better and is ashamed to repeat what they said."

I just didn't realize.
 
Grayma's observations reinforces what CHS teaches: feed back if one's doesn't understand. Don't bluff!
 
Thanks everyone - it is always good know the opinions from both sides :)

Robin - I think you are spot-on. There are people who do understand and I have experienced it, they just are too few in number right now. May be because I have not been forward with them. Let's see, I am starting to learn to communicate with confidence no matter if I am unable to understand the response; and that exactly sounds like "facing your fears", doesn't it?

Angle1989 - I have the same experience. When I look back, I realize I was very closed and my communications were extremely limited. Then I started working, I got to meet and know a lot of people and things improved. I am doing things in the same way you call "baby steps", I just have not planned them :). But now it seems I should. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Grayma - You are right. I have had this thought. Hell -seems like I know and understand everyone, just end up on the wrong side. And that is likely because emotions play a huge role in deciding your perspective of others. I know they should not, and I will try that emotions do not affect my perspective of others. Thank you.


Everyone - This seems like a great community. But - I am wondering why most of the members are using fake names?

Thank you all for your inputs, keep them coming!
 
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I am new here, but have experienced allot of what is being discussed. I came from a "hearing" world to profoundly deaf almost instantly. It is taking allot to re-align myself with the world. All of the people I know and were around were hearing/speaking. This was five years ago that I lost what was left of my hearing. I find my interaction with people from the past very limited. There are those I am still in contact with, but the hearing world interacts at a group/noisy/multiple input level. If you stop by the pub, many people will speak at once, hence, for me anyway, I cannot follow much if any of the conversation. Bear in mind, I am a novice here, I am still learning. I am reluctant to put myself in these situations. The people closest to me know how to converse with me, the rest have sort of fallen off the map. I need to hone my skills in communication, but I do find it difficult if the other party does not talk TO ME. Not the wall, not the sink, TV, whatever.

What Grayma said was quite astute, please repeat yourself to me, let ME decide if what you said was unworthy of repeating. Saying "never mind" or just blowing it off makes the void between us deeper. I get frustrated by this. I do not choose to not hear what was spoken to me, but it is up to the person speaking to make the choice as to communicate with me or not. No one likes to be ignored, no matter what the context is in association with that feeling. Just sorta how I fell.
 
From CHS classes- if someone speaks and you don't understand/hear-say so and stop. Than the other person will react if not- why "stay in that situation"?
There can be reaction from your actions.
 
Grayma said:
I have learned better through reading here, and now understand that if I can't remember to think more carefully before I speak so I won't be embarrassed if I am asked to repeat it, I can at least repeat myself and let him decide whether it's worth his time or not.
Click to expand...
I believe that what comes out of quite a few (hearing) people's mouth, is not an overt attempt at communication with another individual, but more of an automatic, unconscious "thinking aloud" process that has little to do with others around them. When required to exert the effort to repeat it to someone they are with, they may realize they weren't even actually trying to communicate what they had vocalized. :giggle:

Myself, I never do this, of course. :roll:
 
That is true...I often mutter something around my hearing friends they ask me to repeat and I say "never mind". On second thought it wasn't worth repeating, or I decided it wasn't nice to say, or whatever.

I have been scarred for life by every deaf person I know about never giving the "never mind" response. My poor deaf friends have all suffered through really bad, not funny, poorly signed, or nonsensical jokes. My hearing friends have been spared. Just so you know, be careful what you ask for! LOL!!!!

(and yes, I understand that a lifetime of being brushed aside probably makes you want to suffer through the bad jokes if it means you at least know what is going on)
 
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