Enough is Enough...

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GrendelQ said:
I think that most if not all of the hearing parents who post on this site have incorporated sign in their deaf children's lives, or have worked to develop sign as their child's primary language. None are anti-sign.
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But you must admit this is funny to watch. :P
 
rebeccalj said:
:clap:

I agree. Sometimes, when I read posts from hearie parents I *read* my Mum. Closed off to the reality that I am different and view the world in unique way. Not want me to be deaf. Not want me to sign. Sign, my native language and something that came so natural to me but taken away too young. Want me to speak like other *normal* kids. Think her approach right, right. Deaf approach wrong, wrong. She knows better than those who *LIVE* with this day in and day out. :roll:

My Mum never grieve for the fact that I will never hear her play violin. Mum grieve that I will never hear her play piano. Mum grieve that I come with extra work. Always have to be aware of dangers and surroundings even when no longer toddler.

I feel sorry for those who insist that there is nothing to grieve. If you carry a child to term, and I have, my wish was they would not be Deaf. Cross fingers they not be Deaf. I hope for healthy child. Even straight child that will get married and have family. Child that won't be ridiculed or taunted by society. Child that won't be looked down on.

When you adopt a child it is very, very different. People that struggle with infertility, or whatever the reason, are *SO* grateful to have child they are thankful to have child no matter what the challenge might be. There is nothing really to grieve if you know, going into parenthood, what the challenges are. Or, maybe the grieving is less. Hoping for perfectly healthy child but get one with challenge instead. But, I still think grieving is more for parents who go through pregnancy, and all the fantasy of what will my child be like, only to find out that things aren't quite so textbook like the Disney stories we all read.

Ryancher is a breath of fresh air for me. Wish she were my Mum when I growing up. :hug:
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To be honest, I think I wouldnt be upset if I had a child who was born deaf.
 
Bottesini said:
Can't wait until PFH sees this one. :lol:
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I think someone meant well, but sort of reads as tho' I was so desperate 'whatever the reason', I'd take any crappy old kid. Even one of them 'unhealthy' deaf ones (!) .

And Shel, I agree, I was NOT upset or grief-struck when I first thought the little one was deaf. Worried I might not know best how to raise her, but eager to find out.
 
deafbajagal said:
I'll be happy to explain my reaction. I do not believe that the poster was intentionally trying to be rude...but I do believe that that kind of mindset is why we are divided. As long as one side thinks the other is superior, there will always be a division. No need for it. Let me show you MY perspective as a deaf person, and what I was feeling/thinking to myself when I read it.

1. It is NOT a hearing world. It is a world, period. The world is diverse and it is full of both hearing and deaf people. Yes, we are in the minority but so are blacks. You don't go around saying it's a white world. That would be insulting to the blacks, wouldn't it? Calling it a hearing world means I'm living in a foreign country or something. No. I live here. It's my world, too.

2. I am NOT handicapped. I'm especially not handicapped because I happen to be deaf. I am perfectly capable of being an independent adult. Besides, the word "handicapped" is outdated...technically, if needed, use the word "disabled." I'm not disabled, either.

3. There are many jobs that HEARING people can't do either. Not all of us are meant to be rocket scientists.

4. Sound does NOT mean language.

5. You don't have to hear sound to be able to have a relationship with sound. When I feel thumping down the hall, I know my child is running when she is supposed to be walking.

6. You cannot compare deaf babies with CI to hearing babies.

7. I was born with profound hearing loss and I talk just fine...withOUT a CI.

8. Hearing is important for safety? Bullshit. When there's a ambulance behind my car, I'm usually the one that notices it before my hearing family members. I have very good keen senses and to suggest that my safety or the safety of others are in jeopardy because of my hearing loss is absurd.

9. Hearing is NOT needed for communication.

10. And I'm proud of my cow horn. *Toot, toot!*


And if a deaf person wants a CI, by all means, go for it. If a parent wants to implant their children, fine by me. CI is a great tool. It doesn't work with every child, but as long as you do what you can, then you have my support. I have MANY deaf friends with CIs who love it. They are always egging me to get one, but I don't qualify. What I don't like is when someone says that a CI is needed because being deaf is so awful and so handicapping that they need to fix the problem. That's insulting to me as a person and to me as a member of the Deaf community.

Make sense?
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Precisely my reaction but I couldn't articulate it. Thank you. :ty::ty:
 
If I were young enough and able and had a new child. I would not mind it being deaf, only because that would really push me to quickly learn ASL instead of taking this lackadaisical approach that I am now. Yes, I do want to learn, but if I don't have the support and willingness of my family to learn with me, it is very hard.
 
GrendelQ said:
I think that most if not all of the hearing parents who post on this site have incorporated sign in their deaf children's lives, or have worked to develop sign as their child's primary language. None are anti-sign.
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I explain my Mum. Not HPODC.
 
If I had child in future and he/she was born Deaf, I wouldn't be upset cos I don't see anything wrong with Deaf child.

I be surprised if hearing parents didn't grieve over their child hearing except for CODA parents.

My Mum and Dad did grieve, that was very easy to see because I picked it up from all sorts of little things like cannot hear them, cannot hear music, talk like them, much more work, etc, etc.

Mum became really overprotective because she thought I can't do this and that because I was Deaf. Thinking it too dangerous for me only because I can't hear like crossing roads, ride a bike (Dad persuaded her in end and finally able to when I was 7/8), go out long trips. I was not allowed to do things that hearing child did, I had to wait much longer, much older before I am finally able to do it myself.
 
Nah, I don't think I had any fantasies about my in-utero daughter. Almost to the other extreme- I couldn't wait for her to be born and get a year on her so I could see what kind of person she was going to be. Turns out, a deaf person. I remember they sat us down after the second ABR in a room with a table and some kleenex, and told us for certain that she was profound. The way they told us, you'd think they were revealing cancer. We celebrated. Finally, we knew for sure. Deaf? Is that all? I'll run with that. We then hit the Olive Garden and really confused the waitress by telling her we were celebrating our daughter's official diagnosis as deaf.

To the OP, I'd check with the local AEA and see what local groups get together, or who else was around. That's where we found a good bit of moral support. The net is nice, and you get some pretty good info, but you have to really put it through the "your-life" filter or you start to get caught off guard in the extremes, and then you're afraid to post, and then you second guess your decisions, and it all goes down hill from there.
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That is yet another VERY healthy attitude to have!!!!! Granted it must have been scary and confusing and all that Great Don't Know stuff.....but boy if only more parents had that sort of attitude!
I feel sorry for those who insist that there is nothing to grieve. If you carry a child to term, and I have, my wish was they would not be Deaf. Cross fingers they not be Deaf. I hope for healthy child. Even straight child that will get married and have family. Child that won't be ridiculed or taunted by society. Child that won't be looked down on.
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We're not saying there is nothing to grieve. Any kid who is "different" in some way will have a tough time in society or be looked down on.But do we want to get rid of black or Purteo Rican or other minorites living in mainly white suburbs? Do we want to have kids who are basicly Stepford Wives kids.....all the same with no "differences?"
Sometimes the people who mention what they see as potential limitations for my daughter -- whether because of her deafness or her CIs -- are those who are most limited themselves (and not bc of deafness).
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HA yes. The same people who think I'm not exactly bright SIMPLY b/c I have a "deaf accent" seem to be almost not exactly bright or closed minded or prejudicated themselves.
Jenny, your daughter has autism and severe loss? Too bad you're not in the states...there's a new program at Austine School for the Deaf for autistic dhh kids.
Also, JW is it classic autism or more PDD Nos? If it is more PDD NOS (and I vaguely remember you saying that you had that....or was it that that your label kept changing) it might not be classic autism....it might just be the nereological manifesations of a syndrome. I've seen doctors and experts label kids with LD or other disabilties as on the spectrum simply b/c they have social emotional issues, when autism is so much more complicated. Then again I do think you prolly know the difference between all that stuff, and it does seem like there are parents who have HFA/PDD/Asperger's who have kids with classic autism.
 
GrendelQ said:
I think someone meant well, but sort of reads as tho' I was so desperate 'whatever the reason', I'd take any crappy old kid. Even one of them 'unhealthy' deaf ones (!) .

And Shel, I agree, I was NOT upset or grief-struck when I first thought the little one was deaf. Worried I might not know best how to raise her, but eager to find out.
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That is *SO* not true and completely uncalled for. What I say is, "Child that won't be ridiculed or taunted by society. Child that won't be looked down on."

I see in my daily life, as adult, the stares, deal with idiots in society on daily basis. Why would I wish that on my child if possible not to?

Damn rights I was hoping my children not be Deaf than deal with what I had to as child and now adult. Not love them any less if they were Deaf but, given a choice, wish they hear so not have to go through what I did.
 
GrendelQ said:
I think someone meant well, but sort of reads as tho' I was so desperate 'whatever the reason', I'd take any crappy old kid. Even one of them 'unhealthy' deaf ones (!) .

And Shel, I agree, I was NOT upset or grief-struck when I first thought the little one was deaf. Worried I might not know best how to raise her, but eager to find out.
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I guess everyone has different views when it comes to wanting children who are "normal" and children who arent "normal". It is sad that society puts so much value on what is "normal" where there are so many people who are not "nomral" by their standards have so much to offer. Oh well.
 
shel90 said:
I guess everyone has different views when it comes to wanting children who are "normal" and children who arent "normal". It is sad that society puts so much value on what is "normal" where there are so many people who are not "nomral" by their standards have so much to offer. Oh well.
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:gpost:
 
Wirelessly posted

i know that when we found miss kat's hearing loss it wasn't heartbreaking. It made sense. My husband said very bluntly "she could be not talking because she's deaf or because she's stupid, which would you rather it be?" (of course there are other reasons, but i thought he did a good job of putting it in perspective!!!!)
 
I guess everyone has different views when it comes to wanting children who are "normal" and children who arent "normal". It is sad that society puts so much value on what is "normal" where there are so many people who are not "nomral" by their standards have so much to offer. Oh well
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I really do think most "normal" people are faking it.
What IS normal anyway?
 
shel90 said:
I guess everyone has different views when it comes to wanting children who are "normal" and children who arent "normal". It is sad that society puts so much value on what is "normal" where there are so many people who are not "nomral" by their standards have so much to offer. Oh well.
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I know a lady who adopted a little girl and she told me all she wanted 'was a normal deaf child' I wore a smile for over a week.

I would love for someone to give me a definition of a 'normal' child....
 
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