Enabling-Let's discuss!

S

Socrates

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As of late, I have seen too much enabling in this forum. "What is enabling?" There's two types of enabling, negative and positive and the definition of enabling is

To supply with the means, knowledge, or opportunity; make able: a hole in the fence that enabled us to watch; techniques that enable surgeons to open and repair the heart.
To make feasible or possible: funds that will enable construction of new schools.
To give legal power, capacity, or sanction to: a law enabling the new federal agency.
To make operational; activate: enabled the computer's modem; enable a nuclear warhead.
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As a good AD'er, our role here is to be a positive enabler, not a negative enabler. You want to provide positive feedback & constructive criticism to your fellow peers and most importantly of all, respect one and another. Respect is earned, never ever follow the quote, "Respect me and I will respect you!" That is a sure-fire example of a negative enabler. A negative enabler has an attitude, trolls the boards, tries to manipulate one and another to make him/her see his/her perspective. When you are a positive enabler, you help situations around you. As a negative enabler, you flame threads.

Enabling and enablers.. let's discuss!! :)
 
Oooo good thread, girly! I think it's a very important issue to talk about. Anybody have guidelines of the signs that you are enabling others, or vice versa?
 
Depend on ADers, who simalir like yours... some not likely simlairs yours..
Pretty quite hard their enablings. As such, Self-Esteem and Low-Esteem....
Give it out brings more postive talks would be greater benefical too.
When ADers whoever feel ready to.....
 
Bullym0m said:
Depend on ADers, who simalir like yours... some not likely simlairs yours..
Pretty quite hard their enablings. As such, Self-Esteem and Low-Esteem....
Give it out brings more postive talks would be greater benefical too.
When ADers whoever feel ready to.....
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Bullymom, aye.. we can be positive and encouraging. However, we are not responsible for "fixing" another person's problems or how he/she feels about her/himself. That person must be willing to change from the within and change how he/she looks at her/himself or other situations. That's the whole point of enabling negatively = fixing somebody with or without permission.
 
A few good examples of negative-enabling are...

- "Calm down"
- "I don't like your attitude"
- "You are very rude"
- "You have a bad temper"
- "Sheesh, you need to open your mind up"
- "You are so close-minded"
- "You don't belong here"
- "I DISAGREE, IT IS UNFAIR!" (Capping is considered yelling)
- "I don't like the way you are coming after me"
- "I have noticed that you are obsessed with me, stop bothering me!"
- "Thank you for posting in a civilized manner"

The last example I wrote, it is usually negative-enabling because it give people the impression that they were thought of in a different way prior to the compliment. It shows that the person did not think much of the other person prior to the compliment and the tension between the two persons will continue after the compliment is made.

Plus, I do consider repeating a sign of negative enabling depending on the subject. For example, "I try to keep an open mind on the subject" a few times through the discussion, it is negative-enabling because people does get annoyed by the repeated postings.

A few good examples of positive-enabling are...

- "I disagree with the idea of yours"
- "I can not see how it is possible for the suggestion made to bring out a good result"
- "Your suggestion, you believe it will make good results because?"

These last three examples I made, they are the civilized way of talking.

The worst negative-enabling is to be a nitpicker about somebody's attitude, literacy skill, and characteristics. Making accusations is negative-enabling too as well and belongs in private discussions instead of the public.
 
Banjo said:
A few good examples of negative-enabling are...

- "Calm down"
- "I don't like your attitude"
- "You are very rude"
- "You have a bad temper"
- "Sheesh, you need to open your mind up"
- "You are so close-minded"
- "You don't belong here"
- "I DISAGREE, IT IS UNFAIR!" (Capping is considered yelling)
- "I don't like the way you are coming after me"
- "I have noticed that you are obsessed with me, stop bothering me!"
- "Thank you for posting in a civilized manner"

The last example I wrote, it is usually negative-enabling because it give people the impression that they were thought of in a different way prior to the compliment. It shows that the person did not think much of the other person prior to the compliment and the tension between the two persons will continue after the compliment is made.

Plus, I do consider repeating a sign of negative enabling depending on the subject. For example, "I try to keep an open mind on the subject" a few times through the discussion, it is negative-enabling because people does get annoyed by the repeated postings.

A few good examples of positive-enabling are...

- "I disagree with the idea of yours"
- "I can not see how it is possible for the suggestion made to bring out a good result"
- "Your suggestion, you believe it will make good results because?"

These last three examples I made, they are the civilized way of talking.

The worst negative-enabling is to be a nitpicker about somebody's attitude, literacy skill, and characteristics. Making accusations is negative-enabling too as well and belongs in private discussions instead of the public.
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I think I am guilty of that type of repetitious enabling, Banjo. I kept telling people the same thing a few times, especially in a longwinded post. I have to stop! LOL
 
The worst line of negative enabling, "I forgive you" has been said by a person when you know you haven't done anything wrong. That's the worst kind of enabling and you are also provoking the person.
 
Remmy, Just happends as for your 1st mistaken... Least there's always nobody perfect.. as long you happy whoever gave you forgiven!
So am I do sometimes mistaken as spill out of my breath.. btw, redo fix my comment.. Will be okay as long.. Everyones can understand and willing forgiven me or not.. depends them! :)
Socrates, r u bring this topic quite great advice!
 
Liza said:
we can be positive and encouraging. However, we are not responsible for "fixing" another person's problems or how he/she feels about her/himself. That person must be willing to change from the within and change how he/she looks at her/himself or other situations. That's the whole point of enabling negatively = fixing somebody with or without permission.
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good point there Liza and thats true -- we cannot be "fixing" ppl's problems or behaviors when its them that has to recognize their problems/behaviors and make their changes from within
 
Socrates -- great thread u started here girl! :thumb: it is very thought provoking and from what the members here have posted on their thoughts, i realized some comments i have said in the past may have been "negative-enabling" and ive not realized that til i read this :shock:

i would try and give suggestions to the best of my abilities without being enabling in a negative way which sometimes can be challenging when it comes to some types of ppl who seems to have the attitude of know-it-all or something similar to that and they would become a bit more argumentive for no apparent reason
 
good thread scroates :) I sometimes have to be polite cuz i don't want to end up being rude I have to be careful even tho I can cross the line sometimes in a while :|
 
Banjo's list of good examples are very Helpful !!
 
Socrateslove, Great topic! This is definitely educational for me because I never thought of anything like this until you mentioned it. It sure made me think. Hopefully this will help improve AD and start AD friendly now.

Banjo, thank you for the great examples and it made me think, too.
 
great topic scorates, MUCH apperticated it does help in every way to think the unthinkable. and thats a good point!

banjo the list is very thought provoking thanks for pointing those out :)
 
Ohhh such a wonderful topic!! :applause:

We can learn from this one!! Enabling people in the very wrong way can be so energy draining. Sometimes it is best to sit on your hands and not enable them when you know your buttons are being pushed. Granted it is so hard not to reply back and want to tell a person off but hey, it is better to not to do it because it will work out for the best. To enable the person in a positive manner, it works to the philosophy I have followed "agree to disagree".
 
Socrates said:
The worst line of negative enabling, "I forgive you" has been said by a person when you know you haven't done anything wrong. That's the worst kind of enabling and you are also provoking the person.
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I have a question to ask you. Are you hearing or deaf? Is this your first post?

BTW, another night, when RS insulted me...later apologized to me..I told him I forgave him...but it doesnt mean I have done anything wrong.

Remember, Deafies have their own languages...we sometimes dont realized which is positive or negative enabling.
 
Hmmm, this is an interesting thread. I wonder if it is a cultural difference or something, but this is a different meaning for 'enabling' than I was familiar with until I read this thread. Learn something new every day!

Where I come from enabling someone would be like examples:

A sister gives her drug addict brother money to pay his power bill, even though she knows he will just go spend it on drugs instead. She is enabling his drug habit, instead of reasureing him that she loves him but not giving him money. Allowing him to hit rock bottom and realse he needs help.

A father supports his adult daughter paying for her shopping for designer clothes, and doesn't encourage her to get a job and pay for her own things. He is enabling her to not take resposability for herself.

A mother knows her son doesn't do his laundry, so she goes around to his house and does it for him. She is enabling him to continue lazyness, or uncleanliness because he knows he doesn't have to learn to do things for himself.

So a poster here on AD could be enabling by the other definition that I already knew by maybe...

Knowing that someone is giving out bad information, or behaving badly, but instead of correcting them, or provide guidence on better ways to address people, they instead encourage them to post more silliness or provoke them with teasings knowing they will upset more people or make more mistakes. They're enabling them by giving them an audience for their bad posts, but not encouranging them to improve their interactions with others, or setting a good example.

This meaning I am familair with is more like, knowing when to step back and let people learn for themselves and grow, instead of just allowing or even helping them to continue in a destructive path.

I'm interested to learn of the other ways you would call someone enabling. These are new to me! Very interesting reading, thank you. :)
 
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