Don't Be like My Parents

[killalot]

Hearing

Killalot, I am sorry to read of your situation. Your'e hearing, right? If yes, what, may I ask, led you to Alldeaf?

No, I am not deaf. My grandpa was deaf and one of my aunts is deaf.
Well, that has nothing to do with me.

How Found this site?

I was bored noting to do. I was waitng of my 10 gigs of files to download.
My computer was slow. I was searching "wrist cutting article" on google. I just wanted to find out why people would do something like that. Miraculously, I ended up on this site. (I didn't know it had to do with hearing) I saw the parenting section(I became curious). I saw that there were a lot of parents on so I decided to check out what they think.

I thought the name alldeaf meant like you can see but you couldn't like gossip(lacking a good word) about it later. My vague idea-(what is brought here is dicussed here and ends here)

(I am really bad at spelling)

I was bored nothing to do and nobody to talk to so I posted on the fourms.
If you don't want me to be here in there fourms I will gladly leave.

 

[Endymion]

killalot, no, we like you here. You're totally welcome to join us!

 

[killalot]

Very High Expectaions

Well, it's hard for me to give you advices. I need to hear the other side of the story which are your parents. How am I going to find out if you are telling the full story or not? Are there any reasons why your parents keep you at bay? I guess we will never know the real reasons why your parents are doing things like that until we hear from your parents' story.

Yes, the other side of the story. My parents. They have an ideal picture of a kind in their mind and they want me to be him. They want me to be responsible. So they want me to take care of everything. I mean EVERYTHING! (Almost like I dont need them but I am living with them) They want me to think the way "they" want me to think. (Think Positive Always no matter what) They want me to think working hard is good. Patience and determination are good. They want me to only think I am working hard to better myself and not to please them. They want we to aways think about the future and not about the present. Think present is not important. They want me to think I am the best not matter what. (lol even if they think i am not)

-very long list of other stuff.
ex."Listen to us and don't make the same mistakes like we did"
(I got hours and hours lectures on that. Lecture=Sit, shutup and listen. Respond to answer exactly as they expect because you are a kid and don't know the real and right answer.

*Litterally I get brainwashed
These are all not anything new had all these since I was like 8.
Or even before.

Good/Bad
-Too concerned about me=checking on me every 5 mins. Locking me at home beacuse there is like 1 in 10000 who get kidnappped everyday.
-They consider most kids bad influence

Lol my dad has an alarm system, a padlock(rod) and like a key(something)
he thinks someone will steal his car. lol his car (1994 camery)

-Asking me to do thing, they think they are helping buy repeting the same thing over and over again.

Lol. I got in a fight at school and got beaten the crap out of and showed up at home bleeding everywhere and my parents got the call from the principal telling I was in a fight. I sat there bleeding for like 4 hours listening to leacure.(It is four hours long beacuse they repeat stuff over and over and over again till they think it sunk into my head or hehe lucky me it was sleeping time (9:00) back then)

Lessons learned- Never put yourself in a stuation. If you are in a stituation move away. Never retaliate.



They want more then just grades; they want a perfect person.

 

[killalot]

Not anger Not hate but just a little sad

First of all, I'm very sorry how you feel toward your parents. I can tell thru your post that you has a low self-esteem... I know it's not your fault... It's very sad to read your story here...

I would suggest you to read this link about esteem and it would help you to understand how you feel...

It's explian what esteem is. It would help you to improve your esteem and stand yourself if you feel what your parents did is not right.

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=22195&highlight=esteem

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=22006&highlight=spank


Yes I would suggest you to have a sit to talk with your parents first then counsellor if it doesn't work with your parents.

Did you know that there're children protection law? You has the right to state how you feel toward your parents to counsellor or CPS. They will help you and your parents how to solve this issues and improve this retainship between you and your parents.

Yes I can understand your parents's side that they want you get well at school with your grades but they can't expect you as prefect child with all A'. They should help you to improve your education and your wish should be fulfilling, not do what they want with you... Example doctor, etc... It's your dream wish, not their dream.

Of course I hug my children and praise them, no matter what because they deserve it from me. Patience and Praise children is always work to improve their grades, not push and force them because it would make them feel unhappy and neglect their education. No trust bond between children and parents...

I would suggest you to talk with counsellor if you really love your parents and want be good retainship with them. It's counsellor who help to convince you and your parents what right or wrong... It make retainship stronger.

I feel perfectly fine towards my parents. It's frusterating sometimes.

 

[cherylh]

I think maybe you are deaf and your parents are hearing. Am I right? How do you communicate? Can they sign well? Maybe they feel guily that they have a deaf child. Maybe they think deaf mean not perfect. And it is their fault.
Are they happy together? Maybe not when your father is away so much. You have a right to be treated well. This is not happening. You must see the school counsellor. Or someone at a deaf organisation near you. Counsellors must agree not to tell anyone what you tell them. This is confidentiality. Check this with the counsellor before you say anything.
It is very sad that you have been living like this. I think it is very brave of you to share here what is happening and how you feel.
Your parents are so concerned about themselves and have no time for you. If you do not get help now then it will get worse.
Maybe feel good that your parents are getting you a car. Of course you will be a wonderful driver. Are they paying for you to have lessons first. Keep in touch qith us here and we will send you courage to fight for a better life that you deserve.

 

[Foxrac]

I am 17.

My parents tell to be active. For example, I got on the football team. They imediatly made me quit. Before I got on the team they were tell me I am was not capible of getting on it and if I do some how then I could play. My parents lie alot. I am a little out of shape and they tell me I need to loose some weight.(I am 6ft and 178 pounds). Their solution is play sports and activities. But then they tell "Make sure you grades stay the same if you play sports"(loads of pycological stuff) (implying don't do activities).

My parents are hard core about grades and they want all As.
OMG! I can't imagine what will happen if i got a C. In high school!!
In 5th grade I failed one class and my mom broke all my games and systems and dad threw loads of stuff away. And i wasn't allowed to do video games and tv for 5 months They bought all that stuff after 5 months(next report card). They tell me that i am getting the grades for myself and all i see is them wanting the grades.

My parents are smart. Trust me it is not fun. You can never! get away with anything. My mom has a Phd (Proffesor) and thinks she is the center of the world. Dad got a masters in industrial engineering(manager)and is a push over.

My dad is always away.(last saw him 3 months ago) Mom's got no time for me. She claims she is always buzy writing papers. She feels sucess is more important than family. She is very mean.

My parents don't let me leave the house. 5 days of the week(school days) they say i got to concentrate on homework. They don't ever allow exceptions. My mom claims I am brurden on her and I need to get my licence.
She only drops me at friend's house one a week but if i am lucky twice.. Sleepover rarely. So the only thing i do is play video games and watch tv.
My parents have a porblem with video games and tv, so i am only allowed to play technically on friday. But they let me play on saturday and sunday.
More or less i am locked in the house all the time with no one to talk. My mom moniters me closely but she doesn't have time to interact.

I decide to take piano classes and golf lessons. My parents force me to get tutored in english(weak subject). I hate the weekends. Saturday morning I got to get up by 7 and got to music at 10. And on Saturday got to get up at 8 and trave to a diff city to get tutored at 1 and ends at 4. And my mom always starts early so we won't be late. I tried to quit there routines but I get told "you are freekin lazy""You just want to sit on you ass""Make sure you get an A in english""You are lethergic" My parents also use many metaphores like comparing me to a lowly thing. So always ends up with a fight and I continue doing these thing. I am stuck it forever with no exit.

I think this is enough. I could keep on going on and on and on.
Is there a way to deal with overprotecting parenting. Parents don't know what is going on. Oh ya didn't have friends till this year; i feel lucky.

I feel like shit every day. Is normal? My parents say it is normal.
I feel demoralized.

email: aceofhearts@hotmail.com
Email me if you can guide me or help me or discuss if you have a similar problem.

It will be 18 soon as u can move out to friend house or other relative's house. THat's similiar to me that I live with my friend at apartment in Van Nuys.

 

[Foxrac]

btw, I was leaving parent's house because Poway HS does sucked and my father is almost fight with me. I don't like police in Poway cuz they're tried brutal at me for no reason and curfew time is fucking strict. Overall, my parent are extremely flexiable for long time but major problem with my father. After I was leaving then my parent is just cried so wild and make apologize, I'm not accept it due my father is keeping want fight with me. Finally, my father is now in heart break and lost his job. That all u that list about issue with parent are not normal, that extremely low self-esteem and u can ask school counselor if parent isn't up with u or not work. ur school counselor will probably take u to somewhere like courthouse and apply for case. Of course, ur parent will be very pissed off and extremely worried but u r protected from police or with someone.

I just all that what I said, if ur home is sidewalk friendly and near to urban area so u can run away as if u want too. Just use idea that want solve ur issue.

There's other idea, u have rights for said no to them for want u become an doctor. If u feel want work at minimum wage (like McDonald's) and live in cheap apartment in somewhere in inner ring of suburb with highest population of hispanic (or mixed with white and hispanics), crime isn't bad, just like normal (It can be low crime). If u want do that so ur parent would be shocked and that how their influence is bad, bad care or everything. If happen to me, not live with friend then I would move to Pacoima, Sylmar or Sun Valley that where area have low crime and reasonable apartment rent but it wasn't happen to me cuz my friend is very nice, that where we grew up in elementary school and middle school.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I feel perfectly fine towards my parents. It's frusterating sometimes.

You must be brave...

but I would rebel against my parents if they act as same as your parents... because their discipline is not accetance...