Discovering Who I Am

[BobbyBoucher]

Hello everyone. I am 29 years old. I am hard of hearing. I have had slow progressing hearing loss since I was a child.

My hearing loss was not identified for a long time. I did not get hearing aids until I was 18. I was struggling so much in high school that I could not function anymore. I so went to my parents and begged them to take me to the doctor. I walked out of the audiologists office with hearing aids and that was it. I could hear properly. Success! Right?...

I don't know any other deaf or hard of hearing people in real life. It never occurred to me that there was a whole culture and community around it. When I got my first hearing aids it was another tool to like glasses. I am not completely deaf so I never made the connection. I didn't even know the term "hard of hearing" until last year.

I hadn't realized that the real thing that I needed to address was not just getting hearing aids. It was the toll it took in the whole act of trying to fake it and fit in. I had always been repressing this part of who I am. Everyone always attributed me as a problem child and left it at that. I think most of those around me just chalked up the hearing problems to another in the laundry list of problems with me.

I have been reading stories of other deaf and hard of hearing people. I watched as many Youtube vloggers as I could find. With every story I encountered there were more checkboxes on the list of things I that I can identify with. I wish I would have known all of this sooner. I know a lot more about myself now than I ever have. And all the time I wonder what might be discovered next.

 

[hoichi]

welcome to allDeaf
great your discovering Deaf culture..

anything i can do to help just ask..
are you learning sign?

Deaf find the term hard of hearing insulting so, just a heads up

again welcome

 

[Muse]

Welcome, Bobby! Your story is actually a very, very common one, as I think you've already figured out . You're not alone -- there's a bunch of people I might be able to introduce you who came some variation of your route too.

I completely relate to "trying to fit in" and it taking a toll. You know those moments where you don't know whether or not to laugh or nod your head because you weren't sure you got it right.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

WOW ! So no one notice that you weren't responding to them for a reason and just labeled you as a 'problem child' . You would think people would be more advance today and had your hearing checked out. Yeah putting on hearing aids is going magically bring you up to date on all the schooling you missed and everything is fine and dandy ! GRRR! This really upset me to think things aren't really any better than when I was a child in the 1950's ! I think you will find out that you a lot stronger than you realize . Are you working now ?

 

[DeafDucky]

Deaf find the term hard of hearing insulting so, just a heads up

I would think Deaf would not mind hard of hearing as much as hearing impaired. I've seen a lot of Deaf sign HOH and include hard of hearing when speaking about the Deaf community in general. It's hearing impaired most Deaf don't like/consider insulting.

 

[hoichi]

I would think Deaf would not mind hard of hearing as much as hearing impaired. I've seen a lot of Deaf sign HOH and include hard of hearing when speaking about the Deaf community in general. It's hearing impaired most Deaf don't like/consider insulting.

interesting, i've experienced it differently regarding the use of the term,

indeed re hearing impairment.

 

[Bottesini]

interesting, i've experienced it differently regarding the use of the term,

indeed re hearing impairment.

We always sigh hh and deaf here. Never saw anyone upset.

 

[MonikaHoH]

Hiyo!

 

[deafdyke]

WOW ! So no one notice that you weren't responding to them for a reason and just labeled you as a 'problem child' . You would think people would be more advance today and had your hearing checked out. Yeah putting on hearing aids is going magically bring you up to date on all the schooling you missed and everything is fine and dandy ! GRRR! This really upset me to think things aren't really any better than when I was a child in the 1950's ! I think you will find out that you a lot stronger than you realize . Are you working now ?

That's easy. It's b/c it's a lot easier to pretend that HOH kids don't "need" ASL or specialized stuff.....I don't get it. When a child or teen is dx as dhh, they should as a matter of course be given EVERYTHING, and hooked up with all these resources instead of being left to doggy paddle in the mainstream without a safety net.

 

[hoichi]

We always sigh hh and deaf here. Never saw anyone upset.

alright,
no plm.
interesting interesting..

nice avatar bottesini....'-)

 

[whatislife]

Hi OP, I also was raised the same way - faking it and fitting in. It did take a lot of toll on my life and missed opportunities. Hope you're ok.

 

[Bottesini]

alright,
no plm.
interesting interesting..

nice avatar bottesini....'-)

Thank you

 

[DeafNerdMommy]

Welcome

 

[Reba]

 

[whatdidyousay!]

That's easy. It's b/c it's a lot easier to pretend that HOH kids don't "need" ASL or specialized stuff.....I don't get it. When a child or teen is dx as dhh, they should as a matter of course be given EVERYTHING, and hooked up with all these resources instead of being left to doggy paddle in the mainstream without a safety net.

Part of the problem is the more charter schools there are regular public schools lose money and the first thing to be cut is funding for students that need extra help .

 

[dogmom]

 

[whatdidyousay!]

We now have smartphones and
stupid parents , teachers and doctors if one of those didn't get it that you were losing your hearing . No you weren't a problem
child , the adults are the problem . There needs to be more awareness about deafness in the school systems and medical field .

 

[BobbyBoucher]

If anyone asked me years ago I would have told you that I am hearing impaired. I guess that's the common term that people generally know and use.

When I first started reading more about Deaf vs deaf, hard of hearing and the terminology. I read about how some people identify as Deaf and all that but are not 100% deaf as in no sound at all. There was a moment where I had to laugh at the absurdity cause I said to myself "wait, am I deaf?".

Sometimes I contemplate whether or not I should try using the "I'm deaf" if there's a situation when hearing communication is just not working and I would have to ask them to repeat themselves too much.

welcome to allDeaf
great your discovering Deaf culture..

anything i can do to help just ask..
are you learning sign?

Deaf find the term hard of hearing insulting so, just a heads up

again welcome

I went through all of Bill Vicars lessons a while ago. Sometimes I watch deaf vloggers on YouTube. I need to watch them at half speed and rewind a lot. Especially when they finger spell.

I found some other online resources too but none appear to be as comprehensive has LifePrint.

WOW ! So no one notice that you weren't responding to them for a reason and just labeled you as a 'problem child' . You would think people would be more advance today and had your hearing checked out. Yeah putting on hearing aids is going magically bring you up to date on all the schooling you missed and everything is fine and dandy ! GRRR! This really upset me to think things aren't really any better than when I was a child in the 1950's ! I think you will find out that you a lot stronger than you realize . Are you working now ?

I didn't grow up in a very positive environment. I mean I had the basic needs met and stuff. If had a fever I'd go to the doctor and get medication. If I scraped my knee I'd get a bandaid. Beyond that my parents are clueless when it comes proper socialization. Their approach to conflict is stonewalling or screaming outbursts. To their credit they both had to work a lot and most other moments were spent keeping things in order. So I spent a lot of time alone.

I am extremely shy and quiet. I think people figured it was that. So the regular periods emotional distress and coping issues were largely linked to growing pains. I don't know if one came first or if it was like that at all. I mean maybe I am naturally aloof/avoidant and shy. And the issues with hearing played off each other in some sort of comorbidity. Or maybe the struggles with hearing problems from the start is what lead to these problems.

There have been short periods where I would do a bit better socially. I have a few friends for a couple of years. So it reiterated with all the adults that I am okay and it's was probably growing pains passing. Then my inability to do well in group settings. The self-esteem, avoidant, and isolation issues would distance me. It was a series of similar cycles.

I remember taking some kind of vision test very early in elementary school. So like '91/'92-ish. There was never any kind of hearing check though. I had a handful of teachers that picked up on the self esteem issues and tried to encourage me a lot. There just wasn't anything that seemed to click with anybody that would give them the idea that "maybe he's not hearing well".

I am not working right now. I do a seasonal thing for a family friend. It's menial tasks so there's not much pressure. It gets me out and facing people.

 

[hoichi]

If anyone asked me years ago I would have told you that I am hearing impaired. I guess that's the common term that people generally know and use.

When I first started reading more about Deaf vs deaf, hard of hearing and the terminology. I read about how some people identify as Deaf and all that but are not 100% deaf as in no sound at all. There was a moment where I had to laugh at the absurdity cause I said to myself "wait, am I deaf?".

i wouldn't use the term vs, in regards to Deaf and deaf, its not vs, rather a better way to put it, is Deaf is a culture and people, with a language and our history and everything that entails, we are a minority culture, an d a minority people, that use our language int he case of america and canada and part of mexico thats ASL,
the other- deaf is an ideological construct. and measurement of an audiological idea.

the audiological construct of deafness, its a wide spectrum in the sense of the measurement. you certainly do NOt need to be stone deaf to identify and be Deaf..

that's not at all how it works..

most Deaf are not the hear nothing at all" measurement.

its a wide spectrum

so yes plenty of Deaf can hear and obviously feel a a number of sound vibrations or sound waves, like a giant truck rolling by or a very loud airplane, a heavy fast train so on...

of course those sounds are nothing at all remotely close to the sound frequency of the human voice so..

Sometimes I contemplate whether or not I should try using the "I'm deaf" if there's a situation when hearing communication is just not working and I would have to ask them to repeat themselves too much.

nothing wrong in informing others, it does them a favour so they don't need ot repeat themselves over and over and over.....
thats i why i sign with everyone period. hearies i sign with, right away they knwo im Deaf yeah im signing with you and i'll rite it for them....(i am almost always voice off)

I went through all of Bill Vicars lessons a while ago. Sometimes I watch deaf vloggers on YouTube. I need to watch them at half speed and rewind a lot. Especially when they finger spell.

I found some other online resources too but none appear to be as comprehensive has LifePrint.


lifeprint is good just keep using the sign you knwo as you acquire more, and indeed train your eyes, watching vloggers ASL and anything ASL acclimatizes you to it, and aids in you becoming receptive. its a language lie many langue ti will take time and effort..

I didn't grow up in a very positive environment. I mean I had the basic needs met and stuff. If had a fever I'd go to the doctor and get medication. If I scraped my knee I'd get a bandaid. Beyond that my parents are clueless when it comes proper socialization. Their approach to conflict is stonewalling or screaming outbursts. To their credit they both had to work a lot and most other moments were spent keeping things in order. So I spent a lot of time alone.


I am extremely shy and quiet. I think people figured it was that. So the regular periods emotional distress and coping issues were largely linked to growing pains. I don't know if one came first or if it was like that at all. I mean maybe I am naturally aloof/avoidant and shy. And the issues with hearing played off each other in some sort of comorbidity. Or maybe the struggles with hearing problems from the start is what lead to these problems.

There have been short periods where I would do a bit better socially. I have a few friends for a couple of years. So it reiterated with all the adults that I am okay and it's was probably growing pains passing. Then my inability to do well in group settings. The self-esteem, avoidant, and isolation issues would distance me. It was a series of similar cycles.

I remember taking some kind of vision test very early in elementary school. So like '91/'92-ish. There was never any kind of hearing check though. I had a handful of teachers that picked up on the self esteem issues and tried to encourage me a lot. There just wasn't anything that seemed to click with anybody that would give them the idea that "maybe he's not hearing well".

i grew in a bar and the back stretch of a race track so, though the environment was load of fun for a child....'-), i wouldn't term it a positive environment...so i can relate to you there..


as for the hearing tests think they do hearing tests in grade schools but im not sure, maybe they have to be requested.

I am not working right now. I do a seasonal thing for a family friend. It's menial tasks so there's not much pressure. It gets me out and facing people.

thats always a good thing...

you did good coming here...

and welcome again

 

[deafdyke]

Part of the problem is the more charter schools there are regular public schools lose money and the first thing to be cut is funding for students that need extra help .

The problem started before charter schools were even a twinkle in someone's eye. And there are charter schools that are Deaf Schools.