Dealing with "Pathological Liers".....

rockin'robin

rockin'robin

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You guys ever met or dealt with one?....They will lie and deny until their last breath or turn blue in the face.....Swear to the high heavens "they didn't do it", or what they are saying is "the truth"...no matter the facts.....

Is it genetic?....A disease?....or something self-taught enabling them to get away from things they've done/said without getting caught and facing recupersions for it....Any cure for this?...

Seems it's common for drug addicts and inmates in prison/jails. Even for some of us "regular folk".....And isn't the saying "Honesty is the best policy"?
 
People make their choices... :dunno2: I had a long time friend that I used to call "my sister" because we were that close. I envisioned growing old with her, sitting together, having great discussions like we always had, watch movies and argue about them. :laugh2: She died several years ago. It was only after her death I found out things about her that astounded me. I just never had a clue until later in life that she was a habitual liar. She wasn't a drug addict. She wasn't a criminal. Never in jail. But she just learned somewhere along the line to lie and tell people what she thought they wanted to hear, never exposing her true self. Blaming the world for all her troubles, and told herself she was justified "using" people. :shock: I know she was taught better. I knew her mother. :( It wasn't until she tried to use us, take us for some $$$ that I saw her "true face." After she died and I connected with common friends, I heard some horrible stories of how she took them for $$$. She died alone and unmourned and resented by family that was left as well as past friends. :( So, some people just make lousy choices about how to live their lives, sacrificing their personal integrity, and choosing to prey on others, whether for $$$ or emotional abuse or whatever else. Why do people do the things they do?! Cause themselves and others ongoing misery and suffering? Who the heck knows? :dunno:
 
I know of a few, I am not close with any though. Honesty is one of the most important traits to me, and if someone lies more than once I usually drop them from my life. Unfortunately there is one person in my life that I am not sure is a liar or not. It drives me crazy.
 
I don't know why they do it nor do I know what causes it. Maybe you can get an answer from Bill Clinton.
 
Oh yeah, I met few people who are pathological liers... I would never be "friend" with them. I prefer a honest intelligent discussion, not one like when a deaf guy telling a story about how close he got a shark bite in one of the river...blah blah.. and I said..."dork...shark don't live in river...." in front of my friends... then he walk away.
 
SneakerNet said:
Oh yeah, I met few people who are pathological liers... I would never be "friend" with them. I prefer a honest intelligent discussion, not one like when a deaf guy telling a story about how close he got a shark bite in one of the river...blah blah.. and I said..."dork...shark don't live in river...." in front of my friends... then he walk away.
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actually..... a shark can attack in river.... because a river connects to ocean so a shark can swim thru to find food if its natural source of food has gotten scarce. a shark can swim where we swim and it eats anything that moves.
 
I am very impatient with liars. It's so pointless.

Sometimes I think they do it to fit in, but they would have just as good a chance if they would just be themselves.
 
Jiro said:
actually..... a shark can attack in river.... because a river connects to ocean so a shark can swim thru to find food if its natural source of food has gotten scarce. a shark can swim where we swim and it eats anything that moves.
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Yes at the edge of interconnecting between river and ocean but in a rare case that shark don't swim deep up the rivier due to fresh water, shark can't live in fresh water. There are some shark can live in fresh for long time, I think it's bull sharks, but can't breed there, have to do it in salt water. Hardly in USA but bull shark in Amazon...it can happen.
 
SneakerNet said:
Yes at the edge of interconnecting between river and ocean but in a rare case that shark don't swim deep up the rivier due to fresh water, shark can't live in fresh water. There are some shark can live in fresh for long time, I think it's bull sharks, but can't breed there, have to do it in salt water. Hardly in USA but bull shark in Amazon...it can happen.
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I suppose it depends on what he was talking about but I take it that you know enough to call it bullshit :lol:

sounds like he was talking about some river deep in land or something.
 
I knew of two that were extreme. One guy in college kept telling the same story, but each time he told the story something significant would change. Example: He would brag that his Trans Am would smoke the tires easily for two miles after 'popping the clutch in first and second', and another day he would talk about revving the engine and dropping the shifter into 'D'...(you can't have a clutch with an automatic). When I said "I thought you said you popped the clutch", he would get all pissed off and storm out.

The other was my wife's aunt's boyfriend..for 4 years he talked about how he was in the Special Forces killing the enemies, etc, and whenever I asked specific questions, he got in my face and tried intimidating me with his "I am badass, don't f** with me" attitude. When the aunt died, we found out he never served in the military, never did this, that, etc.

Bottom line is...if someone's story changes over time, or they get all worked up when you ask specifics, that is usually a red flag.

No, I don't think there is a cure for lying....
 
green427 said:
I knew of two that were extreme. One guy in college kept telling the same story, but each time he told the story something significant would change. Example: He would brag that his Trans Am would smoke the tires easily for two miles after 'popping the clutch in first and second', and another day he would talk about revving the engine and dropping the shifter into 'D'...(you can't have a clutch with an automatic). When I said "I thought you said you popped the clutch", he would get all pissed off and storm out.

The other was my wife's aunt's boyfriend..for 4 years he talked about how he was in the Special Forces killing the enemies, etc, and whenever I asked specific questions, he got in my face and tried intimidating me with his "I am badass, don't f** with me" attitude. When the aunt died, we found out he never served in the military, never did this, that, etc.

Bottom line is...if someone's story changes over time, or they get all worked up when you ask specifics, that is usually a red flag.

No, I don't think there is a cure for lying....
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wow.... definitely the worst cases of pathological liar... :eek3:
 
Jiro said:
I suppose it depends on what he was talking about but I take it that you know enough to call it bullshit :lol:

sounds like he was talking about some river deep in land or something.
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Yep.. I can't remember exactly what river he was talking about but I know it's deep somewhere. Also, I been scuba diving for many years..I think that what brought up his bs stories.
 
rockin'robin said:
You guys ever met or dealt with one?....They will lie and deny until their last breath or turn blue in the face.....Swear to the high heavens "they didn't do it", or what they are saying is "the truth"...no matter the facts.....

Is it genetic?....A disease?....or something self-taught enabling them to get away from things they've done/said without getting caught and facing recupersions for it....Any cure for this?...

Seems it's common for drug addicts and inmates in prison/jails. Even for some of us "regular folk".....And isn't the saying "Honesty is the best policy"?
Click to expand...

well it's certainly not a genetic defect or disease. it's a self-defense mechanism to protect their fictitious world they created to forget about their trauma typically at childhood age. it's sad.

at adult age, it would be extremely difficult and challenging for professionals to treat them because the pathological liars are at liberty to lie whenever and wherever they want without supervision. if discovered, they can simply disappear and move to wherever and start anew with a new lie. it's just a matter of time till the law catches up with them.
 
SneakerNet said:
Yep.. I can't remember exactly what river he was talking about but I know it's deep somewhere. Also, I been scuba diving for many years..I think that what brought up his bs stories.
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ooo snap! good catch :lol:
 
Jiro said:
well it's certainly not a genetic defect or disease. it's a self-defense mechanism to protect their fictitious world they created to forget about their trauma typically at childhood age. it's sad.

at adult age, it would be extremely difficult and challenging for professionals to treat them because the pathological liars are at liberty to lie whenever and wherever they want without supervision. if discovered, they can simply disappear and move to wherever and start anew with a new lie. it's just a matter of time till the law catches up with them.
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Why not genetics? There is something different about someone who doesn't tell the truth, and constantly lies.

I would say there is something wrong with them. Why can't it be a part of some mental illness that they are genetically predisposed to?
 
Well, I too, am leaning towards genetics somewhat.....and believe it can be addictive/long term also. A cure for it? Probably not, unless they would grow a "Pinocchio" nose whenever they lied....There are many con artists out there, and they teach their offsprings the trade.
 
I know two far better than I wish to. One is a relative and one is somebody we have been involved with for five years while we try to help her children. We put up with it for the children. We have guidelines- we never give her money, leave her alone in our house, or believe a word she says. I practice a conversational policy of noncommittal nothings when she talks. My side of the conversation is only "Hmmm. Mmmm. Really? Oh. Huh. How about that?" while she talks. That's all.

I do not know why people do it. I don't think it's *just* trauma, because lots of people go through the same kinds of trauma and don't become liars. I think there is a sort of innate moral cowardice, combined with circumstances where they get away with lying enough times that it becomes a habit, and eventually they cannot even tell what they are doing anymore, they lie without thinking about it and they don't even care enough to keep straight stories. At some point, I don't think they can help it anymore unless they really find it too painful to keep it up and make a determined decision to stop, including being willing to humiliate themselves and admit their lies over and over.

Which brings us back to the innate moral cowardice issue. They don't have moral courage.
 
well, actually there are two parts of why person is pathological lier, one is shame, sometime person who have difficulty of getting attention or making friends and want to impress someone and ended up liking him/her as a "cool" person. He/she will get into bad habit of lying somone and can break the cycle if treating him/her properly. Secondly is just like what Grayma said is about "trauma" in the past where he/she have abusive parents or like, and had to lied to prevent any further abuses. That ended up difficulty to express honesty... fear of getting abuses.
 
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