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My hubby always told me that whenever I took what other people said personally.
Our hubbies are wise men, arent they?
Seems so!
Deafness; Re - Invisible Handicap vs Visible Handicap
- Thread starter Jolie77
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Seems so!
I think often it doesn't matter whether your HAs are visible or not. A lot of people seem to assume that they correct hearing in the same way that glasses correct vision.
Also, a lot of people assume that because you can understand what they are saying in a quiet environment, with no background noise, that you can understand them in any environment, even really noisy ones.
Some people don't understand anything unless they have personal experience of it or know someone who does. My daughter, however, recently told me that she always listens carefully to cashiers when we are out shopping, in case she needs to tell me what they have said. She says she has been doing this since she was a small child and now still does it sub-consciously, even when out shopping with her friends.
melissa
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Yeah, noisy environments are pretty much no for me, a pub/noisy street will require lots of lipreading and repeating things. I actually don't know if my vision is corrected perfectly with my glasses, so I can't compare- though there are signs I often can't read without moving closer, so I've never thought that they make things perfect.
Sometimes I can't hear cashiers, so I just give them a big note when they ask for money- I swear it's the reason I'm always broke and a shopaholic!
Sometimes I can't hear cashiers, so I just give them a big note when they ask for money- I swear it's the reason I'm always broke and a shopaholic!
This is dead on.The point is that glasses correct to 20/20 vision for a lot of people (although visually impaired people with glasses have the same dilemmas as us deaf/hoh people with hearing aids) so most people just assume that hearing aids means perfect hearing.
melissa
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Ah, I see. My old boss used to say to me 'are you wearing your hearing aids' when I couldn't hear something- they often needed cleaning, but that's besides the point!
I saw a badge online, it said something like 'Face me when you speak, I'm deaf!'- I still think it's worth a shot!
I saw a badge online, it said something like 'Face me when you speak, I'm deaf!'- I still think it's worth a shot!
I'd love to have a badge that says "Tap my shoulder or the counter for my attention!" so people know how best to get my attention.
That's so obnoxious about the "are you wearing your hearing aids"? What is he--your mother? If you can't hear something, you can't hear something. :roll:
Frisky Feline
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anyone who ask "are you wearing hearing aid or is it on or working?" they are the one who have no patience. :roll:
Since I grew up oral yet have profound deafness with almost perdect speech i am always being doubted as deaf. I wear hearing aids but I am often having to explain that they really only help with direction and that sort of thing. Of course when we are somewhere noise they quickly remember and ask me if I am wearing my HA's. It trys my patients.
I am sorry that you had that experience, it is as others have said a lack of respect and understanding on the part of those "me firsters". I wish that the good side of humanity would show all the time and we would respect individuals for the value they add instead of striking out against each other because of personal doubt.
melissa
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CJB, my boss wasn't the most understanding of people. He was 28 at the time though which I thought would be old enough to understand, but young enough to get on with - he drove me crazy! To be fair, I had a track record of not wearing them/cleaning them/forgetting them!
Sometimes I forget to turn them on and wonder why things don't 'feel right', then I feel them and can tell I've not switched them on (the bottom kind of sticks out more when they're turned off).
I think, with customer service workers, and anyone really, who seems rude or unapproachable, we have to try and remember that it's not personal- who knows what's going on in their personal lives? I have a couple of self-esteem worksheets which mention things like this, as I do tend to take things personally.
I try to keep this in mind. A while ago I was at the library checking out some books, and I enquired about a book I wanted to reserve. I said 'I'd like to take these out, and can I ask about reserving a book?' I was looking in my purse, and telling her the title of the book I wanted to reserve at the same time. The woman started to scan the books and I was still talking- she was talking very quietly then all of a sudden snapped 'Excuse me I was speaking!', mad at me for talking over her when I tried to ask a question...I had no idea what to do, I felt like saying 'Excuse me I'm hearing impaired, you bitch!', but then I thought, perhaps I was talking too much....we then started talking about sewing as my books were about sewing, and she seemed friendly enough, but I still remember little things like this.
Sometimes I forget to turn them on and wonder why things don't 'feel right', then I feel them and can tell I've not switched them on (the bottom kind of sticks out more when they're turned off).
I think, with customer service workers, and anyone really, who seems rude or unapproachable, we have to try and remember that it's not personal- who knows what's going on in their personal lives? I have a couple of self-esteem worksheets which mention things like this, as I do tend to take things personally.
I try to keep this in mind. A while ago I was at the library checking out some books, and I enquired about a book I wanted to reserve. I said 'I'd like to take these out, and can I ask about reserving a book?' I was looking in my purse, and telling her the title of the book I wanted to reserve at the same time. The woman started to scan the books and I was still talking- she was talking very quietly then all of a sudden snapped 'Excuse me I was speaking!', mad at me for talking over her when I tried to ask a question...I had no idea what to do, I felt like saying 'Excuse me I'm hearing impaired, you bitch!', but then I thought, perhaps I was talking too much....we then started talking about sewing as my books were about sewing, and she seemed friendly enough, but I still remember little things like this.
Melissa, I think that's definitely good advice to go by. We should remember that lots of times it's about the other person and not about us. But the thing is our deafness or whatever other "disability" also makes us the more likely target of their mistreatment because of their own bad day, and I do want to convey to other people that it's not okay to let off more steam on me just because I'm deafblind (or whatever else the case may be for other people). Hope that makes sense.
Getting back to the OPs question, I have a unique perspective. I had a serious heart defect from birth which limited my endurance, ability to walk distances, ride bikes, and do the other things typical kids do. It was frustrating to have other kids (and some adults) make comments like "lazy" because there was no "visible" evidence of my disability.
More than 20 years ago I became paralyzed and I use a wheelchair. VERY visible disability. I have to explain less about the need for accomodations (except on the phone), but I have experienced a whole range of responses from other people. Some are understanding, accomodating, and look past the wheelchair. Others are overly helpful, forgetting to ask first if I need help. Others pity me (I pity their ignorance, I have a great life!).
Last year I lost my hearing, so I have another invisible disability. While it's easier to "pass" as hearing than it is to "pass" as a walking person, it is more frustrating to me that people are intolerant. I get many rude comments or looks from people who presumably were speaking to me but I never heard.
In regards to wearing a button, I have one on the back of my wheelchair that says "I'm not ignoring you, I'm Deaf". Don't know how much it helps, but it makes me feel a bit empowered.
I think it doesn't matter so much whether your difference/disability is visible or not; it really comes down to the attitudes, patience, and understanding of the people we encounter. And Botts, I agree. It's their problem, not ours.
More than 20 years ago I became paralyzed and I use a wheelchair. VERY visible disability. I have to explain less about the need for accomodations (except on the phone), but I have experienced a whole range of responses from other people. Some are understanding, accomodating, and look past the wheelchair. Others are overly helpful, forgetting to ask first if I need help. Others pity me (I pity their ignorance, I have a great life!).
Last year I lost my hearing, so I have another invisible disability. While it's easier to "pass" as hearing than it is to "pass" as a walking person, it is more frustrating to me that people are intolerant. I get many rude comments or looks from people who presumably were speaking to me but I never heard.
In regards to wearing a button, I have one on the back of my wheelchair that says "I'm not ignoring you, I'm Deaf". Don't know how much it helps, but it makes me feel a bit empowered.
I think it doesn't matter so much whether your difference/disability is visible or not; it really comes down to the attitudes, patience, and understanding of the people we encounter. And Botts, I agree. It's their problem, not ours.
rockin'robin
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Well said....I used to have a bumper sticker that said the same thing.....now I've got my "I Love NY" hat (that I purchased on my trip to NY several years back), and wear a button that says "What the F Are You Talking About?"....Get a few stares when I wear it, and I wear it often!
Definitely frustrating. My speech clarity is changing, and I've noticed that people's first impression of me may be off now as well. Deaf, wheelchair, imperfect speech, must be cognitively impaired too.
I try to educate people that it takes a lot more "smarts" to speak when you can't hear, and clarity of speech does not predict intelligence. Some former Presidents can attest to that!
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You nailed it right there. That, I agree. The cycles of attitudes are what we receive or give to/from others. I was inquiring how different it would be to the visible/invisible thing and pretty much it evens out as to how one would react to deal/interact with a person who has a disability.
BTW, your post is also inspiring!
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I fixed it temporarily.:P
This is my haircut that screams "I you can't see I'm Deaf, I am not responsible!"
You nailed it right there. That, I agree. The cycles of attitudes are what we receive or give to/from others. I was inquiring how different it would be to the visible/invisible thing and pretty much it evens out as to how one would react to deal/interact with a person who has a disability.
BTW, your post is also inspiring!
Thanks, Jolie77!
I fixed it temporarily.:P
This is my haircut that screams "I you can't see I'm Deaf, I am not responsible!"
And cool purple stripes on the HA, Bott!