Deafness and pet peeves about society

audiodef

audiodef

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What are you biggest pet peeves related to how society treats and views the deaf and hard-of-hearing?

One thing that comes to my mind is the way people with other disabilities, or people in some kind of minority, often appear to have little sympathy for other people with other disabilities. It makes sense to me that once oppressed in some way, a person would at least have a little more understanding of oppression in general, but that, illogically, appears not to be the case.

As specific examples, when TvOne (a black television station) first came on the air, they did nothing to broadcast closed captions even when I knew the program they were playing was captioned. (I said to myself in jest that there must be no deaf black people anywhere.) I sent them an email, but it took them a while to only partially get with it. I also know someone who was until very recently a friend, who is no longer my friend because he said some very hostile things about me related to being a person with a disability. This person has a disability himself, one that requires him to use a mobility device (although in this example, I think my former friend has a growing psychological condition that he is not yet aware of, so I doubt he knows exactly how much damage he will end up doing to his social life unless he seeks treatment).

I find such things very maddening and I'm wondering if other people have thought along these lines.
 
You seem like a student asking all kinds of questions for a paper or presentation.

Are you here to study us?
 
How about the fact that deaf people aren't supposed to drive? Do you know that I used to have a car with turbocharged engine??? That was sooo radically cool to have regardless of whether people think deaf people cannot drive or not.
 
dereksbicycles said:
How about the fact that deaf people aren't supposed to drive? Do you know that I used to have a car with turbocharged engine??? That was sooo radically cool to have regardless of whether people think deaf people cannot drive or not.
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you alway bringing up turbocharge car :P
 
I'm not here to study anyone. I'm deaf, too. I just enjoy thinking and I'm hoping to relate to other deaf people in ways that are meaningful to me.

I'm also very interested in improving life for deaf people. Whether or not you know this, most of us are either very sheltered or have an unreasonable amount of crap to deal with by an accident of birth that in no way effects our intellectual capacity except for how society denies us access to that capacity.

You know, I was thinking more about the question of whether I'm here to "study" people. The answer is still no, but now that it was brought up, life is a bit boring for me without studying it. I prefer to examine myself, others and society and use my brain to come up with ways in which things could be made better. Step one in "making it better" is always figuring out what's wrong with it as it is.
 
The pet peeve I have is that they think that since I'm deaf and different, I don't want a soul mate. They say, "Oh... Dear, you don't need anyone..." and throw their hands towards me, like I was being silly. I like to say, "Oh, what about the fact that I want to F*? Why are you married if you don't think we need people in our lives?"

Another one, and this one bites me on the butt for being oral, is people saying, "You know, you speak really well for a deaf person." What the hell do you mean by that? Anyway, I say, "Well, I'm not even supposed to be here. It's not supposed to be possible..." It's one reason why I want to get out of retail. It's times like this when I wonder about the wisdom of leaving home (small town) for the big city when I went off to college.
 
audiodef said:
I'm not here to study anyone. I'm deaf, too. I just enjoy thinking and I'm hoping to relate to other deaf people in ways that are meaningful to me.

I'm also very interested in improving life for deaf people. Whether or not you know this, most of us are either very sheltered or have an unreasonable amount of crap to deal with by an accident of birth that in no way effects our intellectual capacity except for how society denies us access to that capacity.

You know, I was thinking more about the question of whether I'm here to "study" people. The answer is still no, but now that it was brought up, life is a bit boring for me without studying it. I prefer to examine myself, others and society and use my brain to come up with ways in which things could be made better. Step one in "making it better" is always figuring out what's wrong with it as it is.
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I am old and grew up when things were worse than now. Luckily you are never going to understand that.
 
:hmm: I once said, "hearing is the universal ignorance".

And when I explain that I'm HoH I get a few people saying, "you speak really well for a deaf person." bit too. But, once in a great while - when I'm really cheesed off I'd reply, "well, I suppose that's to be expected since I've also been told that I'm smarter than 80% of the population, which I assume - includes you." :D

Also, I do get tired of being poked and prodded as the "new subject of interest" when I'm a hearing persons latest thing they haven't seen before... Which is what a lot of the complaints your reading about right now is from! :roll:
 
deafdrummer said:
The pet peeve I have is that they think that since I'm deaf and different, I don't want a soul mate. They say, "Oh... Dear, you don't need anyone..." and throw their hands towards me, like I was being silly. I like to say, "Oh, what about the fact that I want to F*? Why are you married if you don't think we need people in our lives?"

Another one, and this one bites me on the butt for being oral, is people saying, "You know, you speak really well for a deaf person." What the hell do you mean by that? Anyway, I say, "Well, I'm not even supposed to be here. It's not supposed to be possible..." It's one reason why I want to get out of retail. It's times like this when I wonder about the wisdom of leaving home (small town) for the big city when I went off to college.
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I've never heard of people telling deaf people not to seek out romantic partners. That's insane! That would have pissed me off to no end if I'd ever heard that.

I've gotten my share of "you speak very well for a deaf person". I haven't heard it in years, though. But since I'm a musician, I've gotten a couple of "you sing very well for a deaf person" comments, to which I politely say "thank you", but inwardly it bugs me. My goal is to sing well by normal standards.

You know, on a basic level, it's true that no deaf person "should be here". Evolution should have killed us, but fortunately, we as a species depend on intellectual and cognitive functions to survive - not brute force (although sometimes I wonder about that when I observe my species). So when you think about it, any deaf person who does more than eat, sleep and poop has come further than any non-disabled person who did the same thing.
 
I think, Evolutionarily, there had to be some point where deafness was an advantage. I mean it just can't because of the noisy republicans... :)
 
cmdrwhitewolf said:
:hmm: I once said, "hearing is the universal ignorance".

And when I explain that I'm HoH I get a few people saying, "you speak really well for a deaf person." bit too. But, once in a great while - when I'm really cheesed off I'd reply, "well, I suppose that's to be expected since I've also been told that I'm smarter than 80% of the population, which I assume - includes you." :D

Also, I do get tired of being poked and prodded as the "new subject of interest" when I'm a hearing persons latest thing they haven't seen before... Which is what a lot of the complaints your reading about right now is from! :roll:
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I'm just another deaf guy, so anyone complains - whatever! I'm not here for that. I'm just here to see if I can make new friends. :)

I love that snappy comeback about being smarter than 80% - that's awesome. :)

I know what you mean about being poked and prodded. Again, I'm just another deaf guy and I've been through all that, all my life. Now that I'm older, it's easier for me to smile and nod and shrug it off, though.

Just a few days ago, I went out with deaf friends for breakfast. Cute little college girl who works there comes up to us, all smiles and hyper, signing, "Hi my name is cutey-pie I'm taking deaf studies at Localtown U it's so nice to meet you let me know if you need help with anything". Being a smart-ass, I confided to my girlfriend I should have said "Well, OK, I'd like a job free of discrimination and the ability to watch any video someone with normal hearing can watch!" :giggle:
 
So many people are closed minded, only seeing themselves and feeling sorry for themselves. They forget to get kindness, then need to give it first. As someone reminded me today, we all make mistakes. I think what's important is what we do after we make the mistakes.
 
I just came across this blog post. The last paragraph this woman wrote is one of my pet peeves about deafness and society: people who make sweeping statements that have nothing to do with the reality of disability. I left a comment, but here it is, in case something happens to it:

"As a man who has been severely abused by his ex-wife and never once hit back or returned insults, I get tired easily of reading things that equate 'domestic violence victims' with 'women'.

"However, it was good to read about what happened between your mother and your father. That shows balance. That shows the reality: that it's not just men who do all the abusing.


And then I read the last paragraph, in which you said 'If you can't get a job it's not because of the job market, it's because you are unemployable.'


"Excuse me, but for your information, there are people who cannot get a job and it's NOT because they are unemployable. That includes people with disabilities. Like me. Who applied for thousands of jobs. Who are extremely competent and qualified. Who got slapped in the face by flat-out refusals to work with the applicant's disability. In one case, the hiring manager told me to my face – in a very illegal manner in which a lawsuit would have put him out of business if I had pressed it – that he didn't want to hire me because I'm deaf (and no, it was not a job that required hearing, such as a police officer or EMT).


"Please think twice when making such statements that cover things you do not know about."
 
Cheetah said:
So many people are closed minded, only seeing themselves and feeling sorry for themselves. They forget to get kindness, then need to give it first. As someone reminded me today, we all make mistakes. I think what's important is what we do after we make the mistakes.
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Indeed. :)
 
audiodef said:
I've never heard of people telling deaf people not to seek out romantic partners. That's insane! That would have pissed me off to no end if I'd ever heard that.

I've gotten my share of "you speak very well for a deaf person". I haven't heard it in years, though. But since I'm a musician, I've gotten a couple of "you sing very well for a deaf person" comments, to which I politely say "thank you", but inwardly it bugs me. My goal is to sing well by normal standards.

You know, on a basic level, it's true that no deaf person "should be here". Evolution should have killed us, but fortunately, we as a species depend on intellectual and cognitive functions to survive - not brute force (although sometimes I wonder about that when I observe my species). So when you think about it, any deaf person who does more than eat, sleep and poop has come further than any non-disabled person who did the same thing.
Click to expand...

Evolution should have killed us? That makes no sense.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Evolution should have killed us? That makes no sense.
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I think I know where he is going with this. If you think about the survival of the fittest (Darwin theory of evolution) then the genetics that have the highest survival rates are the ones that produce the most offsprings and thus are the dominate ones in that group. The idea is deafness is a defect that would through natural selection "die off".

However there are several problems with using the theory of evolution for conditions like deafness, blindness and other "disorders". The assumption is that genetics is the sole cause of these disorders. This is not true. To an extent, genetics pay a part in deciding who is more susceptible and how likely it is that your body may develop a disorder of some kind. However genetics is only the blueprint on which a body is built. There are so many stages of construction where something can go awry (or not according to the plan). And then there are the environmental issues that create conditions that are perhaps not ideal for a fetus to develop. After all that, you still have illnesses, accidents, and even intentional injury.

That was my 2 1/2 cent contribution!
 
Hey, the thing about evolution is that whatever is weak and unable to fend for itself will die off, if we're talking about survival of the fittest. Deaf people don't have a problem fending for themselves and deafness itself is not a disease contributing to the demise of deaf people. One doesn't need to be hearing to live in any environment, in any climate, to be physical, smart, capable, etc etc so this whole "evolution should have killed off deaf people by now" doesn't really make any sense.
 
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