I've got depression and anxiety, am on meds for them, but they're not related to my being HoH. Depression runs heavily on both sides of my family and it's pretty much a given that anyone in our bloodlines will have some form of depression. My anxiety may very well be caused by being HoH, along with being shy. Kinda makes sense, since I constantly feel confused and that I'm lacking "all the information" and end up feeling anxious because of it. If I'm in a crowded room and everyone's got a goal (oh, lets say a concert's about to begin and it's my first concert; I have no clue exactly what to do, if I'm doing something wrong, and I get anxious because I really don't want to be left out or miss out on something great. Or lets say class at school is doing some sort of group activity and I'm confused because I missed some piece of information on exactly what we're doing, so I get anxious because I don't really know exactly what to do, and because everyone in the room is hustling and bustling around, it ratchets up the anxiety some more). I absolutely hate the phone, will only answer if I know the other person on the line (or it's something truly important, like a prospective job offer), otherwise I ignore all calls. If I have to MAKE one, I pace and sweat for at least a half hour beforehand, trying to plan out exactly what to say, my heart fluttering and my brain pin firing like mad. Even if it's just to call for a cab/taxi. I'm fine with calling home, just everything else is stressful.
Some days I get by okay, other days its like touch and go. Can barely get by w/out thinking bad about something. Im responsible enough to not do anything stupid. Its helping tremendously that I can at least talk about it here, and not be judged by it. A friend i talked to at work... just kinda .. you know.. listened. But he doesnt know what to say. He's never been there. Even to a certain extent, as close as my family may be, they dont understand. So...
