Deaf Parents of Deaf kids

Kids get CI??

  • Yes. why not

    Votes: 7 25.9%

  • No.

    Votes: 9 33.3%

  • Maybe.

    Votes: 11 40.7%
  • Total voters
    27
Not important to have perfect speech? Then why bother with it? Imperfect speech makes the person look and sound dumb, at least in our society. What is "good enough?" When a child reaches his/her plateau? But a deaf person can have perfect expressive skills through manual communication...why deny him/ her that opprtunity. Speech training ruined my self esteem. No matter how hard I worked, I was never good enough. I avoid family functions because I do not want to be in the position to have to speak. The process of learning to speak and using speech was, and still is, very unnatural and painful.
 
that once again, is something that will be left up to my children... they want to learn to speak, they can... but it isn't a contract that they are setting themselves up for...
 
Cloggy said:
A pad on the back from me...
And we've met people that are deaf and have learned to speak perfectly. We were surprised to hear she was totally deaf. She explained she had to work hard to achieve this.. Like you say.. "very, very, very, very hard and she did it without a f****** CI"...

But... "I went through Hell for my speech skills" ... is that what you want for your children...???
Not saying that they have to have CI, but why is it so important to have perfect speech?
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Have you grown up being made fun of for your speech? Have you had children bully you and tell you you sound "retarded"? Have you had the experience of both children and adults act discomfited at your less than perfect speech? have you been turned down for jobs because you don't sound "normal"? Have you experienced witnessing a child tug at her mother's coat, point at you and say loudly "why does she talk funny? what's wrong with her?" Have you had even adults shun you in social settings because your less than perfect speech makes them uncomfortable and gives them the impression you're not very bright?

In a way, less than perfect speech is far more damning than no speech skills at all.

I'm surprised you had to ask this question, I thought you had done your research carefully.
 
No, I would wait till they're old enough to decide. I was lucky enough to be old enough to be part of the decision making.
 
deafskeptic said:
I put down maybe for this reason. No way in hell am I going the oral route for my deaf kids.
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I agree if I have deaf kids. No way I force them into oral route. I will teach them BSL, and will encourage them learn to speak in fun way, if they can't, don't want to I leave them be.

They MUST have good language (BSL) and MUST have good education (through BSL) and be HAPPY!

Too many hearing parents focus on speech and forget about language and education and happy childhood. When I was growing up SO much focus was on my speech and my education and language was left behind. I got through primary and high school without getting any education, everything I learn was through TV, computer educational games at home and basic english/maths from Dad at weekend only.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Have you grown up being made fun of for your speech? Have you had children bully you and tell you you sound "retarded"? Have you had the experience of both children and adults act discomfited at your less than perfect speech? have you been turned down for jobs because you don't sound "normal"? Have you experienced witnessing a child tug at her mother's coat, point at you and say loudly "why does she talk funny? what's wrong with her?" Have you had even adults shun you in social settings because your less than perfect speech makes them uncomfortable and gives them the impression you're not very bright?

In a way, less than perfect speech is far more damning than no speech skills at all.

I'm surprised you had to ask this question, I thought you had done your research carefully.
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THIS. Totally....This. This fucking literally just brought me to TEARS. Deaf Caroline can I post this on Facebook? Speech skills are a good thing to have yes.....BUT they don't and cannot 100% equalize a dhh kid at ALL! It's exactly like the way while good spoken English abilty serves a Hispanic person well, they still have to deal with discrimination and racism. Good spoken English abilty doesn't completely erase inequality. That is b/c HOH kids are STILL not and can never be hearing the way a hearing person can!!!!
 
and Deaf Caroline, this needs to be required reading for EVERY single parent of a dhh kid out there. How I wish those goddamn Auditory-Verbal, and pro oral only experts could read your post!
 
DeafCaroline said:
Have you grown up being made fun of for your speech? Have you had children bully you and tell you you sound "retarded"? Have you had the experience of both children and adults act discomfited at your less than perfect speech? have you been turned down for jobs because you don't sound "normal"? Have you experienced witnessing a child tug at her mother's coat, point at you and say loudly "why does she talk funny? what's wrong with her?" Have you had even adults shun you in social settings because your less than perfect speech makes them uncomfortable and gives them the impression you're not very bright?

In a way, less than perfect speech is far more damning than no speech skills at all.

I'm surprised you had to ask this question, I thought you had done your research carefully.
Click to expand...
... And you missed the point... (not just you)
Of course having good speech skills are important... And it takes hard work to achieve that level.. As Shel explained...
So... If good perch is very important, and you don't want your children to suffer to obtain good speech, like many deaf people have, wouldn't CI be a good option?
With early implantation, speech would develop naturally.
When you wait 15 years for the child to make their own decision, they would first have to work hard to start speech, and then work hard to learn to listen...

So, if good speech is important, I would expect a large support for CI..

-------------
Just to add, (and preventing Lotte saying ILY too many times..)...
Showed our discussion to another parent whose child has difficulties hearing.. and that parent was moved by DeafCorolines post, just like DeafDyke
The parent said:
.... we are doing our best to avoid having our children experience "going through hell" to understand and use spoken language. That is one of the reasons we chose cochlear implants.
It must have been extremely difficult trying to produce words and sounds you could not hear, and even worse trying to follow conversations based on tiny lip movements.
That is why we chose to give our child a cochlear implant and give them access to all the sounds of spoken language, that way they wouldn't ever have to go through the "hell" you experienced!
Click to expand...

Epilog:
Many of the stories I read on AllDeaf are about hard time in childhood due to deafness. Caused by bad parenting or other reasons. Many stories I read are about the happiness and warmth felt when Deaf Culture is discovered, signlanguage is learned. Finally being able to communicate freely. Be understood completely within that community. In addition the feeling of "why couldn't that have been when I grew up." Perhaps for some a feeling of being betrayed because it was withheld from them...

I can speak for my daughter that she is growing up happy. She learned to hear, listen and speak. And I hope that in the future she will discover Deaf community. (We'll point her in that direction eventually.) And I hope she will learn sign language if she so desires. And that she then will be able to freely communicate with the deaf people that want to communicate with her.

I'm very sure that the one thing she will not feel when/if she embraces Deaf culture is the feeling of being betrayed...
 
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flip said:
Simple answer: no.

Seen too many fucked up teenagers with CI.
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There is too many fucked up teenagers without CI, too.

How do you know specifically those are fucked up due to CI?

Fuzzy
 
Cloggy said:
... And you missed the point... (not just you)
Of course having good speech skills are important... And it takes hard work to achieve that level.. As Shel explained...
So... If good perch is very important, and you don't want your children to suffer to obtain good speech, like many deaf people have, wouldn't CI be a good option?
With early implantation, speech would develop naturally.
When you wait 15 years for the child to make their own decision, they would first have to work hard to start speech, and then work hard to learn to listen...

So, if good speech is important, I would expect a large support for CI..

-------------
Just to add, (and preventing Lotte saying ILY too many times..)...
Showed our discussion to another parent whose child has difficulties hearing.. and that parent was moved by DeafCorolines post, just like DeafDyke
The parent said:

Epilog:
Many of the stories I read on AllDeaf are about hard time in childhood due to deafness. Caused by bad parenting or other reasons. Many stories I read are about the happiness and warmth felt when Deaf Culture is discovered, signlanguage is learned. Finally being able to communicate freely. Be understood completely within that community. In addition the feeling of "why couldn't that have been when I grew up." Perhaps for some a feeling of being betrayed because it was withheld from them...

I can speak for my daughter that she is growing up happy. She learned to hear, listen and speak. And I hope that in the future she will discover Deaf community. (We'll point her in that direction eventually.) And I hope she will learn sign language if she so desires. And that she then will be able to freely communicate with the deaf people that want to communicate with her.

I'm very sure that the one thing she will not feel when/if she embraces Deaf culture is the feeling of being betrayed...
Click to expand...

You are missing the point. CIs do not guarantee you will have good speech, let alone good speech discrimination.
 
DeafCaroline said:
You are missing the point. CIs do not guarantee you will have good speech, let alone good speech discrimination.
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Not at all.
You sound as if you want a guarantee that CI will give good speech..
Well, the possibilities are much, much better with CI than without.

Simplified: making your child work, work, work to obtain good speech without CI or making your child play, play, play and obtain good speech... With CI.
 
Mom and Dad said I had a great childhood, was well-adjusted, bright, had friends, and was generally happy. Funny...I don't remember it that way at all. I was a good at pleasing them, which morphed me into being a co-dependent who would do anything to keep others happy. Smile, nod, pretend you understand. Many deaf people are great at parroting so they can mainstreamed with the people around them. And it comes with a big cost.

How many times did I say YES when someone asked me if I understood, to avoid embarassment, to avoid them saying the same thing the exact same way, except yelling, or for them to say, Oh, never mind...it was not important.

Yes, I understand. Yes, I am happy. Yes, I am hearing like you.
 
Cloggy said:
Not at all.
You sound as if you want a guarantee that CI will give good speech..
Well, the possibilities are much, much better with CI than without.

Simplified: making your child work, work, work to obtain good speech without CI or making your child play, play, play and obtain good speech... With CI.
Click to expand...

whatever you say. you clearly know what's best for a deaf person more than deaf people do. how silly of me to ever doubt that.

if i had a deaf child, i would let her play and sign and be with others like herself.
 
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Cloggy said:
... And you missed the point... (not just you)
Of course having good speech skills are important... And it takes hard work to achieve that level.. As Shel explained...
So... If good perch is very important, and you don't want your children to suffer to obtain good speech, like many deaf people have, wouldn't CI be a good option?
With early implantation, speech would develop naturally.
When you wait 15 years for the child to make their own decision, they would first have to work hard to start speech, and then work hard to learn to listen...

So, if good speech is important, I would expect a large support for CI..

-------------
Just to add, (and preventing Lotte saying ILY too many times..)...
Showed our discussion to another parent whose child has difficulties hearing.. and that parent was moved by DeafCorolines post, just like DeafDyke
The parent said:

Epilog:
Many of the stories I read on AllDeaf are about hard time in childhood due to deafness. Caused by bad parenting or other reasons. Many stories I read are about the happiness and warmth felt when Deaf Culture is discovered, signlanguage is learned. Finally being able to communicate freely. Be understood completely within that community. In addition the feeling of "why couldn't that have been when I grew up." Perhaps for some a feeling of being betrayed because it was withheld from them...

I can speak for my daughter that she is growing up happy. She learned to hear, listen and speak. And I hope that in the future she will discover Deaf community. (We'll point her in that direction eventually.) And I hope she will learn sign language if she so desires. And that she then will be able to freely communicate with the deaf people that want to communicate with her.

I'm very sure that the one thing she will not feel when/if she embraces Deaf culture is the feeling of being betrayed...
Click to expand...

No, you missed the point. Big time.
 
shel90 said:
No, you missed the point. Big time.
Click to expand...

I have seen this kind a response from any number of people here about different issues without them going on and saying what the point that was missed actually is. How are they to do anything about the point missed if they did miss it and thus don't know what it is?
 
They should not have to go through the same shit at all. that's the point. you seem to think the solution to all deaf children's woes is to simply implant them, problem solved.
 
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