Deaf or hard of hearing people with Aspergers

Freya

Freya

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Hello! I'm new here on AllDeaf. :)


I'm in my 20s and I'm from Germany. I'm struggeling with some personal questions about my own identity. For now a bit about me:

I'm almost deaf and was raised by my mother who is a single parent. She is deaf but we both grew up in a hearing environment.

Also I attended a school for the hard of hearing because my mother refused to send me to a school for the deaf. It was a very hard time for me because I was bullied the whole time and never managed to have any friends at all. Teachers didn't approve of using sign language in class so I had to speak. I received speech therapy as a child but it demanded from me that I had to speak more often with my classmates. I tried hard but they didn't really understand me because I wasn't good at speaking and so they would make fun of my weird pronunciation or of my bad choices of topics to talk about. I was a quiet person and I enjoyed reading books which made me also an odd rarity among my peers.

I always thought I was a bit different from my peers but never could explain it. I thought it was maybe because I had no friends. I was the only who lived on the countryside, far away from the city where all of my classmates lived and could meet with each other for playing or other activities. Also since I couldn't hear or speak well I wasn't able to make friends with hearing peers in my hometown. So most of my free time I was in my room, reading books. I was obsessed with some topics like dinosaurs, astronomy and languages. I was always very happy when I was at home.

When I finally survived school there was the big question what to do with my own future. I got very depressed about it. My first job didn't go well because I couldn't handle with the new environment. Lots of hearing people who never met deaf people before. And I wasn't used to talking to them. I tried my best to communicate with them, even on notes but I had often the feeling I was an annoyance, a burden. I got more depressed and I couldn't go on anymore. I got more scared of talking to people and hid in my room.

I heard about autism and Aspergers before but I had no idea what it actually meant. Until I watched the movie "Mary & Max" and I was stunned about how well I could relate to Max who is an Aspie. So I googled to learn more about it and I was very surprised how many of the characteristics also applied to me.

I'm not sure if I really have Aspergers. I haven't consult a psychologist yet because it's so damn hard to find anyone who can sign or at least know about problems of deaf people. I guess I'll have to make a long trip.

I'm sorry for writing such a long post but I wanted you to understand me. I have no one to talk about it. I looked for sites about deaf people with Aspergers in German but as expected - I couldn't really find any good informations. So I thought it would be best to ask here because it's such a big community and with the majority of US users here I thought they might know something...

What I would like to know if there are any differences between an Aspie who can hear and an Aspie who is deaf? I know every Aspie is special but I just had the thought it might be hard to diagnose a deaf child with Aspergers... maybe?
Or could you offer me some good links to look up about deaf peoples on the autism spectre?
Or is anyone here also an Aspie? If you want to talk about it, how did you get diagnosed? As a child or as an adult?
Or any Aspergers-related stories to share with me?

You see, I'm very confused and I know so little about it. I would like to learn more and talk about it. As I said, I have no one to talk about it.

I hope I made myself understandable. :aw:
 
its good that your here. do you have any German Deaf friends or know any German deaf? do you mean to say your mother and you are oral and do not sign when you say you live din a hearing environment? we do have another german member floating around, do you wish to learn and become fluent in sign?
i cant really help you with the asperger question.
i know very very little about it
in the end i want to stress its a good thing you came here to all Deaf its a nice thing to be amongst those like you
Hoichi-the earless
 
hoichi said:
its good that your here. do have any German Deaf friends or know any German deaf? do you mean to say your mother and you are oral and do not sign when you say you live din a hearing environment? we do have another german member floating around, do you wish to learn and become fluent in sign?
i cant really help you with the asperger question.
i know very very little about it
in the end i want to stress its a good thing you came here to all Deaf its a nice thing to be amongst those like you
Hoichi-the earless
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No, I don't have any friends at all, not even deaf ones. I can sign but I'm not so good at understanding other people's signing, especially if they sign too fast and with little mouthing. That's tiring me.
Thank you for your kind words though. :)
 
well freya,,,you got a friend here.....

as for becoming receptive that comes with practice and use, with some tricks and such.
 
I would caution against automaticly assuming it's Asperger's....Could be just genral social delay.......I think people forget that you can have social delays/issues without it being Asperger's.
 
Don't worry. I'm aware of social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder issues. What I may have a psychologist can only tell me that. However I'm very interested about deaf Aspies and I would like just to hear about their experiences. I hope that's OK.
 
deafdyke said:
I would caution against automaticly assuming it's Asperger's....Could be just genral social delay.......I think people forget that you can have social delays/issues without it being Asperger's.
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yes, deaf people sometimes miss social cues. Something simple as standing too close to hear better, can come off as invading personal space. Or maybe reading lips instead of making eye-contact.

I suspect AS and deafness has overlapping issues with social interaction.
 
This is getting personal. What the heck. First, welcome to the mish mosh of alldeaf. If you ever have any extra marzipan potato balls you need to get rid of, I'm your woman :) .

1. I have a college friend (graduated summa or magna cum laude, whichever is higher) who married a brilliant Asperger fellow. He is socially ... I need a stronger word than awkward but I don't know what it is. He's a functioning Asperger but my friend has to keep him going.
2. I am not Asperger. However, my partner believes with all her soul, that I am. She's looking for answers to the way I react to things. I read a bit about it and see what others here have said. I'm socially awkward and do the best I can.
2a. Our reactions are based on how we grew up. I grew up hearing and socially awkward :) . I'm an extrovert and now with the implant, an introvert by surgery. My visual cues that everyone uses do not match reality and it gets confusing to her (and likely others). I'm reacting based on what I think I hear, which may not be really what was said.
3. My college friend sent me a horribly tedious test with about 75-100 questions. I was not close to anything having to do with Aspergers. We've known each other for 42 years and she said there's no way I have Aspergers. I tend to believe her and I understand my partner's confusion.
4. My partner sent away for a local joint to diagnose me. I had to go along for the ride. I filled out the papers, explained the HoH (as I was that at the time) similarities and expected a call from them to come in to be evaluated. That was about a year ago. So, my guess is they didn't believe I needed to be evaluated.

So, I can obviously see where it can be a bit confusing. IF you can think of specific questions you want me to send my friend (who just sent me potato balls :) ), send me a private note. She knows me well, and has an Asperger husband.
 
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Oh, yes, that was a bit confusing but now I understand it. I will send you a private note soon. Thanks for the offer. :)
 
Doug5 said:
yes, deaf people sometimes miss social cues. Something simple as standing too close to hear better, can come off as invading personal space. Or maybe reading lips instead of making eye-contact.

I suspect AS and deafness has overlapping issues with social interaction.
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I agree completely and we need to add in one more factor - environment and our family nuttiness (for me at least it is a component). I invade a lot of spaces and it is off-putting to say the least. But if I don't, communication is a lot worse.

I will add one more point. We may miss social cues due to our focus understanding people. But my visual language especially with the CI are also misread. It was bad before and worse now. I've been trying to explain to my partner that she cannot view my body language as responding to what was actually said. She can view it as my responding to what I thought I understood. So there are many misreads both ways.
 
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