Deaf/hearing relationship

Zaicate said:
Actually I would have to disagree with bolded part of your comment there.
How would we all get to to the bottom of the problem if we don't ask questions, no matter how harsh or 'personal' they are. Maria did the right thing.. she asked him what he could have done to set his girlfriend off so we all could help him avoid doing those things so his girlfriend won't abuse him.

I do agree with Missywinks.
I have a hearing boyfriend and we have been together for almost 5 years now (well.. married for almost 4 and dating for remainder of the said 5 years). He barely knows any sign language so we communicate on the computer (notepad) or use our home-made sign language. But the relationship is wonderful because we took time out of our schedule to sit down and discuss about things.

The said girlfriend in this thread NEEDS to learn that violence won't solve anything and she need to communicate with him instead of beating the stuffings out of him.
OP needs to figure out what he did wrong and fix that. He need to try to sit her down and talk things out with her. Maybe offer counseling because they have 18 months old child and they need to THINK about how their behavior is affecting him (especially the girlfriend since she is abusing the OP).
If the girlfriend persists, then I recommend that you take her to the court, take the full custody of the child and leave because if she does that to you, there is a high percent that she will do the same with the child.
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I disagree with you. I have personal experience with this with my ex hubby. When he had an affair, people would ask me this "What did you do to make him go look for another woman?" It made me feel like I was the reason for his affair and started believing them and blaming myself. It took therapy to stop blaming myself and that I did nothing to make him behave the way he did. I see the same thing happening here on this thread..it is possible the guy didnt do anything which is why I feel it is best to ask nuetral questions cuz we all dont know what happened. Maybe the guy was the cause of it..maybe not but we dont know but the point is he came in here asking for advice and in these cases, nuetral questions are safer to ask.

U can disagree with me all you want but I stick by my statement.
 
shel90 said:
I disagree with you. I have personal experience with this with my ex hubby. When he had an affair, people would ask me this "What did you do to make him go look for another woman?" It made me feel like I was the reason for his affair and started believing them and blaming myself. It took therapy to stop blaming myself and that I did nothing to make him behave the way he did. I see the same thing happening here on this thread..it is possible the guy didnt do anything which is why I feel it is best to ask nuetral questions cuz we all dont know what happened. Maybe the guy was the cause of it..maybe not but we dont know but the point is he came in here asking for advice and in these cases, nuetral questions are safer to ask.

U can disagree with me all you want but I stick by my statement.
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:werd:
 
Zaicate said:
Actually I would have to disagree with bolded part of your comment there.
How would we all get to to the bottom of the problem if we don't ask questions, no matter how harsh or 'personal' they are. Maria did the right thing.. she asked him what he could have done to set his girlfriend off so we all could help him avoid doing those things so his girlfriend won't abuse him.
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Exactly.
 
Maria said:
Exactly.
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So, you are agreeing that abuse is ok? Why should the guy have to find ways to avoid abuse when abuse shouldn't be happening in the first place? That's why I find this whole thing sad.
 
Me again.

Abuse is NEVER, ever ok. NO matter what the person does, good or bad, he or she does not deserve to be abused. Four rings, you would be doing your own child a favor if you stopped this cycle. What your child is witnessing between you and your partner is very unacceptable and I would be worried for his/her future. This warrants a call to CPS, maybe it wouldnt be bad to have CPS services involved so that you both can get some support.

If I were you, I would put my child first.
 
shel90 said:
So, you are agreeing that abuse is ok? Why should the guy have to find ways to avoid abuse when abuse shouldn't be happening in the first place? That's why I find this whole thing sad.
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I did not say that abuse was okay. That abuse could be prevent if, he KNEW what he have done that made her abuse him. It applies to a woman, too if she makes her man abuse her.

Have you heard of this famous quote ? : "Surely the churning of milk bring forth butter, and the wringing of the nose bring forth blood: so the forcing of wrath bring forth strife. "
 
Four Rings said:
Hello everyone ! I'm new to the forum and would like to know more about deaf people. I'm currently in a relationship. My girlfriend is deaf. We've been together on and off for about 3 years now. We've been having problems lately. We are constantly fighting and arguing pretty much every other day. Most of the time it gets out of hand and gets nasty. She has been hitting, slapping,kicking and pulling my hair lately. I admit I must be doing something to make her do that. I can be difficult to deal with sometimes but I feel nobody deserves to be treated like that. We have an 18 month old son and he's been seeing all this fight which is not good for him. I'd like to tellmord details but it'll take very long to write. I love her very much and i fear loosing her. She's been through a lot and I just wish I could make life easier for her. I'm worried all the fighting is driving us apart. I have not learned how to sign and I should have done that a long time ago. Any input would greatly help and I'm willing to answer any questions.
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Maybe, she's hitting ,kicking and pulling hair due to lack of communication? Something that she can't express to you and maybe, she's hitting out of frustration. I am not a therapist or anything just adding my opinion. You admitted that "I must be doing something to make her do that" I am a bit skeptical on that one :hmm: I am not seeing the entire picture just from what you say here to be a bit neutral in this situation.
 
Is it possible that she's frustrated because he cannot communicate fully with her? It's known that communication is very important in relationships. Maybe she's frustrated, so she takes it out physically. Still, this doesn't make it right.

I advise the Four Rings, that "not having the time" is not a good excuse. There are sign language classes that you could find out to take and go to clubs to socialize with other deaf people with your girlfriend to become fluent in sign language. I think you recognize the problem, but I think you are making excuses not to do them.j

You say you are difficult to deal with, but you don't say how.
 
missywinks is onto it, she gave good advices here, without all the wuffle, clear and to the point
 
Maria.

If a robber beats the crap out of you and robs you.

Then some askes you what did you do to cause the robbery?

What would you say?
 
Lack of communication skills or not. It does not excuse a person for battering their spouse.

Simply, if this was a female posting this, The attitude would be totally different!
 
i would say so,
Sexism (or 'reverse sexism' if you will) are known to confuse the issue, after all I'd say give this guy a break, lend a helping hand afterall he had shown decency to seek help in here and already has expressed concern for their child.
 
Babyblue said:
Lack of communication skills or not. It does not excuse a person for battering their spouse.

Simply, if this was a female posting this, The attitude would be totally different!
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I agree! :gpost:
 
I cant believe that he thinks he should put up with her abusing him just because he doenst know sign language - that is pathetic!

Please get out of that relationship for your child's sake - you do not want your child to be subjected to such rage of hers - she needs help, not you! Learning sign language is not going to stop her from abusing you.
 
Four Rings said:
Hello everyone ! I'm new to the forum and would like to know more about deaf people. I'm currently in a relationship. My girlfriend is deaf. We've been together on and off for about 3 years now. We've been having problems lately. We are constantly fighting and arguing pretty much every other day. Most of the time it gets out of hand and gets nasty. She has been hitting, slapping,kicking and pulling my hair lately. I admit I must be doing something to make her do that. I can be difficult to deal with sometimes but I feel nobody deserves to be treated like that. We have an 18 month old son and he's been seeing all this fight which is not good for him. I'd like to tellmord details but it'll take very long to write. I love her very much and i fear loosing her. She's been through a lot and I just wish I could make life easier for her. I'm worried all the fighting is driving us apart. I have not learned how to sign and I should have done that a long time ago. Any input would greatly help and I'm willing to answer any questions.
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Missywinks said it best as it seems that we are overlooking one important common denominator.....


missywinks said:
Me again.

Abuse is NEVER, ever ok. NO matter what the person does, good or bad, he or she does not deserve to be abused. Four rings, you would be doing your own child a favor if you stopped this cycle. What your child is witnessing between you and your partner is very unacceptable and I would be worried for his/her future. This warrants a call to CPS, maybe it wouldnt be bad to have CPS services involved so that you both can get some support.

If I were you, I would put my child first.
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Grab the kid and get the h*** out! And get full custody.
 
kazumi said:
well....i have been dating with few hearing guys before, and i am deaf myself , communcate do lacks in that relationship btw hearing and deaf cuz they think different and deaf ppl are very emotional than hearing (my opintion and my view) , my ex and i went thru that before and he is hearing, he dont know much of sign, so mostly main plm is communcate cuz once u know alot of signs, things will get better and she will undy u better and get to know you better too, in relationship, you have to learn her deaf culture as she do with urs so u guys can blend in and make things smooth and since u have a child, i have a hearing son myself and my ex is his father so ...whenever u guys get in fight or whatever, best way is to make sure ur kid dont see u , put him/her in room to watch cartoon or play with game so u can have ur own business with ur gf in other room, from what i see the way u said abt ur plm, i think the major plm is communcate cuz EVERYTIME a hearing date a deaf person, communcate is the KEY to help each other to undy better and all so hope i help u with this ^^
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Yeah I had that problem sometimes with my first ex gf ugh :roll: she was a total disaster.

We misunderstand eachother sometimes and she dont seem to have patience with me when I asked her to repeat what she said and she would just yell at me like an insult to my deafness. *mumbling to myself* bitch...

Anyway, communication problems seem to be pretty common in deaf/hearing relationships when the hearing person lack knowledge of sign language, deaf cluture and such would make the relationship difficult and takes alot of time when the partner decide to take time and patience in learning sign language and the deaf cluture, etc.

My first ex gf never really had the time to learn sign language or cued speech. (cued speech is the communication method I grew up with) so no wonder we had a hard time understanding eachother sometimes.

Ugh I'm SO glad I'm not with her anymore even if she asked me back, I would definetly LOVE to tell her this:

FUCK OFF AND GO TO HELL BITCH!

Sorry just venting out is all. :lol:

Anyway, being abused or abusing others will not solve anything as I'm sure ya all know that. there HAVE to be a much better way than that so...figure that out while you can.
 
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