Deaf-hearing relationship problems

many million deaf and hearing people who been still in marriages for longtimes and got argues for sakes of children!

but im been dating with previous boyfriend before and im no longer with old boyfriend!

SO im been dating with scammer boyfriend for months and i didnt asked for send money! and i argues with scammer boyfriend online for begger but i wont! and im tired to heard that! but im finally to decide break-up with JERK boyfriend ever!!!!!!!!!

im glad im current dating with British boyfriend James Windsor but he never send money neither im glad to hear about that but im been e-mail him lots but im still love that man! but he always trust,truth,honest and lots of mores what he tell me about that because he very polite and handsome he tall than me he 6'4 in British tallest.
 
I'm happy to say that I am in a deaf/hearing relationship myself. I'm the deaf one, and he is hearing, though the selective deafness does rear its ugly head at times (particularly when I want some DIY done lol)

John knew ISL (Irish Sign Language) Level 1 before he met me. I am fortunate to be able to speak and hear a certain amount with my aids. If anything, it wasn't the deafness issue we had to overcome upon meeting... it was the Irish accent !!! :giggle:

We have had our ups and downs in the relationship, some based on him forgetting that I'm deaf because the signing now just comes naturally and when he comes home from a hard day at work and forgets that I can't see his mouth, and I'm in a foul mood.... well you can imagine! lol

If anything, he is more active in the deaf community than I am. He will meet up with deaf people and have a drink and is currently in the process of setting up a youth club for deaf children. I on the otherhand, like to go and meet up with hearing mums and children and have a natter.

Don't get me wrong, I do love a good social event with deaf people, but in everyday life I opt to see hearing friends more. Its a personal choice and not actually put on here to annoy people. It often annoys the deaf community that I am part of, but as I have mentioned to people many a time before, the deaf community is only small compared to the world and I don't want to shut myself or exclude myself from either.

John and I have been together now for 4 years this May, and have 2 children and are still very much in love. We've grown accustomed to our own individual ways and respect that with each other. I don't think it would have worked out as well as it has if we didn't have the respect for each other ....

or the patience ....

of the Irish accent !!! rofl

and there you were thinking I was gonna say lipreading/signing etc ;)
 
moshierdi said:
I don't know how it happened that I found this post. It feels like it was meant for you to see my message. I was browsing sites,trying to find something to ease the heartache and pain I'm feeling. I am a hearing woman and have dated/lived with a deaf man for 3 years. After three breakups it's over. All three times our breakups have been because of his distancing himself and the last time I found out that he was on a deaf single site looking for a "good woman". His best friend did the same thing to his hearing girlfriend. I have tried to interpret, learned asl, tried to improve, cared for , been there and professed my love to him He told me he loved me but was looking for a deaf woman the whole time. He never put the effort into the relationship that I did. His reading and writing skills are poor and he hardly read lips. He ultimately wanted a deaf woman. I'm just saying I don't think love will conquer all. There are alot of problems from both sides. I particularly feel that it was held against me that I am hearing. I could never even discuss this. He acted like I was crazy. I guess I was a fool. Goodluck to you and I truly hope this post is not offensive to anyone. I'm sure that a hearing/deaf relationship can work with some people. I'm just sharing my story with you.
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Moshi...I was trying to think of how to say something without offending here. And you pointed out what I was thinking. Sometimes we do distance ourselves. As much as we try not to it seems ingrained into us after going thru life with the occasional frustration of deafness. I'm not full deaf but even in that context. For the hoh it seems expectations can be different in that people assume you hear them perfectly at all times if you can communicate at all.
Sometimes deaf seek out deafies figuring there is more understanding on a deeper level. Hard to explain. You were n ot a fool. Love can be blind....a learning experience in life. Roll with the punches.
 
VamPyroX said:
Meeting people in chatrooms isn't always the way to go. You're better off meeting them in person. :thumb:
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I know that. It was happened when I was 17. I met guy from internet when I was 18. He lied to me that he had a gf. Other my ex bf begged me for go out together. He wanted to live with me. He got me pregnancy when I was 20 years old. They're deaf and weird! I kicked my ex bf out of my apt. I moved on my new life. I got miscarriage. Thank god! I wasn't ready for mother. I stopped go to Deaf chatroom in Feb 2003. I found a right man at our work in our hometown. We are happy together. I like hearing man more than my all deaf exes. :)
 
sara1981 said:
many million deaf and hearing people who been still in marriages for longtimes and got argues for sakes of children!

but im been dating with previous boyfriend before and im no longer with old boyfriend!

SO im been dating with scammer boyfriend for months and i didnt asked for send money! and i argues with scammer boyfriend online for begger but i wont! and im tired to heard that! but im finally to decide break-up with JERK boyfriend ever!!!!!!!!!

im glad im current dating with British boyfriend James Windsor but he never send money neither im glad to hear about that but im been e-mail him lots but im still love that man! but he always trust,truth,honest and lots of mores what he tell me about that because he very polite and handsome he tall than me he 6'4 in British tallest.
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Me and my fiance have no problem. He is hearing and know sign languages. I never use his money. The love is coming FIRST than money. You better stay away from internet. I dated with deaf men from internet either. I learned my lesson. You should read my other post thread.
 
Pinky678 said:
Me and my fiance have no problem. He is hearing and know sign languages. I never use his money. The love is coming FIRST than money. You better stay away from internet. I dated with deaf men from internet either. I learned my lesson. You should read my other post thread.
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thanks for tell me about that

But im been using deaf dating online its bad! and i dont using dating online anymores i wanted trust nice man.

Me and my boyfriend James been dating for long months on e-mail everyday because he lives in London,England and im USA but im American-born in my lifes.

im been dating ex-scam boyfriend before James and my ex-boyfriend asked me for money! but i dont trust to send money to Africa! but i obey the laws.
 
Pinky678 said:
Same here. But I am getting marry with hearing man on June. We are together for 4 half years. We are happy together. I found a right man from god answered my pray. I have no problem with hearing man and circle hearing friends. They really love me so much! They wanted to learn sign languages to communicate with me. I am only deaf child in my family. I have 1 little cousin have an implants. My future husband's nephew is hard of hearing. I am not social with deaf people in hometown. They're not my type to hang out. They always gossip and stabbing back. I just tired of drama. I stayed away from them. I got a new life with hearing man and circle his friends. We are fine so far.
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Pinky, glad God blessed you with you a great man, isn't He good :)
 
Hearing and deaf couples

Hi everyone. I am deaf and I have been married to my wonderful hearing husband for 28 years! I 've read some of your comments and stories and some are good and some are sad. But don't give up hope and patience. I can speak and signs and do wears my hearing aid as well. I am the only one deafness in my family but I always have been happy person. Be happy ..just remember who you are and take time to get there to understands by and by . I ave more hearing friends and family than deafie . But they are my friends too. I can live with the both world.. no problem for me.
~Daneen
 
You're welcome anytime! :)

sara1981 said:
thanks for tell me about that

But im been using deaf dating online its bad! and i dont using dating online anymores i wanted trust nice man.

Me and my boyfriend James been dating for long months on e-mail everyday because he lives in London,England and im USA but im American-born in my lifes.

im been dating ex-scam boyfriend before James and my ex-boyfriend asked me for money! but i dont trust to send money to Africa! but i obey the laws.
Click to expand...
 
Communication is what's important. If you got that things will be better, deaf or not.
 
Hi,
I have read some of your comments and your stories. I know how that feel. I met my ex husband at Deaf Club and thought he is the man of my life. Bec I rather to be date or with HOH or Deaf guys. I have gone through a lot of pblms with deaf men and it is soo painful and confusing and a lot of misunderstanding and all. I told all my deaf friends that I would never date with hearing guys, bec they would take advantaged of deaf woman in many reasons. Well, I have learned alot of my mistakes..

After my seperation from my ex husband for the first time and finally broke it not to go back with him, too many times. I started to get on the internet, bec I want to make new friends and want to start allover with my new Life.

Well, I met my first hearing husband through Yahoo Chat room in Ark 3 Chat room. He pmed me and talk to me and we start chatting and all. I was scared, bec I know chatting with someone is dangerous and many reasons. I tried to avoid him and he kept seeing me in the chat room and always chat with me. I told my deaf friend about it and she said it maybe the signs.. She is also enaged with her hearing man. She told me that I never have problem with my hearing man and that I should give a try..

Well, Well there are full of surprises in my life. My husband and I chatted for 2 half weeks. I told my ex husband that there is no chance for us being together. Bec I knew he will do it again. He got mad and said oh is that someone else ? I told him no. But you broke the promise that you would not be dating someone and he did. I let him go and shut the door on his face and went back and spoke to my husband. After we talked a lot the more we talked the more we seems to be comfortable. But still you don't know what is going to be, if you met in real person. Bec internet and meet in real person are sooo different. He came by to see me Jan 21, 2005 for the first time. I was soo nervous. He brought me feather rose and a note book to communicate with me. He seems like he broke his ice, when he first met me. I was taking my time and we started to get to know more deeply and talked alot on notebook and all.

We went out date and get to know more and we fell in love. Yes, there are full of surprises in my life with him. It is so hard to communicate through notebook and we started to take next step to learn sign languages. He have bad habit spelling fingers. Yeah, it do cause realationship problems bec of lack of communicate and signs. He worked a lot and it is hard for him to keep up learning signs. But Amazing thing is he kept it up and did his best and improved a lot with his signs. My deaf friends really like him a lot and told me that he is winner and that he have good heart.

We became steady in this relationship and live together to get to know eachother more and see how it goes before take the next steps. We became engaged and took our time, before we got married. He have been soo patient with me as well as I do, too. It was wonderful and full of surprises. My man always interprent me what other hearing people say, stood up for me, be there for me in every ways, tell me what my kids said behind my back and all that.

We are now happy married couples and have full of surpises in our life. I am thankful that I found the right man this time and took my time, before go farther in this relationship.

So some of hearing/ deaf people have full of surpries in their life after they fall in love and some don't have great relationship in their life. That is really hard to see the signs or follow your heart.

No one is perfect in the world, execpt keep trying to find right person in your life. Don't give up. Don't rush.. All you do is keep trying, be patient and make sure if that person is the right for your future.

So Good Luck..
 
Don't give up yet. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. I think that you should be patient and see how your relationship can go far. The relationships are not perfect. Be prepare for some surprises because you will never know that something wonderful will come along in your life.

I am deaf and am married to a wonderful hearing guy for 6 years. How did i met him? I was a designated driver for my friends that night at the club so I didn't drink when I drove them home. One of my friends kept telling me that there was a guy who were interested into me but I wasn't pay attention and was occupied by dancing.

My hubby kept telling my friend that he really wanted to meet me. Finally on 3rd weekend night he had his chance to dance with me. Suddenly I was flattered when he told me that first time he saw me and thought I had an attractive glow around me. I was surprised when he told me that he called his sister about me and got a sign language book next day. He couldn't stop asking when he could see me again.

I was hesitate going on date with him because he is in military. My heart kept telling me to give my hubby a chance so I went on a date with him. Our first date went well and he was so wonderful. We continued to date and got know each other. I told him that I dont smoke at all. My hubby won my heart when he told me that he quitted smoking. I never ask him to quit so I asked him why? He said he did it for me. I couldn't help but my heart completely surrendered to him. Two months later, he wanted me to meet his family so we visited his family in CA.

We are still happily married and are planning to start a family soon. We have our ups and downs like everyone does but our love, be there, and be patient for each other that make our marriage stronger. I am so grateful that he didnt give up on me when I wasn't sure about going out with a miltary guy and he kept asking for the dates :}

So we can't help who we fall in love with but no matter what who u r with, you will find your love and happiness in time. If ur relationshiop isnt working out, be strong and move on until you find it or come to you.
 
I don't think it matters if a person is hearing or deaf - as long as that person treats you with respect, loyalty, and uses a communication system that both of you can understand. My experience with hearing guys were usually negative because of the cultural and communication barriers. For that reason, I prefer to date (when I'm ready, and I'm not ready right now) deaf guys.
 
I can certainly understand why a deaf person might find it easier to date another deaf person. I'm hearing, dating a deaf person for the first time; it's only been a few weeks. He's a considerate, sweet, lovely person, though he can be stubborn and when he misunderstands something he can be convinced that he understood right. I love learning languages and learning Turkish Sign Language on the fly is has been interesting and fun. (And the little ASL I learned has been more of a source of confusion than a help!) But I do want to get to the point where we can talk more deeply, soon. He doesn't know much Turkish and has not been very motivated to do so, so the communication is basically up to me. Luckily he has a good friend who does know Turkish well. We see him frequently; he can explain some things and I can get signs for words from him. I do wonder how it will go down the line, because I know I'll be his only line of communicaiton between him and my friends and it's not likely to change. I spent a long time being unable to follow conversations and sort of got used to it, and I know he's used to it as well. But I do want him to feel included as well, and wonder to what extent we'll be able to do it..
 
I have no problem with deaf and hearing relationship. The important is communicate. My husband do know sign languages. He learned it from me. He need to learned it because of his stutter and his nephew is deaf and hoh. If He don't understand. I will tell him repeat. If I don't understand him and ask him for repeat. I have to be patient with him when he is talking with his all friends or family. I asked him what did they said? I told him to do interpret for me.
 
I don't think it really matter if you are in a deaf or hearing relationship or deaf to deaf relationship. Every relationship will have it's up and down with some struggles. We all know that relationship take two to make work. If you care about someone and in love that person, then do the best you can in the relationship to keep the commuication open. Love can over come so many obstacles.
 
Casa Blanca, it's excellent that you are learning sign language. This is vital for any Deaf-hearing relationship. I think one of the main things you've realized, though, is that there isn't only a linguistic difference between Deaf and hearing, but a major cultural one. It's just like people who come from different countries that fall in love.

If you make an effort to really understand Deaf culture, your boyfriend will become less unpredictable because you'll be able to view him in the context of Deaf culture. And if he makes an effort to really understand hearing culture, then he will be able to understand you better. As you get to understand each other's cultures better, although you might not magically understand each other all the time, but at least you will both be able to figure out why you had certain misunderstandings.

Just think of it as two people from different countries. With a bit of effort to understand each other's cultures and language and norms, the rest of the relationship will fall into place.
 
My deaf girlfriend finally just packed up everything, including her videophone, and quit school and left. She has done this, quitting school and jobs, many times now. There is a big age difference, too, she being about half my age. It may just be her as an individual.
In any case the problems you describe seem to be very similar. She distances herself, even inside our home... our interchanges frequently have been more superficial, it seemed to me. She'd repeat, "do you love me? do you love our cat?.." and i'd say yes, yes..
I'm heartbroken but kind of getting over it. I cleaned up her office area and found a letter from a prison from a guy I think is deaf. Then I learned that guy had been a boyfriend of a girl who had robbed her of $19000, in fraudulent checks. I'm not sure she's going to be his girlfriend or not. But communication seems to be on her whim, and on her terms. I'm just worried as are her parents that she's burning any chance of getting money for school...they may not want to loan her any more money if she just quits all the time.
I guess you just cannot live other peope's lives for them.
I always tried to include her in conversation...well, more and more..not less and less... as i love her so much, and always felt her being excluded...some spoken speech seemed so inconsequential..from some talkative acquaintances..that i felt awkward interpreting it....she usually understood, or said she did. but as wrong as it feels to say it, i felt with some few people, like my mom before she died, my gf could have tried a little ...to write with her.. spend time... my gf is sweet, but does not truthfully feel like what you might call a 'giving' spirit. I feel it's because of her socialization, and i don't enjoy articulating it like this because i DO try to empathize with her situation.....
it's a really ambivalent position i feel i'm in.. but to her, i guess right now... i don't make any difference. she's gone.
 
jasin said:
Communication is what's important. If you got that things will be better, deaf or not.
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So true, I am happily married for 24 years to a hearing man who is also Asian (I'm Australian).

Communication is a key factor, but also a relationship also needs to be self-less. If you endeavour to discover the reasons behind his behaviour you will gain more understanding. Putting effort into understanding his culture and his background will help immensely to make your relationship stronger. Also focus more on his good qualities, you will find they will most likely outweigh the negatives. If they don't perhaps then he is not right for you.
 
dan thomas said:
My deaf girlfriend finally just packed up everything, including her videophone, and quit school and left. She has done this, quitting school and jobs, many times now. There is a big age difference, too, she being about half my age. It may just be her as an individual.
In any case the problems you describe seem to be very similar. She distances herself, even inside our home... our interchanges frequently have been more superficial, it seemed to me. She'd repeat, "do you love me? do you love our cat?.." and i'd say yes, yes..
I'm heartbroken but kind of getting over it. I cleaned up her office area and found a letter from a prison from a guy I think is deaf. Then I learned that guy had been a boyfriend of a girl who had robbed her of $19000, in fraudulent checks. I'm not sure she's going to be his girlfriend or not. But communication seems to be on her whim, and on her terms. I'm just worried as are her parents that she's burning any chance of getting money for school...they may not want to loan her any more money if she just quits all the time.
I guess you just cannot live other peope's lives for them.
I always tried to include her in conversation...well, more and more..not less and less... as i love her so much, and always felt her being excluded...some spoken speech seemed so inconsequential..from some talkative acquaintances..that i felt awkward interpreting it....she usually understood, or said she did. but as wrong as it feels to say it, i felt with some few people, like my mom before she died, my gf could have tried a little ...to write with her.. spend time... my gf is sweet, but does not truthfully feel like what you might call a 'giving' spirit. I feel it's because of her socialization, and i don't enjoy articulating it like this because i DO try to empathize with her situation.....
it's a really ambivalent position i feel i'm in.. but to her, i guess right now... i don't make any difference. she's gone.
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Sorry to hear that.

Sounds like she has some serious personal & self-confidence issues. Quitting all the time is a sign of lack of self-discipline and emotional issues.

Let her go. Some people just don't want to be helped.
 
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