Deaf-Hearing Marriage

[jillio]

That's likely because it deals directly with the area of social psychology, men are generally more into passive and non-verbal communication (by this I don't mean signing), while women tend to convey more empathy and exuberance, it's a social trend you may notice too. There is most likely a study that shows a table depicting linguistic word choice and percentages utilized by both sexes. But once we start adding ethnicity and cultures, things tend to start differentiating even further..

Hard to say where ASL/deaf culture lies though, personally I haven't gotten far enough experience to notice any general differences between signing men and women.

Some of it could be the result of social roles imposed on the different sexes, but that is hardly the whole ball of wax.

 

[jillio]

My user name has mentioned many times: past behaviour indicates what future behaviour-will be. To make more relevant here- how does one deal right now with the "hearing gap:: hearing to "deaf/hearing impaired". What are the parties doing to deall with this-now? Why would the future be different ?
Excluding "arranged marriages" or future "hearing difficulties" unknown at the present time.
Some thoughts to consider.
Footnote: I became bilaterally deaf-Dec/06 after becoming "widowed".

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07

The future can be different anytime one chooses to make it different. Often times it takes a certain degree of discomfort and misery before one steps up and makes that choice. That discomfort level is different for each individual. In this way, current behavior is not always predictive of future behavior. You have a fatalistic attitude there. The fact is, the thing that makes us human to a degree is our capacity to change throughout our lifetime.

 

[AlleyCat]

I like your last sentence, Jillio. "The thing that makes us human is our capacity to change throughout our lifetime."

I feel like I have changed a ton in the last few years alone. I was married for 13 years to a deaf man, and that ended. I've been with a hearing man for the last 4 years now. I love him to pieces, and I know how much he loves me. There's been a lot of adjustment (changes, if you will) between us to make things work. It's WHAT makes it work.

 

[Beach girl]

There are always going to be changes. Life is all about what happens next.

At the same time, if you've got an abusive, mean boyfriend who keeps beating you up and then promising to change - (NOT THAT THE OP HAS THAT!!) - I sure wouldn't bet the ranch on believing such a person. I think you have to look very clearly at what the person is now, in terms of being caring, considerate, hard working, etc. If those qualities are constant and enduring, not just in how he treats you, but how he treats everyone, then you've probably got a good guy there.

My grandmother's advice: "look for a man who is honest and honorable. If you find that, everything else will fall into place."

She may have been a bit optimistic about "everything else," but I always liked the idea of starting with "honest and honorable." Weeds out a lot of the chaff right there from the start.

 

[drphil]

Sure the future can be different PROVIDED one really wants to "change past behaviour". Isn't the problem:" how" to change and "why"? Does one accept what was done in the past from habit?

If it was so simple: why "discussions" with "social workers/psychologists etc"? Is it really that simple to reconfigure one's personality to effect change?

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07

 

[Beach girl]

Is it really that simple to reconfigure one's personality to effect change?

Personally I don't think one's basic personality really changes much. If it does, it is slowly, over time, as both partners give and take different things within the marriage.

Interests can change, obviously a lot of changes come along if you have kids - and not just the diaper changes! - health issues can change (I've had surgery a few times, twice on an emergency basis - neither my husband nor I expected THAT to happen!), financial status can change. If you're a person who is open to adventure and exploring, you will probably continue to be open to travel and so forth for as long as you're healthy.

I think your basic personality is the bedrock; it's the foundation for how you handle everything else that comes up in life. You want to be sure that you really like and enjoy your partner's basic personality; if you're counting on a change in your partner to make you happy, you will probably be very disappointed.

 

[MidnightSun]

hearing deaf marriage

Communication isn't the only problem, it is the CULTURE that is another problem. Deaf world and hearing world have their own culture and some of them DO conflicts each other. There is more than you'd realize that lies under the marriage of deaf-hearies.

I totally agree with you Diehardbiker...communication is #1 but there are many others...I had a friend HOH(without the HA deaf)..He married a hearing woman (seperated 3 times, saw counseling, divorced), then married another
hearing woman..lasted a bit longer, but ended in divorce..then he married a deaffie who counsels deaffies, so you would think she had it all together..lol
nope...let's just say, sexually incompatable, which I would have thought they would have found out before marrying..anyway...now he's "unhappy" and seeing a counselor...so...he tried it both ways..i guess it might be him..laughing, like i mentioned..I "had" a friend..he didn't appreciate my honesty so...I wish him luck...Midnight♥♥♥

 

[Bernadette]

My husband is hearing and I am deaf. We have wonderful marriage. We do have problem sometimes but we know how handle this. We don't care what family or people think about us. They never dare tell us what they think because they respect us. My family and his family accept us.

I am Deaf and I was married to two hearing husbands. Both marriages were wonderful. I was married to the first one and had 15 years with him. He passed away from a massive heart attack. A year later I married my second husband and he was my high school sweetheart. I was mainstreamed and went to a hearing high school and met him there. I can speak and read lips very well and grew up around hearing people. I lost my hearing at age 7. I did go to the American School for the Deaf in West Hartford, CT for 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades, just to learn how to lip-read, then attended 6th, 7th and 8th grade at a Catholic Elementary School. Then went to a public high school. I was married to my second husband for 40 years. Miss both very much and will be buried with both when my time comes. I feel blessed and thankful to have been very loved, protected and cared for by two wonderful hearing guys.