Coming from a complete oral mainstream background with one sided loss during school years and good ear very good then) I still struggle with why ASL developed with the completely different word order.
Jane, you've been mentioning for a long time that you'd like to understand the reasons behind ASL's structure. You've gotten lots of explanations from people very well versed on the subject here, but it's still frustrating to you. I believe your frustration is genuine, but at this point I think it's safe to assume that one more explanation isn't going to help, given that all the others haven't. I think the best way to get a really good sense of why ASL structure makes so much sense for a signed language is to learn it and use it. As you spend more and more time with it, more and more deeply, I think it will start to make sense to you and clear up that question in a way all these explanations can't seem to do.
I think I remember you saying that you don't have people to use ASL with, where you are. And that you did try to learn it in the past? So, you're aware of some of the basics. You could go online and watch videos until some of the grammatical patterns start to become familiar. (You can let me know if you'd like some links.) If you're totally lost doing that, you could start out with videos that have captions and go back and forth between letting yourself look at them vs not. And for expressive if there's no one around, you can just think about how you would sign anything that comes to mind: what happened to you today, a funny story you'd like to tell, etc. Then do it in front of a mirror. And keep a notebook for things you get stuck on, aren't sure how to do - you can ask about them next time you interact with someone with good ASL skills.
I believe that you don't mean any harm by asking this question: by itself it seems innocent enough. But you're asking people about a language that they love and depend on in so many ways, and it's a language that the surrounding world and power structures have tried to take away from them throughout their history, at times actually doing that: taking their language away from them. And when not succeeding in taking it away, still belittling it, saying it's not a real language, or treating it and the people who use it as inferior and not deserving respect, as compared to English and people who use English. So there's alot of abuse that's been going on for a long time, before you showed up with your question. There are lots of raw wounds that are hard to live with and should never have been there in the first place. With that backdrop, I hope you can see how asking "Why isn't ASL more like English?" can be a really upsetting question. Since answers don't seem to be helping anyway, I hope you'll consider redirecting your curiosity into another attempt to learn the language. Either that or just decide to accept the fact that it's confusing to you.
I write all this because I understand how frustrating it can be to have a genuine question and to get yelled at for asking it. Sometimes it means there's alot going on: people are usually sensitive about things for a reason.
If you do take another shot at ASL and want to do a voice off video chat once in a while, I'd be up for a session or two.