WhisperHorse
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I agreed with everybody in here.
By the way, I wanted to say:
to alldeaf!
By the way, I wanted to say:
to alldeaf!
Deaf and Hearing Relationships
- Thread starter Cassidia
- Start date
Being hard of hearing. There is a fine line called: EXPERIENCE.
My Hub is hearing, and I know we have our struggles. He is just
understanding now how difficult it really is. Our two girls are HofH as well.
The oldest is not. I think you can have as much knowledge as you want and even being active in the Dear Culture but that doesn't give you a personal experience of how it feels day to day to live the way we do. Sometimes, I feel frustrated and I admit. I just want to take my hearing aids off, and completely retort to ASL. My girls can do it, because they are very fluent. The oldest isn't, and neither is my Hub. But, the fact remains sometimes when people don't understand it's road block in a relationship. We have been fortunate. He is extremely patient, and he takes everything that I have told him about deafness to heart. He is actively looking for ways to make our girls' and my life easier. That means alot to me. However, he still doesn't know how it feels. When you have a deafness, there is an immediate bond. You know that person's needs, what they feel, etc. There will never be a "misunderstanding, lack of understanding" in that department. Maybe fear of frustration, is too great that he feels it's just better if he dates a girl that is deaf/hofh so that he won't have to deal with it.
My Hub is hearing, and I know we have our struggles. He is just
understanding now how difficult it really is. Our two girls are HofH as well.
The oldest is not. I think you can have as much knowledge as you want and even being active in the Dear Culture but that doesn't give you a personal experience of how it feels day to day to live the way we do. Sometimes, I feel frustrated and I admit. I just want to take my hearing aids off, and completely retort to ASL. My girls can do it, because they are very fluent. The oldest isn't, and neither is my Hub. But, the fact remains sometimes when people don't understand it's road block in a relationship. We have been fortunate. He is extremely patient, and he takes everything that I have told him about deafness to heart. He is actively looking for ways to make our girls' and my life easier. That means alot to me. However, he still doesn't know how it feels. When you have a deafness, there is an immediate bond. You know that person's needs, what they feel, etc. There will never be a "misunderstanding, lack of understanding" in that department. Maybe fear of frustration, is too great that he feels it's just better if he dates a girl that is deaf/hofh so that he won't have to deal with it.
me_punctured
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Mixed relationships frequently run into unanticipated communication issues. Even my deaf friends who have hearing partners, or hearing friends with deaf partners, are always working things out. You could be fluent in ASL and have signing friends who are more than willing to accommodate your best friend, you could be culturally sensitive to the Deaf Culture, and you could even be active in your local Deaf community. But those advantages do not always guarantee a smooth relationship. Family, from personal experience and acquired knowledge, is one of the biggest issues to reconcile. And as you get older, your circle of friends may change, in according to the rhythm of life, and you will always meet non-signing new people. That too can prove to be an everlasting challenge for you and your best friend in terms of socialization.
me_punctured
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It sounds like your best friend knows what he wants from a partner: one who have experienced what it is like to be deaf firsthand. He may consider the background to be a crucial element in the formation of an intimate relationship and need to have that special connection by feeling the pleasure and pain of deafness. Finding common ground based on it.
Not all deaf people are that way, though.
Not all deaf people are that way, though.
CutePommie
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I want to say i have been with both deaf or hearing .. relationships .. i am deaf and can good at lipreadings but i dont talk like hearing , i can use lipreadings very good .. i dont have problem with hearing unless if they unable to understand me i just simple write it down . yet i does to understand that hearing people hasn't met the real deaf people before that would be different and so it mean i have to show them how we commuicate of our deaf way, so that how they will start to know how to commuciate back even write notes then start to get know each other then get used do it to understand at my lipreads more .. well maybe we all have our difference views , myself have no problem with both deafie or hearie world, i just love to be challenge 
it would be our problem if we deafie or hearie do not want to doesn't show how we can commuciates. i just get on with both deafie and hearie world, 
it would be our problem if we deafie or hearie do not want to doesn't show how we can commuciates. i just get on with both deafie and hearie world,
F
FreeWoman77
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well, first I have told myself never date hearing again 
2 things: my home country I barely seen, and havent thought of dating or marrying to hearing guy cuz its cultures, many hearing make fun of deafies there 
here in USA i seen many hearing married deaf happily ever after, and many hearings are willing to learn ASL. I have lived with hearing guy for 4 mo before I wasn't happy with him, communication was so bored, he wouldnt learn ASL wanted me try to read lips, hard for me being grown up with deaf family ASL strong (I mean Russian Sign Language strong)
But I got some hearing friends who are willing/already to learn ASL, wait and see
2 things: my home country I barely seen, and havent thought of dating or marrying to hearing guy cuz its cultures, many hearing make fun of deafies there here in USA i seen many hearing married deaf happily ever after, and many hearings are willing to learn ASL. I have lived with hearing guy for 4 mo before I wasn't happy with him, communication was so bored, he wouldnt learn ASL wanted me try to read lips, hard for me being grown up with deaf family ASL strong (I mean Russian Sign Language strong) But I got some hearing friends who are willing/already to learn ASL, wait and see
gnulinuxman
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My fiancee is deaf but can lipread. I met her last year and became fluent in ASL in the time I've known her. (by HER standards) I already spoke English and Spanish fluently, and I wanted to learn ASL for most of my life (because of Linda Bove on Sesame Street (but she's not on Plaza Sésamo, the Spanish version, sadly....).
I thought the Deaf had the coolest way of communicating. When I met my fiancee, I was thrilled that a deaf person was interested in ME. We may not have that in common, but we do have something VERY strong in common: we're both autistic and have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I found out from some Deaf friends that they think hearing autistics are the hearing group most likely to admire Deaf Culture because we are very visual thinkers. So much that some idiots think we have hearing problems sometimes.
My fiancee was put on hearing aids. I looked at all her paperwork, and her hearing was perfectly normal, but her parents (her mom mostly) demanded she wear hearing aids anyway. This started to seriously damage her hearing. To add insult to injury, her mom beat her ears to make her deaf and screamed constantly. Now her mom refuses to admit that her daughter is now Profoundly Deaf and cannot hear a word she's saying. (Her mom makes her wear a hearing aid and uses that as "proof" that she can hear--which is as effective as putting glasses on a blind person....) She even convinced her whole family (except a couple cousins) that my fiancee just doesn't want to listen. This was HORRIBLE for my fiancee because she's suffering an identity crisis. Oh yeah, and she's adopted. Yeah, ADOPTED. They adopted her just so they could beat her.
Her parents do NOT sign at all. Nor does the rest of her family. Most of her immediate family treats her like an idiot. It breaks my heart.
Now, my fiancee tried two Deaf boyfriends first. One raped her and the other tried to. I am the first hearing boyfriend she ever had, and, surprisingly, we connect very well because we're both autistic computer geeks. Unfortunately, I have seen her get mistreated a lot because of her deafness. It breaks my heart. She still lives with her abusive parents and I am urging her to get out of there. She taught me everything I know about ASL, and I thank her for that. She introduced me to some of her deaf friends, and it's nice to socialize in person without having to use my voice or my ears. Thanks to her, I am now fluent in ASL.
My family LOVES her, even though nobody in my family is Deaf. Nobody in my family discriminates, and whenever she talks with my family members, they make sure they're facing her when they talk to her. (Her mom got her own family to think yelling was enough--my mom hates her mom BTW.) Some of them want to learn ASL too, especially my mom (my mom's a nurse). I sign for her whenever it's needed, but it's not usually needed because my fiancee has excellent lipreading skills (and does NOT depend on residual hearing to lipread).
She is surprised she found another person who understands her, even though I'm hearing (but, as I mentioned before, we have some VERY STRONG similarities with our autism and ADHD). In fact, she is amazed that one of my main reasons for learning ASL was so she wouldn't be forced to lipread. We understand each other better when using ASL (even though I've only studied it for a little over a year so far--autistics can learn ASL very fast!), even when she's signing at what looks like a blur to most hearing people--I know every word she's saying, and she understands me when I sign. It's fun ddescribing my driving in ASL because I can do it visually rather than word after word after word after word.... That's what I love about ASL vs. pidgin signed English--ASL is very expressive and is fun to tell stories in. I'm teaching her my second language, Spanish, now that I learned ASL, and she is eager to learn it--and is willing to practice lipreading and speaking it orally (I admire her determination--and I'm perfectly willing to help her but I won't force her.) I would have said she knows Spanish if she can read and write it, but she wants to go oral speech too.
Our only problems come from other people. We don't have communication problems between ourselves, but others put artificial blocks on her and it makes me sick. She is getting mistreated at our college because they believe her mom is always right. (Her mom has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a condition that makes her think she's always right and that she's perfect and everybody should bow down to her.) But they think "she's such a sweet old lady" because she's a two-face, which is typical of abusive parents.
And they go behind her back because they think she's stupid. The interpreters she gets are awful (yes, I evaluate them--another reason for learning ASL). And her counselor calls her parents directly--which is a violation of Wisconsin State Law.
I love my fiancee..... I just wish she didn't have all these idiots in her life. She's honestly shocked that anyone would be willing to accomodate (and let her choose whether she wants to sign or not, and I even let her take her hearing aid out (which would get her mom to beat her at home)).
I apologize for my long post.....
I thought the Deaf had the coolest way of communicating. When I met my fiancee, I was thrilled that a deaf person was interested in ME. We may not have that in common, but we do have something VERY strong in common: we're both autistic and have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I found out from some Deaf friends that they think hearing autistics are the hearing group most likely to admire Deaf Culture because we are very visual thinkers. So much that some idiots think we have hearing problems sometimes.
My fiancee was put on hearing aids. I looked at all her paperwork, and her hearing was perfectly normal, but her parents (her mom mostly) demanded she wear hearing aids anyway. This started to seriously damage her hearing. To add insult to injury, her mom beat her ears to make her deaf and screamed constantly. Now her mom refuses to admit that her daughter is now Profoundly Deaf and cannot hear a word she's saying. (Her mom makes her wear a hearing aid and uses that as "proof" that she can hear--which is as effective as putting glasses on a blind person....) She even convinced her whole family (except a couple cousins) that my fiancee just doesn't want to listen. This was HORRIBLE for my fiancee because she's suffering an identity crisis. Oh yeah, and she's adopted. Yeah, ADOPTED. They adopted her just so they could beat her.
Her parents do NOT sign at all. Nor does the rest of her family. Most of her immediate family treats her like an idiot. It breaks my heart.
Now, my fiancee tried two Deaf boyfriends first. One raped her and the other tried to. I am the first hearing boyfriend she ever had, and, surprisingly, we connect very well because we're both autistic computer geeks. Unfortunately, I have seen her get mistreated a lot because of her deafness. It breaks my heart. She still lives with her abusive parents and I am urging her to get out of there. She taught me everything I know about ASL, and I thank her for that. She introduced me to some of her deaf friends, and it's nice to socialize in person without having to use my voice or my ears. Thanks to her, I am now fluent in ASL.
My family LOVES her, even though nobody in my family is Deaf. Nobody in my family discriminates, and whenever she talks with my family members, they make sure they're facing her when they talk to her. (Her mom got her own family to think yelling was enough--my mom hates her mom BTW.) Some of them want to learn ASL too, especially my mom (my mom's a nurse). I sign for her whenever it's needed, but it's not usually needed because my fiancee has excellent lipreading skills (and does NOT depend on residual hearing to lipread).
She is surprised she found another person who understands her, even though I'm hearing (but, as I mentioned before, we have some VERY STRONG similarities with our autism and ADHD). In fact, she is amazed that one of my main reasons for learning ASL was so she wouldn't be forced to lipread. We understand each other better when using ASL (even though I've only studied it for a little over a year so far--autistics can learn ASL very fast!), even when she's signing at what looks like a blur to most hearing people--I know every word she's saying, and she understands me when I sign. It's fun ddescribing my driving in ASL because I can do it visually rather than word after word after word after word.... That's what I love about ASL vs. pidgin signed English--ASL is very expressive and is fun to tell stories in. I'm teaching her my second language, Spanish, now that I learned ASL, and she is eager to learn it--and is willing to practice lipreading and speaking it orally (I admire her determination--and I'm perfectly willing to help her but I won't force her.) I would have said she knows Spanish if she can read and write it, but she wants to go oral speech too.
Our only problems come from other people. We don't have communication problems between ourselves, but others put artificial blocks on her and it makes me sick. She is getting mistreated at our college because they believe her mom is always right. (Her mom has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a condition that makes her think she's always right and that she's perfect and everybody should bow down to her.) But they think "she's such a sweet old lady" because she's a two-face, which is typical of abusive parents.
And they go behind her back because they think she's stupid. The interpreters she gets are awful (yes, I evaluate them--another reason for learning ASL). And her counselor calls her parents directly--which is a violation of Wisconsin State Law.I love my fiancee..... I just wish she didn't have all these idiots in her life. She's honestly shocked that anyone would be willing to accomodate (and let her choose whether she wants to sign or not, and I even let her take her hearing aid out (which would get her mom to beat her at home)).
I apologize for my long post.....
me_punctured
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gnulinuxman said:
As an autistic person, I can understand how powerful it is to have something like that in common. Most people don't understand why I don't look in their eyes when I talk or sign to them. It's an automatic habit; this causes problems in developing intimate relationships with them on a "normal" level.
NintyFresh
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I've been dating a deaf guy for over a year now (I'm 17, he's 19), while I'm hearing. I don't know much sign language, but he's patient with trying to teach me it. I'm patient with him as well when he tries to speak, since he can't pronounce everything correctly. Even with the few problems in communication, I love him dearly. The best thing that I know is that he's there as I am for him when things go bad during the days, and we can somehow let eachother know how we feel.
larrythegreatgu
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Hi Everyone..
I'm single man looking for someone i can share my love with..I'm a friendly guy that have so much to give...well if you want to know more about me...here is my yahoo instant messenger ID (Larrythegreatguy@yahoo.com) email me or you can im me so that we can chat more..ok
Hear from you soon,
Larry
I'm single man looking for someone i can share my love with..I'm a friendly guy that have so much to give...well if you want to know more about me...here is my yahoo instant messenger ID (Larrythegreatguy@yahoo.com) email me or you can im me so that we can chat more..ok
Hear from you soon,
Larry
SpiritOfTheWolf
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ecevit said:
Personally I think whatever label you feel most comfortable with for yourself is what is appropriate. I am like 90% deaf in my right ear and completely deaf in my left ear but when I wear my hearing aid I can understand someone talking to me one on one with no background noise. Some people may consider me to be HOH because I can hear somewhat with a hearing aid and I have normal speech, but I consider myself to be Deaf. If I didn't wear my hearing aid I wouldn't be able to communicate with a hearing person at all so without it I am for all intents and purposes DEAF. Therefore that's what I consider myself to be. I don't think it's a hearing aid or a cochlear implant that makes a person Deaf or HOH, it's whatever they are without it.
Endymion
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larrythegreatgu said:
Hi Larry! I'm a single, available, easily aroused blue-eyed blonde SWF. Furthermore, I don't know that you are probably a Nigerian scammer and I am very gullible. Please contact me, you sexy masculine hunk, you! *sizzle*
Levonian
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larrythegreatgu said:
Larry, PM The*Empress ASAP. You won’t be sorry, dude—I guarantee it. This is a sure bet, buddy. Just go to Wal-Mart right now and grab a big box of chocolates, a dozen cheap-ass roses, and a box of those cocktail wiener sized condoms. You might want a fifth of Jack Daniels too. Have fun pal—you’re in for a night you’ll never forget.
Endymion
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Levonian said:Larry, PM The*Empress ASAP. You won’t be sorry, dude—I guarantee it. This is a sure bet, buddy. Just go to Wal-Mart right now and grab a big box of chocolates, a dozen cheap-ass roses, and a box of those cocktail wiener sized condoms. You might want a fifth of Jack Daniels too. Have fun pal—you’re in for a night you’ll never forget.
Bastard! Don't give me competition.
F
FreeWoman77
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Endymion said:
I am single and lesbian, looking for 36C, PM me ASAP
F
FreeWoman77
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larrythegreatgu said:
:rolls: I got this email in my Yahoo, too
thewinterknight
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Ha! I got you beat! I'm a 40C and I'm also a 28 hip and I'm a cute cute brunette with blue eyes! And also I got long sexy sizzlin' legs that would look great around Larry's waist!
By the way FreeWoman77, do you want to hook up so we can have some mad lesbian relationships we can video camera and spread deaf porn all across the Internet.
By the way FreeWoman77, do you want to hook up so we can have some mad lesbian relationships we can video camera and spread deaf porn all across the Internet.
F
FreeWoman77
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thewinterknight said:
