Deaf and Depressed

[deafvikinglady]

Hello.
I am Deaf for whole of my life since birth. I use ASL and PSE.
I am very depressed for long time. I do not understand why more and more and more hearing friends and relatives being cruel to me for no reason. Some of them know sign language and ASL. Even worse, why is my hearing friend who just is now professional ASL interpreter who I thought he understood everything about Deaf but it not. Why is he being so mean to me? I didn't do anything wrong. I am left in dark. He blocked me from last night. What did I do wrong? I am afraid of more hearing friends and relatives accuse me, silence me, abuse me, oppress me. I don't understand them hating me for Deaf. I don't know.

 

[authentic]

Maybe relocating to a new city that will help you to meet new Deaf friends.

 

[deafvikinglady]

Maybe relocating to a new city that will help you to meet new Deaf friends.

?? I live near the city. I have some close deaf friends. My family are all hearing. Relocating for what??

 

[lostandtryingmybest]

I don't think this is about Deafness directly, but about social skills and tact.
I think your pictures are out of order, but the way you said "I can't ask questions because that's passive aggressive" is itself kind of passive aggressive and manipulative. You probably didn't mean it to be or see it that way, but other people can feel like you're saying, "Well fine! I'll just be a jerk until you tell me what I want to hear."
This was doubled down when your friend told you something seriously bad happened, and you said just, "Okay. Since I can't ask questions." You didn't show concern or support for your friend when it was most needed, rather you directed the talk back to yourself and your problem. In that case also, I don't think questions need to be asked - there is never a good "why", for example.

In the end, the problem isn't in asking questions, but about when they are asked. I have problems with that myself, so I make sure the people I care about know it - when my brain has its focus on something in particular, I have to finish that line of thought before I can fully acknowledge and answer theirs. Sometimes I randomly come up with the perfect answer… 10 minutes too late! But, late is better than never, as long as the people you care about understand this is how you work and you're trying your best.
I think it's important also that you try not to get so stuck in your head about feeling like a "bad person" - again, it's reasonable to reach out for comfort sometimes, but when this is consistently done at the cost of ignoring others... They will be hurt. You have to find ways to feel from within that you are worthy of good things, and not always need others to tell you that.

Do you have many hobbies you can work on, away from family and the hearing world? It could be something new, too. Hobbies always help me refocus and feel less angry or disappointed with myself, especially creative ones.

 

[deafvikinglady]

I don't think this is about Deafness directly, but about social skills and tact.
I think your pictures are out of order, but the way you said "I can't ask questions because that's passive aggressive" is itself kind of passive aggressive and manipulative. You probably didn't mean it to be or see it that way, but other people can feel like you're saying, "Well fine! I'll just be a jerk until you tell me what I want to hear."
This was doubled down when your friend told you something seriously bad happened, and you said just, "Okay. Since I can't ask questions." You didn't show concern or support for your friend when it was most needed, rather you directed the talk back to yourself and your problem. In that case also, I don't think questions need to be asked - there is never a good "why", for example.

In the end, the problem isn't in asking questions, but about when they are asked. I have problems with that myself, so I make sure the people I care about know it - when my brain has its focus on something in particular, I have to finish that line of thought before I can fully acknowledge and answer theirs. Sometimes I randomly come up with the perfect answer… 10 minutes too late! But, late is better than never, as long as the people you care about understand this is how you work and you're trying your best.
I think it's important also that you try not to get so stuck in your head about feeling like a "bad person" - again, it's reasonable to reach out for comfort sometimes, but when this is consistently done at the cost of ignoring others... They will be hurt. You have to find ways to feel from within that you are worthy of good things, and not always need others to tell you that.

Do you have many hobbies you can work on, away from family and the hearing world? It could be something new, too. Hobbies always help me refocus and feel less angry or disappointed with myself, especially creative ones.

Well, that's what my oldest hearing sister said to me. It doesn't make any sense. How was i being passive when I asked my other sister? How was i being aggressive when I asked my other sister? I was not keeping it quiet to myself. I just asked her was she there at our aunt's funeral because I don't recall seeing there. That's it. Aggressive? That makes no sense. I wasn't angry or harmful towards her or anything like that. Yes, how are you doing is passive aggressive. Okay. What's up is passive aggressive. Okay. What kind of movie do u like is passive aggressive. Okay. Did you attend Metallica concert is passive aggressive. Okay. U miss the flight is passive aggressive. Okay. All questions with a mark are passive aggressive. All Deafies never have problem with me asking them any kind of question in my whole life. They never attack me, never critizie me, never oppress me, never silence me, never put me down, never accuse me when I ask them a question.