Dating after deafness... Is it possible?!

Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Ya know i never really cared to date a guy taller than me. I never set out to make sure that he was a certain height or anything. If it happens, it happens. But for me, communication is important... Not sex. And i guess 27 is a big deal for me because i always thought i would have been married by now, or had a flourishing career by now, or i would be a doctor... But im not. Oh and i did try deaf singles match and disabled singles... No dice. I dont want to pay to meet people, thats silly. By the way, do you ever feel embarassed about your accent? I do, sometimes, though its slight. I always thought you had to have been born deaf to develop it. Ive been HOH my entire life, and reasonably deaf most of my adult life. I remember hearing deaf miss america speak, as a kid... I giggled. I didnt know any better. Guess this is what i get... And i guess LoserDate was ashamed of it and chose not to take me anywhere.
 
Be glad, that he didn't take you anywhere else. Well about your accent, there are many guys out there who are attracted by a deaf accent. So in this case, I would be glad, that it probably scared him away. He was just a waste of time and not worth it! You know being deaf is an advantage in some way. You see way more of a persons character on a frist date then you normally would. Imagine you'd be hearing and had a date with that same jerk. I think it would have taken you a while to figure out that he is NOT such a great guy. You'd have wasted a lot more time with him.
I can't really give you an advise, but for me it always helped to take a step back, take a deep breath and start being who I am without focusing on dating etc. Do you know SL? Maybe you could throw yourself into the deaf community, making new friends, meeting new people, just having a good time. Sometimes the best things in life happen when least expected.
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Latascha said:
Be glad, that he didn't take you anywhere else. Well about your accent, there are many guys out there who are attracted by a deaf accent. So in this case, I would be glad, that it probably scared him away. He was just a waste of time and not worth it! You know being deaf is an advantage in some way. You see way more of a persons character on a frist date then you normally would. Imagine you'd be hearing and had a date with that same jerk. I think it would have taken you a while to figure out that he is NOT such a great guy. You'd have wasted a lot more time with him.
I can't really give you an advise, but for me it always helped to take a step back, take a deep breath and start being who I am without focusing on dating etc. Do you know SL? Maybe you could throw yourself into the deaf community, making new friends, meeting new people, just having a good time. Sometimes the best things in life happen when least expected.
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Thanks, i guess i hadnt thought of my deafness as a way to filter out the shallow folks. Im glad you said that. Sometimes advice is really the stuff you already know but just need to hear again. And as for the deaf community around here, i have no clue how to meet people. There is no deaf school or college or deaf groups or deaf activities... And on deaf singles sites, its just creepy devotees who are interested in deafies. Although, there is a deaf church... But i dunno about that. My asl isnt thaaat great. But im trying. I started learning fingerspelling as a child. And when i was a teen, i seriously took it up becaused i liked this deaf boy and reeaally wanted to talk to him... He was so cute, on the football team, popular... Anyways, he didnt give me time of day... But i did learn minimal conversational asl. As an adult, i know i should have devoted more time to it but i didnt. Now, im working hard a couple hours a day, by myself learning from books and a total immersion 8 cd rom set i got from the libray
 
You're welcome!
Too bad if there aren't that many deaf people in your area. Have you checked for bigger events? Maybe a bit away, but usually always worth the drive.
Teaching yourself a language is hard, I'm trying the exact same thing right now.
 
sounds like my last date

The stupidity and awkwardness on the guy's part sounds like my last date (2 1/2 years ago). After the fourth date she turned cold and wouldn't talk with me and just said I was acting "stupid" when I couldn't hear her. On the fifth date she wouldn't talk, spent the whole time on her cell phone. She was even dialing people up! Last date she wouldn't talk to me at all. I told her I wouldn't take her out if she wanted to be like this. She said I could just pay my half of the tab and leave at the restaurant. I should have left her and went home, but knew she wanted this. She wanted to tell people I abandoned her.
Now I realize she had found somebody else and wanted to blame the breakup on me. Two months later she told me she was now a "married woman" Her and her husband see each other once a year now as he lives in Fiji.
Forget about the guy and find somebody better.
 
crunch time?

38-40 seems to be crunch time for finding a good companion. I have put effort into finding a girlfriend and haven't had any luck since turning 39.
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

deafwelder said:
The stupidity and awkwardness on the guy's part sounds like my last date (2 1/2 years ago). After the fourth date she turned cold and wouldn't talk with me and just said I was acting "stupid" when I couldn't hear her. On the fifth date she wouldn't talk, spent the whole time on her cell phone. She was even dialing people up! Last date she wouldn't talk to me at all. I told her I wouldn't take her out if she wanted to be like this. She said I could just pay my half of the tab and leave at the restaurant. I should have left her and went home, but knew she wanted this. She wanted to tell people I abandoned her.
Now I realize she had found somebody else and wanted to blame the breakup on me. Two months later she told me she was now a "married woman" Her and her husband see each other once a year now as he lives in Fiji.
Forget about the guy and find somebody better.
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Wow, i dont know if i could have stood to let the relationship go thaaaat far. I wonder, was i ever so shallow as a hearing person?
 
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

I just feel like, okay... I finally have the courage to put myself out there and date and meet people, try making new friends, be a part of a group, etc...
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Good for you, you are willing to get out there and meet people.

Like Jiro said, don't try too hard. Most hearing people are awkward when it comes to communicating with a deaf person, but they should be able to get comfortable once the rapport is set.

Watch out for all the weirdos...especially the ones that take you to a closed carwash. It does not matter whether you are deaf or hearing, there are plenty of whack jobs out there looking to take advantage of any woman.
 
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)



Lol @ plenty of jerks. ok so maybe i should start looking to date other deafies... Maybe? Hard to find anyother deaf people around here, let alone a single guy interested in a 6ft2in female firefighter.
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don't be discouraged there are plenty of guys that dig a beautiful amazons.
 
Wow. I did not realize I was supposed to be desperate. I'm 37, single, and really pretty happy. Sure, I'd like to date, but I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I never tried POF before...sounds like I shouldn't.

Trust me, I'm hearing and have had bad first dates with hearing guys. This guy would be a dink (to keep it polite language) with probably every girl he goes out with. He probably would comment on someone's big feet, or crooked nose, or hair too short or too long, or bad taste in music. Honestly he probably is a bit abusive of all the girls that date him. I mean, some people are single because they're busy or shy or just haven't focused on dating or just haven't met the right person. I hope that's my reason!! Others are single because nobody can stand to be with them. That's this goober. Write the horror story down. You date guys from POF enough and you will TOTALLY have enough of these stories, some sad, some funny, to write a book and get rich!
 
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Ya know i never really cared to date a guy taller than me. I never set out to make sure that he was a certain height or anything. If it happens, it happens. But for me, communication is important... Not sex. And i guess 27 is a big deal for me because i always thought i would have been married by now, or had a flourishing career by now, or i would be a doctor... But im not. Oh and i did try deaf singles match and disabled singles... No dice. I dont want to pay to meet people, thats silly. By the way, do you ever feel embarassed about your accent? I do, sometimes, though its slight. I always thought you had to have been born deaf to develop it. Ive been HOH my entire life, and reasonably deaf most of my adult life. I remember hearing deaf miss america speak, as a kid... I giggled. I didnt know any better. Guess this is what i get... And i guess LoserDate was ashamed of it and chose not to take me anywhere.
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Trust me, women care about height, maybe not in every circumstance, but they care.

Well, I work for a medical company that employs hundreds of doctors, trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Don't get me wrong we help people, but you get the same frustrations in every company.

I don't hear my voice as an accent so I don't really care. I'm conscious of it because I had a date with an interpreter and she had the audacity to point it out, but I don't pay no mind to it. Bottom line, if people don't like you they don't like you, nothing you can do about it. Stick with the ones that do and lose the ones that don't.

You giggled because it was funny to you not because it was hurtful, there's a difference.

HoH people have it harder than Deaf when dating because the Deaf have their own community and we don't, even though we outnumber them, they have a cliche.
 
The above observation: deaf community is a clique probably valid-correct? Deaf" Militants" in charge of them? How would one prove/disprove that? How many potential partners are "available" might be "altered by age consideration".

I don't recall anyone mentioned I had a "deaf accent" since becoming bilateral DEAF December 20, 2006.
 
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Who is he to tell you that you shouldn't watch a movie because you can't hear it?! What is wrong with people?! This seriously lights my fire! Why is it so weird? What's the big deal? You can't catch it, if someone saw us on the street and didn't try to approach us they'd have no idea. Maybe he didn't want to go see a movie because he's too stupid to keep up with it. UGH! People!
 
AurorasLight said:
Who is he to tell you that you shouldn't watch a movie because you can't hear it?! What is wrong with people?! This seriously lights my fire! Why is it so weird? What's the big deal? You can't catch it, if someone saw us on the street and didn't try to approach us they'd have no idea. Maybe he didn't want to go see a movie because he's too stupid to keep up with it. UGH! People!
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Truth in this !

SpaCityMedic, this guy sound like a creeper, it is fortunate that it turned out the way it did. I mean that in a positive way. He would not of been a person to bring you personal satisfaction in anything. A relationship is not "accepting" the other person, it is about embracing them. Their all. When you look into this person I feel you should see a reflection of your own happiness, not a burden, nor ANY type of discord. A pipe dream, yeah, maybe, still how I feel.
 
SpaCityMedic, I am in the EXACT same boat as you when it comes to dating. I'm deaf, but was raised culturally hearing, so I am in between two worlds, and not part of the local Deaf community to find men to date in. So my experience has been with hearing men so far. And I had the worst experiences on Plentyoffish. OKCupid has better quality people, try that site.

Anyway, I hadn't been on a date in over 15 years, and I got asked out several times, but many guys flaked on me when the night came for the actual date.

Then my very first date that actually went through was only a few months ago with a guy that was VERY nice, but he was VERY short and looked just like humpty dumpty with a beard. Fine by me, but he had a bad lisp, fat lips that didn't change shape, and fat fingers that could barely fingerspell, not that he really tried even though I asked him to TRY to sign over and over. It just wasn't going to work.

My second date was with an FTM Transgendered person. He was also very, very nice. I thought he was pretty amazing as a person and had a great first date with him, he even signed and wrote everything down for me, and we had some nice conversations via email and text afterwards, and then right as I finally got totally comfortable with the idea of dating an FTM, all of a sudden, he stopped texting or emailing me. WTF?

It is really discouraging. And honestly, I haven't tried very hard since. I don't know if no one really wants to date me because I'm deaf, or because I'm fat. Maybe it's both.

I do know that I NEVER got any messages on either dating site when the fact that I was deaf was on my profile. I only started getting messages after I took that off, and then when I would tell them after a few messages that I was deaf, most of them stopped talking to me.

I like what someone said, though, the deafness is a way to weed out the people who aren't worth dating. But it's hard to appreciate that aspect of it when it seems like NO ONE is worth dating, ya know? *sigh*
 
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Im suuuuch... An idiot. Closed carwash... Why didnt i see his intentions. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, always assuming their motives are as honest as mine. And getting busy was the last thing on my mind... Didnt even occur. anyways, i have a stupid question... How do i see a movie at the theatre with closed captioning? Do i request it? I feel very ignorant right now. :)
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I was told that there is one in LR, but I don't remember the name of the theatre.

and hey Nobody is perfect.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
I have Meniere's too, but I've handled it through diet and exercise. I've had some crazy date and my accent is noticeable as well, but also had some good times.
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Please explain mor eabout the "diet and exercise" part. Are you making up for your deafness by looking good physically?

I agree. It does help, however, it only gets you to the door..but then you gotta answer it and that's where I have a hard time.
 
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Ya know i never really cared to date a guy taller than me. I never set out to make sure that he was a certain height or anything. If it happens, it happens. But for me, communication is important... Not sex. And i guess 27 is a big deal for me because i always thought i would have been married by now, or had a flourishing career by now, or i would be a doctor... But im not. Oh and i did try deaf singles match and disabled singles... No dice. I dont want to pay to meet people, thats silly. By the way, do you ever feel embarassed about your accent? I do, sometimes, though its slight. I always thought you had to have been born deaf to develop it. Ive been HOH my entire life, and reasonably deaf most of my adult life. I remember hearing deaf miss america speak, as a kid... I giggled. I didnt know any better. Guess this is what i get... And i guess LoserDate was ashamed of it and chose not to take me anywhere.
Click to expand...

I'm 31 and I have a "deaf accent", too. I can hear...but I guess not good enough, lol. I'm good looking, so have no problem attracting the opposite sex...but once i start talking, they flee. :deaf:
 
^ happens everytime. Well not with the talking but as soon as i tell them i wear an implant. Adios amigos
 
Now these days most movie theaters (AMC and Regal) have Captioning devices that you can use when you go into the theatre.

AMC lets you use the captiveiw devices while Regal uses the closed captioning glasses. I like CC glasses the best.

Anyway, sorry to hear that was a lame ass date you went through. You aren't the only one. I've had one which was shitty when a girl showed up late for a movie and she didn't even apologize for being late, so things got a bit awkward with her being late, we just walked around the mall and check out books then get some dinner then they (her friend also came along) left early and she never really texted me back. A friend set me up with one of her friends and she didn't expect the way she behaves like that towards me so yeah, she wasn't mature anyway.
 
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