Custodial Rights

[Angel]

Wow I didn't even know your ex has the girls more than you do, I thought it was the other way around like 50/50...

My ex husband and I have 50/50 as a shared parents custody but it in a different way, as you see I have the boys every day on the weekdays and my ex husband and I have every other weekend with them ( like one weekend they are with their dad and the other weekend they are with me, it switch back and fourth ) and he does have the 4 weeks with them in the summertime during the weekdays but he hasn't started on that yet but only started on the every other weekends.. I'm not sure how your state works on this shared parents custody issue, but most cases are different and not all are like 50/50 by spilting up the days or the weeks so it's really depending on the situation and how it will turned out, I believe....

Your girls does seem to need you more than their dad, that's because your girls want to be around you more and want to live with you, so instead of your ex taking you to court, he should be looking at both of your daugs by making them happy and doing what they want to do, it doesn't mean he won't be seeing them anymore, but won't have them as much as he used to, he has to understand that both of your daugs deserves to be happy with the person they are living with more than the other one, since they both know that their parents won't get back together, and knowing they have to make a choice on which parent they rather to live with, and your oldest choose you, is because she needs you more than she needs her father...So Meg, fight for your daugs cause they do need you alot more girl!..

Good luck Megan, I'll be praying for you on this!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

You said this prefect , (Angel)

Your description is an exactly same what most divorced parents did with their children when they share their custody of their children together in Germany.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

We share EQUAL custody. Meaning I have my girls every other week. I dont have them this week but will get them back on Friday for my week then next Friday, my ex gets them for a week.

But can you imagine having 2 different houses, 2 different clothes/toys, etc???

Yes, I can image it's burden on your girls to have different houses like this, etc. It also confuse your girls with parents's different opinion of upbringing limit.

Like what Angel stated is prefectly same as people I know who make the arrangements etc. It work wonderful on the children. Of course your children can see their father if they feel like to.

I read some of your posts here sound that your ex is unfair to you and your girls.

I would suggest you to sit and have a friendly talk with him what you think best for your girls when you see him with better mood. Your ex consider your girls's heart and let them go and have their choice instead of tried everything to keep them. It could harm your girls's physcial feeling if your ex carried on do that like this. It has to be stop. If it doesnt work on you and your ex then has to go lawyer or councelling for the advice.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I understand but Im not interested in going to court. What Im trying to say is that I need research to back up for whether having 50 50 custody is better than 70/30 so I would feel validated in helping my girls speak up. But they do need their dad too.

I know that many single fathers who dont see their kids feel lost too. It just seems like it is not a win/win situation.

I dont want to be selfish and demand that my girls be with me when they could also benefit from their dad's fatherly nurturing, etc.

We did this 50 50 for past five years so I dont know if I should demand that we continue this or really listen to my girls ?

I would suggest you to follow your girls's heart.

No, you are not selfish but you have to do because your girls want to live with you.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

This is my opinion only, from my experience. It is not a judgment about any other person's decision.

When I was 12 years old, and my brother was 9 years old, my parents divorced. My dad asked us, who did we want to live with? He let us, the kids, decide. That was the worst moment of my life then. I felt that by deciding to go with one parent, I was "abandoning" the other parent. It was way too much responsibility to dump on a child. I felt very, very guilty about it as a child. Now that I look back, I know that it was wrong for my parents to put me and my brother in that situation.

I know other families (very close to me) that are divorced. The parents have 70/30 type arrangements. It is extremely confusing for the children. They have to adjust to different sets of rules, standards of living, and other family members, constantly. Kids need stability. The parent that is more materially "well-to-do" constantly uses that as a tool to denegrate the "poor" parent. The well-to-do parent keeps reminding the kids that "our house is bigger and better, and you have more toys here." Not a good situation.

Personally, I believe that any arrangement that is set up to meet the needs of the parents is not good. The arrangement should be set up to meet the needs of the child. If that situation is also good for the parents, that is just gravy.

IMHO

I second that.
I agree everything what you answer over 30/70 custodial rights etc. It confused on children like what I said in my last post.

I would not get my children to decide which they want to live with but I would tell them:
Your Dad and I dont live together anymore and tell them that nothing changed if they want to see alot of us. I will answer if they ask me where they should live. We have to let them to choose where they want to live with me or their dad. I know it's very very very hard and real horrible because I had been through out after my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. We all live with mother automaic.

 

[Cheri]

I am sorry Meggie, I know how you feel missing your girls so much that you want more time with them, I think 50/50 is a fair answer for both of you not 70/30 because that doesn't seem fair...

When My parent got divorce, My hearing sister was the only one up in court pleading the judge to let her live with our dad and never my sister ^Angel^ and I choose because we were deaf and think we don't know what best for us, and she knew we will choose our dad over her so she left us with someone else and told the judge that we wouldn't know what best for us because we were deaf and the judge thought we couldn't speak so the judge allowing my hearing sister to take the stand instead of us. which that broke my heart, My mother found out my hearing sister choose dad instead of her she was more angry and confused why.. But my hearing sister told us later in the future why she choosed our dad because, she got tired of our mom abusing us when we were younger and couldn't stand watching it anymore, and tired of her yelling too. But she never told the judge why because he never asked really.

I think the children should choose who they want to live with because they know what's best for them and know in their heart they want two parent not one and missing out the other one.