Cussing with your kids?

[shel90]

Lately, my friends who have kids have been using bad words with their kids, teaching them all the bad words, and even teaching them the bird. Ok, these people have always been good parents to their kids..feeding them, giving them attention, helping them with their homework, being involved in their education, and taking them to kid related activities. These people are good and honest hard working people who dont hurt nor cheat other people.

I dont know when it started out but it was subtle at first and now it seems it is happening more and more to the point where I am getting uncomfortable with it.

Ok..I will give examples..They flip the bird at their kids as a way of joking with them, call them dickheads in an affectionate way, or cuss outloud to themselves using whatever words in front of their kids even words like "motherf*#@cker!

I asked them what was going on and why are they doing that? They said it is a new parenting trend that allows children to develop a closer bond with their parents and be fully comfortable with their parents. I was like "huh? No way!" They said that children will learn cuss words so might as well expose them to all the cuss words and be open about it in the home. They said that as long as their children are taught not to swear at anyone outside of the home they can use all the cuss words at each other at home in a joking and affectionate way. They believe that it will enable their children not to use cuss words to hurt people's feelings and that they want their children to see them as their buddies. I dont know how a parent can be a child's buddy and still be a disciplinarian at the same time? Anyone know if that is possible?

The other day, my friend's 3 year old daughter flipped the bird at her for not getting what she wanted and she told her "Good for u..show your true feelings!" My jaw just went :jaw: big time.


I honestly dont know what to think of this and I feel very uncomfortable watching my friends and their kids say stuff like "Oh fuck me I forgot my toy cars or Mommy, u are such a bitch!" and then everyone laughs. I expressed how uncomfortable that made me feel and they said that I am being uptight and that the rules of etiquette are so restricting and old fashioned for modern parenting. Maybe I am old fashioned but I cant do that kind of bantering with my kids. I would never feel comfortable saying "Hey bitch can u clean up your room." to my daughter. No way..

I dont know what to do cuz I love my friends and my daughter is good friends with their kids but I dont want it to become a bad influence on my daughter. Ugh!!!

Am I missing something??? Is that a new trend of parenting??? I asked my mom and she said that was downright wrong and that I need to stop hanging out with them if they are doing that. It is just very upsetting to me.

 

[Roadrunner]

..I dont know what to do cuz I love my friends and my daughter is good friends with their kids but I dont want it to become a bad influence on my daughter. Ugh!!!

Am I missing something??? Is that a new trend of parenting??? I asked my mom and she said that was downright wrong and that I need to stop hanging out with them if they are doing that. It is just very upsetting to me.

For one, yes, it would be a bad influence for your daughter or anyone else's child who is exposed to this sort of communication. I do realize we can't always keep our children from being exposed to the many ways the world shows and offers, however, if we can help our own children by steering them from certain elements such as how this family corresponds with one another, then steering your own child from having any sort of connection with this family will do her some good as well as yours.

As for a trend, I sure hope not! I tend to side with what your mother stated, it is indeed very wrong and not only that, but disrespectful...and it can or will do you a lot of good and give you peace of mind if you, your family stop hanging out with these ppls.






~RR

 

[Reba]

Man, what is wrong with those "parents"!? Are they on drugs or something?

 

[shel90]

Man, what is wrong with those "parents"!? Are they on drugs or something?

*sighs* No they dont do drugs and dont drink a lot. They are good and clean cut people. One of them goes to church on Sundays so I really do not understand this. One of their friends from Florida told them that if they wanted to prevent their kids from cussing at other people and becoming disrespectful, they should be open about cussing at the home and teach their kids to keep it at home. I think they took the idea waaayyy too literally and it is becoming too much.

 

[Reba]

...They are good and clean cut people.

I'm sorry but I don't consider swearing, rudeness, and flipping the bird to be "good and clean cut."

If they aren't using drugs, I wonder what it is that is rotting their brains? Maybe they've been exposed to lead poisoning; that causes brain damage.

One of them goes to church on Sundays so I really do not understand this.

That parent must be sleeping thru the sermon. :roll:

One of their friends from Florida told them that if they wanted to prevent their kids from cussing at other people and becoming disrespectful, they should be open about cussing at the home and teach their kids to keep it at home.

That is the most bizarre reasoning I've ever heard.

Those poor kids are being exposed to really warped "parenting". They're going to have a hard time fitting into polite society.

Kids do copy parents' behavior and words.

Parents who want to be "pals" with their kids think more about their own pleasure and popularity than they care about raising future well-balanced, mature adults. Who will suffer 20 years from now? The kids. So sad.

 

[Angel]

:jaw: If the parents are teaching or allowing cuss words in front of their children at home, those children will still pick those words up and use them elsewhere, not just in the privacy of their own home good grief...There are better ways of expressing yourself than spouting off cussing words in front everyone or where there are other children around..I definitely think it disrespectful period and it is the parents' responsibility to explain that cussing words are not appropriate period, .... My children definitely picked up a couple of cuss words at home or elsewhere, I made sure they do not say that word again, not in my house, not in school or elsewhere, they know they will get in trouble if I caught them saying it...I agree with Roadrunner here, it is a bad influence for your daughter Shel90 , If it was me being in your shoes, *I* would stop hanging around with them, and beside if they're really your friends as you say they are then, they would have understand your feelings regarding to this and respect it instead of telling you that you're being all uptight over this, it has nothing to do with being old fashion either, it all about respect, even my true friends know cuss words bother me a lot and I do feel uncomfortable and sometimes I would laugh with them but they tried to be careful when they do use those words around me, that means they DO care enough to understand my feelings as much as I care about my friends too, if something is bothering or upsetting my friends then, I would stop from whatever I was doing that made them uncomfortable, that what friends are all about to care for one another...

The choice is all up to your Shel90, do what you feel is right for yourself and for your daughter...

 

[shel90]

I'm sorry but I don't consider swearing, rudeness, and flipping the bird to be "good and clean cut."

If they aren't using drugs, I wonder what it is that is rotting their brains? Maybe they've been exposed to lead poisoning; that causes brain damage.


That parent must be sleeping thru the sermon. :roll:


That is the most bizarre reasoning I've ever heard.

Those poor kids are being exposed to really warped "parenting". They're going to have a hard time fitting into polite society.

Kids do copy parents' behavior and words.

Parents who want to be "pals" with their kids think more about their own pleasure and popularity than they care about raising future well-balanced, mature adults. Who will suffer 20 years from now? The kids. So sad.

Before this started happening, they were just like me. Taught their kids manners, saying pls and thank u, and so on. That's what I meant by good and clean cut people.

I wish I knew what is making them behave like this. Obviously their friends in Florida convinced them that it was considered good parenting.

I have known them for more than 5 years and up until a year and half ago, they never did anything that was considered bad parenting.

Maybe they r being posioning by lead.

 

[Jolie77]

Shel - With due respect - I think that 'trend' is not a 'trend' at all. It is just probably a theory as to see if it is successful. You are not taking this issue literally, You are taking this issue out of concern.

I, for one, do not allow my children to cuss or to 'talk' back to me. They know they will be sent to the 'time-out' spot if they are caught cussing.

Anyway, The point is - While that parent thinks it is OK which does not mean it is OK for others to join in and do the same thing. As you know, Kids do always imitate what the adults do. As an adult, we are supposed to set an example to them to be polite, so and on. I don't think that the issue of allowing kids to cuss is the best way to do it. There are a lot of way to bond better with the kids when cussing is OUT of the picture.

I do realize that the early they are exposed, the more they will be aware of it but yet, I think there should be a certain age where they should not be fully exposed to it. We can't protect them later down the road from any kind of innocence but we can teach them the right way not to cuss or to entice in that kind of behavior.

Since you said you have already told the parents about how you felt - Perhaps you can try and change this into something positive or something like that without going off the wall.

 

[shel90]

Shel - With due respect - I think that 'trend' is not a 'trend' at all. It is just probably a theory as to see if it is successful. You are not taking this issue literally, You are taking this issue out of concern.

I, for one, do not allow my children to cuss or to 'talk' back to me. They know they will be sent to the 'time-out' spot if they are caught cussing.

Anyway, The point is - While that parent thinks it is OK which does not mean it is OK for others to join in and do the same thing. As you know, Kids do always imitate what the adults do. As an adult, we are supposed to set an example to them to be polite, so and on. I don't think that the issue of allowing kids to cuss is the best way to do it. There are a lot of way to bond better with the kids when cussing is OUT of the picture.

I do realize that the early they are exposed, the more they will be aware of it but yet, I think there should be a certain age where they should not be fully exposed to it. We can't protect them later down the road from any kind of innocence but we can teach them the right way not to cuss or to entice in that kind of behavior.

Since you said you have already told the parents about how you felt - Perhaps you can try and change this into something positive or something like that without going off the wall.

Without going off the wall as in?? I posted this cuz I wanted to see if anyone else knows about this so called "trend" or if someone has been in my shoes and how it was solved.

If these were people that I just met or don't feel so close to, I would drop them in a minute but I knew them and hung out with them for a long while before any of this started so I am really feeling depressed about it cuz it means I would have to cut ties with them if they don't stop doing it whenever my kids and I r around. I can't change people but I will try again telling them how I feel and if they could refrain from doing this while we r around. It seems like they got brainwashed into thinking that it is for the benefit of their children.

It is like watching people u care for do something so destructive and u r feeling helpless. That is how I feel.

 

[Jolie77]

Without going off the wall as in?? I posted this cuz I wanted to see if anyone else knows about this so called "trend" or if someone has been in my shoes and how it was solved.

If these were people that I just met or don't feel so close to, I would drop them in a minute but I knew them and hung out with them for a long while before any of this started so I am really feeling depressed about it cuz it means I would have to cut ties with them if they don't stop doing it whenever my kids and I r around. I can't change people but I will try again telling them how I feel and if they could refrain from doing this while we r around. It seems like they got brainwashed into thinking that it is for the benefit of their children.

It is like watching people u care for do something so destructive and u r feeling helpless. That is how I feel.

What I mean by going off the wall - is to not to be harsh on them since you knew them and you've been friends with them. I do understand that you're disappointed in their actions but if you believe that they are into something that they are not supposed to be - You can try and show it to them that you are still 'there' for them but you just don't like what they are doing.

I know it will be hard down the road since there are close ties to them. Have you tried applying the theory to them to see as to how destructive it can be if they continue in that 'trend'?

 

[shel90]

What I mean by going off the wall - is to not to be harsh on them since you knew them and you've been friends with them. I do understand that you're disappointed in their actions but if you believe that they are into something that they are not supposed to be - You can try and show it to them that you are still 'there' for them but you just don't like what they are doing.

I know it will be hard down the road since there are close ties to them. Have you tried applying the theory to them to see as to how destructive it can be if they continue in that 'trend'?

Oh I got it. Yea, I can't bring myself to be harsh with them despite what my mom says. I honestly believe in my heart there has to be an alternative way to solve this problem.

I can try applying the theory to them.

Thanks!

 

[GalaxyAngel]

I understand Shel,
You're trying to be impress yourself family inside as concern about their families.. their lifestyles.. You cannot criticize their lives.. I understand that you're feeling not comfortable.. simple thing can you ask your friend.. when I'm here around, pretty please nicely way.. If i"m not around.. as long their own business..

I do not cussing around my young children when they are tiny.. Right now, They are teenagers now.. They can talk back or cuss me around.. My time is change and have to leverage w/them.. sometimes I do cuss them around as long they MUST learn and respect parent says so...

Like everyone aren't perfect as their expection "Perfect family" as long we are dysfunctional family.. so what.. nobody perfect on this earth as same rest other peoples..

Look outside the young children are playing and mostly cussing around coming from hear the adult talks or t.v. show or much more....
You expect your child not allowed hang them around.. they are bad cussing! How can you be perfect?

 

[Maria]

It's not good to teach kids this way. It will take their " love " nature away. By cussin' or swearin' or flippin' bird will wax kids' true feelin' for others as if, they don't care. That's unbelievable !

Will the children or kids be able to learn to love by showin' their care or true feelin', if the parents taught them to cuss, swear and flip bird ? I don't think so. It will wax the kids cold.

 

[Handsome_Smiley]

mods, please delete, won't post right

Sorry, my wife and I don't believe in that

 

[shel90]

It's not good to teach kids this way. It will take their " love " nature away. By cussin' or swearin' or flippin' bird will wax kids' true feelin' for others as if, they don't care. That's unbelievable !

Will the children or kids be able to learn to love by showin' their care or true feelin', if the parents taught them to cuss, swear and flip bird ? I don't think so. It will wax the kids cold.

Really? That's surprising cuz they r a very affectionate family always hugging their kids and their daughter is so affectionate towards my 16 month old son.

No, nobody's family is perfect as GA stated but don't u think that's considered going too far if they have "flipping the bird at each other" games?

I have made a decision with the help of Jolie77's POV...I will ask them not to do that when my kids r around. Actually, it is kinda ironic that their kids refuse to cuss outside with other kids and they haven't been reprimanded at school for cussing so far. My daughter knows about their cussing as I explained to her how I felt about it. She, hersef, said she wouldn't cuss like that with me. I asked her why? She said it is bad. Hahaha

My best friend from PA refuses to get together with them when she is in town cuz her own kids started cussing at her after one time last year at a park with those two families.

I think they need to stop that whenever other people with children are at their house. That's the big problem I am having with them. I am supposed to get together with them next weekend so I will have a heart to heart talk with them. Hope it works.

 

[christlovedeaf]

Well, one thing is, like my oldest one when she is young around like 5, since from school, she learned from, when one of the kids really mouthing, but my daughter doesn't know what it means and so. So one of the lady from church (queen gossipper) told me that I should punish my daughter for saying this and that. I said, huh? And other thing, lady, you have no power to tell me what I should done with my daughter and she said, well and like she is shocked, whatever. Then, I asked my daughter in private, and asked her if she knows what that mean, she's start crying, I said, don't cry, bec I am making sure you understand and then she explained and I said, that is bad words and she cried again, and I said, dear, I am not going to punish or whatever, bec you learn something. Hehehe, when she went to school, and the kids cussing again and she told the kid, do you know that is the bad word. HAHAHA, the kid said, you have a problem with that and weak people afraid to say those things. (my daughter shared with me about it that day). I told my daughter, well, it is between you and me, but you don't need to tell others or demand, it is the parents responsibility, but like that kid, his parents aren't really much as a parents at all.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Shel90´s post
I asked them what was going on and why are they doing that? They said it is a new parenting trend that allows children to develop a closer bond with their parents and be fully comfortable with their parents. I was like "huh? No way!" They said that children will learn cuss words so might as well expose them to all the cuss words and be open about it in the home. They said that as long as their children are taught not to swear at anyone outside of the home they can use all the cuss words at each other at home in a joking and affectionate way. They believe that it will enable their children not to use cuss words to hurt people's feelings and that they want their children to see them as their buddies. I dont know how a parent can be a child's buddy and still be a disciplinarian at the same time? Anyone know if that is possible?

The other day, my friend's 3 year old daughter flipped the bird at her for not getting what she wanted and she told her "Good for u..show your true feelings!" My jaw just went big time.


I honestly dont know what to think of this and I feel very uncomfortable watching my friends and their kids say stuff like "Oh fuck me I forgot my toy cars or Mommy, u are such a bitch!" and then everyone laughs. I expressed how uncomfortable that made me feel and they said that I am being uptight and that the rules of etiquette are so restricting and old fashioned for modern parenting. Maybe I am old fashioned but I cant do that kind of bantering with my kids. I would never feel comfortable saying "Hey bitch can u clean up your room." to my daughter. No way..

I respectfully disagree with your friend´s form of discpline to expose her children like this. It will expose her children into disrespectful people. It´s parent´s job to teach the children that cuss is not acceptance.

My boys know cuss word is not acceptance to everyone in the house and outside. It´s very bad and disrespectful language.

Yes I caught my boys "slipped" out of their mouth to cuss each other when they are angry sometimes. I send them to their room immediately without tried to solve their problems because they KNEW very well that cuss in my house is not acceptance, no matter what. I know the problem is we cannot hear when our children cussed each other...

I dont know what to do cuz I love my friends and my daughter is good friends with their kids but I dont want it to become a bad influence on my daughter. Ugh!!!

Am I missing something??? Is that a new trend of parenting??? I asked my mom and she said that was downright wrong and that I need to stop hanging out with them if they are doing that. It is just very upsetting to me.

I can understand how you feeling, Shel90.

The problem is you cannot do anything to change her form of discipline how to expose her kids in HER house. Best thing is visit them alone without your daughter if you value your friendship with her. Sure, it will get her wondering why you visit alone without your daughter...

I would advise you to invite your friend afternoon coffee or tea for chat alone without children around and let her know that your friendship with her is value and respect her form of discipline with their kids but you feel uncomfortable to hear the cuss word front of your daughter in her house that´s why you decide for not want to bring your daughter to her house. Let her know that she & her kids are welcome to visit your house as long as they show their respect for not accept cuss in your house. If she value her friendship with you then she will respect your form of discipline which different than her.

 

[Angel]

I somewhat agree Liebling, the form of discipline for a child start when they're very young, explaining right from wrong by using many methods to discipline the child, but allowing the child to cussed back at the parents just to express their feelings, then where is the child's discipline in all of this?...It's almost like showing or teaching other children that it is okay to expressed their feeling by cussing back at their parents...then how is this going to teach these children to learn by speaking to others in a proper or respectful manner?....


It seem to me the parents allowing the children to say pretty much all they want without having to discipline them for anything, sound like these children are being spoiled by their parents just because the parents think its OK and normal to do that....

 

[nightcrickets]

Now that's what I consider showing disrespectful around your children. Do you supposed these kids will get in trouble in school for using the wrong word?

using bad words is just as bad as someone saying, "what's matter with you, are you deaf or something". You don't want to encourage your children to express too much of their feelings!

 

[nightcrickets]

Without going off the wall as in?? I posted this cuz I wanted to see if anyone else knows about this so called "trend" or if someone has been in my shoes and how it was solved.

If these were people that I just met or don't feel so close to, I would drop them in a minute but I knew them and hung out with them for a long while before any of this started so I am really feeling depressed about it cuz it means I would have to cut ties with them if they don't stop doing it whenever my kids and I r around. I can't change people but I will try again telling them how I feel and if they could refrain from doing this while we r around. It seems like they got brainwashed into thinking that it is for the benefit of their children.

It is like watching people u care for do something so destructive and u r feeling helpless. That is how I feel.

If they listen to their other friend's advice, maybe they will consider your advice too.