concerned with daughter

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ange26s

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My daughter was implanted 9 months ago (she is 2 yrs.old), and Im starting to feel pressure with her communication.We sign with her as well as speak orally with her.Im just starting to get concerned because her ASL has slowed as well as her progress with her implants.I feel like its all my fault she has not been progressing very well. I think I may be to relaxed with her.I don't really force her to wear her implant if she does not want to wear it.I just feel like forcing a child is wrong.There will be times when she is covering her ears crying so I wont put it on, and of course I don't. At the same time her ASL is probally not where it should be at this point either.I feel like crap, like a horrible mother.I have such ambition for my daughter, but maybe Im going about it wrong. I find that I still get offensive when she is criticized.For example, she says "bye bye" but, when she says her "Bs" she uses her teeth on her bottom lip.Her early intervention teacher said she is really concerned with that and we need to break her of the habbit.At that moment I felt my face get flushed because it made me mad.I know they are just trying to help and thats their job,but I dont ever want my daughter feeling ashamed of her speech.Im just torn because what if she does resent me when she gets older b/c she does not speak as well as she would like? Should I get more stern with her implant wear? Has anyone felt this way? Her speech pathologist and EI teachers are starting to get concerned b/c she should be further along by now. I will gratefully accept any advice and constructive criticism, but please keep all rude and ugly remarks to yourself-Thanx!
 
Hmm... I read through your dilemma and I don't have any honest suggestions I can provide, being unexperienced in this area.

However I would like to promote to you to speak to another member on this board, she has a daughter and sounds like you are in the same situation as her.

Her username is faire_jour. I would recommend you ask her or direct her here for tips.
AllDeaf.com - View Profile: faire_jour

There is also another, her name is damienmommy
http://www.alldeaf.com/members/damienmommy.html
 
I'm not strong on speech pathology or anything but I think it might help if you found out why she doesn't want to wear it and see if you could fix that. Simply wearing it more I believe would be a big help to her speech.
 
Every child is different. I was lucky in that I learned to speak well at a very early age, but I have read and heard from many others that it takes time. Your child only being 2 right now means she's still young and just needs more time with speech therapy. I think it will come. From your post, I certainly don't think you're a horrible mother at all. You are trying to do what you can do. If nothing else, consider switching to different programs, different speech therapists, etc. Different methods may make a difference. It has been what some of us have been talking about lately.
 
ange26s said:
My daughter was implanted 9 months ago (she is 2 yrs.old), and Im starting to feel pressure with her communication.We sign with her as well as speak orally with her.Im just starting to get concerned because her ASL has slowed as well as her progress with her implants.I feel like its all my fault she has not been progressing very well. I think I may be to relaxed with her.I don't really force her to wear her implant if she does not want to wear it.I just feel like forcing a child is wrong.There will be times when she is covering her ears crying so I wont put it on, and of course I don't. At the same time her ASL is probally not where it should be at this point either.I feel like crap, like a horrible mother.I have such ambition for my daughter, but maybe Im going about it wrong. I find that I still get offensive when she is criticized.For example, she says "bye bye" but, when she says her "Bs" she uses her teeth on her bottom lip.Her early intervention teacher said she is really concerned with that and we need to break her of the habbit.At that moment I felt my face get flushed because it made me mad.I know they are just trying to help and thats their job,but I dont ever want my daughter feeling ashamed of her speech.Im just torn because what if she does resent me when she gets older b/c she does not speak as well as she would like? Should I get more stern with her implant wear? Has anyone felt this way? Her speech pathologist and EI teachers are starting to get concerned b/c she should be further along by now. I will gratefully accept any advice and constructive criticism, but please keep all rude and ugly remarks to yourself-Thanx!
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I recall seeing a video exactly like your situation. A little daughter with CI implant and then later.... ended up not using it because she's simply very happy to be deaf. As you know - CI does not always work for all. Oralism does not always work for all either.

You have 2 choices - to keep going with this and hope for best (which may or may not guarantee a success that you want) and if it didn't work out - you will risk having your daughter being lagged behind in whole skills (socialization, academic, etc)... or to accept the way she is and work on it to strengthen what she's got.

In both cases - she can still achieve the ambitious goal and she still can fit into mainstream world or deaf world so the biggest challenge in here is to find the right tool & method for her. No doubt that it will be hard and frustrating but stay consistent and be consistent!

Good luck and no you are not a bad mother at all. Nobody knows what to do in your situation either! :cool2:
 
You said that you sign as well as speak orally with her. This is just a thought, and not a criticism. If you are using sim-com, as in speaking and signing at the same time, that is probably responsible for her slow down in progress with both languages. Sim-com offers a distorted model for both languages being used, and is confusing for a child to process.
 
ange26s said:
My daughter was implanted 9 months ago (she is 2 yrs.old), and Im starting to feel pressure with her communication.We sign with her as well as speak orally with her.Im just starting to get concerned because her ASL has slowed as well as her progress with her implants.I feel like its all my fault she has not been progressing very well. I think I may be to relaxed with her.I don't really force her to wear her implant if she does not want to wear it.I just feel like forcing a child is wrong.There will be times when she is covering her ears crying so I wont put it on, and of course I don't. At the same time her ASL is probally not where it should be at this point either.I feel like crap, like a horrible mother.I have such ambition for my daughter, but maybe Im going about it wrong. I find that I still get offensive when she is criticized.For example, she says "bye bye" but, when she says her "Bs" she uses her teeth on her bottom lip.Her early intervention teacher said she is really concerned with that and we need to break her of the habbit.At that moment I felt my face get flushed because it made me mad.I know they are just trying to help and thats their job,but I dont ever want my daughter feeling ashamed of her speech.Im just torn because what if she does resent me when she gets older b/c she does not speak as well as she would like? Should I get more stern with her implant wear? Has anyone felt this way? Her speech pathologist and EI teachers are starting to get concerned b/c she should be further along by now. I will gratefully accept any advice and constructive criticism, but please keep all rude and ugly remarks to yourself-Thanx!
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I would start by making sure she is wearing her CI all waking hours. I know it is tough, but just make it a game. I know that you don't want to force it, but if you went so far as to subject your child to surgery for this device, you need to follow through and make sure she uses it.
Do you have your child around other Deaf kids? How about signing Deaf adults? Since you are not yet fluent in ASL you need to make sure she is around people who are. She needs great language models. I would try to make sure she is around Deaf kids for at least an hour a week and the same for Deaf adults.
I know this is tough. This is your child, you will never feel like you are doing enough, no matter how well she is doing. It will come, it's a lot of hard work, but it will happen.
Also, I would recommend joining the group cicircle : Pediatric Cochlear Implant Circle It is all parents of kids with CI's. It is very very very oral based, but it is very helpful.
 
Her speech pathologist and EI teachers are starting to get concerned b/c she should be further along by now
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Are her speech therapists and EI teachers general EI/speech or do they work exclusively with the dhh population?
 
jillio said:
You said that you sign as well as speak orally with her. This is just a thought, and not a criticism. If you are using sim-com, as in speaking and signing at the same time, that is probably responsible for her slow down in progress with both languages. Sim-com offers a distorted model for both languages being used, and is confusing for a child to process.
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I was going to say the same.

No offense but by Sim-Comming, the child isnt getting a proper model of either languages. Best to keep both languages separate and go from there. Good luck!


I agree with you about the speech therapy sessions. I grew up being paranoid about my speech cuz I was criticized often by my speech therapists for many years for not having the "perfect" speech skills. Then, I had kids making fun of my speech skills at school which made things harder for me. I wish everyone would have relaxed about my speech skills and taught me that it was ok not to be perfect. *BTW, I was born with a severe profound deafness in both ears..no CI here*
 
For example, she says "bye bye" but, when she says her "Bs" she uses her teeth on her bottom lip.Her early intervention teacher said she is really concerned with that and we need to break her of the habbi
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Ange, early on articualtion errors don't really matter too much for a dhh kid. The important thing to focus on is the quality of the language. THEN worry about articualtion and stuff like that.
 
deafdyke said:
Ange, early on articualtion errors don't really matter too much for a dhh kid. The important thing to focus on is the quality of the language. THEN worry about articualtion and stuff like that.
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I agree...as a teacher for the deaf, I put more value of the quality of language first than the quality of speech skills because that is what enables children to develop literacy/critical thinking skills.
 
I heard several weeks ago that there was some sort of adolessence program for CI. I do not know the background as to what the programming consists of but it may have something to do with setting MIN and MAX levels and stepping them up in a standard sequence. If you are not having your daughter wear here CI, her brain and Cochlea are not getting use to the intensity. If there is a standard for those children who can not communicate when they hear the softest sound and say when to stop if it gets to loud, the CI may be overpowering your daughters ability to stand the input.

My suggestion would be to get with your Audi who programs the CI, come clean as to how often your daughter has worn the CI in case they have to take a couple steps back to reduce the intensity so your daughter can start to wear it again.

Again, I don't know what the programming consists of but I know that during the MAX setting, if I let it go to loud, I can get a simulation that I just don't like and may cause muscle twitching which we turn down. I also know that my minimum intensity now is much higher than my maximum tolerable setting was when I first received my CI. I also remember the increase went very quickly the first 6 or so months. The change was very fast early on so this may be one of the reasons your daughter does not want to wear the CI now.

Again, I am not an expert or in the field, just a CI user and have been very successful.
Give it time but please make sure your CI programmer understands how things are going and the background that may tell the story.

Steve
 
One more thing, Check with your Audiologist for your Daughter, I know Cochlear has meetings every so often where the representatives come in to give presentations on various topics surrounding CI's. I've attended several and have participated in a couple. I'm sure the other manufacturers have support groups as well where you may be able to speak candid about what is going on and to ask for advise from someone other than your audiologist. I have also attended a university based support groups for reciepent and candidates to share my experience along with presenting to a group of Graduate Students who were interested in Cochlear Implants.

Just a thought. It sounds like you are looking for a lot of info. Try to gain as much knowledge as you can. It should help you understand what your daughter is going through and help her when you see something that may not be quite right like you are doing right now.

As some have said above, each person is different. Ask the questions to understand. They may be exactly what the programmer needs to answer or know.
 
Sorry to heard about that, my son is 2 half years old, we both are deaf. He doesn't like the hearing aids, I don't have hearing aids cuz I don't like it too. We just use the signs, we don't know to speak. I have no problems without know how to speak but at same time, I wish I could knew how to speak from start at young age but now i am grown up. I didn't mad at my mom or anyone for not teach me how to speak.

I think double oral and sign same time, lil bit harder for kids to remember all? I honestly don't know. My son did wear hearing aids few time with my mom, she teach sign and speak same time. My son try to sign only, without speak. He ignored my mom's speak and use sign only. So he rather signs only.

It's not toolate for teach ur daughter more signs without implant on. Some kids finally learn the signs at late age, like 4 years old or something. My son's class, all 2 years old kids, most of them wear the implant, only know very very little signs, maybe 1 word or 2. But other most of them don't know any signs, and not know speak much too.. The teacher tried to teach them the signs. My son is only one know a lot signs in that class. So your daughter isn't only one that know the signs at slow progress. Your daughter is kinda same as most of my son's class kids. It's kinda normal for kids who have implant that learn slow signs. None of your fault.
 
Oh also, when I was little kid, I signs at slow progress too but i don't have implant. Just my mom found out that I am deaf at 8 months old. She start to learn the signs and taught me late. Most of signs is homemade. So when I went to school in kindergarten, they made me stay in kindergarten again, for 2 years. Because I had to learn more signs so I can understand the interpreter and can learn something from edcuation. They won't let me go to 1st grade without know more signs. I don't know about this year for kids. but old fashion, they do that to me.
 
I forgot to mention one more thing, when my son's teacher, and friends said wow my son know a lot of signs and he's pass 3 yrs old level, but he's only 2 years old. I felt proud, then later my son finally have dad in his life, his dad said my son need more communication, cuz his gf and other deaf people when they was young like my son's age, they know more signs than my son do. I felt offended and confused cuz that's not what my son's teacher and other parents say. My son's dad is very very smart, his family is very smart too. I know I am not smart but he expected my son to be like them. I just felt offense. It do made me feel lousy mother and bad mother same as how you feeling. But I am trying to think positive and listen to my son's teacher and anybody, instead of him and his family.
 
damienmommy said:
I forgot to mention one more thing, when my son's teacher, and friends said wow my son know a lot of signs and he's pass 3 yrs old level, but he's only 2 years old. I felt proud, then later my son finally have dad in his life, his dad said my son need more communication, cuz his gf and other deaf people when they was young like my son's age, they know more signs than my son do. I felt offended and confused cuz that's not what my son's teacher and other parents say. My son's dad is very very smart, his family is very smart too. I know I am not smart but he expected my son to be like them. I just felt offense. It do made me feel lousy mother and bad mother same as how you feeling. But I am trying to think positive and listen to my son's teacher and anybody, instead of him and his family.
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Obviously, you did teach your boy signs pretty well! So don't worry about his dad's family and he thinks of your parenting style. You are doing so amazing, honestly. I assure you! :)
 
I think you are doing a good job. You obviously care about your child. If your child doesn't want to wear their CI you shouldn't force them. Maybe check the programme isn't being set too high.

Also try your local deaf club. Maybe they could help you submerg your child into a signing environment.
 
this is only my opinion, but i would encourage your daugher to at least wear her ci with the volume turned down a little to hear environmental sounds. having said that, it doesn't mean you have to stop signing with her. i would also recommend that you speak to her audi so he/she can determine what is responsible for your daugher's discomfort when wearing her ci. perhaps several electrodes need to be turned off.
 
I have to agree with Hear Again. At least have her wear it for several hours a day. She may just be frightened by the sounds that she is not used to hearing. But, if she doesn't wear it, she won't get used to those very sounds.
Signing is important for her as well, and that comes from someone that doens't know sign. Since you are learning or already know ASL, you can help her broaden her "data base" and that will guide her well throughout her entire life.
 
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