Communication Problems That Are Affecting My Marriage

rolling7 said:
In this situation iy is. When a marriage is in trouble, the last thing you want to do is to try to change the way of communication. Why have two people trying to solve a problem in a language both are not using yet.
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The way I see in them that they are trying to work on their communicating method as well as are willing to give it a try with ASL. So, What seems to be the problem?
 
pen and paper? Sometimes you're already stressed, so if you can't really get your attention span or the environment is too crazy to catch "every" word that the speark is saying, try having them write it out. Since you're both RN's, I'd imagine time is a bit scarce and you might be trying to rush communication?

As a man, I try to be more engaged when I catch my attention span drifting off. Some friends will jokingly say that it's "selective" hearing that takes over lol. I think my brother suffers more from it lol.

If I start to not understand what the other person is saying or just out of habit, I'll sort of re-phrase what the other speaker is saying and then say what I think about it. This helps affirm to the speaker what you understand from what they just said. Subtle differences in language can change a picture or understanding a lot.

I don't think your marriage is that great of trouble simply because its clear that your husband loves you by talking about it and trying to be involved. Especially if your values are aligned and don't disagree with each others actions.
 
Wow, that opened up a can of worms, lol! Rolling, just to clarify, everyone has problems or issues with their loved ones. My marriage isn't on the rocker, guys. I'm just simply saying that communication is an issue that is AFFECTING it. Big difference. To ENHANCE and make it better, I've considered ASL - and I'm so happy that my husband is willing to try also.

I haven't completely disregarded the CI option. It is actually something I VERY MUCH want to do. My background, however (and my husband's as well) is medical - I know all the risks involved with surgery. It scares me to death, but it also excites me to know that there are options for me to hear better. I was born hearing, and to lose that would be a very scary thing to deal with. So yes, CI and ASL combined seem like a great option. (Thanks, Alex for bringing that up).

And Rolling...please take light of what people are saying here. Marriage is a serious thing, but like I said, it's not on the rocker. LOL He loves me, I love him...we're just going through a tough time. He's been extremely patient with me. So, as Frisky Feline mentioned, "What seems to be the problem?" Just that there may be someone in this thread taking things a little too seriously. lol
 
glad you took your this thread very lightly. :D I liked the idea what Alex's suggestion.
 
lynndelaga said:
Wow, that opened up a can of worms, lol! Rolling, just to clarify, everyone has problems or issues with their loved ones. My marriage isn't on the rocker, guys. I'm just simply saying that communication is an issue that is AFFECTING it. Big difference. To ENHANCE and make it better, I've considered ASL - and I'm so happy that my husband is willing to try also.

I haven't completely disregarded the CI option. It is actually something I VERY MUCH want to do. My background, however (and my husband's as well) is medical - I know all the risks involved with surgery. It scares me to death, but it also excites me to know that there are options for me to hear better. I was born hearing, and to lose that would be a very scary thing to deal with. So yes, CI and ASL combined seem like a great option. (Thanks, Alex for bringing that up).

And Rolling...please take light of what people are saying here. Marriage is a serious thing, but like I said, it's not on the rocker. LOL He loves me, I love him...we're just going through a tough time. He's been extremely patient with me. So, as Frisky Feline mentioned, "What seems to be the problem?" Just that there may be someone in this thread taking things a little too seriously. lol
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ohhhhhh...ok enhancement is a great word for it.

Thanks for bringing that sort of degree into the conversation...I may have to deal with the reality of losing my hearing one day too.

I hope the rest of my hearing doesn't go out cause surgery scares me too. :hmm:
 
I'll rest my case on you respond in post #8. Where you to believe yourself or not, you do have a serious problem that you are taking to light. You state you have known each other for 10 yrs and married for 5 yrs. So doing that time would it be wrong for all of us to say you had a wonderful courtship and the marriage, at least for the first 4 yrs., was blissful? So if he accepted you "as is" and is now having "issues/problems" (your words, not mine) and you accepted him "as is" and now "shut him out/become reclusive" (again your words), what happen? Yes, I was married to a hearing woman and am profound deaf myself and we went through this but ignored the danger signs and thought "it will solve itself." By the time we recongized that the issue was serious, it was too late. Just like you guys, we communicated in English and the thought of putting the issue into second place just to learn ASL, skillful, is a huge mistake. I realize the ADers want you to learn ASL and for your hubby and kids to learn too, but by the time you all do, it will be too late to save your marriage. I don't take what they are posting light and can see the narrow-viewpoint of the postings. Your kids deserve two parents to raise them in love but right now they are in danger, kids see and understand much more than we give them credit for. So my closing is to say: find out what you "lost" from the beginning and get it back---otherwise your marriage is lost.
 
Frisky Feline said:
The way I see in them that they are trying to work on their communicating method as well as are willing to give it a try with ASL. So, What seems to be the problem?
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Time, Time and more Time!!! Just how fast do you expect anyone in this world to master ASL??
 
Thank you, rolling...for that insight. Yes, I admit that there are "problems" and "issues" that arose during our 5 years of marriage, and that as my hearing steadily declines, it has affected the communication between us, but I am determined to work on it. I started this thread for encouragement and support, not to be tackled down with such a pessimistic view. I am truly sorry that things did not work out for you; I pray that the same does not happen with me. My kids see us in a very loving relationship - we are affectionate with one another and to our kids. The times I am reclusive and withdraw from now and then are the times when I take things personally. This is my doing, not my husband's. He strongly encourages me to communicate with him. There are certain times when I am just too dang stubborn and don't want to.

ASL, and ANY language for that matter, does take time as you've stated. My daughter, who is preschool age, has already learned some of the basics at her school. I took ASL a few years ago, and also know the basics. And my husband learned a few of the basics just yesterday for the first time.

The thing is, when everyone is on board TOGETHER, you build a cohesive relationship that makes a strong bond between the persons involved. That is what I hope to acclomplish with ASL, because so far, I have everyone willing to learn it.

Don't get me wrong, rolling...but it appears that because you've had a bad experience, you're projecting that onto me. Again, I apologize if I'm wrong here. Please...I appreciate the warning, but let's tone down the pessimism here, ok?

And thanks again for everyone's comments. I am attempting to be as diplomatic here as possible, LOL!
 
craigm26 said:
pen and paper? Sometimes you're already stressed, so if you can't really get your attention span or the environment is too crazy to catch "every" word that the speark is saying, try having them write it out. Since you're both RN's, I'd imagine time is a bit scarce and you might be trying to rush communication?

As a man, I try to be more engaged when I catch my attention span drifting off. Some friends will jokingly say that it's "selective" hearing that takes over lol. I think my brother suffers more from it lol.

If I start to not understand what the other person is saying or just out of habit, I'll sort of re-phrase what the other speaker is saying and then say what I think about it. This helps affirm to the speaker what you understand from what they just said. Subtle differences in language can change a picture or understanding a lot.

I don't think your marriage is that great of trouble simply because its clear that your husband loves you by talking about it and trying to be involved. Especially if your values are aligned and don't disagree with each others actions.
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Craig, this is AWESOME advice. Just the kind of advice I'm looking for. Thanks!
 
lynndelaga said:
Thank you, rolling...for that insight. Yes, I admit that there are "problems" and "issues" that arose during our 5 years of marriage, and that as my hearing steadily declines, it has affected the communication between us, but I am determined to work on it. I started this thread for encouragement and support, not to be tackled down with such a pessimistic view. I am truly sorry that things did not work out for you; I pray that the same does not happen with me. My kids see us in a very loving relationship - we are affectionate with one another and to our kids. The times I am reclusive and withdraw from now and then are the times when I take things personally. This is my doing, not my husband's. He strongly encourages me to communicate with him. There are certain times when I am just too dang stubborn and don't want to.

ASL, and ANY language for that matter, does take time as you've stated. My daughter, who is preschool age, has already learned some of the basics at her school. I took ASL a few years ago, and also know the basics. And my husband learned a few of the basics just yesterday for the first time.

The thing is, when everyone is on board TOGETHER, you build a cohesive relationship that makes a strong bond between the persons involved. That is what I hope to acclomplish with ASL, because so far, I have everyone willing to learn it.

Don't get me wrong, rolling...but it appears that because you've had a bad experience, you're projecting that onto me. Again, I apologize if I'm wrong here. Please...I appreciate the warning, but let's tone down the pessimism here, ok?

And thanks again for everyone's comments. I am attempting to be as diplomatic here as possible, LOL!
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Honestly, you don't need to give him the time of day. Very few of us around here do anymore... lol. But I do admire the patience you've shown. Very commendable.

All the best to you and your husband. If you are both willing to work through this, and it looks like you indeed both are, it will only draw you closer and make your marriage stronger. It's actually something to look forward to!
 
rolling7 said:
Time, Time and more Time!!! Just how fast do you expect anyone in this world to master ASL??
Click to expand...

sorry if you feel that way. It isn't necessary to be the master ASL or perfect ASL. The whole point is that it is all about willing to make effort and learn ASL in their own communcation styles that comes from their heart. Sure, I have a few friends who are hearing and deaf who is ASL user, married couples are together for a long time. Just have faith.
 
How long have you been HOH? Is your deafness progressive or has it always been the same?
 
Alex, well...everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, lol. I think at this point, I've shown as much patience as I possibly can!

Vam...no one really can trace back my hearing loss. Most doctors think it was congenital. I've had problems hearing since about 10yrs old as a child, and I've worn hearing aids since I was 13. In my nearly 20 yrs wearing hearing aids, my hearing has steadily declined. My audiologist claims I have "ski slope" hearing loss --- I can make out all the vowels but have trouble with most constanants.
 
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