Communication issues with hearing a spouse

Maria said:
No, not yet.... but, we have talked about it for sometime. And, yes we will plan to marry. We haven't set a date yet. :)

Oh, yes ASL is a must for me, too. I can't live without it. Without it, I can't see myself in him.
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Congrats on finding your love!

Yea, ASL is a must for me too with my hearing husband. He signs more SEE but now starting to change to more of a PSE...finally! Cant complain cuz he is not around signers all day but at least he has shown the motivation to learn and now he is practically fluent. Even some of my deaf friends mistook him as being deaf. Not bad for someone who learned ASL 6 years ago and never took an ASL class. :)

If he didnt learn ASL, we wouldnt have a relationship.
 
Before you divorce, be sure to annoy your husband by doing the dishes.

OR, have a naked young boy sleep in your bed. You don't have to do a thing, just have your husband imagine things.
 
I have been married to a CODA for 20 years. When we first met, we immediately knew! However, I was still with another guy who was deaf. We broke up, and my husband immediately proposed. I accepted without any hesitation. Of course we have communication problems like any other couple in marriage. We just keep talking to resolve issues. He is a very good listener and I like to talk so we balance each other. It is important that your significant other (SO) respects you for who you are and accepts your deafness. The SO should be immersed into the deaf culture and can communicate with you in ASL easily. If my husband had not known ASL or deaf culture, I wouldn't give him a chance. I don't have time or energy to teach him. Luckily, he is a CODA :naughty:
 
Pepsi said:
For me it got worst over the years.My husband made it all about what was best for him and the way he wanted things to go.He would say things like "I can't wait till you get you're new aids so it would be easy for me" or " I can't stand CC" and "You're hearing lost is not my problem" and now we are getting a divorce.
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Good riddance to bad rubbish. There are way better men out there. You just have to realize that there is one man out there for you who will have his strenghts and his weaknesses. and you have your strengths and weaknesses. Together his strengths will help your weaknesses and you strengths will help his weaknesses. I wish you luck in this whole ordeal and that you will always remember that you will always have friends on AD to talk to if you need it. :grouphug:
 
Not a problem with us. Anyone I've met over the years were interested in trying to use sign (sometimes hilarious and provocative hand gestures), so I taught them how to fingerspell to start with. They'd learn it within minutes. Now I use a CI so the arrangement is sometimes oral, other times fingerspelling, and on rare occasions, gestures you wouldn't believe! LOL








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we were together for 10 yrs.. it was became difficult and pressure cos he knows only few sign languages. I taught him.. and he doesnt use it. it mades me HELL MAD.. he get that attidue.. many times he tells me he loves me but why he dont use asl to communicate with me.. lipreading is too much pressure on me.. finally I left him.. He cried and would do anything to get me back.. I told him TOOOOO LATTTEEE.. we were engaged for 10 yrs.. lots of reasons I left him.. Now im single for 9 months..do i want to date hearing guy again?? DUNNO.. hard to say right now..
 
shel90 said:
Congrats on finding your love!

:ty:

Yea, ASL is a must for me too with my hearing husband. He signs more SEE but now starting to change to more of a PSE...finally! Cant complain cuz he is not around signers all day but at least he has shown the motivation to learn and now he is practically fluent. Even some of my deaf friends mistook him as being deaf. Not bad for someone who learned ASL 6 years ago and never took an ASL class. :)

If he didnt learn ASL, we wouldnt have a relationship.
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My man is takin' his time to learn. He even practiced fingerspellin' with me while watchin' TV together. :lol: I thought it was soo awesome. I can't wait what he's goin' to be like with his hands signin' to me after he learns all that. I want to see, if he can act like a deaf or what. :giggle:
 
PiceseGirl said:
we were together for 10 yrs.. it was became difficult and pressure cos he knows only few sign languages. I taught him.. and he doesnt use it. it mades me HELL MAD.. he get that attidue.. many times he tells me he loves me but why he dont use asl to communicate with me.. lipreading is too much pressure on me.. finally I left him.. He cried and would do anything to get me back.. I told him TOOOOO LATTTEEE.. we were engaged for 10 yrs.. lots of reasons I left him.. Now im single for 9 months..do i want to date hearing guy again?? DUNNO.. hard to say right now..
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Aww, I am sorry to hear that. There's always some good fishes out there for ya. I know there are some bad lemons out there, only few of them are good.
 
Celticty said:
Good riddance to bad rubbish. There are way better men out there. You just have to realize that there is one man out there for you who will have his strenghts and his weaknesses. and you have your strengths and weaknesses. Together his strengths will help your weaknesses and you strengths will help his weaknesses. I wish you luck in this whole ordeal and that you will always remember that you will always have friends on AD to talk to if you need it. :grouphug:
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Thanks :)
 
My fiance is hearing. He does have a difficult time doing sign language, it's because he doesn't really have the dexterity to sign. He does try though. He knows finger spelling though. In a way, I'm pretty oral with him. I never use sign with him. We both have perfect communication skills and he does have patience when I didn't quite get what he says (normally occurs when I don't wear my CI!). We both never allow communication to be an issue for anything.

As for making phone calls for appointments and stuff...he says, "Are you taking advantage of my 'hearing'? You can type right? Go online and use the relay service. You're a big girl." LOL! So yes, he wants me to be very independent. Sometimes I would make my deafness as an excuse...he says, "If you allow your deafness get in the way of anything, I will kick your a$$."

Some guys got it, some don't.
 
My exhusband can hear. I am HOH. It seems to me that once the boyfriends / or exhusband get to know me or we've been together awhile, they pull the whole 'turn them up routine' on me. No body seems to want to repeat themselves more than 2 times. I hate that. Everyone in my life says I talk too loud. It hurts me, even my mom says I talk to loud. I know I am loud, but not that loud. I can't hear like a hearie. I do not trust men anymore because all of them have lied to me and they all end up using my hearing against me.
 
NEWIDME said:
My exhusband can hear. I am HOH. It seems to me that once the boyfriends / or exhusband get to know me or we've been together awhile, they pull the whole 'turn them up routine' on me. No body seems to want to repeat themselves more than 2 times. I hate that. Everyone in my life says I talk too loud. It hurts me, even my mom says I talk to loud. I know I am loud, but not that loud. I can't hear like a hearie. I do not trust men anymore because all of them have lied to me and they all end up using my hearing against me.
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I know how you feel :(
 
NEWIDME said:
My exhusband can hear. I am HOH. It seems to me that once the boyfriends / or exhusband get to know me or we've been together awhile, they pull the whole 'turn them up routine' on me. No body seems to want to repeat themselves more than 2 times. I hate that. Everyone in my life says I talk too loud. It hurts me, even my mom says I talk to loud. I know I am loud, but not that loud. I can't hear like a hearie. I do not trust men anymore because all of them have lied to me and they all end up using my hearing against me.
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Don't lower your voice. RAISE IT ONCE MORE, IF IT'S TOO LOUD FOR THEM, MORE! LOUDER!


It is the size of your confidence. I, for one, speak loud, if they ask why, I'd say, to be sure that you're not deaf.
 
my boyfriend is hearing but he can sign little not lots but he support me but he trust,honest and polite.

IF i got married my boyfriend somedays i will teach him to sign languages between American and England both because my boyfriend is from London,England. But in England looks so different sign languages but i never teach!
 
KweenSasha said:
Are there any deaf/HOH ppl here who are married to or in a long term relationship with a hearing person? How does your situation affect your relationship? Do u get frustrated when having communication problems? How do you deal with it?
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my fiance is hard of hearing and that's what we are dealing with right now... communication issue is affecting us (mostly me) big time. I don't know if I can tolerate with it anymore....but he's a good guy. I just don't know what's stronger than love yet.

three big important factors of all relationships are good communication, career and sex.
 
Pepsi said:
For me it got worst over the years.My husband made it all about what was best for him and the way he wanted things to go.He would say things like "I can't wait till you get you're new aids so it would be easy for me" or " I can't stand CC" and "You're hearing lost is not my problem" and now we are getting a divorce.
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What a selfish, self centered, idot! Pardon my language.

My wife is hearing impaired and I am hearing. I love my wife and that just ticks me off. I have slowly learned basic ASL and can finger spell ok. One of my goals to accomplish in the next year is to increase my ASL vocabulary.

I protect my wife and look out for her interests, especially when it comes to health care. All to often hospitals and doctor's don't make sure that she fully understands what procedures they are wanting to do to her. What frustrates me is that there are times when the medical professionals attempt to prevent me from accompanying my wife for tests. I have to stand my ground.

I will be honest there have been times when I have gotten a little frustrated with my wife's hearing impairment, but then I come to my senses and realize that I need to be more patient with her and that she is trying to understand me.

Now, here is one thing that I do that drives my in-laws nuts, they are hearing. When my wife has her aid out and I am speaking to my wife, I will move my mouth but not make any sounds. The purpose is to remind me that she is reading my lips and facial expressions, she is not hearing my words. It doesn't bother my wife and that is all that matters to me. :lol:

Sam
 
i meet man at my work and he always smile at me i write him notes and he writes back and i ask him if he want to have lunch he say yes. i try to read his lips but i not very oral and he cant understand me so he not have lunch with me anymore!
 
shel90 said:
Congrats on finding your love!

Yea, ASL is a must for me too with my hearing husband. He signs more SEE but now starting to change to more of a PSE...finally! Cant complain cuz he is not around signers all day but at least he has shown the motivation to learn and now he is practically fluent. Even some of my deaf friends mistook him as being deaf. Not bad for someone who learned ASL 6 years ago and never took an ASL class. :)

If he didnt learn ASL, we wouldnt have a relationship.
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I am not complain about my husband's sign is SEE and PSE. He is still learning. He will take an ASL class at his college. He is still not understand ASL because it's different from English grammar. He understand ASL some. If he don't know what is sign for. He can ask me. I have to be patient with him. He is patient with me. He is great man to me! He love to help deaf people.
 
PiceseGirl said:
we were together for 10 yrs.. it was became difficult and pressure cos he knows only few sign languages. I taught him.. and he doesnt use it. it mades me HELL MAD.. he get that attidue.. many times he tells me he loves me but why he dont use asl to communicate with me.. lipreading is too much pressure on me.. finally I left him.. He cried and would do anything to get me back.. I told him TOOOOO LATTTEEE.. we were engaged for 10 yrs.. lots of reasons I left him.. Now im single for 9 months..do i want to date hearing guy again?? DUNNO.. hard to say right now..
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I am sorry to hear. He need to understand you. He need to learn be patient and accept who you're. My husband know I can't speak and do lipreading. He don't mind. He can use sign instead of speak. He do have problem with stutter in past.
 
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