Common Experience?

jollyrj

jollyrj

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My late husband (he passed a few years ago) once told me AFTER we were married, that my being deaf (hearing impaired) was something he had to seriously consider and think about. He had full and normal hearing.. It actually struck a chord. I mean, he loved me regardless but I always thought about it as in, are "we" that much different to where it takes someone serious consideration to be with us? Ha!

Has anyone else ran up against this before?
 
When I found out I was going to be a father my girlfriend at the time said she was worried because I wouldn't be able to hear him cry. She had trust issues with me being alone with him before he even came Into the world. It really hurt my feelings.
 
jollyrj: i am sure we all have faced it at one point or another. Big changes don't always come in on silent wings. For a hearing person, it means that they may have to put in 4x the effort to communicate with their loved one; and that can be a turn-off if they aren't fully invested or interested. It's a big commitment to make. We as HoH (deaf) people require more attention and understanding than hearing people.
 
My condolence to you on the passing of your husband. My husband passed away almost three years ago, too. My husband could not understand why I could not listen to him and thought I could understand him with my hearing aid (only my left ear) and profound deaf on my right ear. He does not know what being deaf was like. I tried to explained to him about it, but he does not get it. But still we get along perfectly and I have devices for the deaf like doorbell signalers and phone signalers plus close captioned T.V. He never complained about my devices for the Deaf. He understand that but he thought I should listen to him. I told him that I lipread him, not using my ears for listening. He did not get that.

amazingblu, are you going to have baby signaler (special device for the deaf) for you to know if your baby will be crying. There are devices you can use around the house like fire alarms with strong light strobe that flash so that you can feel the light on your eyes and other Deaf devices. Your girlfriend have to trust you and accept you for being deaf.
 
We are not together anymore But yes I have an app on my phone that alerts me. my son is 9 months old now. He is also pretty loud ;) good thing huh?
 
I am sorry about your loss...yes happens to me with grandson the parents all ways hovering around can be hurtful
 
amazingblu said:
When I found out I was going to be a father my girlfriend at the time said she was worried because I wouldn't be able to hear him cry. She had trust issues with me being alone with him before he even came Into the world. It really hurt my feelings.
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Oh my gosh, I bet that hurt your feelings!
 
TrippyMoods22 said:
jollyrj: i am sure we all have faced it at one point or another. Big changes don't always come in on silent wings. For a hearing person, it means that they may have to put in 4x the effort to communicate with their loved one; and that can be a turn-off if they aren't fully invested or interested. It's a big commitment to make. We as HoH (deaf) people require more attention and understanding than hearing people.
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Very well put.. you are right about the person with hearing having to be completely vested. So true.
 
Bebonang said:
My condolence to you on the passing of your husband. My husband passed away almost three years ago, too. My husband could not understand why I could not listen to him and thought I could understand him with my hearing aid (only my left ear) and profound deaf on my right ear. He does not know what being deaf was like. I tried to explained to him about it, but he does not get it. But still we get along perfectly and I have devices for the deaf like doorbell signalers and phone signalers plus close captioned T.V. He never complained about my devices for the Deaf. He understand that but he thought I should listen to him. I told him that I lipread him, not using my ears for listening. He did not get that.

.
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Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your husband as well. I don't think anyone can fully understand unless they are in your shoes .. but, they can be empathetic.
 
Technically; the word you're looking for is sympathetic. Empathy is the ability to feel what another is feeling; compassion is a step down, and sympathy is several steps down from empathy. (Unless you were unconsciously alluding to yourself, when using that last line)
 
I guess I am lucky that my hearing husband is fluent in ASL and my deafness seems to be never an issue with us.
 
My hard of hearing has always been an issue for me with hearing women. They say up front it's no issue, but in the end they always have some kind of excuse regarding it.

And before you guys/gals go on about "date a deaf women". I don't know any other deaf people, with the exception of a few I met recently. I wouldn't know how to fit in a Deaf Meet as I would be lost in a world I really do not understand that well. I know 99% hearing and only 1% deaf. But hardly none in my age range. On top of not knowing ASL fluently. I know some words and it takes me a long time to get my message across.

Being left out of conversations because there is too much background noises. Demanded me to use a phone because they got tired of "using a computer all day at work". I've even had one that complained about the closed caption on TVs. "It's to much of a distraction".

Most women pity me. Which really turns me off. I don't need Pity. There is nothing wrong with me. I just can't hear too well, once they look beyond the hearing loss, they will see someone who's fun to be around.

I got used to being alone. If someone comes along, so be it. But I really am not going to put forth any more effort for time wasted.
 
RisinDragon said:
My hard of hearing has always been an issue for me with hearing women. They say up front it's no issue, but in the end they always have some kind of excuse regarding it.

And before you guys/gals go on about "date a deaf women". I don't know any other deaf people, with the exception of a few I met recently. I wouldn't know how to fit in a Deaf Meet as I would be lost in a world I really do not understand that well. I know 99% hearing and only 1% deaf. But hardly none in my age range. On top of not knowing ASL fluently. I know some words and it takes me a long time to get my message across.

Being left out of conversations because there is too much background noises. Demanded me to use a phone because they got tired of "using a computer all day at work". I've even had one that complained about the closed caption on TVs. "It's to much of a distraction".

Most women pity me. Which really turns me off. I don't need Pity. There is nothing wrong with me. I just can't hear too well, once they look beyond the hearing loss, they will see someone who's fun to be around.

I got used to being alone. If someone comes along, so be it. But I really am not going to put forth any more effort for time wasted.
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That's super disappointing that you have had women that haven't wanted to compromise in the least bit. Even outside of a hearing loss, there is always some sort of compromise that happens because people are all different in some form or another. Especially sad that you have been told that the Closed Caption is a distraction. Lame.

I haven't had any pity from anyone that I'm aware of but yeah, that wouldn't be attractive at all.
 
RisinDragon said:
My hard of hearing has always been an issue for me with hearing women. They say up front it's no issue, but in the end they always have some kind of excuse regarding it.

And before you guys/gals go on about "date a deaf women". I don't know any other deaf people, with the exception of a few I met recently. I wouldn't know how to fit in a Deaf Meet as I would be lost in a world I really do not understand that well. I know 99% hearing and only 1% deaf. But hardly none in my age range. On top of not knowing ASL fluently. I know some words and it takes me a long time to get my message across.

Being left out of conversations because there is too much background noises. Demanded me to use a phone because they got tired of "using a computer all day at work". I've even had one that complained about the closed caption on TVs. "It's to much of a distraction".

Most women pity me. Which really turns me off. I don't need Pity. There is nothing wrong with me. I just can't hear too well, once they look beyond the hearing loss, they will see someone who's fun to be around.

I got used to being alone. If someone comes along, so be it. But I really am not going to put forth any more effort for time wasted.
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Theres a Deafie.chick, waiting for you.you need to find her.you dont know any yet, so go find her. Dont knowASL, then learn it. Its in your hands...
you dont have to be alone. you are not alone. You dont need to be isolated.
You have the power...dont give up. instead be determined. Dont quit. Instead learn from what hasnt worked for you and adapt..
There is. Deafie chick waiting for you....
When you find her, and she sweeps.yoir signs away....tell her hoichi was right...
 
Or just find a compassionate human being. Hearing or not. My late husband was hearing and although he admitted later that my (lack thereof) hearing was something he thought about, he was super compassionate, helped with interpretation, was patient, and more.

It's about finding someone of quality. Someone that understands it's not all about them, it's about the both of you.
 
I hate word pity and try not have pity party they over rated..you just have be confident throw yourself into the deaf world if that's what you want believe me you meet deaf people in same position and that's why many deaf so isolated they don't know where and what they are you can have both hearing and deaf worlds.just be direct and assertive and don't be desperate get chicks most women know if it her brain or something else men want
 
I do feel communication between partners that one is deaf and the other hearing is a major problem. Some can overcome the issue, feel most cannot. Even my ex daughter in law did not feel comfortable when I asked to keep or babysit the baby for them, due to my deafness....it really hurt.
And those 2 horrid word that so many backward people use is still around..."Deaf & Dumb"....
My ex's were hearing, my family & children were also....so I've been that route...one even saying..."I can't even talk to you...you can't hear or understand a damn thing I'm saying!"....

So IMO, any deafie that is considering a union with a hearing person, needs to demand...not ask!...they learn ASL before taking that step.
 
I have just found in the world of people in general, there are crappy ones/good ones, compassionate ones, and selfish ones. If someone wants to be in my life and displays good character, it's all good! People are people. I hate discrimination. So silly and small minded.

I couldn't "demand" anything on another personally. My husband was a total sweetheart and the way he put it was, "howabout we learn it (ASL) together". <3 That's love for ya.

My best friends are the same way.. pushy ones too (out of love) - they are all "when are we going to get this ASL going?" and are looking into it. Love them.
 
rockin'robin said:
I do feel communication between partners that one is deaf and the other hearing is a major problem. Some can overcome the issue, feel most cannot. Even my ex daughter in law did not feel comfortable when I asked to keep or babysit the baby for them, due to my deafness....it really hurt.
And those 2 horrid word that so many backward people use is still around..."Deaf & Dumb"....
My ex's were hearing, my family & children were also....so I've been that route...one even saying..."I can't even talk to you...you can't hear or understand a damn thing I'm saying!"....

So IMO, any deafie that is considering a union with a hearing person, needs to demand...not ask!...they learn ASL before taking that step.
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this is exactly what I get same attitude it so hurtful
 
This just solidifies my desire to become fluent in ASL. @pixie_princess has been teaching me many small words that are used everyday; and once i memorize/grasp enough, we are moving forward into big words/numbers and more :3 I don't want to date, yet. I'd much rather pursue a friendship and watch it blossom into more, than act out of desperation.

To those who are feeling lonely/frustrated about their isolation due to being HoH/D/deaf, i just want you to know that A: it is always darkest before the dawn; don't give up, please. Loneliness is pervasive and personal, but it doesn't have to stay private. and B: if you ever would like someone to just chat with, i'm here. c: I am willing and able to learn ASl. So, communication will become a smaller burden over time, as i chip away at it.
 
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