Cohabitation with a SO

M

MoonDrifter

New Member
Joined
May 16, 2009
Messages
1,134
Reaction score
0
For someone who hasn't had much experience living with roomates, what are the things that I have to take into consideration before moving out?

I have been planning on moving to an apartment in the near future with my current girlfriend. I discussed this with my sisters about it as they had already done this with their SO's. They told me to give it time and allow the relationship to develop into a solid foundation before thinking about moving in together.

And I'm thinking, how long?



What are your experiences regarding cohabitation with your SO's and what helped to make it work out over time?
 
Your sisters are right about one thing - a solid foundation is the key to this before you make the move.

As for how long it will take - That is entirely up to you. I mean, It is best to give it time until whenever you are ready and confident enough to make the move. But, Before you do that - I'd advice you to look more into it such as; knowing what your SO tendencies are, what are her quirks, what are her stability, stance and everything that are involved into this. Once you get the gist of it, you then may be able to have a better picture or an idea of how a moving transition can go smoothly.

As for my experience regarding cohabitation - It took me a year before I made the decision to go with cohabitation. What made it easier is that I got to know him much better and deeper on many different levels. I knew it was a decision that should not be rushed into. What may work for me may not work for others.
 
You can like and love a person...

But to live with one is totally different!

It is something that both of you need to consider.

See if your SO will allow you to stay with her for a week or two. to play it out.

Share the chores etc. Do not act as a guest. Just stay with her for a couple of weeks as if you were living with her. Keeping your other place meanwhile.
 
I would wait about 18 months to 5 years to build a solid steady relationship, and when you move in just say lets cohabitate for six months to see how it works out. If it doesn't work out, then you can move back to your old place and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to break up but it does bring to light the issues you need to work out before making the cohabitation and marriage permanent and legal because if it is rushed into, it can be very difficult to undo - believe me I know from experience.
 
I'm thinking maybe at least six months or so.... I think it depends on the couple and the relationship.
 
I don't think there's a set time for when you can move in with someone. Personally, I think if you spend a lot of time at their place, you do get to know how they are at home. Spend a couple nights a week over there for a little while and see how you do. Waking up next to someone is really nice, but who gets the shower first? Who cleans up this mess, who does that.. You could always have a trial live-in. If they've got their own place, spend a week or 2 with them and see how you both like it.

You also have to think about the cost of moving out. Financially it can be very frustrating; especially if one makes more money than the other. Typically roommates split things 50/50, but when you're sharing stuff, the lines can blur. You just need to find a balance that works for you both.

The most important thing to remember is, if you sweat the small stuff, you're making it a lot harder than it needs to be. Leaving your socks in the living room might seem minor to you, but to your SO it might piss them off. Living together takes work - just like relationships - just a different kind of work. :)

Oh, and always have a back-up plan, in case they think you're the craziest motherf*ker alive ;)
 
MoonDrifter said:
For someone who hasn't had much experience living with roomates, what are the things that I have to take into consideration before moving out?

I have been planning on moving to an apartment in the near future with my current girlfriend. I discussed this with my sisters about it as they had already done this with their SO's. They told me to give it time and allow the relationship to develop into a solid foundation before thinking about moving in together.

And I'm thinking, how long?



What are your experiences regarding cohabitation with your SO's and what helped to make it work out over time?
Click to expand...

Do you intend on marrying her? If so, what makes you think that shacking up will help your marriage?

If you shack up, are the two of you in separate bedrooms? If not, why not just get married and share the same bedroom and get it over with?

Do a lot of research on what shacking up does to a relationship and ask yourself if it's worth it. Buddy, you're not going to have even a fraction of the amount of sex as you think you are and, who says that your girlfriend won't invite another guy over if you don't?

If I were you, I'd scrap the idea of shacking up with her because the relationship won't last.
 
pek1 said:
Do you intend on marrying her? If so, what makes you think that shacking up will help your marriage?

If you shack up, are the two of you in separate bedrooms? If not, why not just get married and share the same bedroom and get it over with?

Do a lot of research on what shacking up does to a relationship and ask yourself if it's worth it. Buddy, you're not going to have even a fraction of the amount of sex as you think you are and, who says that your girlfriend won't invite another guy over if you don't?

If I were you, I'd scrap the idea of shacking up with her because the relationship won't last.
Click to expand...

Pek, a man does not have to get married legally if he does not want to but if he is thinking of cohabitation with her, then he can choose to move in with her but having a relationship is not one hundred percent rosy. It takes two people to make the relationship work, same with marriage. No wonder there are lot of divorces because two people can not make the marriage work. Here in Canada, we don't have to get married legally. We can cohabit as in Common-in-law marriage. They are very popular in our First Nations, but some of them like me are legally married and white people do that too. I have to agree with some of the ADers that maybe you can wait and get to know her and feel comfortable being with her and loving her as who she is. My best guess is approximate 2 to 5 years. It took me two years for us to get married so that we should already know each other very well. I hope things are working out for you. Good luck! :cool2:
 
Back
Top