CI users only

Cloggy said:
Hope you guys and gals don't mind me answering our experience with Lotte?
I have never seen her "offer" other children to touch her implant-area.
If we want to show it to someone who's interested, she has no problem with that. She will patiently wait and have her hair and head touched.
At home, we don't focus on it... We don't go prevent touching it when we stroke her hair, but we won't do it on purpose. .. LOL... will have to ask her how that feels...
In a larger setting she feels embarrassed. Not by the CI or implant but by the focus on her..

How it is with friends... I don't know. I think the CI is not an issue between them, but like I said... I haven't seen her "showing off" her CI.
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Daredevel7: Yes.. we are careful as well when we wash her hair..... But that's us... she never complained...
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Cloggy,

We had similar experiences especially with her friends since she got it so young, it was never an issue with either them or her. Likewise we always asked her first if she wanted to show her implant to someone but no one ever asked to touch her head to feel the internal piece. Not so certain how I would have reacted to that request.

Rick
 
DeafCaroline said:
If she never offered to show her CI, how does she feel when you want to show it to other people and they want to touch and see? You say she doesn't seem to mind but have you asked her privately how she feels when you want to show it to others?

You brought back a memory of a time when my mother was talking about my new ear level hearings (I just graduated from the horrible Third Boob) and she lifted my hair to show someone and while I smiled politely, inside I was really annoyed. At that time, I was maybe 11 or 12. Then when my mother at another time reached over to pull my hair away to show the hearing aid better, I kinda gave her a look and pulled my head away slightly and she got the hint and never did it again.
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I can see that. I don't think I'd like that feeling either. Li doesn't wear her processors on her ears, so most people don't realize she's wearing anything more than a funky set of barrettes on top of her head, they are usually attached to either side of a single ponytail or bun on top of her head or to ponytails or braids on either side. So, it's really only people who know her pretty well who would have much of an opportunity to get up close and personal with her CIs.

I've seen other kids ask Li about them at school or while playing, I've seen her hand a processor to a cousin to take a look at it, and watched people marvel at her replacing the coil on the side of her head while she puts it back on and explains the magnet. But I don't think anyone has ever actually tried to touch her head. Maybe because she has so much hair that it would be quite a test to find the spot anyway :). Maybe because we've become chilly New Englanders :).

But I've never noticed any sensitivity to that spot, on the contrary: she loves having her hair washed and head rubbed at home.
 
Last night i went out to dinner with teachers/LSAs (pre dinner before we return to work on monday :-() They knew I was going to be upgraded to N5 just after we broke up over a month ago, one of them started the conversation with someone, my colleague asked me if i could take it off and show them my "gadget" as they call it... I was happy to so because they asked politely. They said... it matches your iphone... they thought it was cool that i have smaller and more funky processor. My colleague did not pass it around, he kept it in his hands and showed them, that what made me think, that guy got a lot of respect from me, I can trust him, i went up to him, i need my ear, he just gave it back to me so i can resume my converstation on my holidays with other colleagues.

Cloggy, if i remember well, i was about 5 or 6, i had the Third boob, I was so self concious about it, my mum would go round saying to people that I was the first child to have it before the NHS supplied them (i wasn't aware enough that how hard/expensive they got it for me at the time) I said to my mum "I don't like you telling people about my phonic ear" she took it by surprise and never mention it, if anyone asks she would say, ask "my name" she may tell you or not. People never did.
 
Overthepond..
great example....
I agree. that the CI is not just a toy. It's Lottes way of hearing, and just passing it around is not an option. (btw... Lotte got a third and fourth boob at he same time, so she would still hear when 1 is off..)¨

Lotte being born deaf is not an issue when people visit us. Not that we forget, but in daily life people would not notice.
Some weeks ago we had a colleague over for dinner and two friends. The latter knowi that Lotte is born deaf. The new colleague didn't.
That evening we talked about a lot of stuff. About India (where the new colleague is from) about university, research projects, culture differences, the internet, Skype, you name it..... It was fun...
But it took another week for her to find out that the little girl she had seen was born deaf. She never noticed, we never discussed it.... It was probably mentioned as part of the research that my wife is participating in..

Bottom line is... Lotte is far, far more that a girl with two CI's. In a strange way... her CI's are all the way in the background... Focusing on it means letting the focus get away from her.... It's OK for a little moment...
 
rick48 said:
Cloggy,

We had similar experiences especially with her friends since she got it so young, it was never an issue with either them or her. Likewise we always asked her first if she wanted to show her implant to someone but no one ever asked to touch her head to feel the internal piece. Not so certain how I would have reacted to that request.

Rick
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Did you ask her privately or in front of others?
 
About the displaying....

My mom does that quite a lot. Not just the deaf thing, but EVERYTHING ELSE. "She's on the honor roll." "She is going to so-and-so college." etc. It's quite embarrassing....

Has it occurred to anyone that parents feel the need to show off ANY "perceived" accomplishment of their child(ren)?

Hell, my aunt introduces her daughter as "This is Natalie. She's married to an attorney."

If anything, that's even more offensive than "This is so and so and she's deaf!"
 
Daredevel7 said:
About the displaying....

My mom does that quite a lot. Not just the deaf thing, but EVERYTHING ELSE. "She's on the honor roll." "She is going to so-and-so college." etc. It's quite embarrassing....

Has it occurred to anyone that parents feel the need to show off ANY "perceived" accomplishment of their child(ren)?

Hell, my aunt introduces her daughter as "This is Natalie. She's married to an attorney."

If anything, that's even more offensive than "This is so and so and she's deaf!"
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My boys are not deaf but I am quick to point out all their accomplishments :) I do get what you're saying though. Moms just can't help but be proud and want to brag.

If the mother was saying something like "she's on the honour roll despite being deaf" - that's offensive but if she said "she's on the honour roll" - nothing offensive about that.

it would be far worse if kids' accomplishments are never acknowledged. My father never once said he was proud of me. If I got an "A" on a paper or a test, he would give me the same reaction as if I got a B or a C. The following school year, I didn't bother trying hard to do well in class, felt it made no difference if I did well or not, nobody seemed to care.

I would have loved it if my father bragged about me. He never did.

Although at his memorial, a lot of people came up to me and told me how much my father had bragged about me to them. And I was truly stunned for he never showed it to me or in front of me and it was so discouraging.
 
DeafCaroline said:
My boys are not deaf but I am quick to point out all their accomplishments :) I do get what you're saying though. Moms just can't help but be proud and want to brag.

If the mother was saying something like "she's on the honour roll despite being deaf" - that's offensive but if she said "she's on the honour roll" - nothing offensive about that.

<snip>
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See.. I am ambivalent about that. Because on one hand, it gives the illusion that being deaf is a horrible, negative thing. That most, if not all, deaf people are destined to not do well in life. But on the other hand, being deaf DOES put us at a disadvantage in our society. Kind like how me being an mechanical engineer impresses people because not many women do that. Women generally ARE at a disadvantage in this type of industry (we don't get as much respect, especially from technicians). So the status of being a woman (or deaf) implies that we had to work harder/better/smarter to be at whatever position/status we've achieved. See what I'm saying?
 
DeafCaroline said:
it would be far worse if kids' accomplishments are never acknowledged. My father never once said he was proud of me. If I got an "A" on a paper or a test, he would give me the same reaction as if I got a B or a C. The following school year, I didn't bother trying hard to do well in class, felt it made no difference if I did well or not, nobody seemed to care.

I would have loved it if my father bragged about me. He never did.

Although at his memorial, a lot of people came up to me and told me how much my father had bragged about me to them. And I was truly stunned for he never showed it to me or in front of me and it was so discouraging.
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Also, wanted to comment on this. I very much agree with you. Even though it's embarrassing, I am lucky that both of my parents brag about me quite often to their friends or whoever. They tell me how proud they are of me. It is very nice to hear and I am definitely doing that to my kids!
 
Daredevel7 said:
See.. I am ambivalent about that. Because on one hand, it gives the illusion that being deaf is a horrible, negative thing. That most, if not all, deaf people are destined to not do well in life. But on the other hand, being deaf DOES put us at a disadvantage in our society. Kind like how me being an mechanical engineer impresses people because not many women do that. Women generally ARE at a disadvantage in this type of industry (we don't get as much respect, especially from technicians). So the status of being a woman (or deaf) implies that we had to work harder/better/smarter to be at whatever position/status we've achieved. See what I'm saying?
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Well, my view is that we can't demand to be treated as equals then feel compelled to throw in the deaf word whenever we list our successes as if despite this great disability, we succeeded anyway and that makes us "special". Deafness is not the disability here, it's people's attitudes.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Well, my view is that we can't demand to be treated as equals then feel compelled to throw in the deaf word whenever we list our successes as if despite this great disability, we succeeded anyway and that makes us "special". Deafness is not the disability here, it's people's attitudes.
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But see that's my point, we are at a disadvantage BECAUSE of people's attitudes towards deafness.

As an analogy:
Personally, I find it harder for me to look at a successful story about a white person who came from an extremely poor neighborhood with the same weight as a successful story about a black person who came from an extremely poor neighborhood. I admit it, while I find both to be inspiring, I find the black person's story more impressive than the white person's story.

Maybe that's just wrong thinking. Maybe that's racist of me somehow. :shrug:
 
Daredevel7 said:
But see that's my point, we are at a disadvantage BECAUSE of people's attitudes towards deafness.

As an analogy:
Personally, I find it harder for me to look at a successful story about a white person who came from an extremely poor neighborhood with the same weight as a successful story about a black person who came from an extremely poor neighborhood. I admit it, while I find both to be inspiring, I find the black person's story more impressive than the white person's story.

Maybe that's just wrong thinking. Maybe that's racist of me somehow. :shrug:
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I bet you in the story about the white person, the colour of his skin wouldn't be mentioned where in the story about the black person, the colour of his skin would definitely be pointed out. That ain't right.
 
DeafCaroline said:
I bet you in the story about the white person, the colour of his skin wouldn't be mentioned where in the story about the black person, the colour of his skin would definitely be pointed out. That ain't right.
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Of course, they wouldn't point out his white skin, because it's ALREADY assumed that he is white. I personally believe that pointing out the minorities in groups will serve to show the majority that we are here, we are working with you, we exist. To me, it's sort of an awareness thing.

The more a hearing person hears "Oh, a deaf person did this and that" the more likely they will say "So what?" and put them on an equal level with hearing people. Keep it hidden.. that won't happen.

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree about this issue. Sorry for hijacking the thread! :)
 
Daredevel7 said:
Of course, they wouldn't point out his white skin, because it's ALREADY assumed that he is white. I personally believe that pointing out the minorities in groups will serve to show the majority that we are here, we are working with you, we exist. To me, it's sort of an awareness thing.

The more a hearing person hears "Oh, a deaf person did this and that" the more likely they will say "So what?" and put them on an equal level with hearing people. Keep it hidden.. that won't happen.

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree about this issue. Sorry for hijacking the thread! :)
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I think what we're talking about is really interesting, interesting enough to warrant its own thread.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Did you ask her privately or in front of others?
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You mean .. taking her out of the room, ask her, come back into the room.... Now that would be putting focus on it.... I doubt that any parent of a child with CI would even consider that...

In our case, if a family member or friend has never seen a CI and is interested in knowing more about Lotte's CI, we explain to Lotte that he/she wants to know more, and ask if that is OK.. We don't drag her away from her activities for that; we would take it in the moment...
We would never consider it with someone who's a stranger to her. She would have to be comfortable with the person to whom SHE is going to show it too..
She can explain more and more and in time we will let her explain how the CI works.. That will be a great milestone..
 
DeafCaroline said:
Did you ask her privately or in front of others?
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Both and to echo what Cloggy stated her age, the person making the request and the nature of the request are all variables that need to be taken into consideration.
 
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