CI Relationships

As I said several times in other threads, it's not the CI that changes you... it's you that chances yourself.

If that person changes his/her personality after getting implants, then it was done by choice and they are to blame.

If you have a significant other that you have been with for years and that person got implanted, then they change for worse in a way that it's making your relationship bad... then that's his/her own fault for allowing it to happen.
 
VamPyroX said:
As I said several times in other threads, it's not the CI that changes you... it's you that chances yourself.

If that person changes his/her personality after getting implants, then it was done by choice and they are to blame.

If you have a significant other that you have been with for years and that person got implanted, then they change for worse in a way that it's making your relationship bad... then that's his/her own fault for allowing it to happen.
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Is there anything bad with changing? We all go through life stages where we change or our life takes a different direction. I'm not sure if I would use the "blame" word. I think take "responsibility for" or "take charge of" is better because "blame" implies that change is always a bad thing. Sometimes, it's a good thing :)
 
Raykat said:
Thought I would start a new thread for this rather than use my diary thread. May get more replies that way.

Has anyone found that their relationship changes or even falls apart after being implanted?

I dont mean right away, but further down the track when it all comes together and the deaf person becomes more outgoing and confidant. This changes the balance of power, the deafie no longer needs so much accommodation from the hearing partner.

I was talking my friend Elena the other day, she was implanted last year and is the best ever with it. I was very surprised when she mentioned that she had been thru some marriage problems late last year which are now sorted and things going better than ever. Elena handles PR and fundraising for Pindrop so knows a lot of implantees and said this has happened with quite a few people she knows.

Another friend was implanted 4 months ago and his girlfriend said his personalitie had changed so now they have gone their seperate ways.



Pindrop :: Giving sound to silence
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I'm wonder does Elena's husband know sign languages?? Is Elena go to speech therapy often? I saw someone posted about Elena's husband being control her and tired of make calls for him?
 
Pinky678 said:
I'm wonder does Elena's husband know sign languages?? Is Elena go to speech therapy often? I saw someone posted about Elena's husband being control her and tired of make calls for him?
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The Elena I am refering to does not post on alldeaf, she is totally oral so her husband would not need sign language and she certainyl doesnt need speech therapy.

She is in fact the post girl for CI here in NZ, if you look at the pindrop site posted below there is a pic of her with hubby and kids. Only implanted last year and WOW!!!!! I just hope I can come close to what she has achieved with CI
 
VamPyroX said:
As I said several times in other threads, it's not the CI that changes you... it's you that chances yourself.

If that person changes his/her personality after getting implants, then it was done by choice and they are to blame.

If you have a significant other that you have been with for years and that person got implanted, then they change for worse in a way that it's making your relationship bad... then that's his/her own fault for allowing it to happen.
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The change does not come from the CI per se, it comes from the new found confidence that CI gives one, the same could happen with HA if never worn before.

I never said people change for the worse, just that they change in some way. What is wrong with allowing youself to become more confident and outgoing.
 
I have been so busy this week, but this thread "got my attention."

My hubby has known me for 20 years. He knew me before I completely lost my hearing. Since it was a progressive loss, he just did it. We worked together and it was just an afterthought. Now our relationship has competely changed. It revolved back to 20 years ago. The fact that I can talk to him in the car, phone(still hate it), restaurant, and other places helps. He said my confidence and self-esteem has changed and I am more willing to get out and do things. The same with him(he has anixiety issues from Desert Storm). It is not that my hearing lost was a reason to keep me at home, I was in too much pain from the hearing aids.

My friend states I have went through a meteramophoris since I had surgery. I am still me but I finally shed my outershell. I don't stay in the background, I join the group. I also have not stop any friendships, I am still me.
 
My relationship with my fiancee didn't change at all after I was implanted but with friendship thats whole another story its not me its them I didnt change only more confident in social event and understand people better that's it
 
jag said:
About the same here. We were doing good without the CI but at times things were stressful. He enjoyed doing things more then I did, but then he had no problems following the conversations and such. Now we both enjoy doing things, and i take care of making my own appointments and even answer the phone now. :)
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I bet you find that very empowering, just beign able to do simple things that others take for granted. Like when text phone came out, it changed my whole life being able to text hairdresser, doc etc and do my own appointments.
 
SkullChick said:
My relationship with my fiancee didn't change at all after I was implanted but with friendship thats whole another story its not me its them I didnt change only more confident in social event and understand people better that's it
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How long have you and fiancee been together? I think I read that you got engaged just recently?.....congrats by the way!

I also read in your thread that you were enjoying social life much more now, not just sitting in corner. I can imagine this would make a huge difference to you life and outlook.

Dont worry about the friends, those sort are not worth keeping.
 
vallee said:
I have been so busy this week, but this thread "got my attention."

My hubby has known me for 20 years. He knew me before I completely lost my hearing. Since it was a progressive loss, he just did it. We worked together and it was just an afterthought. Now our relationship has competely changed. It revolved back to 20 years ago. The fact that I can talk to him in the car, phone(still hate it), restaurant, and other places helps. He said my confidence and self-esteem has changed and I am more willing to get out and do things. The same with him(he has anixiety issues from Desert Storm). It is not that my hearing lost was a reason to keep me at home, I was in too much pain from the hearing aids.

My friend states I have went through a meteramophoris since I had surgery. I am still me but I finally shed my outershell. I don't stay in the background, I join the group. I also have not stop any friendships, I am still me.
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Good one Vallee, I think that will happen with most implantees. Glad to hear things are so good for you.

A bit off topic, why would h/a cause pain? did they not fit properly or what.
 
Raykat said:
[/B]


Good one Vallee, I think that will happen with most implantees. Glad to hear things are so good for you.

A bit off topic, why would h/a cause pain? did they not fit properly or what.
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I had migraines. I was on three different meds a day. It was also very painful to hear sound I guess because of the damage to the ear. More progressive I got the worst the pain. I'm painful since surgery.
 
Raykat: That's an interesting question you have here! I am in a deaf/hearing realationship myself. I've been with my husband for 10 yrs now, married for almost 8 yrs. When he met me, he knew me as a deaf person who wore both hearing aids and could speak so well but because of his braces, I had a hard time understanding him and he strangely was the 1st hearing person I've ever met who had a hard time understanding me despite the fact that I spoke well, but it may be because I was sooo nervous when I was around him & ended up speaking too fast or mumbled due to my shyness. Of course after a few weeks that went away and he understood me perfectly so it may have been that. Anyways, he knows the ABCs & some ASL as he had already known it before we met but because of me being able to hear/speak so well, plus that is how I communicate with the rest of my hearing family. No one will 'cept my Mom and my husband will sign with me and that is just because everyone has the attitude of "Well, she can hear so well, why should we sign?" That used to bug me as a child but I've outgrown it.

Anyways, ever since getting my CI and being able to hear even more, I have noticed that my relationship with my husband is pretty much the same for the most part, but we're slightly closer than ever, because I am no longer left out as much during family get togethers and stuff. I no longer get pissy whenever he'd forget to interpret or stuff like that. Heh.

I think if we were to ever go out separate ways in, CI wouldn't be on the list of we didn't work out. But, to tell you the truth, I don't see that happening at all. We're fully commited to each other. :)
 
I met my current boyfriend (who I am hoping to marry someday down the road) right before I got the CI. He was there before and after. We didn't get together until after my surgery for reasons that had nothing at all to do with my deafness/CI. He is hearing (a bit of hearing loss in one ear from too many loud concerts...) and he never knew a deaf person before he met me. I was so excited to have someone to share my new life with, and to hold my hand through such a transition. He brags to all of his friends about what a great girlfriend I am and how awesome it is that I'm deaf. He has done so many things for me that many others balk out of... I am very happy. He laughs when my hearing aid buzzes when it gets irritated (especially in *good* moments) and knows how to put my CI coil back in place if it falls off. That, and he carries my humongous bright pink bag whenever I hand it to him.
I'd be crazy to give this guy up...
 
TheIronQueen said:
I met my current boyfriend (who I am hoping to marry someday down the road) right before I got the CI. He was there before and after. We didn't get together until after my surgery for reasons that had nothing at all to do with my deafness/CI. He is hearing (a bit of hearing loss in one ear from too many loud concerts...) and he never knew a deaf person before he met me. I was so excited to have someone to share my new life with, and to hold my hand through such a transition. He brags to all of his friends about what a great girlfriend I am and how awesome it is that I'm deaf. He has done so many things for me that many others balk out of... I am very happy. He laughs when my hearing aid buzzes when it gets irritated (especially in *good* moments) and knows how to put my CI coil back in place if it falls off. That, and he carries my humongous bright pink bag whenever I hand it to him.
I'd be crazy to give this guy up...
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Yes that humongouos bright pink bag will do the trick every time....lol...glsad things are going well for you. Sounds like a great guy so hang onto him.
 
deafmama78 said:
Raykat: That's an interesting question you have here! I am in a deaf/hearing realationship myself. I've been with my husband for 10 yrs now, married for almost 8 yrs. When he met me, he knew me as a deaf person who wore both hearing aids and could speak so well but because of his braces, I had a hard time understanding him and he strangely was the 1st hearing person I've ever met who had a hard time understanding me despite the fact that I spoke well, but it may be because I was sooo nervous when I was around him & ended up speaking too fast or mumbled due to my shyness. Of course after a few weeks that went away and he understood me perfectly so it may have been that. Anyways, he knows the ABCs & some ASL as he had already known it before we met but because of me being able to hear/speak so well, plus that is how I communicate with the rest of my hearing family. No one will 'cept my Mom and my husband will sign with me and that is just because everyone has the attitude of "Well, she can hear so well, why should we sign?" That used to bug me as a child but I've outgrown it.

Anyways, ever since getting my CI and being able to hear even more, I have noticed that my relationship with my husband is pretty much the same for the most part, but we're slightly closer than ever, because I am no longer left out as much during family get togethers and stuff. I no longer get pissy whenever he'd forget to interpret or stuff like that. Heh.

I think if we were to ever go out separate ways in, CI wouldn't be on the list of we didn't work out. But, to tell you the truth, I don't see that happening at all. We're fully commited to each other. :)
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I wouldnt have given the subject any thought except a couple of people (mentioned in first post) brought it to my attention so I thought I would see if any others had experienced problems.

All my relationships have been with hearing guys, some better than others of course. My marriage broke up after 28 yrs for reasons totally unrelated to my deafness as my ex was great in that respect.

I can understand you getting pissy when hubby forgets to interpret stuff, my present man is hopeless in that respect and in fact tells me it is my probem not his.
 
great thread, raykat.

i'm 2 yrs implantee and I love it. I've been with my b/f for 8 yrs now and I feel that our relationship is much better and I was HOH when we met, so it felt like that again but only better, b/c I catch on a lot more lol. He's a "hearie" weird word, lol. My loss was progressive over the years and I was becoming a little more dependent on him, he did the best he could lol. We were both trying to get by in life together, but one thing he was always there to help me cope. He is so "not take charge and do the talking guy" lol, hang back and listen. He really stepped up to help me with the phone and social gatherings.
Now I feel better knowing he doesn't have to do so much for me and now Like one said before, help out, balance it. We have a lot more fun, I don't shy away anymore from social gatherings and he loves it that I'm there and talking and laughing. I think he feels like now he can relax more knowing that I didn't need him right by my side when I felt lost on what was said.
It feels great that I can be there for him more, when he needs to talk, I'm there to help him now..we are equally dependent on each other now lol.
Stacie
 
StacieLeigh said:
great thread, raykat.

i'm 2 yrs implantee and I love it. I've been with my b/f for 8 yrs now and I feel that our relationship is much better and I was HOH when we met, so it felt like that again but only better, b/c I catch on a lot more lol. He's a "hearie" weird word, lol. My loss was progressive over the years and I was becoming a little more dependent on him, he did the best he could lol. We were both trying to get by in life together, but one thing he was always there to help me cope. He is so "not take charge and do the talking guy" lol, hang back and listen. He really stepped up to help me with the phone and social gatherings.
Now I feel better knowing he doesn't have to do so much for me and now Like one said before, help out, balance it. We have a lot more fun, I don't shy away anymore from social gatherings and he loves it that I'm there and talking and laughing. I think he feels like now he can relax more knowing that I didn't need him right by my side when I felt lost on what was said.
It feels great that I can be there for him more, when he needs to talk, I'm there to help him now..we are equally dependent on each other now lol.
Stacie
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Thats great Stacie, good to hear things are going well for you. I guess after 2 years of CI any changes in personality, outgoingness, etc would have shown up by now so looks like you've got it sorted.
 
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