Choosing Not To Speak

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katerina226

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I just got into a huge argument with a friend over this and I'm curious to hear what everyone else thinks. I didn't start to lose my hearing until I was almost eight years old, so I can speak normally, as far as I know, but I don't like to. I can't always tell how loud I'm speaking, and I'm never sure whether the words come out sounding right. Also, when I speak, people assume I'm hearing and I have a hard time explaining to them that I'm not. My friend told me that I should speak because it makes it easier to communicate with me, but I don't think I should have to. I always carry a pen and paper around when I'm around hearing people, and I have a terp at school. What does everyone else think of this? Should I try to speak if I can?
 
I have a thread on this "If you are oral"

I think it's harder being oral and its not necessary since if you can sign and many people can sign. Why speak while they can sign? :)
 
My speech is also intact, and I still speak, all the time. If you remain mute and not talk, then in given time, you will forget how (if ur profoundly deaf). My doctor urged me to keep talking.....It makes it easier for deafies w/speech to communicate in many matters, we have that advantage....and a lot of explanation when it comes to "you can talk but can't hear"??

And yeah, at times I speak too loud, (especially when I'm angry) then again too low....(when I'm trying to tell a secret and don't want anyone else to know but the person I'm talking to)....

Speaking and ASL go hand and hand in my home, both ways.
 
I can totally understand where you're coming from and think it's up to you whether to speak or not. Of course I'd suggest being reasonable too, like using your voice in an emergency or in a time-sensitive situation where signing/writing would take too long.
 
Eh, it is your choice to speak if you want to or not. Some circumstances call for it such as reasserting your position of strength within the existence of being deaf. Other times, you may choose to not speak to avoid conversing with people of lower knowledge rather than explain the entire issue of deafness from A to Z.
 
I would say do what YOU feel comfortable with, not what your friend tells you to do. I have both speaking and signing ability, and I use either based on what the situation calls for and what I feel comfortable with.
 
I think it depends on the sitution..... I do think however that you seem very well adjusted for someone who is postlingally dhh!
But yeah I hear you about talking too loud....I STILL get yelled at b/c my voice is too loud :( And don't even get me started on the fact that hearing people think that a "deaf voice" =intellectucally disabled :(
 
AlleyCat said:
I would say do what YOU feel comfortable with, not what your friend tells you to do. I have both speaking and signing ability, and I use either based on what the situation calls for and what I feel comfortable with.
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On the bold statement, I agree with you, AlleyCat. It depend how comfortable you feel like communicating with paper and pen. If you know ASL, then you can communicate with Deaf people and the terp at school.

Most hearing people would prefer for the deaf people to use their voice so that the hearing people are comfortable talking with you than trying or using the ASL. Don't let your friend look down on you just because she want you to speak whether you like it or not. It is not her decision, only you have to make the decision yourself to use voice or sign or both. I hope you find peace with your friend somehow. :thumb:
 
I too have felt like giving up on speech, but so far I haven't really. Just here and there. I love to talk too much, so I can't stop. Hubby says that since I lost all my hearing I no longer talk in my sleep, but I sign in my sleep. :giggle:

I have been told that I don't have a deaf voice, but I lost my total hearing at 43. I was hoh for so long and speaking the whole time. People do not believe that I am deaf, but then they figure it out eventually.
 
Do what you want! It's your life. Don't let your friend tell you what you should do. It sounds like you've got the best of both worlds; you sign and speak. Use that however you want.

Maybe if you sign while you speak, people might realize you are Deaf.
 
AlleyCat said:
I would say do what YOU feel comfortable with, not what your friend tells you to do. I have both speaking and signing ability, and I use either based on what the situation calls for and what I feel comfortable with.
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Me too...

People here on AD know me for being anti-oral but surprisely, I will use my speech skills when the circumstances calls for it...doesnt mean I am fully comfortable with it.
 
Hey shel its me fredfam1! Finally was able to get back on all deaf. How are you? And is there a chat function on here?
 
I speak when the circumstances call for it. I'm oral deaf, so I generally speak a LOT of the time. I only go voice off if I'm ordering food over a counter, if I know I will NOT be able to understand the other person by lipreading, etc. Basically with strangers that are guaranteed to ask me questions about an order or something.

I use my voice when I'm with friends or family, unless they are signers/learning ASL, then I try to just sign. If the person I'm with understands VERY well that they MUST look at me and not cover their mouth when they speak, then I'm fine using my voice around them if they're hearing.
 
talk away. i lost my hearing at 11 and like you get a problem with modulating my voice. but i am more worried about losing my voice from disuse than getting people upset because it may go louder than i am expecting it to.
you can learn to modulate your voice if you ask family or good friends to remind you when it is going up too much. that has worked for me most of the time. but your environment can be your worse enemy.
you can always sign, stop it or start it easily. but when you lose your oral skills you are in for a lot of problems. i had my oral skills tested by s speech therapist not too long ago and she told me i am still good on inflection too. since you cant hear yourself you need to train yourself to control your voice. a voice teacher or speech therapist can fine tune you.
pen and paper be dammed
 
Born severely deaf but raised oral, I am having a hard time in the transition from oral to signing because everyone is in the habit of me using speech although it is still a big effort for me, regardless of the fact that it was my only means of communication for over 45 years. I would much prefer using sign-only and voice off, but in reality in my case, I cannot avoid using speech, especially when I am interacting with hearing people all the time. As I live mostly in Thailand, and being Australian, I rarely meet with Deaf people much to my disappointment. So do whatever you find the easiest to communicate, if you can sign in the circumstance, then by all means do what you are most comfortable with....then, if the situation calls for speech such as in an emergency - you have that skill to use. All in all it comes down to choice. I am finding that due to my being the only one deaf in both my family and in my surrounds, I use SIMCOMing with my children to make myself continually understood; but on the other hand, I should follow some advice and go cold turkey on speech. That would shock the socks of those closest to me :) and me jumping in the deep end to SIGN voice off once and for all :-D. However, travelling as much as I do, I don't have the access to sign-interpreters and I have yet to find someone here that signs AUSLAN or ASL.
 
I talk very well...

...I don't hear very well and so I am not always sure if I am speaking loud enough or too loud.]

The bigger problem is understanding hearing people.
 
brubeckbach said:
...I don't hear very well and so I am not always sure if I am speaking loud enough or too loud.]

The bigger problem is understanding hearing people.
Click to expand...

That's true. I talk very very well, but I was hard of hearing for most of my life and endured lots of criticizes for my speech and had to do well. I no longer have any hearing, and I am accused of speaking too softly. I do find there are times when I forget how to pronounce a word. I have also been told that this is not normal for all people, but it is something some people have to endure.
 
When I wore aids I always speak loudy cos I can't hear my voice. Whenever I don't wear aids and last 3 years I don't I can speak in normal level of voice cos I don't try to hear my voice. It very hard habit to break when I wear aids so it better for me not to wear them in first place.

Also I can speak well but I can't understand hearing people at all. Most of time except my family and even then it stuggle to understand them cos they have NO patient what so ever.

Main problem I come across in public if I open my mouth and they think understandable speech == means understand hearing people. So I never speak in public and always write it down on paper and pen. So much better. They take more time to write things down that way than me do speaking to them so they won't bother write down.
 
I have a theory about this and despite the fact that I've lived with my condition for my entire life, it's something that I've only just realised.

People tend to take the easiest route in life unless they have no choice. For example, if you can't walk very well, you're probably unlikely to walk up a flight of stairs unless it's really necessary to do so. Equally, if there's a ramp next to the stairs, it's likely that you will take the ramp as opposed to the stairs. (For the simple fact that it's easier.) The same principle may apply here.

Throughout my entire life, people always thought of me as being the "shy one". Those who don't know me very well may even say that I'm not very sociable around others. In reality though, that's not an accurate reflection on my actual personality. The only reason that I often exclude myself from group conversations is for the simple fact that I find it difficult to hear, especially in noisy environments or in places where there's multi-directional sound. That said, I don't do this intentionally, I do it subconsciously. Does this make me shy or unsociable though? Not really, I just have a physical barrier. If I can overcome that barrier (i.e. when in a quiet environment or while having a one-to-one conversation as opposed to a group conversation.) I am just like any other "normal" person.

The problem occurs when people don't understand and when there's little or no provision to accommodate for your needs. In my case, people may assume that I am not very sociable. This can make social integration much more difficult for many people who are deaf or HoH. I don't want to speak for everyone here, but I'm sure many can relate to what I'm saying. (Even if they've only just realised it.) I think it's important to keep in mind that it's not just our problem to deal with though. If people don't understand, (i.e. your friends or colleagues) then it's clearly their problem too.

Imo the best thing to do is to inform people and try to form a level of understanding. Hopefully that will help people to manage this issue more effectively, even if they can't overcome it completely.

ExR
 
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