Children and Divorce

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Cheri

Prayers for my dad.
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Children react in different ways with the onset of divorce. Some will be extremely sad and show signs of depression and even sleeplessness....

Some Children will ask questions much as:
What is it that I did wrong?
Did I cause the divorce?
Now what's going to happen to me?

No matter what the situation, the child will be affected in some way by a divorce....

Those who are Divorce or Will be Divorce How can You Explain to ur Children/Child about the Divorce and How would u handle share Custody? Or Visitions. Will u Get along with ur Divorce Parther for the sake of your Children/Child?
 
oh yea.. i saw in the world.. children think they cause parent divorce sometime... but not true..

i was married, i almost had a kid but lost... so i am lucky not have kid by him cuz of this will cause plms between husband and wife that way which kid wanna be with mom or dad.... but LUCKY!! whew... i dont have plms to divorce him very SOONER!!!
 
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:::sigh::: I love my husband and I am hoping that divorce is something we never have to talk about...he's a good guy...and we have our moments...but communication is the key to making any relationship work.

My hubby was married before me, though...and it ended in divorce. It was hard on the children, but they do understand. They were very young at the time and they've learned to accept that their parents just could not get along and/or live together...but they also know that both their mother and their father try to get along like civilized adults for their sake...so we all remain friends.

Malfoyish
 
My parents were divorced when I was 8 years old... My childhood was not happy one... I did told you the story on other thread.

I can imaged it´s not easy for the children who have divorced parents... I wouldn´t like do that like my parents.
I love my husband and I am hoping that divorce is out of question. Of course our marriages goes up & down. It can´t be prefect but we beleive is the marriage would be work when we show our feeling each other to make relationship work.

I would tell somethings if I´m middle in divorce but I didn´t. I don´t know how I feel if I´m going to divorce...

I hate the word "divorce"... I find it´s so horrible...
 
Eh.
[a child of divorced parents]

It is hard, yeah... it had made a huge effect on me to a point where I won't consider marriage at all. I rather to live out as a mother, a lover, etc but not a "wife" on a paper. You can break it off as a lover... less troubles...

Bohemian lifestyle ;) I could live with a guy for a long time and have kids, but that is the only far I can go ... :ily:
 
My parents split when i was 2 and a half, then divorced when I was 3. My dad bad-mouthed my mom as I was growing up, and so I never liked her much. In my opinion, my dad pushed the fact that I was (am) deaf and she is not, and made a rift between my mom and I. I may never know the full truth of my parents 4 year marriage, and my sister and I lashed out in different ways. She fought to get to know my mom, I became indifferent, I just didnt care. I was where I was, what else mattered?

Eventually I went to visit my mom (I've lived in MN 90% of my life and CO 10%, something like that...) when I was 14, and I got to know her for who she is. Then when I was 17, I moved in with her, just to see what life would be like on the other side. I love my mom, I just could never live with her long term :D

Divorce is hard, on everyone. Not just the mom, dad and kids, but the outside family that has to watch the family fall apart. Just do what you can, reassure your kids that you love them, and its not their fault. I never felt it was my fault, only when my dad claimed that my mom had said so many horrible things (like she'd have an abortion, while preggo with me, or how she told him to give my sister and i up or she would leave, or even how she said "fuck you, fuck the kids" after she lost the custody battle.) My mom was 18 when she had my sister (now 21) she was inexperienced, and I've finally seen their lives through both of their minds, I put together stuff she says, stuff he says, and thats my truth. I dont want anything else. :) I love my birth mom, but true fact, I kinda love my dad's 2nd wife much more, and that has nothing to do with my parents' divorce.

Oh yeah, Im not scared of getting married or anything, I'd like to be married one day. I just dont want the kind of relationship my birth mom had with my dad, and the one my mom has with him too. My dad is an asshole, 100%. Im quite aware that some people here might know him, but again, I dont care. :)
 
pinkster said:
My parents split when i was 2 and a half, then divorced when I was 3. My dad bad-mouthed my mom as I was growing up, and so I never liked her much. In my opinion, my dad pushed the fact that I was (am) deaf and she is not, and made a rift between my mom and I. I may never know the full truth of my parents 4 year marriage, and my sister and I lashed out in different ways. She fought to get to know my mom, I became indifferent, I just didnt care. I was where I was, what else mattered?

Eventually I went to visit my mom (I've lived in MN 90% of my life and CO 10%, something like that...) when I was 14, and I got to know her for who she is. Then when I was 17, I moved in with her, just to see what life would be like on the other side. I love my mom, I just could never live with her long term :D

Divorce is hard, on everyone. Not just the mom, dad and kids, but the outside family that has to watch the family fall apart. Just do what you can, reassure your kids that you love them, and its not their fault. I never felt it was my fault, only when my dad claimed that my mom had said so many horrible things (like she'd have an abortion, while preggo with me, or how she told him to give my sister and i up or she would leave, or even how she said "fuck you, fuck the kids" after she lost the custody battle.) My mom was 18 when she had my sister (now 21) she was inexperienced, and I've finally seen their lives through both of their minds, I put together stuff she says, stuff he says, and thats my truth. I dont want anything else. :) I love my birth mom, but true fact, I kinda love my dad's 2nd wife much more, and that has nothing to do with my parents' divorce.

Oh yeah, Im not scared of getting married or anything, I'd like to be married one day. I just dont want the kind of relationship my birth mom had with my dad, and the one my mom has with him too. My dad is an asshole, 100%. Im quite aware that some people here might know him, but again, I dont care. :)
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yea i dont blame for how ur feeling abt that.. i hope that u will find mr right for u.. and i know ur see ur parents thru this.. hugs hugs
 
Not every child's but I believe more children of divorced parents understand the feelings more than children of happy married parents, as they fought harder to keep their relationship with their spouses, Or very carefully to pick their spouses as they have been there and witness everything.
 
RedRum is correct, Not all Children would be feeling this way when it comes to their parent being divorce....

My Children seem to be adjusting pretty well with my own divorce, Now that they don't have to live with fear because of all the abusing that went on for years....They seem happier of the way things are right now... :mrgreen:
 
Cheri said:
How would u handle share Custody? Or Visitions. Will u Get along with ur Divorce Parther for the sake of your Children/Child?
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Their Dad has the children every other weekend when I have them every day...And so far things are going quite well , I get along fine with their father since , I don't want to talk about the marriage or other things that is not related to our children.....I only talk to him regarding the children and that's it....other than that we get along fairly for the children sakes....and leave the past behind us and move on by focusing on our children....

Sometimes, I do pray that their dad will get on with his life by ONLY worry about the children and not about me!... :squint:
 
It depends on how it can affect the child and all that.

My parents' divorce happened when me and my twin were only 3. It didn't hit me hard until I was in high school and didn't realize what was missing was having a two-parent family instead of one. It took me hard and used to blame my deafness for it. Now I don't, I just accepted and moved on. They were just not for each other.

The divorce used to affect me. I used to get scared with relationships because I didn't want to end up married and ending up in divorce. I used to avoid it as much as I could but I realized it is ME and the partner that makes it work, not the society. Now I am stronger and confident, especially with Shibby!

Don't you ever wish your parents never got a divorce?
 
my parents was dirvoce before i was born !!! I grew up wish to see them in married so i can get idea what they look like but I never had the chance to see them ... what more ???? my mom and dad are very bitter emenies from each other big times and won't speak to each other in single words .... my dad always make his wife to talk to my mom to get the updates and arrangements etc ... It make me feel so sad as i never saw my dad and mom talk to each other at all !!! but that's who they are ... sigh ....
 
i have alot of patience with my divorced parent when i was teenagers. Alot of frustrated based on misunderstand, miscommunicated and etc..They got alot of mistakes and i got my own mistakes, too.. i got meeting family with issues all the time. i still love them no matter what. They are not prefect parent. i still thank them for bad/good experience about family and being parent.

Now, they aint friend. Still cold shoulders. i aint involved them anymore bec i lived my own. :rofl:
 
yeah.. So am I but not confused about this.. until when I was 20 yrs old.. had been quite of time supsect for 5 years and gave it up.. I made decision and apporch asked my Adopt mom and lot of quesiton why and etc etc.. My mom made admits and telling me whole thing.. *geez* no wonder why I was visited your place and seeing seprate bed.. and kept asked my bro and refused tells me.. what going on and also same thing my sister.. My Amom said sorry.. doesn't want me part of this.. I was told her.. have to rights know and willing accept understanding.. She was thought I would be fury..
I spoked my mom that my details really happy because not happy my ADad who was abused me and awful lot.. She already knew along was wrong and made decision best for file divorce because My ADad was made affair another woman while my mom saw him on the bed. Ahh.. No wonder.. I'm glad my Amom did right thing to leave him!
goodies.. I was not happy about my ADad since disowed for 12 years and having not seeing him. Doesn't interest to see my ADad. He is not really good example children when we were young.
If Affair: Have good reason.. fine by me then.. no discussion..
If wanting divorce for no reason.. then affect me not pleasant and ask too many question why???
If Abused wife or husband.. have good reason..
Too many IFany general question.. Depend on your feelings.. don't let children affect their fault.. Have to keep chin up and being parent roles always be there for children..
 
Most children like to have their parents back together but they know that they can't make them to get together again. My daughter felt sad that she like to have me and her dad to be together so she would be able to see us everyday. I had to explain to her that we do love her that doesnt mean we would have to be together. Just things werent work out. At least, her dad and I are in good term for her.
 
My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. It didnt impact us cuz my dad was never home.

I didnt mind them being divorced cuz I knew they werent compatible and if they had stayed together, we would all have been miserable. Also, if my parents stayed married, my dad would probably not do much with my brother and I. Since we visited him every other weekend, he would go out of his way to make our visits worthwhile with camping trips, waterskiing, trips to Disneyland and just hanging out at his pool. I have so many great memories of my dad after the divorce but none before the divorce. Ironic isnt it?

My ex and I divorced when my daughter was 3 years old and when she was 5 years old, she went thru a period of rage. Took her to counseling and now she seems a lot better about it.

My ex and I are cordial..sometimes we have our ups and downs cuz he keeps saying he will take our daughter back with him to AZ and I told him that I will see him in court b4 that happens. So far he hasnt taken any action but it makes things strained btw us. I wish we can be more friendly than that but we are just strangers now. I have no desire to be friends with him after the crap he keeps pulling on me.

We keep our true feelings about each other hidden from our daughter so she wont have to deal with feeling that she is put in the middle. As she gets older, she is starting to ask questions why my ex and I are not "friends".

I HOPE to god that I dont ever get divorced again...I do not want to go thru that again.
 
Hello all,

My parents were divorced when I was very little that it didn't impact me all that much.

However, I divorced my wife. She had an affair and has post partum depression. In the middle of all this, we had a beautiful daughter. She will be almost 3.

We have equal custody. It has been a nasty divorce. It involved a lot of court's time and lawyer's fees.

The point is this... I sense that our daughter is aware that there is some tension between her parents. We don't see each other. We only exchange our daughter at the day care due to her mother's inability to behave in a positive way at the exchanges.

I sure hope that my daughter grows up to be a respectful and smart woman.

Divorce is a nasty business.
 
MY parents divorced when I was 8 or so. It was somewhat mutual between them. I don't recall anything bad from it, prolly didn't understand it. But I like the end result decently. (Speaking of which, i get to see my dad this afternoon, all week). He lives in PA now. (I live in AL)
 
it was hard on our kids at first..but it seems improving.. i think i shld not share more deeper on that issue bec its so sticky BUT me and my ex wife and my parents alwyas be there for the boys if they need us and try our best showing our love no matter whta the situation is... Glad my boys have good support from school, and friends and family members and baby son go counslering on why his parents divcorce etc bec emtional issues.. BUT we always show love and atteion no matter what...i know its a sticky issue to discuss but im sure some of yall already know... AS long me and my ex wife get along as friends and be there its important thing
 
My parents don't divorce but understood my parents, their first marriage to other person but they divorced with them. My mom divorced with my sister's father, her ex husband because abuse, hurt, drugs, drinking, etc like that. My father divorced with my other sister's mother, his ex wife because of lazy, not do anything, won't get a job, don't care about any kids, etc like that. Then my parents married to each other which it's good now, they had been married for 23 years since December 22, 1983. Also, I'd been there for my sister, Samantha who got divorced in 1998 with her first husband during they have a kid together which is almost 10 years old this March 25. Their divorce was very nasty, alot agure in the court, everything of drama going on. And, my niece Sarah started become depression and upset between of them because they had been asking them alot of questions about each other which they was still in love on that time. They divorced because I told her that Joe(her ex husband) wouldn't be good man unless you leave him, he would be realize. She don't believe in me until he started hurt her by time to time until final, he hurt my sister with the phone. He hit the phone on her head during she hold my niece. And, she decided to divorce him quickly so he could learn his lesson. BUT HE DID! And he said that he's glad that they divorced instead of staying together because it would get worse... So, they became great friends now becaue they understood and they was only young on that time... They got along fine and my niece became better but a little trouble still, lol.
 
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