Can you forgive cheating?

deafdrummer said:
I don't know that this question applies to me, since I'm poly. However, I will give you my early experience prior to being poly. My first gf admitted cheating on me, and of course I felt so hurt I wanted to die that day. I was taken under observation overnight and taken home by my sister the next day. It really, really sucked. I mean, I blew up at work and walked off the job. I quit college after the end of the semester. My world crashed that day. I never forgave her until I began to understand polyamory and how monogamy forces people who are naturally poly into "cheating" situations like this.

If you are fans of The Vampire Diaries, you'll remember that Katherine, who brought both Damon and Stefan across during the Civil War period, mentioned while Damon was recovering from a werewolf bite that Elena could learn to love both men, as Katherine did.

I think that a nascent movement is underway, and I have seen it grow over time in the last 10 years. People are beginning to learn what it means to be able to love more than one person at a time. The key is, there has to be open communication between all people involved. Whatever issues that are experienced in a typical monogamous relationship can be magnified in a poly relationship, so it is important to discuss this with them. Poly doesn't mean sex with everyone. You find people who are open and honest, and they fit with you in different ways, one person giving you something the other person doesn't, and so on.

Just one way to look at it.
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cope out
 
I could forgive but not overnight. It's easy to say that you refuse to put up with it. I know myself too well to say that. Would I be pissed off and hurt? Of course. But I couldn't give up so easily.
 
My tactile is forgive her and not go ahead to stay in friendship at all.
 
Many couples simply "look the other way" and know their partner is cheating....but they own property and have lots of assets, even children and knowing to divorse their spouse would be a very hard thing to do....Some women have never worked outside of the home, have no work place skills, etc., etc....My sister, who chose to stay within the marriage, even tho' her husband cheated time and time again...she did it because she knew she had too much to lose and had invested over 10 years in the marriage, along with 3 children and they owned a lot of property and their house was paid for.....
 
Never. It's a sign of more serious things to come. If both reconcile, get ready to put alot more work into the relationship. This will be fresh on both of their minds and trust becomes a major issue, better to figure out what went wrong and move on while applying what was learned from this experience.
 
rockin'robin said:
Many couples simply "look the other way" and know their partner is cheating....but they own property and have lots of assets, even children and knowing to divorse their spouse would be a very hard thing to do....Some women have never worked outside of the home, have no work place skills, etc., etc....My sister, who chose to stay within the marriage, even tho' her husband cheated time and time again...she did it because she knew she had too much to lose and had invested over 10 years in the marriage, along with 3 children and they owned a lot of property and their house was paid for.....
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that is oh so true,easy say than done when kids and house involved....accept marriage is finished but both are parents just be parents dont have be partners even if live together
 
just add if he gave me std chop his dick off.. i would have nothing to loose and courts would look kindly on me doing society a favour
 
Foxrac said:
If you don't want expose to HIV or STD so don't sex at all.

HIV causes AIDS.
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Boy, that's a well thought out response. How about if you don't want to keep your pants up and show respect to a person you profess to care about, move along...so at least one you will live long enough to find someone worth it.....:squint:


Laura
 
a relationship in trouble

My wife screwed around alot the last 2 years of marriage. She basically just denied the sex part and said they were just friends. She wasn't fooling me. She would be gone with the guys at night or even days at a time and say she was at work or a party. After 2 1/2 years of marriage I had a very bad case of VD. Basically, as soon as she got it she gave it to me and several months later I had the outbreak and the point of infection was the underside of my private part.
I could forgive a woman if I believed it was a one-time weakness. The forgiveness and trust would have to be built up though. I stayed in the marriage for another 7 months after my VD problem. The last 3 months she wouldn't even make an attempt to hide the regular guy, just another coworker.
 
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