Been in a relationship with a hearing person

J

Jules

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Hello everyone!
I've been losing hearing from age 19 due to Ménière's syndrome + AIED. But nowadays, I'm deaf... When I finally accept my condition my boyfriend is having hard time living with me and he doesn't understand what is like to be deaf (of course not, he's not deaf) and how hard is for me to get used to my hearing aid and the cochlear implant. All the sounds and making me go crazy, it's so overwhelming sometimes... Especially in a family reunion!.
I've tried talking to him and explain to him how hard hearing again is, but nothing happens... He's acting weird...

Any advice or life experience will be accepted :aw:
 
Just take it one day at a time. I hope your boyfriend will be more understanding, but that's something he have to do for himself. You did your part and explained your feelings to him.
 
A said:
Just take it one day at a time. I hope your boyfriend will be more understanding, but that's something he have to do for himself. You did your part and explained your feelings to him.
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you're right! Thanks! :aw:
 
I'm deaf, and my boyfriend is hearing, too. I've just had to explain to him in depth with examples of what it is like for me to try to understand hearing people who don't sign or accommodate me in any way. He's watched videos with me (Sound and Fury, and Through Deaf Eyes) to try to get a glimpse of what it's like for me, what Deaf culture is like. Perhaps that will help him to understand you? He's also met some of my Deaf friends and is now learning ASL.

He just has to make an effort to understand you, you can't do much else than try to help him imagine your shoes on his feet. Explain to him what exactly you need. I've told my boyfriend that if he is going to speak to me, he MUST look at me, speak clearly, don't cover his mouth, etc. That sort of thing. Make sure he knows what you feel comfortable with.
 
Kick him in the junk. That's a good start.

All kidding aside, I am hearing and my girlfriend is deaf. She's also late deafened like you, but not for the same reasons. I'm sure she'll creep my posts and post in here later.

All it really takes is understanding. I don't need to put earplugs in my ears and try to have a deaf experience to have some kind of understanding. I knew she was deaf the day I met her, and I really didn't care. I understand that sometimes she gets overwhelmed by a lot of sounds or certain sounds or even the lack of hearing. If she gets upset/frustrated, I don't take any of it to heart. I know it's neither of our faults. I try my best to accommodate her, and it's pretty much second nature for me now.

Honestly, it really just depends on the person. I know a lot of deaf people here have been frustrated with dating hearing people etc. There are no problems with being deaf and dating a hearing person. Yes, it's very different, but at the same time in all relationships everyone has their differences from their significant other. I'll never truly understand what it's like to be deaf but at the same time, she'll never truly understand what it's like to be me. My point is, whether or not it's based on hearing, it'll be one thing or another in a relationship.

How long have you been dating for? You should shove your hearing aid in his ear and maybe he'll get a clue as to what it's like. She's put her HA in my ear before, it was an experience to say the least.

If he really wants to be with you for all the right reasons, he'll deal with your hearing situation. I've done it and I'm very happy in my relationship.

I hope that helps a bit.
 
DJGrace said:
Kick him in the junk. That's a good start.

All kidding aside, I am hearing and my girlfriend is deaf. She's also late deafened like you, but not for the same reasons. I'm sure she'll creep my posts and post in here later.

All it really takes is understanding. I don't need to put earplugs in my ears and try to have a deaf experience to have some kind of understanding. I knew she was deaf the day I met her, and I really didn't care. I understand that sometimes she gets overwhelmed by a lot of sounds or certain sounds or even the lack of hearing. If she gets upset/frustrated, I don't take any of it to heart. I know it's neither of our faults. I try my best to accommodate her, and it's pretty much second nature for me now.

Honestly, it really just depends on the person. I know a lot of deaf people here have been frustrated with dating hearing people etc. There are no problems with being deaf and dating a hearing person. Yes, it's very different, but at the same time in all relationships everyone has their differences from their significant other. I'll never truly understand what it's like to be deaf but at the same time, she'll never truly understand what it's like to be me. My point is, whether or not it's based on hearing, it'll be one thing or another in a relationship.

How long have you been dating for? You should shove your hearing aid in his ear and maybe he'll get a clue as to what it's like. She's put her HA in my ear before, it was an experience to say the least.

If he really wants to be with you for all the right reasons, he'll deal with your hearing situation. I've done it and I'm very happy in my relationship.

I hope that helps a bit.
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Hahaha! I've never put earplugs or anything on my boyfriend to try to get him to see, but he's put my hearing aid in his ear before. He winced and made this pained looking face! Too loud for him. :P

I just wanted to second what he said on how if he truly cares about you, he'll deal with it. My boyfriend has been with me for two years, and it's second nature to him to accommodate me, like the above poster said. I know if he didn't care, he wouldn't be going with me to Deaf events and learning ASL.
 
Same as the two above me, I am deaf and married to a hearing man. He learned ASL so communication isn't an issue and he doesn't seem bothered that I need accodomations to meet my deaf needs. We have been together almost 6 years now.

If your boyfriend was with u when you were hearing, maybe he is having a hard time adjusting to the changes.

Hope it all works out.
 
DJGrace said:
Kick him in the junk. That's a good start.

All kidding aside, I am hearing and my girlfriend is deaf. She's also late deafened like you, but not for the same reasons. I'm sure she'll creep my posts and post in here later.

All it really takes is understanding. I don't need to put earplugs in my ears and try to have a deaf experience to have some kind of understanding. I knew she was deaf the day I met her, and I really didn't care. I understand that sometimes she gets overwhelmed by a lot of sounds or certain sounds or even the lack of hearing. If she gets upset/frustrated, I don't take any of it to heart. I know it's neither of our faults. I try my best to accommodate her, and it's pretty much second nature for me now.

Honestly, it really just depends on the person. I know a lot of deaf people here have been frustrated with dating hearing people etc. There are no problems with being deaf and dating a hearing person. Yes, it's very different, but at the same time in all relationships everyone has their differences from their significant other. I'll never truly understand what it's like to be deaf but at the same time, she'll never truly understand what it's like to be me. My point is, whether or not it's based on hearing, it'll be one thing or another in a relationship.

How long have you been dating for? You should shove your hearing aid in his ear and maybe he'll get a clue as to what it's like. She's put her HA in my ear before, it was an experience to say the least.

If he really wants to be with you for all the right reasons, he'll deal with your hearing situation. I've done it and I'm very happy in my relationship.

I hope that helps a bit.
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you guys are a cute couple! i'm so happy for you, best of luck!

We have been together for 4 years...
 
shel90 said:
Same as the two above me, I am deaf and married to a hearing man. He learned ASL so communication isn't an issue and he doesn't seem bothered that I need accodomations to meet my deaf needs. We have been together almost 6 years now.

If your boyfriend was with u when you were hearing, maybe he is having a hard time adjusting to the changes.

Hope it all works out.
Click to expand...

yes, my bf was with me when I was hearing..... It must be hard to adjust the idea that your mate is lossing hearing.....
 
authentic said:
He don't accept who you are.
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:slap: Don't be a dick.


Authentic does have a point though. Yes, you should try to do what you can to communicate your feelings and what you are going through, and all of the people here have given you great suggestion. Just remember though, he has some responsibility here as well. You can't do it all--you're still trying to adjust to your own changed world, after all. He is going to have to accept some things, and you need to be prepared for the possibility that he won't/can't accept them. Sadly, it happens a lot more than many of us would like to admit.

But, I wish you all the best. Good luck to both of you!
 
DJGrace said:
Kick him in the junk. That's a good start.

All kidding aside, I am hearing and my girlfriend is deaf. She's also late deafened like you, but not for the same reasons. I'm sure she'll creep my posts and post in here later.

All it really takes is understanding. I don't need to put earplugs in my ears and try to have a deaf experience to have some kind of understanding. I knew she was deaf the day I met her, and I really didn't care. I understand that sometimes she gets overwhelmed by a lot of sounds or certain sounds or even the lack of hearing. If she gets upset/frustrated, I don't take any of it to heart. I know it's neither of our faults. I try my best to accommodate her, and it's pretty much second nature for me now.

Honestly, it really just depends on the person. I know a lot of deaf people here have been frustrated with dating hearing people etc. There are no problems with being deaf and dating a hearing person. Yes, it's very different, but at the same time in all relationships everyone has their differences from their significant other. I'll never truly understand what it's like to be deaf but at the same time, she'll never truly understand what it's like to be me. My point is, whether or not it's based on hearing, it'll be one thing or another in a relationship.

How long have you been dating for? You should shove your hearing aid in his ear and maybe he'll get a clue as to what it's like. She's put her HA in my ear before, it was an experience to say the least.

If he really wants to be with you for all the right reasons, he'll deal with your hearing situation. I've done it and I'm very happy in my relationship.

I hope that helps a bit.
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Ok well I don't advice to you to kick him in the junk..shame on you babe! lol jk I know you didn't mean it! But Grace is right. She accommodates me when needed and I do have my moments when I get frustrated and just shut down because I can't hear properly or I'm hearing too much and I'm overwhelmed. Your bf is probably just trying to get used to it and if you've been together that long maybe he's acting like that because he's overwhelmed with you and for you because he knows it's not something that he can relate to.

I think your bf will get used to the fact that you are deaf and no longer hearing. But the hearing aids and the cochlear implants and such is a lot of info to take in esp for someone that isn't deaf themselves. I'm sure Grace could say that i've unloaded a lot of info on ha's and CI's and ASL etc etc and at times her head prolly swims and she prolly would rather just fall asleep..but since she loves me she listens:D

Don't get discouraged, if you've been together that long he loves ya and I don't think that'll change..just let him get used to it and maybe come to an audi appt or one of your MAPpings maybe that will help a bit
 
Ah...alas...you prolly don't...and you posted at 4:57am!? WTF ...ooooh gracey is gonna be miss cranky pants today ....at least now we have it on PUBLIC record that if shes cranky ...its cuz she went to sleep TOO late! :)
 
Ok but really now, seeing as he's been with you for quite a bit now, it does affect him too. He has to learn how to adjust to your deafness as well now. Yes, I didn't have to go through what he did with you, how you were hearing and progressed to deafness. But, Alicia is my first girlfriend who is deaf. So, I too, had to learn a lot and adjust. It might seem easier for me but that's probably because I'm a very easygoing person.

But, I can understand that it can be kinda scary for him too. One time I was just thinking about her hearing because she told me she lost a lot more again and thoughts went through my head. I'm a DJ and I love music and so does she. So I thought of the possibility of her being completely deaf. It scared me. The thought of her never hearing music or my DJing again really scared me. But then I just rationalized and realized that it wouldn't be the end of the world if that were to happen. There are so many other things that I love about her that it wouldn't matter.

All in all, if you really care about each other, you guys will prevail as a couple. It's never that easy and don't be afraid to put some elbow grease in!
 
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TheWriteAlex said:
:slap: Don't be a dick.


Authentic does have a point though. Yes, you should try to do what you can to communicate your feelings and what you are going through, and all of the people here have given you great suggestion. Just remember though, he has some responsibility here as well. You can't do it all--you're still trying to adjust to your own changed world, after all. He is going to have to accept some things, and you need to be prepared for the possibility that he won't/can't accept them. Sadly, it happens a lot more than many of us would like to admit.

But, I wish you all the best. Good luck to both of you!
Click to expand...

I'm tired trying to make him to understand what I'm goin through..... I did my best, let's give him some time and see what happens....

Thanks!
 
i got my ci when i was 8 it took along time 2 get used 2 it and i had 2 relearn all the sounds
DONT GIVE UP!!!
 
I've never been in a relationship with a deaf person...... :-|
 
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