Barney Will Save the World

I thought I smelled something fishy in this forum today :)
 
Barney said:
Buy a purple vibrator. Your finger polish is wearing off because you diddle yourself too much. Remember—never send your fingers to do the Big Toy's job. And stop trying to pleasure yourself with your iPhone. There's no app for that.

Barney

:type:
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Oh boy! TMI maybe, this thread needs to get moved to the penisarium section:laugh2:
 
How do I stop my family and myself from getting the influezia constantly?
 
shel90 said:
How do I stop my family and myself from getting the influezia constantly?
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Influenza is God’s way of punishing people for not being nice to their vibrators. Treat your dildo with kindness and respect and God will stop making you sick.

Barney

:type:
 
I have a dog named Barney.

Needless to say, I am now considering changing his name.
 
Barney said:
Take it out and shoot it. Barney hates toasters because they get more respect and attention than he does. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: dildos are de facto household appliances, and it is time that you treated us as such. Until this day comes, I say dildos rule and toasters drool. They do not deserve to live. So bash it with a sledgehammer. Problem solved.

Barney

:type:
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:laugh2: Time for me to upgrade to a coffee machine!
 
:welcome: back to AD forum. You have not change. :ugh: Just try to be nice and sensible with us. :giggle:
 
Nothing changes much for ya, Barney??

Cheri.. my suggestion... just have Barney nipped... that's all.. ya will have relief from that one...
 
Sharky99 said:
Nothing changes much for ya, Barney??

Cheri.. my suggestion... just have Barney nipped... that's all.. ya will have relief from that one...
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Sharky , looks like Barney is spreading some humor here.:laugh2:
 
I have some problems only such a wise fellow such as yourself is qualified to answer...

When visiting your doctor, why does the dr leave the room whilst you get undressed, considering you are about to be seen naked (like Hustler) anyway?

If its rude for hearies to talk with the mouth full, is it rude for deafies to sign with a handfull?

If pro is the opposite of con then is the opposite of progress congress?

Do you have a brother who uses rechargeable batteries?

I am taking the liberty of asking you so many questions because you seem more intelligent, more conveniently shaped and better informed than my magic 8 ball.
 
Well, these are really general questions as opposed to problems which need to be solved, but I’ll tackle them anyway just because I like you.

I think the doctor leaves the room because there’s nothing for him to do while you’re getting undressed, so he thinks the time could be better spent checking his stock quotes or flirting with a pharmaceutical sales rep. Or maybe he’s just going to get a Valium to prepare himself for the shock of what he expects to see come tumbling out of your jeans.

As for the talking with your hands full question, I say definitely yes. But since I don’t have any hands, I’m not really qualified to voice an opinion on the subject. However, I know that when Cheri has her hands full with me, the SWAT team sometimes gets called out to see where all the howling is coming from.

The opposite of progress is indeed congress. But I digress.

I actually run on rechargables myself, as does my brother and the rest of my family. My predecessor was a dildo that plugged directly into the wall. Cheri started with a regular battery-operated dildo, but the Duracell company couldn’t keep up with the demand. So Cheri had to get the AC model, but that lasted until she caused a blackout that covered half of Ohio. So I am actually her third vibrator. The other two are on display at the Masturbation Hall of Fame in Moscow.

Uh, what exactly do you do with 8-ball of yours? Or do we even want to know? :ugh3:
 
Barney....

I have an itch...an itch that I cant reach...cant scrach......I want to resign from my job, sell my house, pack my bike, kiss the dog goodbye and ride. I want to ride the whole world. Up Africa, mid east, far east then up through Russia, Alaska, Canada, down through the west coast of the USA, down to the furthest point in South America, up the east coast till I reach Newfoundland. Then over the Atlantic to Europe all over and down Africa along the west coast and back home to Durban.

Now I need your answer....Will my tomato plants survive my absence?
 
Again with the general questions. This is the last time I’m going to be generous. I only solve problems here, not answer generalized questions. And I’m not a freaking psychic either, so don’t ask me if your cat hates you or if you’re going to get good 3G coverage in the afterlife. Basically, you should have phrased the question like this: “how can I ensure that my tomato plants survive during my world bike tour?” The answer is simple: HIRE SOMEBODY TO TAKE CARE OF THEM, NUMBNUTS!!!

OK, who’s next?

Barney

:type:
 
Barney said:
I am going to save the world from destruction. I am here to serve you as a one-man (or actually one-dildo) ...........
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Barney still with the identy crises. You are a vibrator man... not a dildo. Accept yoursef for what you are. Stop trying to be something that you are not.
 
OK... so I have a friend... Lets call her Carrie... Well Carrie has this purple vibrator.... Let's call him Arney. Well Arney keeps refering to himself as a dildo which is clearly an identy crisis. How would you resolve this?
 
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